MarvinKnight
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Consolidated Feedback for "What do you want to see in book 5?"
🕑 Added 2025-01-10 18:55:58 +0000 UTCHello again guys. I've been holding off on doing this until the ebook release, but I've been thinking about the stuff you're about to read for awhile. Additionally, I've been going over the "What do you want to see in book 5?" thread for patrons only. This can be considered a second such thread, but open to everyone who follows this patreon.
Once again, I want to take the time to reflect on the state of the series, what we've done so far, and where I want the series to go moving forward.
First, with the negative. The bulk of the issues I hear people raise all seem to stem from one root cause: the story is getting too complicated. Reception of the dual Earth / Other world plotlines is somewhat mixed, and it's tough for people to follow. I think people would prefer if I shifted to a more linear story. I'll have to focus on finishing up the integration of Earth, and we'll just check in on them periodically.
Also, there are a number of plot threads that have been dangling way too long. Mainly, Sakura's father and reviving Ben and the others. I really thought I was going to address both those in book 2 or 3, but they keep getting pushed back. I'm hoping this is the last time and both will be satisfyingly concluded in book 5.
Myrina is not as much of a favorite character as I would like. I love writing her, but most readers would prefer I sideline her more in favor of other harem members. Likewise, Reluna isn't resonating as well as I want. She needs more page time to develop more chemistry with Carter.
Additionally, it seems like I can once again increase the alternate POV concentration of the books. At the start, I was just doing one. Then I jumped to two, and finally to three alternate POV chapters last book.
Now, I think I'll push things up to four. Perhaps even five. But don't worry, Carter's perspective will still make up 90% of the book.
For the positive, I think readers generally like Cyra a lot. Carter as a character had a bit of a rocky start, with some readers leaving because of the Chaos Wolf thing in book one, but things are going smoother now and readers generally like him as the protagonist. The current balance between stats and text is okay-ish, with text readers being okay with more stats and audio listeners wanting the same or fewer.
The series does seem to be maintaining a modest but dedicated fanbase who talks about the books and recommends the books to others, for which I'm extremely grateful. I hope I've done right by you guys and plan to continue doing so.
Have additional feedback?
This feedback list will remain open indefinitely, though obviously once the book is mostly done I won't be able to act on it much.
If you're just tuning in now and have new ideas, or if you're coming here after reading the book on Amazon, feel free to add any ideas / thoughts / criticism / complaints here. I read everything that is posted here (and on this patreon page in general.)
Below, you'll find my notes summarizing everything you guys said in the previous thread. I will add to them if any of you guys find you have more to say.
Remaining plotlines to be tied up:
Meeting Sakura's father
Meeting Lyra (Reaper of the System) again.
Fulfill Carter's promise to revive Ben and the others.
Who built the golems on the golem shard and what are they protecting?
What is the System planning?
What is the Goddess in Jade's sect planning with their invasion?
Babies for Bridget.
What is Eowyn up to, and hopefully see her again.
Carter never got the final notification for conquering the Torchdragon shard.
What's going on with the ancient books Carter found and the ruins under his house?
How is the Sage of Forbidden Knowledge class Carter has connected to the Chaos Gods?
Item ideas:
Upgrades for Doomseeker.
Power Armor is a winner. Carter should continue to upgrade and make more.
More unique items for Crownhill & New Earth can become an industrial powerhouse.
More things that blend tech and magic to produce powerful results.
On explicit content:
Readers want sexual content where it is. Could be increased slightly if needed. Feedback is mixed on the domination & submission themed sex scenes, but leans slightly toward positive. The kink level can be kept roughly where it is.
Plotline ideas from readers:
Want a little more focus on Earth and battling the Chaos Gods there.
A little more intense / desperate situations for Carter to be dropped into.
Expand the monster XP farm.
Expansion for Crownhill. Recruit more off-world crafters to help strengthen his faction.
Need to start merging skill slots and simplify Carter's list of abilities.
People want to meet more famous adventurers and influential people across the Arcadia Multiverse.
Want to encounter another shard of successful humans.
Explore the origins of the system and some of the story's cultivation elements.
People ideas and comments from readers:
Myrina being intelligent like in the deleted chapters and getting some sort of leadership position of the mage army.
Spend some time with Prince Herius, Cyra, and Myrina, as family.
Requesting the Goddess in Jade join the harem.
More sexy elf characters.
Reluna still needs more screen time.
Check in with the criminals in the swamp breeding trolls.
See the Governess AI continue to develop.
Additional species requests: Kitsune, catgirls, yokai, etc.
Additional non-hostile races.
Formalize the integration of the goblins with Earth. Higher status for Gobgob.
Abilities ideas from readers:
Transition Carter to an updated power system that can handle a higher power level.
Still waiting for sexy female Sharky.
More use of Share Curse, which should still be nasty for enemies.
A little more exploration of cultivation magic.
Requests for a Mana Barrage upgrade.
Faction Building ideas from readers:
Expand Crownhill's re-industrialization.
Find a way to bring Carter's army of recruits home after the war on Ladwick?
More citybuilding to grow Crownhill.
General Writing Style feedback:
More POV chapters. The number of alternate POV scenes can be increased again. (Normally just one, for book 4 it was two. Readers might be okay with three or even four.)
I still owe you guys a side story at some point. Either the girls, another character, or somebody else.
Typo complaints in the kindle version have mostly cleared up, so the 2 editor workflow is working.
Release rate is on the slow side for harem. Ideally, I want to release every 3 months instead of every 4.
The story is getting too complicated with so many plot threads going on. Need to trim a few of them down and simplify the story.
Comments
James
This is a really good story so far, with a lot of great world building. I think the pacing of the story could slow down just a little. This book has a lot of story arks that you can stretch throughout multiple books. I would like to see this story continue and not end any time soon. I would like to see more with Reluna before any other women are added to his harem. I'm curious how having two sisters in his harem is going to go when they are having group sex, its odd so im interested how that will work. Lol what's next his mom. I think the babies thing should wait for a long time. Something like its better to have babies born with parents with high levels so the baby is born in a higher grade. Adding babies or any baby story would complicate things. I would also like to see Sakura toned down.... a lot, sometimes the obsession is just too much. She maybe my least favorite out of the harem now, when she was originally one of my favorites. I like Myrina, but she is too goofy. When she is in command of an army, of giving knowledge of the multi verse she is at her best. And I love where the story is going, I would like to see the Earth ark wrapped up before going into other areas, so the Earth characters can be incorporated into the multi verse. It seems like we are forgetting all about that.
René Zörnig
I would love to see more of Reluna. She would be a great companion and I mean friend without benefits. Just love and curiosity for magic and technology
Marvin
Thanks for reading!
Sheffi Ben-David
Just read all 4 books back to back and tracked down the Patreon. A lot of my criticisms have been mentioned here, but a big one for me that I was surprised not to see addressed is leaning into his class name more, since right now it feels like strictly flavor for a wizard class. He is in no way a scholar, and he barely dabbles in forbidden knowledge at all. The other thing, which has sort of been mentioned but imo not specifically enough, is trying to encourage Crownhill to be more crafting-heavy using the massive advantages they have in tools, resources and knowledge compared to the rest of the multiverse. That was a thing early on, but we haven't seen any real development of it. Seeing others learning how to mix magic and science, or sort of apprenticing under Carter, could be great imo.
Marvin
Thanks so much for reading! Happy to see you caught up with me!
Gabriel Albino
From my side as someone who read the 4 books back to back, the story is going well! I would like to see earth initiation done and mostly focus on multiversal adventures. I agree that there are some parts of the system that could be more Advanced and I hope that at some point it will evolve to better handle powerfull characters and merge skills/spells and even some stats. Otherwise just keep up the good work!
Tommy
I think her decision to scale to Carters size is more a concession to bind herself to him and harmonize, I like it personally. I wouldn’t go smaller than him although as I write this I can only imagine the sheer terror a dwarf or midget sized Amazonian woman would bring. I am thinking along the lines of Myrina with a napoleon complex, maybe add a little Harley Quinn-esque vibe to her. That would be terrifyingly awesome
Tommy
I am terrified of Sharky getting a female friend, then a school of baby sharks being summoned in a swarm…. Terror is fun too right?
jmundt33a
Are we going to see Jason and his Oni colleague again? Are we going to see more ripple effects from Carter’s C-Grade quests? Particularly in the Dragon Lodge?
Lachezar
Honestly I prefer her as smaller then Carter, but would be interesting to have her bigger every once in a while.
Marvin
Interesting. Alright, I had some people saying she was too big before. Maybe it wasn't a problem after all.
Mustafa
Small want but I want to see cyra taller again, I feel like that was something that set her apart from the others, especially with how contrasting her attitude with Carter was even though she basically loomed over him
Bryan Ritter
I love Myrina as a character. She is Carters lovable mischievous childhood friend. Having her mastermind plots that are serious in nature doesn't fit her in my opinion. She is one of my favorite characters but I hope to see here bringing humor and unpredictable chaos in the future.
perfringens
If we meet some successful humans and Sakura's dad is with them, that would make an interesting sidestory. Otherwise, I was going to argue it wasn't an issue of complexity, just that the reader spent too much time on one side or another ... But I went back and the torchdragon arc took a good 10-15 chapter chuck, just encased between the academy arc and the tournament arc. And I don't think adding back and forth in between or reducing the arc's side would have made a better story. Maybe the perspective is just different when you can binge read a story and when you have to wait three weeks for the plot to go back home ?
Vitrumist
If Carter really wants to push the limits of his Aethersmith sub-class, I reckon he should look into developing his own unique golems. Golems that would not only be loyal to him and able learn/reason, but are also capable of receiving the System, becoming a highly diversified force to assist in the defence of Crownhill.
Marvin
Thank you for reading!
ArbabSB
I like Myrina for what it's worth. I like her as the childhood friend from another world Carter was able to reunite with and enter a relationship with despite all the forces keeping them apart. Then again, I like the Arcadia multiverse plotlines (Dragon Lodge, this war arc, etc.) more than the Crownhill stuff, which is apparently a minority opinion? I agree that Carter's exceptional progress (B grade in less than a year) feels diluted when you write a bunch of characters who can replicate his progress and outlevel him every integration round. All in all, a great series that I'm enjoying very much. Very glad I gave the first book a chance because it got me hooked.
Marvin
That was a subplot I had planned, but when I decided to add Cyra I backtracked so they wouldn’t become too similar. I need to find a new direction for Myrina, but maybe I will give her a rest for a book.
Marvin
Yeah, I get that. Those scenes are fun to write, but I can see why they are starting to become too much.
Brian McDonald
The main problem with myrina is that every scene she’s in has begun to devolve into some sort of joke she’s gone from intelligent if a bit excitable to stealing swords he’s trying to sell in order to complete a collection when he would willingly make her even better stuff if she asked and glueing herself to him during a fight it feels like instead of growing she’s going backwards
Adam
It’s hinted that Ted is the king, but not confirmed.
Alex
Going to be honest I agree. Go reread how myrina was in the first few books. But she stopped growing so now she's just a weaker cyra. She needs to find her own stuff. Hell that might make an awesome subplot. Myrina going off t find an actual identity
SiI3nt
I see that, I'm mainly looking at what way can he blind the system or make the system not care for if he starts to cultivate without having the system issue a quest for his head. I think once he gets to A grade he will have less issue with the system and step outside it's perimeters and do whatever he likes really imo
Marvin
Yeah, I think it's a conservation of characters thing. I don't want all the cast members we've come to know and love become irrelevant. But you're right, I need a reasonable explanation for why they are able to keep up even as Carter soars ahead.
Marvin
If you read the original version of the series, which was written on here as a quest some 4 years ago, Carter's class was initially going to basically be a cultivator class in a world of litrpg stats. I dialed that way back, but I still have plans for Sage of Forbidden Knowledge to tie into cultivator stuff.
Fireinmyeier Prime
To be fair, it is something a lot of authors tend to do 1. Set the bar really high 2. Have the Main Character close in on the bar 3. Have no one to really Contest the MC if you don't Raise the bar in general 4. Raise the bar in General and make the MC feel like he is back at step one It really is a fine line to balance, though I believe you will be able to manage Marvin, so don't feel pressured xD
SiI3nt
Yeah, the only thing that is preventing him is the system not liking it. He has done things to help the system so I believe all his opportunities have been bc of the system and that the system might want to help incorporate cultivation into itself. This is a rabbit hole with no end in sight.
Fireinmyeier Prime
it could also be incorporated into his class After all a Scholar of "Forbidden Knowledge " would probably dabble on thinks like Cultivation and other more eldritch stuff, no?
Fireinmyeier Prime
Didnt we kind of sort of maybe do that just last chapter?
James
I feel like myrina is a great character as comic relief so with that it is good to have her but I will admit that I would not mind seeing the other characters point of view like Sakura or Bridgette from time to time so we will not be like what the hell did they become so powerful out of nowhere
Corac
Definitely see earth's integration be finished would bring a lot of the open plots some story time. It would also open up for more universe exploration with his family and allow his family to grow safely(Bridget getting babies). I don't see how that could happen in the next book since it seems we have a war arc brewing. But perhaps being able to lead this axillary unit will bring enough loyalty to allow them to come to earth to help make the integration faster. While I love Myrinas character I can see why others are not as fond of her. Perhaps instead of sidelining her we can show her devious intelligent side during the war to help spotlight her. Same thing with Reluna. I think she has a great option to get her screen time if she becomes an aid/officer to Carter and bridge any gap to the dragon lodge recruits.
Julian Lachner
More time with sakura and briget, tone down myria. Both of them are in my opinion better companions than myria. She is just very overpowering. I think the idea to add the Goddes of Jade to the Harem is quiet intriuging but maybe not in book 4. Also a operator of the System in the Harem in the last book would be cool. Eiowyn (the princess) does not fit into the Harem how it is now. And Reluna... hmmm could be fun (because i personaly like bondage but i know its not for everyone)
SiI3nt
I think Carter is favored by the system enough to be allowed to possibly dabble in cultivation. Not only if Carter can incorporate cultivation into the system, he will probably become even stronger and even more favored
Marvin
Yeah, good points. I really need to start doing longer timeskips and add more explanations for why others are only one grade behind Carter.
Fireinmyeier Prime
I think you should make it feel more like being a c or b grade is aktually something impressive, because you are starting to fall into the same trap so many other writers are falling in to. You set up the higher ranks as being incredibly powerfull but most of all incredibly rare people and now the guys from crownhill are steadily catching up (though it was portraied as taking multiple decates if not centuries to reach ranks like c and b). There is also the fact that carter has gotten TONS of oportunities to get stronger including tricking the systerm after dying and still there are people on other sharts that habe managed to out level him in the same timeframe - some of then while being complete idiots... If you have someone in a new shard actually be a threat that person should feel inteligent as well as special. The lich for example just feld like he was lucky to also cheat death but was all in all an idiot. Dont missunderstand, i absolutely love your story and each new chapter makes my day when it arrives these are just some points that i thought might be interessting to keep in mind going forward. Cant wait for the next chapter! Kind regards
Julian
Meeting Cyra, and Myrina's father.
b bor
Mana Barage benefits by others using and an upgrade too. I’d like to see the proficiencies go up bit by bit
b bor
More world building, more powerful individuals
