wehatethecold
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Vietnam Update
🕑 Added 2024-11-23 08:30:49 +0000 UTCWhat a wild adventure it has been so far! The ups and downs have been incredibly high and low. I have done things I've never done in my life before, camped in jungles, on the side of the road, and been blessed by the kindness of pure strangers.
One night I was caught camping, and the man who caught me took me to meet his entire family, bought me coffee, then gave me instant noodles and refused my offers for money. I am forever grateful for the people I've met on the way and the kindness of Vietnamese people - I just hope I can do this country justice on camera.
It has been a while trying to traverse by bicycle here. And, if I'm honest with you, I'm done with cycling at this point. I still have around 2000kms to go to get back to my start point, but after that I am going to trade the cycle back to a motorcycle (which is what I originally wanted, but got lost in my ego).
I grasped for egotistical achievements instead of what I truly wanted, which was (and still is) to motorbike home (and hopefully the world). I am not ashamed to swap at this point, I know in my heart what I really love is my motorbike. I miss my baby, and on a bicycle I often do not go to the places I want to because of time limits and extra kms. When I'm tired I know myself - I will not go those extra kms and this is having a huge effect on why I started the journey in the first place - I entirely lost my purpose.
So, I want to apologise to all of those who thought I was going to cycle the whole way, I realise that this is my fault and I shouldn't have said such a grand thing to begin with. I openly accept and realise my mistake and I want to apologise for that. I know I may have got some hopes up, but I have realised cycling is not me at all. I just simply do not enjoy any aspect of it. When faced with rain and horrid conditions on a motorcycle I will deal with it because I love it. When on a cycle I give up easily. That's not right, and going forward I would like to make the best, most inspiring content to raise as much money as possible. Not being myself does not attribute to that goal. In the interest of being authentically who I am, instead of trying to hold up to an ideal because of being worried about what others might think, or "half-assing" it.
The real “half-assing” would be continuing to cycle just for the sake of appearances, knowing it no longer aligns with my purpose or well-being.
So we're still going back to the UK, but on a motorbike.
I have always been the type of personality to believe that, in order to "deserve" success, I must suffer otherwise it's not a success and I'm a p*ssy who needs to push harder.
That's a horrible way to live, and I've found myself falling back into old habits of self-destruction because I am trying to be something I am not. That's ok to admit, and I want to be honest with that.
I don't need to suffer for my success to be validated anymore. I want to be who I am truly, and I have learned that I can experience love as that person, I don't need to grasp and reach any more - there is a path for me as me.
TL;DR - Vietnam was great, realised I don't want to cycle the whole way, I've given it a good go, but it's not me. I'm sorry for anyone whos hopes were up and I fully take responsibility for the stupidity I displayed in making such a rash decision. Still going to UK, but again by motorbike (what I originally wanted but got lost in ego).
