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Retrospective - Delilah Dirk and the King's Shilling (Part 2)
🕑 Added 2024-02-22 18:33:01 +0000 UTCThis week I had to look up reference photos of horse droppings so I could get the colours right.
That's as much as needs to be said on that topic. This is part two of a look back at 2016's Delilah Dirk and the King's Shilling. It's been more than ten years since I started work on it (my earliest files on it are from 2012). I haven't looked at it in a long time. Let's see how it holds up.
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Here's part one of my look at King's Shilling. The rest of the retrospective posts (on Turkish Lieutenant, Treasure of Constantinople, and more) are in the Retrospectives "Collection."
A disclaimer and some context: I suspect that what I am sharing here are the secret hopes and ruminations and regrets that any author might have, but that airing them in public is an offence to the craft and the art form. It's gauche, like the magician's code but watered down. If you feel this way, please meet me again once this retrospective is complete.
I will be hard on this book. I am trying to comment critically. I'm running the risk of sounding like I'm coming down hard on something that you enjoy. If you feel that is the case, instead think of it like, "he's learned to do better," and all that improvement is making its way into Practical Defence Against Piracy.
I will also be patting myself on the back. I want to recognize things that were done well, but this can sometimes carry the stink of drinking my own brush water. If you find yourself thinking, "he sure has a high opinion of himself," know that I have English blood in me, so I am twice as repelled. Like all quasi-Englishpersons, I was born with an understanding that the schoolmaster's rod is waiting for a little bit of pride to show itself so it can be swatted down, like emotional Whack-A-Mole.
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DELILAH DIRK AND THE KING’S SHILLING
Part Two: ENGLAND
It bears repeating: it's been a long time since I sat down to actually read this book the way you or I might just read a book. I might not have ever read it in its entirety since we finished edits on it. For me, this is like encountering someone I haven't seen since preschool. You haven't thought about them for twenty years yet all of a sudden you remember how the two of you would make things out of play-dough, or chase each other around the swings. And maybe there's some new shyness, because this other person knew you when you were small and dumb and playful, and now you're grown and expected to be capable and adult-ish. But they've seen how you giggle when you smushed wet sand between your toes. They are a stranger who knows your secrets.
I noted two major themes, meeting this familiar stranger for the first time again:
- I found the writing to be too oblique. Unlike the text of this post — which is elegance incarnate — some of the dialogue felt too sweaty, like it was burning too many calories running away from the point it was trying to make. Perhaps that's overstating it, but there were definitely a few moments where I thought, "just tell me what's going on!"
- I enjoyed the artwork. It seemed to create a "sense of place" — I felt drawn into the environment on the page — which is the magic trick I always hope to pull off. People have said nice things to me about reading these books, and for a few moments I think I might have been able to share their experience. That sounds especially up-my-own-ass, and all I can say to absolve myself from this self-adulation is that it's really, legitimately difficult to know if the artwork is having this effect while you're making it.
Anyway, let's dig in.
It's not the focus of the spread, but seeing that third panel (above), I felt a rush of memory, all the details of 19th-century British dockworking details I looked up. I am grateful that Britain's National Maritime Museum has such extensive online collections.
Because prison bars are so annoying to draw, I guess I drew them all digitally (above). I'm not sure why I didn't outline the bars, though. Surely that would make it all more cohesive.
This was my first chance to follow through on the promise I'd made myself that in every DD book, she would talk her way out of imprisonment. I liked the jailbreak sequence in DD1 so much I decided "this should be a trademark of DD stories." It's always nice to have a trademark, like Indiana Jones hating snakes. Plus, it aligns with my conviction that the real world is absurd enough that this ought to be believable.
On the left (above), an example of me trying something too clever. For those first six panels, you're supposed to interpret the left and right columns in parallel. DD and Selim see the soldiers, the soldier sees DD. I'm sure the "parallel" idea could be made to work, but even then, I don't think you gain much over a straightforward presentation. (I do really like the posing in that little Selim and DD panel, "Possible! Augh, go, go!")
On the bottom-right, a great example of, "why couldn't this be said more plainly?" It's a lot of words to say what it says, and the whole balance of cause and effect is backwards (which I'll admit might be a tendency I try to fight). The superior uses an insult ("pillock!") and describes the outcome ("I'll decide when I am and am not professionally embarrassed") before telling the soldier what to do. If I were revising, I'd simply make it more explicit and reverse it: "No! Keep your fool mouth shut. I'll decide if and when we tell the Major." I know the illustration says "No!" even if the dialogue does not, but sometimes I like the redundancy.
I think most of my complaints about the text follow a similar pattern: I wish the characters spoke less circuitously.
Again — and not for the last time — I know Selim's whole thing is being verbose, but this is too much (above). In broad strokes, I like this whole sequence (stealing the clothes, DD determining to become upper-class to access Merrick, Selim asking the obvious question, "what about your family"), I just wish it were all clearer. That big blob of Selim dialogue… it turns a fun conceit into a chore, I think.
On the other hand, it does make DD's line, "okay, shush, shush, shut up, shut up," very well-earned. And I like her line "get used to that feeling," as a button on the sequence.
I'm sad that I'll never know if this reveal (above, "hi, mom") was as much fun for readers as I hoped it was.
I remember it being very difficult to find photo reference for the kitchen details.
I'm glad I included the imaginative housemaid (above, and, "they're in love!" on page 98). She's a fun addition, though if I were rewriting it I hope I'd find a way for her to figure into the plot later.
I'd also move Selim's line, "I am nothing if not a capable improviser" to the end of this scene, to use as a button.
I could probably have cut these two pages (above). The only meaningful thing they accomplish is showing Selim being uncomfortable in whatever new role the Nichols estate puts him in.
I do not remember why I thought it would be a good idea to have Lady Nichols' head cut off in the top-right panel.
Here (above), I'd like a hint as to why DD wants to go visit her uncle. We know she's pursuing Merrick but I'd like her to allude to it again here, to make the connection that Uncle will have information about Merrick.
Visually, though, I'm happy. In the cutaway panel at the top, I like how it's perfectly clear which one is her uncle — good job, past me, for obscuring the other dude's face with a piece of paper.
In the bottom-right panel (above), DD is sticking hairpins into her brush. This is a cute touch, it made me laugh. I wish it read more clearly.
My editor on this book, Calista Brill, was a wonderful editor. She offered excellent constructive criticism that always steered the book toward being a better version of itself.
That said, I remember this was the one scene where we disagreed (above-left). Originally, the characters spoke about DD's dead father as if he were alive, and Calista thought this might make readers might think Lady Nichols was delusional. To me, it felt perfectly natural. I thought I argued to keep it as-is, but looking at the original script now, I see I changed Lady Nichols dialogue from present-tense ("I worry more about how he feels") to whatever tense it is now ("I worry more about how your father would feel"). I guess we compromised.
Lady Nichols' exposition about the Merrick family (top-right) is yet another instance where I wish the writing were more direct. I'd like it to be more plain who she is talking about when she talks about the Colonel — it’s been a while since we saw him, and that’s assuming the reader internalized who the Colonel was (i.e., Major Merrick’s father). And on top of that, the reader also has to understand that Lady Nichols is talking about a second son, Major Merrick’s brother. The illustration does not help to clarify this. If it did, maybe I could get away with Lady Nichols’ dialogue.
Anyway, you get the point. I wish some things were clearer! I'll stop banging on about it.
I wonder if I should have made more of a meal of that dream sequence. I like how haunting that panel of Merrick is.
Selim's drawing (bottom-left) is, of course, recalling their adventure at the aqueduct, from DD1. I wish I had done more with this business of Selim doing drawings for DD to pass off as her own. He’s doing her homework for her. I bet there were a few jokes to mine there.
I’m happy with that image of DD’s home. That lighting is very effective, I think.
In preparation for this book, I read a lot of Jane Austen and Jane Austen primers. I’m glad I did, and not just because they were useful. Austen’s books are a delight to read, once you acclimatize to the language.
There are spots where I’m happy with my Austen-esque language and then there are spots like the exchange between DD and Selim mid-left. It would be funnier if the language were more direct/contemporary and Selim’s line were simply “I am feeling uncomfortable” instead of “I am feeling not a little uncomfortable.” Trying to make it Austen-y gives the reader too much language to trip over.
On the right-hand page, I wish that fantasy panel were coloured differently to separate it from the rest of the sequence.
I wish — and at this point I've wished so much that the fountain is overflowing with coins, water is spilling all over the palazzo, and tourists are wondering where this strange idiot with all the wishes was able to acquire so many coins, could he please stop tossing them in the fountain and ruining all our travel photos — I wish I had reminded the reader where we were and why we were there (“Horse Guards,” in London, and we’re there for DD to meet with her uncle). This is why writing tools like “Scene and Sequel” are useful — sometimes I need a reminder to communicate things like dilemmas, choices, and goals explicitly with the reader. DD mentioned wanting to go to London to see her uncle, but that was fifteen pages earlier. A quick exchange between DD and Selim would clear everything up.
Selim's eyes look weird in that second-last panel (above).
London (above) looks suitably grimy, but I wonder if I could have pushed it further without it being too cartoonish. There should at least be heaps of horse droppings all over the streets. Regardless, I like the choice to stick Selim in this covered passageway. It feels like the perfect place from which to make these observations.
These regency interiors were tricky (above). My photo reference revealed something I found counter-intuitive — these interiors are dark. Despite the pastel colours and the gold leaf, and despite all the big, bright windows, a regency drawing room is dark. In fact, it’s dark because it needs to be dark in order for the windows to feel so bright. This is all by way of saying I had a hard time figuring out how to light and colour these scenes — how do you make a colour feel like a light pastel, but it’s dark? — and yet, the challenge was worth it. They turned out well. (And yes, I'm aware that they aren't all pastel.)
I think dialogue exchanges like this is where I think my Austen research paid off. I like the interplay between blunt DD and mannered Cecelia. I suspect it’s not realistic that DD would be so oblivious to customs and manners, but it’s funny and it’s not like it’s fart jokes.
Above, shades of DD’s earlier (later?) arguments with her mother, as seen in Practical Defence. I’m pleased with “sho you keep shaying.”
I find this page (above) very satisfying. It's fun comics business but without trying to be too clever. I very specifically avoided having DD land in a Spiderman-style three-point landing, which I think was a rule on "Max Steel," an abysmal action cartoon I worked on for a season. Despite being abysmal, our department (I was doing story revisions and fight design / logistical drawings) had a lot of fun, and the rule about avoiding the three-point landing is a good one.
Sidebar: You’d think Selim would have learned to expect this sort of thing by now.
I feel like the darkness of the interiors (above) worked to this scene’s benefit, and again I like how the Austen-adjacent qualities present themselves in the dialogue.
Ah, the simmering conflict between DD and Selim comes to a head (above). And at the worst time, too!
If I’ve been hard on myself for some of the writing being too oblique, or trying to be too clever, or trying to be Austen-y when it doesn’t need to be, I will at least admit I’m proud of how the relationship between DD and Selim evolves in this chapter. Writing-wise, I wonder if I was somehow able to get away with the hard part (friendship dynamics) while having weak fundamentals (escorting the reader through the plot). Or maybe the subtle friendship dynamics are the easy part, and it’s doing the fundamentals well that is the hard part. Maybe it’s different for everyone.
I like the conceit in this sequence, where the soldiers all think they’re hunting some sort of animal. I hope it reads that way, because it’s very difficult to communicate the idea that, “this soldier sees something differently from the way you, a reader, has seen it.”
On this panel where DD’s wounded arm lets her down, I should have used the radiating red circles like I did in Chapter One. I think it reads well enough as-is, but being consistent with the visual language would have helped.
Another spot where I just wish I’d erred on the side of it being too conventional, instead of trying to be so clever with my two-page layout.
Sir Andrew is supposed to be the “M” to DD’s “007.” He has a mysterious role in the government and DD is, occasionally, his field agent, or nearly so (it's complicated). That being the case, I wish I had made this arrangement more apparent. It's not completely opaque — in an earlier scene, Sir Andrew thanks Selim for helping with the Portuguese family (implying it was a "mission" of his), and he reveals more of his role in subsequent pages — and I’m no fan of exposition, and am always in favour of respecting the reader’s intelligence — but re-reading this book is teaching me that if a reader is forming a certain image in their mind, it pays to confirm that image every now and then. I like when an author respects my ability to piece things together, but I also like to know I've pieced them together correctly, and I think it's possible to do that with grace.
Finally, I am proud of the way this chapter's threads come together in this sequence (above and below). Selim and Lady Nichols share enthusiasm for the ball (above right), then are disappointed together when DD declines. On the next page, after DD learns that Merrick will be there and Selim sees why DD now wants to go, he’s disappointed anew. DD invites her mom to help her prepare, which pleases her, though she doesn’t know DD’s true motivations, which would shock her. And to (hopefully) illustrate the distance between DD and Selim, he takes tea to her, and she leaves it untouched, cooling on the sideboard (below). As a bonus, compare and contrast DD’s descent of the stairs with the one in Chapter Three of Practical Defence.
And remember! At some point between Chapter Three of Practical Defence (1795) and DD2 (1809), Delilah’s father dies! Why am I mentioning this? No reason! Enjoy your week!
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With DD and Selim on their way to the ball to meet Merrick, we end up at the final chapter, which I’ll cover in Part Three of this retrospective.
Until next week,
I remain,
no fan of exposition,
TC
