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Re: on home and loneliness.
🕑 Added 2025-01-14 17:33:21 +0000 UTCI’m excited to introduce a new series of reflections. Anytime you see “Re:” before a post, it will signal thoughts on things I wish I’d included in a recent audio or changes I’d make to enrich the content. The purpose is simple: to spark meaningful conversations with you all. Your insights are invaluable, and I hope this space becomes a welcoming, judgment-free environment where we can connect and grow together.
Lately, something has been on my mind. I feel like I missed an important opportunity in the BOSS series—a theme that could have added more depth to the story: home versus loneliness.
To me, the opposite of loneliness isn’t just connection; it’s home—a place where you feel deeply understood, where you can simply be. I often dream of finding that home one day. In his book Hygge, Mike Wiking describes coziness as the act of inviting others into your circle of comfort. To me, that’s what home feels like: stepping through the door after a long, hard day and being greeted by warm faces, a fire already crackling, dinner in the making, and a sense of being welcomed back.
But here’s the truth: I haven’t found this yet. I’m still navigating the winter of loneliness, spending my days imagining that warm home waiting for me. And then, it dawned on me—this vision, beautiful as it is, is also a fantasy. Life isn’t so black and white.
Even if I find this “home,” there will still be moments of loneliness. Maybe my future partner won’t understand a joke I make. Maybe there will be silences that feel colder than the world outside. Loneliness, like a distant wind, will creep back in.
But this isn’t a bad thing. Loneliness is not the enemy—it’s a teacher. We cannot truly experience “home” without understanding its counterpart. Deep connection with others makes moments of disconnection all the more significant, all the more valuable to resolve.
Life is a pilgrimage, a slow trudge through the snow toward a home we hope to find. Yet even when we arrive at that glowing cabin in the woods, loneliness will still visit us from time to time. The beauty is in realizing this: loneliness is not something to fear. It’s a tool. It shows us where we need to grow, where we need to heal.
The balance of life lies in this duality: loneliness and home, misunderstanding and understanding. One gives meaning to the other. Each step you take toward understanding yourself and your needs, no matter how small, is progress.
Even when you are wrapped in the arms of a lover, there will be moments of disconnect. Those moments are opportunities to build a stronger, warmer home within yourself and with others. They’re reminders that the journey toward understanding—toward home—never truly ends.
It’s tempting to imagine that finding a partner, starting a family, or reaching some idealized milestone will erase all pain. But pain is what guides us, urging us forward. Life is not static, and it never will be. The real gift lies in learning to love the process—the journey of self-discovery and connection.
When you embrace loneliness as a guide rather than an adversary, it becomes a tool to help you create a better life, a deeper understanding of yourself, and a more authentic connection with others.
So let’s keep moving forward, together.
Comments
Chris
I've found that faith helps, knowing God knows exactly what you're going through and what's on your mind brings comfort to me
SanguineMathghamhain
Thought about this more randomly and felt compelled to add those thoughts despite how late an addition it is. I think feeling lonely comes from feeling unseen and/or too seen when it is incongruous. I feel lonely when I feel like nothing I could do would have an effect outside of me like that one type of nightmare where you are in a crowded or occupied place but you can't be heard, seen, or touched by anyone, or when I feel like everyone sees I don't fit in/don't belong like again to harken back to a common type of nightmare where you are naked for a presentation everyone sees you stripped bare and knows you are the odd man out or the horror movie classic of everyone in town is watching you constantly because you aren't from around there or you aren't like them (ie everyone has been replaced by something else and it knows the hero hasn't been). This is the why being alone and being lonely are different to me since being alone just means I am not near anyone I have a connection with while being lonely is the feeling of lacking that connection and the inability to connect with people.
SanguineMathghamhain
To me it is important to separate alone and loneliness. Being alone can be pleasant and even rewarding but being lonely is pain without an injury. Sure you can learn to weather it better just like building any resilience. Resilience is always good but damn if I wouldn't prefer building it in a more pleasant way. Loneliness though is an inevitable part of life but those moments should be kept to a utilitarian minimum. That said a quote I find applicable to loneliness is "This is life, and I will not lie to you and say everyday will be sunshine. But! There will be sunshine again! And that is a very different thing to say. That is the truth. You will be warm again."
Agenda
To keep in the comparison. Loneliness, to me, is more like wind. Being stuck out in it is when it gets cold. But when you have it gently in a hot place it can remind you of how warm you are. Loneliness never really goes away, just what makes you feel lonely. When your priorities change and so do the things you value is when that feeling changes as well. Feeling lonely in a room full of people is worse than feeling lonely when someone you value isn’t there at the moment. I know I said that weird but idk how else to put it. Hopefully you get what I’m trying to say. And if you’re reading this I hope you have/had a good day!
ye boi
Loneliness is interesting. Like complete silence when there's no noise the only thing you can hear is yourself. And when you feel Lonely you tend to meet yourself. Hope everyone has a nice day
TheFretfulSaw
"In the grand scale of things, loneliness is a privilege."
SkitL
Thank you ☺️
TheMusicalWolf
absolutely beautiful <3
SkitL
Loneliness, My Quiet Friend Loneliness sits beside me, soft and still, A quiet shadow that bends to my will. It doesn’t ask questions or demand to stay, It simply lingers when others walk away. It hums in the silence, a gentle tune, A companion beneath the watching moon. Not heavy, not cruel, just calmly there, Filling the spaces no one else dares. I’ve learned to embrace its quiet grace, To find comfort in this empty space. No need to rush, no need to pretend, Loneliness is patient, a loyal friend. It lets me dream without restraint, No voices to taint, no judgments to paint. In its arms, I feel no need to run, Loneliness and I, we are quietly one. So I’ll cherish the solace it chooses to bring, For even in silence, my heart still sings.
TheMusicalWolf
I think there is a true poetic beauty in the fact that, even when we are surrounded by loved ones or held in the arms of a warm, sweet lover, we can still experience a deep sense of loneliness. It speaks volumes about how we grow as individuals. I remember struggling with this not too long ago, during a difficult time in my life. Despite the support, love, and praise from those around me, it almost felt unreal—like none of it truly mattered. Yet, through this journey of rediscovering loneliness, I also rediscovered what makes me unique and strong. It is only when we are truly alone with ourselves that we come to understand the real essence of who we are. So, I challenge you to look at loneliness in a different light. Don’t see it as a time of sadness or despair; see it as a period for self-reflection and growth. Sometimes, the most profound discoveries about ourselves emerge during the darkest moments. Don’t shy away from the emotion—embrace it. Remember, your emotions don’t make you weak; they are what make you strong.
ChunkkaS.A
You put loneliness into words absolutely beautifully, I especially loved how you mentioned using it as a tool. When I myself realized this, I started to push myself to grow by forming stronger connections with those around me. Whether it’s spending time with them, giving them gifts, making art for them, ect. it’s all in the effort to show them that I care. Because maybe that’s just what they need. It’s easy to forget that the people around you may be lonely too, so whenever I reach out to them or they reach out to me, I always feel a sense of comfort that I’m not alone. As you said, Loneliness will always eventually creep its way back into us, but that’s just apart of life. Thank you for sharing this Felka! 💙
Moon D.
you described loneliness perfectly; though we may always feel it, i can confidently say you are not alone in this feeling. may the kindling warm deep when you find home, Felka. thank you for all you gives us.
SandMan1848
The hope you give me binds my broken heart and mind, it makes me feel whole again. I don't know if I can repay you in this life time, I hope so.
