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Where I'm Going / Journal with F
🕑 Added 2025-10-11 16:25:05 +0000 UTC🌒 A Journal Together: Who Are You Becoming?
Dear patrons, Felksters, if I may,
I want to invite you into a small moment of stillness — just a few minutes carved out from the noise — to ask yourself a simple, difficult, and transformative question:
"What version of myself am I most afraid of outgrowing, and why?"
So often, we rush forward without pausing to ask: Where am I going? Who am I becoming? What do I truly want?
Not just today. Not just this week. But in the deep, distant future — the quiet one that whispers at night when you’re finally alone with yourself.
And so, I ask you:
Who do you want to be?
And how can you begin showing up as that version of yourself — right now?
🖤 My Own Reflection
This question cracked something open in me.
I’m afraid of outgrowing the version of myself who dreams wildly.
That younger self — so defiant, so determined — who made plans and pursued them like fire. Who leapt at the unknown because there was nothing to lose.
Back then, it was easier to dream, even if I was lonely. Sometimes, dreaming was the only warmth I had.
Now, the landscape of my life is different.
I feel the weight of responsibility more each day. Aging parents. The question of home, and whether I’ll uproot my life again. A world shifting in ways we can't predict.
Dreaming now feels more fragile. It feels expensive — like it costs something to believe in big things.
But I’ve realized that this is when dreaming matters most.
I have friends now. Community. My sweet Kitty.
I have reasons to stay, to build, to protect.
And still, I must hold space within myself for that younger version — the dreamer — not to keep her alive, but to let her evolve.
She deserves to grow too.
✍🏽 A Prompt for You
Take 5 minutes and write freely on this:
"What version of myself am I most afraid of outgrowing, and why?"
Don’t overthink. Just set a timer and begin.
You can keep your words for yourself, or share them in the comments — so others can see, feel, and relate. Sometimes, the act of witnessing each other is enough to spark something sacred.
I’m planning to make this a recurring, shared ritual here. A small practice we do together.
I’m even thinking of recording myself journaling for 5 minutes, so you can write along with me — like a quiet companion at your side. Would you like that?
🕯️ Why This Matters
Self-reflection is hard.
It requires honesty, and the courage to sit with discomfort.
But it’s also where we find truth — especially when it comes to loneliness.
Loneliness, I’ve found, doesn’t always come from being without others.
Sometimes, it comes from being disconnected from ourselves — from the parts we’ve buried or left behind in the rush of survival.
This space we’re building together on Patreon... it’s a chance to come back to ourselves.
Not all at once. But slowly.
In good company.
With love,
Felka
Comments
Dart011
I fear losing the happy go lucky part of myself. I'm at a point in my life where my decisions will have a huge impact on what the rest of my future may look like. The part of me that is so un-serious, that just likes to live in the moment, one day being over shadowed by crushing reality or shifting priorities. Not that I haven't had to make big decisions, but I don't want my "spark" to be drowned out. And then there's the hopeless romantic. The one who longs to meet 'The One,' but may slowly lose hope after each encounter. The worry that that connection will never be found. I don't want to lose it, but man, our climate today feels stacked against us. Especially those who aren't in the hyper populated areas where a dozen possible matches are just a stone throw away.
Puchy
I think I'm scared that I'll outgrow the version of me who sees the positive side of things, who tends to focus on the positive instead of the negative. The events in my life, friends lives kinda shake the foundation of that version of me. Perhaps these hands are indeed E for everyone, but the thought that I joke and make others feel at ease or give some sort of peace to others by not just being an asshole like everyone else. Kinda makes it worth it.
