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V2 65.2 Revamp

🕑 Added 2021-09-27 18:59:24 +0000 UTC

Comments

David Moore

I love this

Chad Hagner

I didn't have much of an issues with the first attempt but this rewrite is much better. Like that you aren't afraid to go back and redo something if it means better quality work. Good job!

Sebastian Osterbrink

At least sky realm. Because The cloudy sword technique used by the elder requires a domain and the elder is an old friend and thought grandpa is stronger.

Gremlin Jack

This does work much better. Good show.

Ed

So Big Di has got to be close to spiritual realm. Since he could spar with both to a draw

Jan Alexander

I wonder what level Jin's old man is.

Beardo

Love the new chapter. And I like the tournament format and idea behind the rising stages.

Jeff Petkau

Nice! Glad to see the "how to melt iron" bit made it in in some form. The explicit reminder of the various cultivation levels is helpful here, since it was pretty far back in the story when they were last listed. (Or was it even in the story, or just in a comment on RR?) Anyway that helps. Nit: in the Tigu section, the second and third paragraphs should still be in the past perfect tense, so that it's apparent there was a bit of time skipped before the fourth paragraph. (Otherwise it's confusing because it describes the fight from beginning to end without Tigu saying anything, followed by the conversation referencing what she said.) Ie: ..."This one [had] looked promising enough, with his armour and his mallet, but the way he swung it was so strange. Halfway between a man who used a mallet to carve stone, and Uncle Che, with his hammering of iron. She supposed that may [have been] the case, as he had many interesting engravings upon his armor and hammer. The fight may not be interesting, but these were. They were pleasing to the eye, and that [had] soothed some of her irritation. He was a tall, lanky one, and when Tigu [had] tested his defenses, she [had nearly thrown] him out of the arena! It was shocking! Ri Zu put up a better fight than him!"

Midjji

Better, but the main issue remains the single elimination. There are good reasons why it is never used irl or in stories. Even now you have had to adress the obvious problem of skilled contestants eliminating each other early and randomly, but there is also the problem of both the winning and losing characters thinking its unfair and the matches either beeing almost always maximally uninteresting, if the matches are planned such that the most skilled two will face of at the end, or you will have the issue of the winner most likely facing a good opponent in the second to last match, and a mediocre, distinctly worse one, in the final. I get you probably wanted to avoid the dull mandatory tournament arc. But simply say that the fights are in random order with losers fighting each other for a second chance to advance. The reason why this is never used in stories is because, even with author forcing inly the fights of interest this outright stops interesting secondary ones too, and prevents anykind of sensible ranking at all for the vast majority of contestants. If you want to avoid the dull obligatory tournament arc, just skip the uninteresting fights, and say the losers fought in parallel and the winners got to face the losers of the winner winner pairs, and so on.

BaguaBrady

I liked that hint too. Hard to say if his acts of invulnerability and extreme athleticism signify an Earth realm body remake or not, and if the area Bi De mentions growing around Fa Ram is a latent domain of his signifying Sky Realm. It's nice to get something of a hint that also comes with more questions, good writing.

BigBro Bluesman

Damn I have no idea how you keep pushing out top notch work like this

Kara Nina

Well, now we know that a story year before when Jin beat up the demon cultivator for trying to make Meihua sleep with him and scared off the blaze bear he was at least Spiritual cause he does that wrap qi around his body thing there.

XenosHg

I'm always impressed by your dedication to improving chapters several times.

Mantiqore

Tigu, the innocent artist. Love it

Arnon Parenti

Oooohhhh she's a man eater

Malthe Mørk Mejlby

Thunder of theEarth - > Thunder of the Earth

BRUNO ASTUR

I see that Jin will also have his own tournament

Ashlazaria

Very well done

Buzz1089

Wonderful!! Thank you!

William Forrest

This was a solid improvement. Well done.

Haran

Well done. I think that was an improvement.

mant06

Do we get a hint of the future of the General that comands winter?

Matt DiMeo

I miss the “why, Tigu?” bit from gou ren, but this is definitely improved overall.

Leeland

Maybe add in the deleted part after --- "“And it appears the Young Master of the Hermetic Iron Sect has taken to the field!” the fat man on the podium shouted excitedly." --- A change of perspective could work well there.

Leeland

The change to the start is great. But i enjoyed the deleted part the chaper more. The dialog just seems more natural and interesting. Just my 2 cents though, it is your story and you have to be satisfied. :)

Bunny Waffles

I like these changes. It gives those in the audience a bit more and introduces a fun little side character to help explain things, and then at the end getting to see from Tigu's perspective helps take care of the in tournament side of things. Also it plumps out the chapter length nicely with some extra meat.

Termac

Why can't I hold all these yes?

riley st john

I do like the descriptions of the different levels hopefully we get more info from one of the higher ups in one of the sects around Jin

Ben Allen

Not only a great writer, but a great writer who takes criticism and improves the story. Appreciate it

Kristof Dohrmann

I liked the precious version, but this is also very good, the part in the beginning was a nice addition.

Ragav Kumar

I like this. Good change!

taukid

I didn't really have any complaints about the chapter before, except for maybe adding back in the deleted scene, but this was simply perfection. I gotta say, whenever you go back and rewrite a chapter, you always knock it out of the park!

Seadrake

All of my yes


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