Torsten Hewson
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For Fun: Cultivation Masters! The TCG
🕑 Added 2024-02-16 22:53:09 +0000 UTCA strange beast that combines Magic and Yu Gi Oh, brought on by a comment about a cultivator TCG. Its dumb.
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"Go, Master of Twilight! Blood Reaper!" Lu Ban shouted, and his Cultivation Spirit Roared with him; the massive blade of blood descended upon The Azure Champion. The woman screamed as her Spirit Core wavered and collapsed. The damage continued onwards, and Jin grit his teeth as it speared into his Soul points—his legs shook as they plummeted downwards, before they finally paused.
Two Soul Points left. Jin grimaced, as he felt the attack settle into his soul. His legs wobbled. He felt light headed.
"Do you now see the futility of going against the Demon Corps?!" Lu Ban demanded, leering. "I’ll admit, you did better than I thought with an archetype as useless as the Azure Hills… but this match is over! With my Master of Twilight, and Cursed Blood Infection Spirits on the Field, theres nothing you can do! I end my turn!”
Lu Ban had been a monstrous opponent; the Demon Lord Archetype was one of the strongest, composed of horrifically powerful Cultivation Spirits. He had been stymied at every turn, the overwhelming power of the Demon Lord Spirits stymying his deck’s lategame playstyle.
To make things worse, Cursed Blood Infection would Desolate any Qi sources he used, making them unable to be used again.
“Jin!” Xiulan shouted, her eyes wide and terrified. Yun And Gou were gripping the railing of the arena, their bodies tense. Meiling had a miasma of malice around her.
And yet… he was still in this. He still had one last turn.
He just had to believe.
He reached shakily for his deck. His hand landed on the top card, as he steadied his breathing. He believed in his deck. The deck he had found, broken and hurting. He believed in his Cultivation Spirits. He had spent years, lovingly repairing the cards, pouring his heart and soul into a deck that everybody said was terrible.
He had done it for one simple reason.
It was fun to play.
He felt something touch his fingers. He felt something within his deck. He drew his next Cultivation Spirit, and Smiled.
“A Game of Cultivation Masters isn’t over until it's over.” he stated simply.
Lu Ban scoffed. “I’ve Desolated your Qi sources! I’ve defeated your Lord Monsters! What can an archetype built around ramping Qi do when it barely has any left?”
Jin took a deep breath, amusement dancing on his features.
“It's funny. Everybody thinks the Azure Hills is a ramp deck. You get out all your Qi, and summon the Lords of the Elements; But that's not really it. See… the Azure Hills isn’t a ramp deck.” Jin said, as he glanced at the card he had just drawn. “It's a combo deck. And You’ve spent all your Qi sources, and given me the perfect set up.”
Lu Ban’s smile froze. “What?”
Meiling, standing on the sideline, suddenly relaxed.
“I spend the last of my Qi, activating your Cursed Blood Infection and Desolating my own final Qi sources, to play the Cultivation Formation: Reforged in Gold!”
The world seemed to shift. An amused laugh echoed throughout the duel field, as the broken ground was run through with cracks of brilliant gold. An outpouring of Qi erupted from the cracks, swirling and condensing into what looked like a little girl: her own body was a ruin— her eye was missing, as was one of her arms—and her card had been the worst off of all the Spirits when he had found the deck. Dirty, ratty, and barely clinging to existence.
But now, those broken pieces had been repaired. Reforged. Filled in with burning gold. The little Spirit twirled in the air, and offered Jin a brilliant smile, before coming to rest protectively behind him.
“....what the Hells is that?!” Lu Ban demanded, his eyes narrow.
Jin didn’t blame him. Nobody used the Azure Hills Cultivation Spirits even when they had been released. And Reforged in Gold was a very niche Spirit—especially because when it had been created, Desolation Effects had been very rare. But now? With the Demon Lords running Rampant?
Well. he was going to get a nasty surprise.
Jin smiled. “This Cultivation Formation can only be played when I have less than five Qi points! It allows me to destroy a Desolated Qi source, and for each Qi source destroyed this way, I may return one Cultivation Spirit from the Spirit Realm to the battlefield! I chose the Ruolan, the Dancer first!”
First, Pale Moon City was erased, and sent into the Spirit Realm. Then, the air wavered. There was a pleasant giggle, as a woman swirled into existence with a flourish, her sky blue eyes sparking with merriment. Her mannerisms and movement were elegant. Ruolan’s art, at least was the most known thing about the Azure Hills archetype—she was a fantastically beautiful Spirit. She looked like an opera singer, and she hid her face with a fan. Ruolan had been the first to fall, discarded from his hand with Cruel Burial—but she was essential for what was to come next. Ruolan gave Jin a saucy wink, and he carefully looked away from the teasing smile.
“Next, I return the Tempered Blade!” The Cloud Rest Forest went next.
The Spirit World shuddered, and the Lord Monster returned with a thunderous howl—the second most powerful offensive Spirit in the deck had given Lu Ban plenty of trouble before going down to a Soul Rip, and the regal Blade Wolf was ready for round two.
“Finally, I return the Lord of the Lake!” The Misty Lake disappeared.
There was bellowing laughter as the great dragon took to the field; he was insanely overcosted by the standards of Cultivation Spirits today, especially for his stats and ability.
“And?” Lu Ban asked, looking bored. “What can they do against my Twilight Master?”
He was correct. Even with all three of them, the Twilight Master was untouchable if Jin was going to send them into combat.
“Well I’m glad you asked. First, when the Lord of the Lake enters the Battlefield, he allows me to return one Qi Source to the battlefield!” Misty Lake reappeared—looking whole and hale, rather than grey and sickly. “And then, I use the Tempered Blade’s ability, Honourable Duel! The First time another Cultivation Spirit Enters the battlefield this turn, The Tempered Blade may strike it!”
The Tempered Blade had just enough power to defeat the Lord of the Lake. The Dragon turned to the wolf, and nodded. A blade formed out of pure Qi, and smote the dragon, again, much to Lu Ban’s confusion.
“This defeats the Lord of the Lake. I then Expend my Qi, adding it to my pool, and with your Blood Infection… I Desolate it. And then destroy it, to return the Lord of the Lake, and the Qi Source I just destroyed.”
The little girl, clad in gold, raised her hands, and once more the Spirit World shuddered.
This time, Lu Ban’s face went from confused and contemptuous to shocked.
“Wha… wha?” Lu Ban Lu Ban demanded.
“Then, I use Ruolan’s Endless dance! This ability changes every ability with the wording “the first time” to each time. The Tempered Blade Strikes the Lord of the Lake again.”
Ruolan laughed and performed a pirouette, before having the audacity to wink at Lu Ban… before snapping her fan closed and drawing it like a knife across her own throat.
The massive Bladewolf’s claws lashed out again, biting into the dragon. His body shimmered, about to return to the Spirit Realm—but again, the Qi Source that he had just returned surged with power, was desolated, and the Dragon returned.
“But—But cultivation Spirits have a limit! Their Will! They can't be returned from the Spirit Realm that often—their Spirits would be utterly destroyed!” Lu Ban howled, his eyes wide and panicked.
“Would they?” Jin asked, as the Lord of The Lake erupted from the Spirit Realm again, a massive, draconic grin on its face. “Maybe if they were just your tools, to be discarded when they were too weak. But this is my deck. My Azure Hills! My Cultivation Spirits! They know I’ll never abandon them! So They’ll never abandon me!”
Xiulan’s eyes widened. “Hes…. Hes..”
“Going infinite.” Meiling whispered.
The Dragon swirled with the wolf: from Spirit World to the real world and back again, Their bodies moved in a circular dance as the power built and built; the silver dragon and dark wolf started to look more like a Taijitu rather than the animals they were.
Lu Ban took a step back. The Twilight Master shuddered, as the corona of energy built around Jin; and he touched a card that had been in his hand since the beginning.
It was almost a joke: It was an immensely powerful Cultivation Spirit, but required so much Qi to Summon that it was completely useless: it couldn’t be summoned from the Spirit Realm, it couldn’t be “cheated” into play for any reason, or else the person controlling it would lose; It had to be played directly.
It was also the only card that wasn’t technically an Azure Hills Card. But it had been his first ever cultivation Spirit, given to him by his grandfather…. And the Azure Hills Spirits had accepted him.
The Qi swirled and surged endlessly. The world seemed to dim, and then brighten. Like the coming dawn.
Jin took a deep breath.
“I play Shen Yu; the Unconquered Blade.”
The world shuddered. A rip formed in the air, like the very world itself had been slashed open by a sword.
The most powerful, and most useless Cultivation Spirit stalked from the rift. He took the form of an old man. A “classical” cultivator. He looked downright generic in his simple robe, especially compared to the Cultivation Spirits today. Some even said that Shen Yu was the First Cultivation Spirit ever created.
A useless prototype.
But he wasn’t useless today.
The Unconquered Blade raised his sword. His eyes burned without mercy.
“Shen Yu—Bring me victory.” Jin asked.
Lu Ban, his Qi points still mostly full; his warding formations completely intact, screamed as the Unconquered Blade swung his sword.
Comments
GloryHound
HE WENT INFINITE!
Philip Hunt-Bull
The Lord Magistrate is a character that MTG sucks at: a heroic character associated with black mana's themes.
Michael Foat
This is the FIRST episode of Yugioh reduxed in BoC TCG colors. You don't ever forget a part of Kaiba getting shadow realmed by Exodia
D J Meigs
I swear I’ve seen this episode of Yu-Gi-Oh. I literally had anime scenes play in my mind with all the characters replaced… it works shockingly well and I don’t think I’ve seen an episode of Yu-Gi-Oh in more than 15 years.
Sebastian Rubin
I loathe "Card Game" series, ever since Yu-Gi-Oh took a promising mystery set-up and turned it into a cheap commercial for a mediocre MtG knockoff... But I'd read the fuck out of your take on the concept.
Michael Foat
Nah, this is yugioh first episode level
Michael Foat
The power of friendship is a powerful drug
Michael Foat
But there is an unbeatable one
Michael Foat
When the Azure Hills Spirits gets the expansion to include Shen Yu lore wise into their combos. To play off of the Radkos comment current game play would be original Ravnica set and the cards would have been more Return to Ravnica for new elements
Martin Toder
IMPOSSIBLE! NO ONE'S EVER SUMMONED HIM BEFORE
V01D
“Bring me victory” - how is this an ‘ask’? Maybe it should be, ‘requested’? Also, this would be the perfect way to have the characters from the AU interact with the ones based on Canon. Mei Mei would have Bailu & Seilu in her deck
Randall Norman Pick
Fantastic
Truedragon5374
Holy Exploding Peach of the Yellow Emperor!
Aaron W. Smith
Thanks! I've never played these card games, but, who cares. Nicely written. How are YOU? I hope the Dr's. Appt went well. Feel better ! There's a nasty flu variation going on around my ne k of the woods. Hope it doesn't spread.
Old Dog
Awesome.
Seaspike
Can you imagine a cultivation version of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"?
Szymon Szczełkun
loved it reminded me of good times with yu gi oh in my childhood
Truedragon5374
Ooh, ooh, next Jin needs to introduce DnD to the Fa Ram! By this point Jin has likely loaded them all up with altered versions of Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and other knights and fantasy stuff.
Mistfate
I cant tell whether i want this to be an actual card game or an actual spin off more. Both would be so much fun
Adam Ford
ok two things. first: thank you for the casical anime card fight sceen. i loved it. seconed off: where is my ultra rare Beware of chicken card? Bi De needs to be included!!!
jord
As someone who watched yugioh on saturday mornings, this takes me back. Love me an Exodia moment.
Purple Floof
Good thing Lu Ban was running Rakdos instead of anything with Blue in it, one Parry would've fucked Jin's whole combo up
FreakShow
Based and Card-pilled. Fantastic!
Just A Dude
I had the exact opposite happen to me... and by that, I mean I got slapped in the face with a Turn 0 Exodia. Dude just straight up drew all five pieces as his opening hand.
Just A Dude
Yup. That "Shen Yu! Bring Me Victory!" has big "Exodia! Obliterate!" energy.
Just A Dude
Seems like a combo of the Sliver Queen + Hearthstone + Ashnod's Altar combo from M:tG and Exodia from Yu-Gi-Oh. Truly a beautiful thing to behold, and it had me cackling.
Brent
I'm actually a little annoyed this was better than most Yugioh series.
Joseph
Got a good chuckle from this, thanks :)
Benji
Incredible!
Beau
Next Kickstarter I sign up for betyer be this 😂
Joshua Morris
Welcome to the Phoenix Empire School, where new cultivators are taught to be the next generation of duelists.
Natbite
Lu: Wait, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn? That's against the rules! Jin: Screw the rules, I have the power of friendship. (Bonus - Meiling: Screw the rules, I have green hair).
Rairarku
I love this. I can feel the yugioh anime energy piercing through along with the amazing going infinite combos
Xultanis
Reminds me of my high school days, playing Magic with friends at the lunch table. I even had a heart of the cards moment where I was about die in a 5 player battle royale, when I drew the only card that could save me. Barely won that game, heh.
Corndogman5160
Jin is channeling classic Yugi here, I see.
Featherweight
I picture this all happening on top of a folding tabling in a sweaty little comic shop.
Cyrus McEnnis
And it's all fun and games till someone breaks out a hilariously broken combination. I still have my old Turbostasis deck lying around for when I want to break someone's spirit 10% of the time >.>
Trigun999
Hahaha I was smiling towards the end
Gordon Steemson
Gah! And we have a new entry in "Things Which Should Never Be"!
Apeljohn
What the flaming fuck did I just read?!
BigBro Bluesman
The hell kind of glorious story did I just read...
frogogre1
Welp we know we have something else we need continued. At the very least you might see about making this a real trading card game in the future.
Munirah Hutchinson
This so much I can barely handle it 😵😵😵
Seth Richter
There are no useless cards in my grandfather's deck!!!
WyrdWizard
Lol
WarStrider72
Time to Duel!!!
Monkeytoster
This is the dumbest thing I have read this year. I love it. The new soaring heavens Isle spinoff.
CringeWorthyStudios
My gods that was actually amazing, I’m in literal tears over here. 🤣
Bunny Waffles
HEART OF THE CARDS BABY!
This is how the end and the death part three ended
