Torsten Hewson
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v4c33.2: Alt version
🕑 Added 2023-08-09 07:16:40 +0000 UTCThe most recent chapter, posted tonight (v4c33: The Tyrant or the Guardian part 2) bugged me super hard and I couldn't fall asleep for some reason so I rewrote it, changing a bunch of the dialouge.
Still unedited. Changes include the bandit not explaining everything, and Tigu actually talking with people a bit more.
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“An… and… a cultivator will save us. She’ll come in like this and go and beat up all the bad guys, won't they, Uncle?” San Ziya’s niece whispered to him from her place on his lap. She was holding up her favourite doll like a talisman, like the cultivator who it was made to look like would suddenly appear from the heavens to save them.
Ziya tried to smile reassuringly, tried to hope… But he knew it was something he couldn't do. He looked up at the iron bars of the cage he was in, and glanced to where his sister-in-law was also pressed against him and glaring at their captors. They had made camp and a fire was burning merrily away. The bandits had set themselves up with startling precision and speed.
It had been a full day since the attack. The day had been going so well, too. Their procession marching along the road with a skip in their step and a song on their lips. His wife’s family was a true joy to be around—he loved them all dearly, and that procession had been one of the happiest moments of his life.
They had even been joined by a rough-looking fellow, who had congratulated him on the occasion. He looked a bit scruffy, but he had been kind to everyone and the more the merrier!
Then, when they stopped for the night… the bandits came. The attack had been sudden. There had been no shouts, no roars, no fire arrows or anything else that was supposed to herald bandit attacks like they did in the stories. Instead, they came with nets, bolas and clubs.
Ziya had tried to fight, as had their new companion, Han, but it was over before it even had begun for Ziya, tangled in a net and swiftly subdued. Mister Han managed to dodge the nets and had engaged three of the bandits with his stick, knocking all of them down… until a fourth bandit managed to get the drop on the man and bash him over the head.
Ziya thought that would be the end for Han, for he had hurt the bandits. But to his surprise the man was instead bound, bandaged, and then carried to the hidden carts that the rest of them were shoved into.
At first, there had been panic and tears. But as the day progressed and the bandits gave them food and water, the panic amongst their party of sixteen had turned sullen and seething—because these bandits were thoroughly confusing. They didn’t take one lustful glance at any of the women, and for the most part… they were not even treated badly, aside from the fact that they were all in cages.
They were even treating Han’s injury further, one of the bandits poking and prodding at the bound man while he glared back at them.
“I told you it looks worse than it is. He’ll make a full recovery. I guarantee it,” the bandit said, turning to his leader.
“Excellent. I was worried for a second there. A man like this will catch a good price. He's big and strong—perfect,” the leader said with an oddly charming smile. He looked… too clean, too well put together for a bandit.
Ziya grimaced as his fears were confirmed. There was a collective intake of breath from everyone else too. Slavery.
“Scum. You think the Magistrate will stand for this? For enslaving Imperial subjects?” Ziya’s uncle-in-law demanded, his eyes narrowed with wrath.
The bandit leader blinked… And then burst out laughing at the words.
“Isn’t going to… isn’t going to tolerate it?! Ha!” The rest of the bandits—who Ziya was starting to think weren’t really bandits—laughed too. The leader smiled. “Tell you what, I’ll take you to the guards myself and you can tell them what happened.”
Ziya’s uncle went silent. Ziya felt sick to his stomach. The man was utterly and completely confident in his words. Everybody knew the Grass Sea City's guards, at least on the lower levels, were corrupt as all hells. But to just ignore a man shouting that he had been enslaved by bandits?!
There was something foul going on here.
“It seems like a lot of trouble. Coming all the way out here, when Grass Sea City has millions of people…” Ziya said carefully.
“Honestly, it is,” the man said, shrugging. He looked at Ziya’s niece in his lap and then grimaced. “Well, that's for the bosses to decide and not me. I just do what I’m told. Good payday.”
Ziya swallowed as he felt his sister-in-law press up against him more, the woman glaring hatefully at their captors. His niece curled up tighter in his lap
The man sighed and had Han shoved back into a cage. The bound man glared at them.
“Are you alright, Han?” Ziya asked him, and the scruffy man nodded.
“It hurts, but the bastard was right. I’ll be fine.. ”
“Sorry you got caught up in this, after it was my family that was targeted,” Ziya said.
Han’s eyes softened. “I prolly would have got grabbed anyway.”
Ziya sighed. “Still, these are confident bastards. What the hell could make them so sure?”
Han glanced at their captors, who were laughing and eating… But nobody was drinking. He leaned closer to the bars, his voice a whisper. “That's what I want to know too.”
“Alright everybody, time for bed. Tomorrow you lot will be in your new home,” the leader said, gesturing towards their cages.
Despair crawled up Ziya’s throat. He bit his lip to keep himself from crying out. Until suddenly there was a commotion.
“Declare yourself!” one of the men at the edge of the camp shouted—before he suddenly let out a strangled noise.
The entire camp froze as a woman walked into it. She simply stroke forwards as the guard tried to bar her path, the halberd simply sliding off the skin of her throat with the sound of metal on metal. The woman didn’t even deign to glance at the weapon. The entire camp froze at her appearance.
The first thing to grab Ziya's attention were her eyes. They were twin yellow pits, narrowed with fury as they locked onto the cages. Next, he noticed her too-sharp teeth.
Finally, he noticed the bulging muscles in her arms and abs that looked like they were more like armor plates than muscles from her fallen open shirt.
“This one is Rou Tigu. Cultivator,” the woman stated. "I am here following a trail of blood. Tell me, why are they caged?”
An irrational thought that entered Ziya’s mind. The girl looked familiar—
He jerked his head down to where his niece was staring, gobsmacked, at the woman approaching the slavers. Still cradled in her hands was her doll. A doll with orange yarn hair, yellow eyes, and two black markings on her cheeks.
He looked back up, his mouth dropping open. The rest of the camp began to shuffle uneasily away from the woman.
All except the leader, who smiled, stood, and bowed.“Lady Cultivator! We are guards from Grass Sea City. The people here are unrepentant debtors, so—”
“By the order of my Master, you have one chance to speak the truth,” the woman said calmly, cutting the man off. Ziya saw sweat bead on the man’s forehead.
“I speak no lie, my lady. Here,” he said, pulling out a real jade token, emblazoned with the seal of Grass Sea City. Ziya’s eyes widened, and he heard Han gasp. "We also have their debt documents, should you need to see them!”
“Sneaky sons of bitches!” Han snarled as the man pulled out an official looking document.
The rest of Ziya’s family started shouting at the outrage as the cultivator examined the documents and the seal. Her yellow eyes focused on the man.
“By your leave, lady cultivator, we’ll take this scum and be out of your hair—”
“Your one chance has expired,” She said, her voice utterly calm. Her hand lashed out and the man fell to the ground with a sickening crack. “Yin.”
Something slammed into the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust—before the night suddenly turned to day, heat and light washing over the camp.
“Do I get to beat the fuck out of them, Big Sis?” a voice asked, as another woman strode through the smoke. She was clad in shining golden armor that burned like the dawn. Where once was darkness, the entire clearing was lit like midday. She was utterly, enchantingly beautiful, this woman. Or she would have been, if her face wasn’t twisted into a smile that was entirely too wide.
“Yes,” the orange haired woman said. She twitched and the closest people near her, frozen in shock, suddenly started frothing at the mouth as an ethereal tiger formed behind her.
They collapsed and the spell around the camp broke.
The slavers threw down their arms and tried to run.
Tried.
The one to make it the furthest was intercepted by a giant, spear wielding, demonic-looking rooster.
Ziya’s niece looked up to him.
“Cultivators came to save us!” she shouted, sounding as shocked as he was.
===============================
It hadn't taken too long to find this place, Tigu mused as a man screamed, seeming to move in slow motion as he tried to run. Shaggy Two’s nose was better than Tigu’s in this form, and her stalwart disciple had guided them true.
Yin had just wanted to drop in and start smashing everything, and Tigu hadn’t wanted to disagree.
But Master had decreed that 'everybody got one.' So Tigu had decided on a more straightforward confrontation, to give them a chance.
They had, thankfully, used up their one chance poorly. The documents had been real, to her surprise. Tigu had been taught to recognise official documents. They said these people were debtors, and should be captured.
And yet things didn’t line up. It had felt wrong.The man had been too nervous.
And when people saw that child in the cage… well.
The man had used his one chance. Tigu had offered it to him in good faith, and he had failed the test.
Now it was time to capture the bandits.
There was something so cathartic about this that Tigu knew she shouldn’t be enjoying it. It brought her back to the past, to a time when she blinded, crippled, and maimed for the fun of it, delighting in the way her enemies struggled to flee from her.
The scent of terror was heady in her nose. It smelled good. Great, even. She wanted more. She wanted to rip and tear and force these men to kowtow before her—and then kill them anyway, just to see the light in their eyes fade.
She carefully reeled in the feelings. She knew exactly what was making her so angry.
She glanced back at the cages.
There was once a time when she would have scoffed at their weakness. She would have insulted them for being taken captive, for only the 'worthless' could be held like that.
Tigu had once upon a time believed herself too strong to be subdued and caged. She had thought herself a conqueror without equal, to spread the will of her Master and subjugate all who opposed him.
But now she knew better. She still remembered that dark room and the feeling of her cheek against iron. She knew what it was to be utterly at another’s mercy, wondering if rescue would come.
People who were apparently funded by a high ranking official in Grass Sea City.
A year ago, Tigu would have scoffed at the weak being taken advantage of. Perhaps, she would have joined in herself.
Now… now it just made her angry. It made her furious that these demons wearing the guise of men would prey on people like this.
The rage boiled anew in Tigu’s gut as something else took hold of her mind. It wasn’t as foreign as the first time she had felt it, the thing her Master and Mistress called empathy.
If Tigu was honest with herself, Xiulan’s goal had been an abstract thing to her. She had listened as Xiulan said ‘never again’, but she hadn’t understood it. Not truly.
Tigu had supported Xiulan out of friendship, and because her conviction had been as beautiful as Handsome Man’s muscles. She wanted to explore, aid her friend, and have a fun adventure.
Tigu broke a man’s leg, barely even registering resistance from the bone.
But this… this is what Xiulan was fighting to prevent, wasn’t it? This was what she was so zealous about. This was what had tormented her dear friend—to see such injustice and be powerless to stop it.
No wonder she was so driven.
Tigu realized she had been half-assing things.
That… would have to be rectified immediately. Tigu had pledged herself to Xiulan’s cause, but had been content to follow her lead.
Xiulan didn’t need some fool nodding along to her… but what could Tigu truly do to help?
It was a question Tigu mulled over as she tore the iron bars asunder… and then got tackle-hugged by a small child.
It was a good tackle-hug. Good form.
======================
Cheers erupted on their return from both the people of the village and those who were freed from the bandits
It felt… good. It felt right. It managed to burn through her melancholy… especially the enthusiasm of little Lu Lu.
She was quite the rambunctious child, and Tigu took an immediate liking to the girl.
“See! I told you she was my guardian spirit!” the child shouted from where she was still clinging to Tigu’s back. She thrust her doll at her aunt, Lu Fang. “I knew she was better than a dumb orchid!”
Tigu saw Xiulan snort with laughter at the exclamation, while all Tigu could do was smile. Lu had great taste! Tigu was indeed better than any dumb orchid.
The doll had required some fixing though. A quick bit of Qi claws and it was now much more detailed! Really, the doll had missed Tigu’s abs, and her well-defined pectorals! A travesty!
“Yes. She is truly a guardian sent by Zhong Kui,” Lu Fang replied as she held her husband. Her eyes turned to Tigu and she distanced herself from her husband.
Tigu caught her before she could kowtow. The woman’s eyes were full of tears. “Thank you. Please… what can I do to repay you?”
Tigu considered it. She could say no… but that would just make the lady feel bad. Mistress had said to accept rewards so people would feel less indebted to you!
“Something to remember you by,” Tigu said after a moment.”I quite like this little one here!” Tigu said, shifting Lu Lu around on her back. “So it has to be special!” she teased.
Lu Fang laughed, while her husband just looked dumbfounded. “Then… please,” the woman said, reaching to her wrist and grasping a bracelet that lay there. It was made of large wooden beads, and it was quite nice looking.
The woman carefully removed it.
“My grandfather gave me this. He said it would bring me luck… and then said when I felt I had received heaven’s providence, I should pass that luck on to the person who helped me.” The woman held it out to Tigu.
"This Tigu is honored to accept it," she said honestly as she took the bracelet.
“Thank you again, so much, for protecting us.”
=====================================
The entire village got extremely rowdy after that, but… Tigu didn’t really feel like joining in. Xiulan was talking to one of them, the Han guy, who wasn’t part of Lu Fang’s family.
Yin started regaling Loud Boy and Rags with the story, and then all three of them hoisted Zhang Fei onto their shoulders.
Tigu chuckled, but her mind wandered back to the cages.
She sighed and turned away from the party, contemplating life.
How exactly could she help—properly?
Tigu didn’t know. She wandered and pondered until she found herself at the shrine where she had met Lu Fang.
Tigu looked at the shrine to Zhong Kui.
The King of Ghosts. The Demon Hunter.
Tigu chewed on her lip. She knew she wasn’t good at the things that needed her to truly think too much. Politics, planning, laws, and terms of alliances…
But Tigu did know she was very, very good at hunting… and she got along fairly well with people.
She stared at the image of the bulging eye’d man as he cleaved a demon in two.
…she’d have to do some thinking.
===============
The next morning they were on the road again, though most of them were in a grim mood. There was something foul going on in Grass Sea City—something the Han guy had been investigating.
“So… you said your name was Sergeant Han?” Tigu asked as he held on for dear life to the cart Yin was carrying as they moved at high speeds towards their destination.
“Yes ma’am! Sergeant Han, second to the Special Inspector!” he gasped out. “We’ve been investigating this case for weeks!”
Editors: Massgamer, TwoRavens
Comments
Chad Hagner
I like the rewrite, feels better flushed out. Tyftc!
Jostikas
After the edits, the paragraph "People who were apparently funded by a high ranking individual in Grass Sea City" is a non sequitur, and can probably just be deleted.
Douglas Sokolowski
This was easily one of the best chapters of the whole story
Jacob Cook
Definitely keep Lulu!!!
Eidetic Eidolon
I preferred the original version a great deal more. Keep Lulu and some of the celebratory details, but ditch the rest and go back to the first version.
Philosophyanon
Prolly is a slang for probably, so you’re not wrong but I think it’s more Han having a lower class accent
Walter R.
"Han’s eyes softened. “I prolly would have got grabbed anyway.” Prolly? Perhaps it is "probably"?
Randall Brynsvold
Good edit. A better look into Tigu's thinking and new motivation.
Avdrdr
Next stop chaos in the city
William Armstrong
I like this version, but there are some small subtle things in the old version I like better, and not sure I like Tigu just being able to see through the lie so easily more than I like the villain revealing his plan when he thinks no one of significance is listening, the dialogue in the original expanded the world for me a bit more
Old Dog
I forgot to mention how much I love it when Tigu conjures the ethereal tiger.
Ashlee Jacobsen
This version works better!
Codered999
She broke his weapon in half, the halberd, not the guy, you misread it.
Truedragon5374
Ok so this chapter is the better version, but there is one glitch. She emphasizes that "Everyone Gets One", but the first thing she does is break a guy in half. And even if she was 90% sure he was a slaver, all he did was ask her to identify herself. I think it would be more consistent (and more badass) if she "stood there unconcerned about the spear pointed at her chest." Then when the slavers use up their One Chance, she can signal their mistake punching through his weapon, his armor and knocking him into the trees, just before Yin shows up.
V01D
The one thing I see is the halves spear, that looks weird. Definitely is better, especially if Tigu is going to have an adventure helping Han.
N0ct3m
OH I CANT WAIT!!! the inspector and TIGU!? that poor man lol.
Randall Brynsvold
This is Sergeant Han of the Azure Hills Special Investigative Unit, who has been working closely with the newly assigned Special Inspector (the Verdant Hill Magistrate's son) after the Special Inspector position had been vacant for 30 years following a string of assassinations. Sergeant Han is an artist with his club, "The Great Stick that Pacifies Heaven" or "The Pacifier". (See "Interlude: The Inspector", 2/20/23)
Owlish
I personally liked the first version of the chapter better. Obviously you mentioned the editing wasn't done so that will help, but this one felt a bit more choppy. Like someone was pressing fast forward on a remote. If I hadn't read the previous version I would've felt a touch lost. That being said I like a lot of aspects of this chapter. I think the subtly of this chapter plays as more natural. I like that Tigu got tackled by the girl as she was freed from the cage and that she got to enjoy some light after seeing the darkness the cages reminded her of. I also love that she's finally truly realizing why Xiulan said 'never again' and wants to help more. It shows a lot of growth for her. I can see her looking at her wrist and using her bracelet as a touch stone in the hard times ahead as a reminder of why she fights.... So basically I hope that when the book version of this comes out it's a lovely mishmash of these two versions. :)
a passing Fnord
This one is better
ColleenR
I love the doll’s real person coming to save the girl. I also recommend not having Rou Tigu say “Cultivator.” I think that’s overkill.
BlueMage_VT
While I do miss the explanation that indentured servitude is legal in the province, the previous version came across kinda like a villain explaining their evil plan, and this version feels more natural. Overall I think this version is better.
mly85lc
The flow of the storyis better, and meanigs of "person" of chaters come out mutch more clear.
Demian Buckle
Thank you for the Chapter. A better version, thank you for your dedication to the story.
Hugh Peeble
This version is better.
SovietKoshka
I like this version
Old Dog
As always, thank you for the chapter (x2). Both versions have their appeal. I have to agree with emphes and Barry Morgan's comments concerning How Tigu would introduce herself as she is no "mere" cultivator.
Kyle Donmoyer
Second better indeed
William Johnson
I agree, particularly the bit about delivering the man to his wife was a very nice bit.
William Johnson
Ooh time to link up with Lord Magistrate the Younger!
Kevin Choi
Second was better. Thanks!
Aaron W. Smith
Nice.m while the first was adequate, the 2nd was better. Thanx.
Southmonk
No han is verdant hills magistrate's son subordinate. He's the guy who thinks the magistrates son is unflappable and cool.
SinCinnamon
The special inspector!!! He is priceless!
CUI13
Inspector Han is the Verdant Hill's Magistrate's son, right?
Len
HAN is the junior to The Lord Magistrate's son isn't he?
Captdeth
6hr
BigBro Bluesman
Second versions way better
LoBoS!993
Torrent Rider. Bi De is his master.
Robert Davidson
Second version is much better.
brandon sharky
Well there are many tells that could be used by a cultivator elevated heart rate imperceptible to most tremors sweating and possibly fluctuations in qi subtle gesture and any number of reasons or just plain animal instinct never trust a man who don't like a dog doublely so if the dog don't like him
Caleb Reusser
Where did the rooster come from?
Overmind_Slab
I prefer this one. If you decide that we need the detailed explanation of what the bandits were up to then it’ll make more sense for Han to explain things in another chapter rather than having the bandit leader do some exposition.
Barry Morgan
Or maybe "Rou Tigu, Young Mistress of Fa Ram."
Andrew Denton
Not realistic? I didn't come here for realism!
Crazynorse
"it was not much more" shouldnt it be "now much more"?
SilasDrekken
I thought "Yes, they will be returned home." as Tigu's entrance line was better but with that exception this version is best.
Brogatar
Mixture of both versions.
Prent
This is way better
Kat
I like the second version :) I think maybe he should go ‘the doll’ just before she says her name instead of after?
TheBugEater
im so glad you rerote it 1000 times better
Saaski
This is better 🧡
Tim Allgood
I think the first version up until the point that she is releasing the captives, and the second version after that.
Featherweight
I do overall like this version better, but there’s something to be said about the way Tigu talks to the captives then turns to deal with the bandits in the original. It feels more like she’s staying on mission like that.
ThorneHawk
I prefer the second version as it avoids the villain monologue trope. I wonder if there's some other way of Tigu catching the lie other than just heartbeat rate though.
Faiir
Saying "I know that he's lying" and actually being able to know someone is lying are two different things. I don't see it as Tigu's superpower - Tigu went with an emotional response to cages, the guy looked scared when confronted - "it was obvious he's lying".
Joshua Stigall
This version is better.
Sebastian Osterbrink
I'm pretty sure that Jin would approve of apprehending slavers even when they are fleeing. The only thing he would question is the number of broken bones because that is more violence than required to catch them.
Swinter
I agree with the people saying a mix of both. I'm not sure Jin would approve of the sheer ruthlessness showed here, by attacking the "bandits" from behind as they were already fleeing. These guys may have been a bit unscrupulous, but they clearly wasn't the Chaotic Evil kind of bandits. They could be reformed I'm sure, which would be a much better moral lesson overall.
Leon
I love the reoccurring reference to the Tigu doll and the bracelet awarded to her and the way Xiulan responds to her being put down in comparison
Aphantos
A lot better. You could swap "A cultivator came to save us" with "She came to save us" and the last part could be expanded upon to clarify things a bit more, or moved to the next chapter if you'd prefer to keep this chapter size as it is.
Leon
Personally I like this one better. Instead of exposition by the bad guys like a Bond villain the connections are implied by actions. The Jade tokens, the reference to the guards. It feels like corruption rather than being explained. I see merit in the feedback that a lie detector wouldn’t work in this scenario so if there is a change I would do it there. Han mentioned expecting to be taken, basically acting as bait, maybe he has something tucked away? That than triggers an overreaction from the bad guy and BAM. Just a thought though
Eli Pomerantz
Cue Xianghua saying “I don’t hate it!!” Seriously, I really enjoyed both versions & liked aspects of each - not very helpful for picking one. I second the wish to combine them both, though you would still have to pick out the directly contradictory lines
Peter Armstrong
I think the first version where Tigu overhears the boss demoralising the prisoners rather than somehow having magically acquired the power to tell from a heart beat that someone is lying works better. Tigu knowing their heartbeat has changed is fair enough, but knowing that it means they're lying doesn't really seem so much like her. I don't recall anything previous setting up for it, so you'd need to really sell it here. Giving it's looking like she might be interested in going the Judge Dread route of detective and punisher, having her overhear the truth from the first version, then while giving them their one chance to be honest, she could note their physiological changes when they get to the actual lie part, and have an epiphany from that to give her lie detector powers. I think the first version up to "“It seems like a lot of trouble. Coming all the way out here, when Grass Sea City has millions of people.” Ziya said carefully.", then the 2nd version from there on. You have the nice clear lie of him saying they don't have the paper work "yet", to telling "Tigu" they have it. Such a clear lie that will totally screw him over if she calls him on it would provide a textbook case to learn how to tell a person is lying from their physiology. Would need the slight change to show that he's hoping that the City Seal will be enough to show he's legit as it does seem a bit of a stretch that they'd already have documents that properly matched the people they picked up. Not impossible maybe, but it seems more reasonable that they're picking up people traveling and making the documents to fit them, rather than potentially having to go into a full village and pull out a family for being in debt when everyone in the village would be pretty sure that was a lie.
Eli Pomerantz
I did enjoy the details being laid out
Featherweight
Keep in mind this isn’t a chance encounter to begin with. Even without an evil plan monolog she knows who the captives are so the deception check’s difficult was already like a 22.
RJKY
Guardian Spirit Tigu > some dumb orchid.
Will Iam
The evil man monologuing is nice but not realistic, this one is much better. Also the previous version of Tigu just appearing in the middle of the camp doesn’t feel too correct, she would have made an entrance jus like this version
emphes
I agree, this one is better overall. "This one is Rou Tigu. Cultivator." Doesn't really sound like Tigu to me though, maybe 'Rou Tigu of Fa Ram', even 'the Fa Ram sect' perhaps?
MortederTod
That Tigu can tell the bandit is lying by his heartbeat is kinda bullshit. In this scenario the bandit has multiple reasons to have a changed hearbeat, not just being nervous aboht lying. I think Tigu just telling by her cat instinct makes nore sense.
Revan694
Thanks for the chapter! Just a suggestion, this sentence: In her hands was halved the guard's halberd, Should probably be either: In her hands was half the guard's halberd, Or: In her hands was the guard's halved halberd,
The Dapper Lemon
I think I'd prefer a mixture of both versions. The dialog between the "bandits" and the captives flowed better in the previous version, and felt much more impactful. Everything from Tigu's entrance onwards is better paced in this version.
Mist the dragoness
I feel this one is better for pacing but the actual fight from the first is better, maybe combine the two?
Azena
I thought the previous one was fine but this one is soooo much better.
Alessandro Piva
Nice, I have to be sincere, I like this version better 😁 amazing Job
BargleNawdleZouss
As Xianghua would say, this version is superior!
Aaron Levenson
Well.i perfer the fight conversation of the first version. It feels more true to charcter and visceral . But the extra details and world building of this version I really enjoyed. My vote is for v1 with the added details of v2
Aaron Greene
I do like this one better
Kristof Dohrmann
Much better. In the first version it kind of feels like no time has passed and all the stuff happens so fast. Overall better pacing in this version.
mhaj58
Number one
