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Interlude Revamp

🕑 Added 2023-08-25 04:03:08 +0000 UTC

Comments

Chichi son

“We’ll go together.” Xiulan said, as Tigu stepped up beside her. Xianghua and Sergeant Han will go to the Plum Blossom’s Shadow, and see what else they can learn.” missing"

Nick Marini

Much better! The wording here is much more organic, it feels way more real!

Z H

I definitely think this one is the better introduction of Little Lao, overall it looks great too!

AG

I like this version more

RedFaux

Way more personal. I didn't even notice the original felt slightly generic, but I see it did after reading this

Novel Cat

This really was a Better interlude. LOVED the changes. Seemed Way more personable and organic than the original. Kinda like going from 3rd person to 1st person POV. You child feel it more lol.

Randall Brynsvold

Formally asking to open negotiations, in law and diplomacy.

Logrus

The original was great. This rewrite is FANTASTIC.

V01D

It’s still not clear to me what ‘treating’ means, in the context of Xulian’s actions…

DayWalker

True true

King Eater

I can't say I've disliked anything you've written, but this chapter feels like it explained the point you were trying to get across better.

Brent

I'll be honest, I already liked the chapter so this felt unnecessary. After having read it though, this was significantly better. I mean wow.

Sebastian Rubin

Feels better than the original; flows a bit smoother, ties together more tightly, and - as you say - Rag's character shines through a bit more.

Memememe

Eh, this one didn’t feel as interesting and snappy like the original did, but if you like it then you like it.


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