alterinku
fanbox
Sorry and thank you.
🕑 Added 2021-08-30 10:04:10 +0000 UTCHello everyone,
I don't know where this is going, I did not plan for this. I'm just going to write whatever I have in my mind. I'm putting this out publicly so I can also reach out to the people that also supported me in the past. I want to properly thank you for allowing me to do what I loved doing. All the monetary supports I have received through Fanbox have made all this possible. Firstly I want to announce that because my PC of 8 years have stopped working for good, I'm afraid I cannot publish the works of Naruto I promised last month and yesterday before the end of August. This is beyond my control and I don't know what else to say or how else I could express it. I'm lost for words. I regret it and I'm sorry. Truthfully, I haven't had the motivations to draw for awhile now. Recurring depression and self isolation during this pandemic have contributed to this. I was thinking the other time, that if something were to happen to me (or to my PC), I could finally escape this involuntarily. Looking back now, I could think I was being irrational and selfish. Because now when that finally happens, I can't say I'm feeling well at all. Now even when I tried my best, forced myself to draw even when I absolutely hated doing it, I just can't. My PC is dead. Supposedly I'm "free" now. But I feel even more empty now thinking of all the works I owe, the promises I have yet to fulfill, personal projects that are always postponed or canceled. I don't feel like a failure, I know I have been a failure and it's a fact that's hard to swallow. I can now fully relate to someone I know who are a close friend- when they say it's "demoralizing". Only today I can finally acknowledge this. As of this writing I realized I'm being overly sentimental. I apologise. It can be annoying, I know. But I don't know how else to put these feelings into words. I feel like I'm so desperate trying to get all these emotions heard. . . . Being able to confess all these made me feel better now. I now know at least what kind of goal I have. The works I owe, the promises and all the personal projects I was once so passioned about. I have now a reason to do this again. So I regret that I can't draw now. So that's why I will be collecting funds through personal commissions for a temporary laptop or a new PC if the budget allows. I will be posting more about the commission soon for those who are interested. All these commissions will only be started after I acquire a new hardware please note. After I'm done giving back everything I owe, I will step down as an artist for an indefinite time for recovery and also to discover myself, what I want and could possibly do moving forward. All the remaining unfinished works will be posted after I'm able to finish them on a new PC possibly next month. So I ask for everyone to be patient for just a little more. Once again thank you for making all this possible for me and I'm sorry to disappoint still. I hope I'm able to read what I wrote today at some other time in the future and able to see I came from a place of desperation. I want to believe by then I would be a much healthier person. Thank you for reading.
-alt* /210830
Comments
Alexsmart1244
We love you so much! Take all the time you need and we will always support you and your endeavors! Next time you have a commission I will definitely get a spot😍😤
alt*
Thank you for understanding and all your support! My commission slot is currently filled, but if you just want to donate, you can do so at https://ko-fi.com/alterinku
Take all the time you need! It's totally justified to take breaks so don't feel bad about resting. I as well as other followers I believe, would be glad to help financially if needed, by commissioning or other means, for it has been a pleasure to see all the art you have shared:)
newmigrant
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful works with us over the years. You will be missed! But you must do what is right for you. Wish you well.
Lynx
Glad I can help and loved supporting you and still do
Love your art alt-sensei…! Come back soon, but take a nice rest now.
サスカッチ
never feel ashamed to share you feeling. and you can always create a gofundme page that us followers will gladly donate to, so you can get a new laptop again whenever or if ever you wanna return
Daeghorama
Thank you for sharing your feelings, Alt*, depression and burn-out are difficult things to fight, but you’re truly stronger inside than you might think. Please take all of the time you want/need to gain back your energy and peace, bud, even if that means not returning to this. Be kind to yourself and good luck!
Saofan1994
Thanks for sharing this. I completely understand. Your mental and physical health is what is most important. From what you described, it sounds like you might be burnt out. I've seen a few other artists go through this. Please take all the time that you need. Wishing you the best.
Hang in there!!! I get it, I've been there and occasionally return there sometimes. Please, take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be happy. I wish you the best of luck in achieving said happiness!!!
alt*
Thank for reassuring me Lynx! This felt good to read! And thank you for all your supports too!
alt*
I appreciate it Calieao! You take care too!
alt*
I appreciate your long time support, D-cek!
alt*
I am determined to finish my works first! Then only I can rest well 😊
Lynx
Thank you for sharing this with us and it’s totally understandable. Take your time and rest and clear your mind. You have to do what’s best for yourself and we’ll be here for you when you get back.
I wish u all the best <3 Take care m8
セイヤ/D-ceK
I'm rooting for you.
Now rest and take care of your mind and body.
