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128 - Recreational Relaxing With Redax
🕑 Added 2025-02-17 15:59:22 +0000 UTCI woke up to a soft knocking at my door. Instantly awake and feeling refreshed, I gave a quick thanks to my high attributes for eliminating the tired and drowsy feelings I used to have after waking up and hopped out of bed. My tentacles extended and I used them as my legs, which I’d grown increasingly better at. Well, at least my movements weren’t as jerky as they used to be, causing even Orbos to admit that I was only a mild nightmare creature when I did it nowadays. Using one tentacle, I opened the door to find Redax standing in the hallway.
“Good morning Redax,” I greeted the stoic Asphon. “What can I help you with?”
“Good morning,” Redax replied in his usual short manner. “There’s going to be an event in the city today, and I’m afraid we’ll have to either confine you in the house or make you leave for its duration.”
“What?” I tilted my head in confusion. This was something new. “Why?”
“System mandate, travelers aren’t allowed to see or know what is going on,” Redax explained, seemingly annoyed at the whole thing. “What do you want to do?”
I tried to gauge whether Redax would be willing to tell me anything more about what was going on, but eventually decided not to press the issue. Whatever was going on, the system didn’t want me to see it, and the Asphons couldn’t exactly defy an order from the system due to their unique situation. Not that I’d want to get on its bad side either.
“I guess I’d rather go outside than stay cooped up inside all day,” I sighed and stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. “You coming with?”
“Sure,” Redax readily agreed. “I’ve been tasked with making sure that you don’t see anything on accident or purpose anyway.”
“So how long is this going to take?” I ask as we make our way down the stairs and out of the house. “The whole day?”
“Hard to tell. Sometimes it barely takes an hour. Usually, it’s around four or five hours. And, in extreme cases, it can last multiple days.”
“I see,” I couldn’t help but be curious about what exactly it was that the system was doing during this time. “Well, let’s hope we don’t have to camp out, I got kind of used to using a proper bed again.”
Redax silently agreed and we left the premises of the mansion, stepping into the city streets of Lophan. The first thing I noticed was that there was an excited mood in the people on the street. Whatever this was, the people were looking forward to it, talking to each other animatedly. Whenever they saw me they stopped talking, driving home the fact that this was not meant for my ears. Of course, my language skills were still pretty poor and I barely understood a casual conversation, but nobody wanted to risk it. Not wanting to put a damper on the mood, I started on the way towards the closest city gate.
While I didn’t dig for any more information from Redax, I did observe my surroundings with great interest. What I gathered was that this event by the system wasn’t anything bad, in fact, it kind of looked like the Asphons were setting up for a festival of sorts. The preparations were focused on the larger open areas, but no special decorations were put up. Instead, every open space was being set up with tables, seating, and stands peddling food and drink. Every place like that also had what looked like a big TV.
The whole thing reminded me of the live streams of sporting events back on Earth.
As far as I knew, the Asphons weren’t big on playing sports, instead opting for games of intellect, keeping in line with their reputation as monster researchers. I did pick up the unmistakable sounds of bets being placed as we passed by a pub, although I couldn’t make out exactly what was being bet on. Not in the mood to offend the system, I sealed up my ears so I wouldn’t accidentally overhear something that would give away the whole shindig. I may have been immensely curious, but the system was vital to my continued existence, best not to piss it off if I could help it.
Reaching the gate didn’t take long and as we left the bustling city behind I unsealed my ears. “Any bright ideas on what to do now that we’re out and about?”
Redax scanned the area while contemplating my question, eventually settling with a shrug. “Kill some monsters?”
“Now that’s something I can get behind,” I readily agreed and we were off in short order, zipping past the ruined landscape in search of stray monsters.
As per usual for the planet Suigoss, monsters were readily available and easily found, and with the two of us, we made light work of whatever we encountered. To be honest, the monsters on this layer were no challenge at all to me. The quest targets had been a bit more interesting, but all in all, I hadn’t really felt threatened since arriving here. I currently couldn’t even gain any XP or levels, making killing the monsters an exercise in futility. Well, I did eat our kills to rack up some more DP, but at the end of the day, this hunt was more recreational.
We carved a path of destruction wherever we went, simply going in whatever direction felt right, eventually ending up on top of a skyscraper overlooking a large area, our view undisturbed by other tall buildings. We could spectate the occasional fight down below as we took a break from our own carnage, a comfortable silence stretching out for several minutes while we watched. My eyes occasionally wandered toward the city, barely visible in the distance, but I forced myself to stop thinking about it eventually.
I found myself thinking about how much I enjoyed today's activities, which immediately sent my thoughts spiraling. I’d been aware of the fact that something was seriously wrong with my mental state ever since I’d been reincarnated as a traveler. At first, I blamed the system for manipulating me but eventually, I realized that wasn’t the case. I came to terms with the fact that my addiction had shifted from gambling to fighting, but did I really? The goblin army quest had really put into perspective just how much I’d changed, not just physically, but also mentally.
I felt like something was seriously broken in my head.
My best bet of figuring it out would be to visit one of the many, readily available psychiatrists in Lophan, but to be perfectly honest, I was afraid of what might come to light if I did visit one. I glanced at Redax sitting next to me. He had offered to hear me out before. Should I maybe take this chance to get a second opinion? But should I really unload my troubles like that onto somebody I considered my friend?
But then again, he did offer of his own volition.
“You know…” I eventually decided to go for it, although my heart was hammering in my chest. How would he react to what I was about to share? I immediately second-guessed my decision, but I already started down this path, so I stumbled ahead. “I’m afraid of what I’ve become.”
I cringed at my choice of phrasing, but before I could settle on a less stupid way to put words to my emotions, I’d already spoken. Redax simply turned his head towards me, signaling that he was listening, but remained silent, waiting for me to offer more information.
“I… You know… It’s like…” I sighed deeply, unable to articulate my messy thoughts. “I was a human before I got turned into a monster, you know? Similar to your ancestors, I guess. I’d like to think that I handled the whole process well, but ever since arriving here, I can’t help but look back and be terrified of what I’ve done… what I’ve become.
“I mean, look at me!” I wildly gestured at myself with a few tentacles. “I’m a nightmarish slug creature from the void, which is just about the furthest thing from a human possible! I’ve become so powerful that I can reap lives by the thousands without even breaking a sweat! I’m reasonably certain I could destroy the entire planet I’ve come from without meeting any danger while doing so! And the worst thing is that I like it! I thrive when I’m killing something, I see living beings as nothing more than bags of experience, to be reaped by me to make me even stronger! I’m already this powerful, but all I can think of is what other heights I can reach! Will I ever be satisfied? Where does my path end?”
The dam broke and I word-vomited all over Redax, letting out thought after thought that I’ve kept to myself. It was oddly liberating to finally say it out loud and I just kept going, dumping all of my feelings on Redax.
“When I look back at the past me, the human values that I once held directly clash with what I’ve become. I’ve become a literal nightmare made manifest. A possible apocalypse scenario for humanity. And… that scares me more than anything. My mental state is in constant disarray and I’m unable to consolidate what I was, with what I’ve become. On one hand, I feel perfectly fine, but on the other, I keep having these moments of clarity where I’m horrified with what I am.”
I slightly relaxed as I stopped for a moment, sadly reflecting on what was bothering me. Finally giving form to all my doubts made me realize something. Even though I’d been thriving in this world I’d been thrust into. Even though by all metrics of success, I was succeeding at the tasks put before me. Even though I’d made it this far. Now that I wasn’t constantly fighting for my own survival, there was something that became increasingly obvious.
I am not okay.
It really was that simple. I was a messed up individual who dealt with all the trauma I’d experienced by simply… ignoring it. And there was no way that was healthy. I felt like I was on a straight path to madness if I let things fester. The simple truth was… I needed help. From a professional. I decided then and there that I absolutely NEEDED to visit a shrink and it was time to stop deluding myself.
I once again glanced at Redax who hadn’t moved this entire time. Or said anything. While putting my feelings into words had led to an epiphany for me, I still unloaded on my friend, and I was suddenly unsure about how he’d react to all of this. Would he consider me too damaged? Maybe even classify me as a threat? The silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity as I nervously waited for Redax to react in any way.
“For what it’s worth… I don’t think you’re all that dangerous,” Redax eventually said, his gaze focused on the horizon. This simple statement, which went against everything I just said, threw me for a loop. The few seconds I spent trying to gather my thoughts to form a reply were apparently enough for Redax to gather his. “Sure, you’re strong, incredibly so. You’re able to fight far above your own tier, and that is commendable. But… at the end of the day… you’re not special in that regard.”
“I’m not special?” I couldn’t help but interject.
“Exactly,” Redax chuckled. “The expanse… is bigger than any of us can properly comprehend. There are people out there, even other monsters, that far, far surpass even you in strength. There are things out there that could erase entire galaxies if they felt like it, and they’d do it before breakfast, even. That’s just the kind of place we live in. Strength is everything here. Contrary to your old world, the only ironclad rule out here is that might makes right.
“But you know what? Even so, we manage to do just fine. The thing that keeps us from devolving into chaos is society. We band together, the strong protect the weak, and the weak work for the strong. And anything that threatens this status quo gets labeled as a monster and gets hunted down. You’re still adjusting to this new reality, and that is fine. Take your time. But know this: At no point have you indicated that you’re a threat to us. You’ve been living with us and fit in just fine. You’re only hunting down monsters, not people. You’ve even helped us out massively by doing the systems quests.
“So, I’d like to just say one thing, and I hope you take it seriously since I consider us friends,” Redax finally turned to look me in the eyes. “You’re fine just the way you are.”
I stared at Redax for a while, too stunned to properly form words. My emotions were in disarray as I fought with feelings of dread, relief, hesitation, and confusion at the same time. Eventually, the turmoil within me started to settle, and I came to a conclusion.
“Thank you, Redax,” I said, holding the eye contact. “I will take your words to heart.”
Redax nodded slightly, apparently happy with my answer, and turned to stare at the horizon again. I followed suit, taking in the alien red sky while getting my thoughts in order. I may have been looking at this all wrong. Maybe Redax was right, and I wasn’t necessarily as much of a monster as I’ve recently begun to view myself as. One thing was certain. Talking about it seemed to help me figure things out, so visiting a psychologist might still be my best option here.
Our silence was broken by what looked like fireworks in the distance. I looked at Redax in confusion. “What’s going on over there? Isn’t that where Lophan is?”
“Looks like it concluded pretty quickly this time around,” Redax stated while getting up and dusting himself off. “Want to go back home?”
“Sure,” I replied, not letting show how much the word “home” meant to me at this moment. “Let’s go back.”
