Anon42
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Biweekly Update - 10-29-2023 (Status update, plans for improvement)
🕑 Added 2023-10-29 23:56:59 +0000 UTCHey everyone. I'm not going to beat around the bush; I was really hoping this would be the update where things got back to normal, but that didn't happen, so.. here we are with another status update.
I've been slowly getting back into being creative again, but most of that was working in Godot, learning 3D stuff, not working on CPE. I'd be happy to share more about that stuff if anyone wants me to, but I know you're here for CPE, and I don't want to start posting tons of non-CPE work stuff every update. We also didn't end up streaming like I wanted to; I don't know why, I used to really enjoy streaming, but every time I think about it lately it's been a huge source of anxiety. I'm thinking that trying to force myself to stream might be doing more harm than good, so I'm going to back off from pursuing that for now - I still want to get back to streams eventually, but maybe that needs to come after I get my productivity back to a healthy place.
On the subject of healthy places, I'm going to commit to something now: even though we won't be streaming, I will be setting aside an at-least-4-hour period every workday, right after I wake up, where I'm going to sit down at my desk and try to be productive. Even if I don't manage to get anything done, I'm still going to sit down and at least *try* for that chunk of time, before I allow myself to do anything else that day. I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle right now where I feel terrible about my lack of productivity, and constantly feeling terrible about everything makes me seek out comforts (like food and sleep, both of which I've also been struggling with more), which leads to more guilt and not working, and it just feeds into itself in an endless loop that I'm struggling so hard to break out of.
I know I've mentioned that I was trying to get back on ADHD medication, and I'm really close to doing that now; I've been waiting for the pharmacy at Walgreens to get their shit together and fill my prescription, but they've been worse than useless, which is why it's taking so long. However, I just filled out some paperwork to allow my psychiatrist and primary care physician to share records, so I can have prescriptions from my psychiatrist sent to the pharmacy at my PCP's location, which is BY FAR the best pharmacy I've ever used. So once all that paperwork is processed, I'll finally have a reliable way to get my prescriptions and this shouldn't be a problem anymore. I've been off ADHD medication for way too long now, ever since my previous psychiatrist stopped seeing me (because they had too many patients), so I'm REALLY hoping this wlil be the missing link that helps me get back to something resembling normal. Unless something else comes up, I should definitely be back on ADHD meds by the next biweekly update, so we'll find out soon.
Well, I guess that's about all I have to talk about with this update. I feel like apologies only mean so much when I've been screwing this up for so long, but still, for what it's worth, I'm really sorry. I promise I'm trying my hardest to get my shit in order; I don't think I've ever had a healthy work/life balance, even when productivity on CPE was "normal", so this really is a lifelong struggle for me. None of that excuses it, though. I need to be better, even if the improvement has to be a gradual one.
Thank you all so much for sticking with me despite these.. frankly insane gaps between content. You all are the most incredible supporters I could ever ask for, and I hope to be able to earn that support sooner rather than later.
Comments
Miguel Reyes
Miguel Reyes
Have you tried using nootropics as an alternative to ADHD meds? I know med withdrawals can be rough. I had a friend do the switch and has just been generally better off.
Isekai'd
Take your time. Breaking off from ADHD meds for any reason and an extended period of time is always a pretty crappy thing. I have seen it with my family. My brother had to switch at some point because his meds didn't work as well anymore (probably because he had taken them for many years and his body got too used to them) and the new medication he was supposed to get... the pharmacy had quite some trouble getting it. So, at one point, his old meds ran out, and his new ones were not available yet... he was not in a good place. So, take all the time you need to get this sorted out and don't feel too bad about updates to CPE. Your health (mental and otherwise) is always more important. We are grateful for keeping us in the loop about what's going on - which not every creator does, sadly - but you don't have to worry about the progress right now. And I think keeping or getting into a routine of setting aside a certain amount of time every day to try to work on something is a good idea. Once you get your medication back and things get better for you, you already have that habit, and things will get easier 😉
scoobydude
It's alright, take your time, you've got this!!!
