XelofBloom
patreon
14.8
🕑 Added 2022-05-08 06:17:49 +0000 UTC“Why are we following the suspicious yet hot elves deeper into the forest depths, oh benevolent shining silver flame of the darkness?” Bennie said in a stage whisper to Eve before waiting on a response.
Waving casually Eve motioned aimlessly at the soft light from the false sun filtered down through the canopy painting a picture of peace. The arching canopy of green bathed the Forest in enchanted auras that dimmed with the approaching unreal sunset. Eve floated alongside her High Priestess fully horizontal as if she was drifting on an imaginary river tube ride. She looked completely relaxed as if the normal cares of the day were melting away. Mirror black sunglasses concealed her silver eyes while also preventing the occasional beam of sunlight from bothering her. Eve’s form was cloaked in a casual two-piece bathing suit for giggles. Before answering, she took stock of the question while taking a sip from her conjured drink of ice-cold soda substance.
Smacking her lips in appreciation Eve finally, said, “Because they’ll make it easier for you to commit mass murder. We’ve only been traveling for less than a day, why the hurry for answers?”
Eve glanced at Bennie’s mildly confused expression and further explained, “Elves are a rather insular group according to lore. This is a combination of them living much longer than most other species and their general disinterest in communicating with younger Races. To them, a room full of tough human adventurers is like a daycare filled with screaming children.” She took another sip before continuing, “However, they have a solid respect for power. Since they live much longer, they have witnessed higher Tiers come into power and they don’t forget as younger Races do. Their myths and legends are built on factual people some of who are still alive today according to Nota’s research.” Silver dust faintly flickered around Eve’s form as her eyes glanced into the Forest depths before focusing back on the crisply marching groups.
“What does any of that have to do with becoming mass murderers?” Mishka said as she moved to Bennie’s side.
“Elves worship a specific set of Deities depending on the type of Elf. These are Wood Elves, so they generally worship a World Tree. I plan to have them Bless you four.” Eve said pointing at Mishka, Meyun, Iantha, and Helsted in turn. “From there I’ll copy the Blessing and twist it to provide my own for Bennie. Then killing Tier Two goblins without my Talismans should be a piece of cake.”
“Without the Talismans, we’ll get the full experience!” Bennie realized abruptly as her expression was amazed. Eve preened as she took another sip of sugary goodness.
“What if they don’t agree?” Iantha asked as she stepped up to the opposite side of Eve. While the elves were silent as darkness, the humans in her group were like a mac-truck over gravel.
“I mean, that would be stupid. But, if it did happen, I’ll let Kudzu handle it.” Eve said pointing at the small shrub that was floating suspiciously close while pollen drifted off it in multi-colored waves.
“Somehow I don’t think that a tiny shrub and a World Tree are in the same league,” Mishka said running her hands through her recently altered green hair. Eve had made a few quality-of-life changes to the floating Talismans letting the starship group have access to minor cosmetic changes. While the sole male, Meyun, hadn’t done much, the other four women had gone crazy with the option to change things up. Green hair was the mildest change Mishka settled on.
“You would be correct. It wouldn’t be a contest at all.” Eve paused before sealing the space around them to prevent sound from going out. “Kudzu probably has around fifty percent of the Forest under his control by now. He couldn’t really show much power in the desert we first landed in. Here? Now? He probably outclasses me right now in pure power. His sheer magical strength with so much Green Mana to call upon is unfathomable.” Reaching the end of her soda, Eve conjured another replacement. It was her eighth soda of the day as she had been rotating through flavors from Earth.
Everyone in the starship team stared at the small floating shrub with various expressions of shock. Her announcement was something of a bombshell considering they had never actually seen Kudzu’s full form. While they were distracted Eve pulled out a few of the bounty posters Nota wanted her to look at. Even though she had Eternal Memory there was just something about the artfully decorated posters that brought out a thrill as she read them. The posters were enhanced with mana acting almost like motion picture ads if motion picture ads were about various master criminals or wanted felons. A glance at the most decorated poster told Eve she was still far from a powerhouse no matter how much she wished otherwise.
WANTED: God of Cooking
Alias: Friend Lyman
Name: Gregorvich Alvern Steel-jaw Blood-render
Level: 9,999
Tier: Seventh
Race: Cybernetic Lich
Class: Gourmet
Profession: Palette Provisioner
Affinities (2): Earth, Blood
Mana: Infinite???
Stats: 250k (All)???
Monstrous Aspects:
Blood Palette X
Imperfect Spice X
Inelegant Plating X
Recipes:
Everything Under the Chained Demon’s Eyes X
Controlled Zones:
Kitchen of Death X
Undead Perks:
10-Star Eternal Chef
Cooking with Chaos
Lethal Legumes
Rotten Meat Maestro
Soul Stirring Soup
Known as the Gourmand of Death, Friend Lyman, otherwise known as Gregorvich Alvern Steel-jaw Blood-render is wanted in ninety-three percent of all known habitable locations. He is currently considered the God of Cooking by most Races, and true to his undead habit goes from one place to another with inhuman anonymity. This demonically diabolical lich has the habit of using his Earth and Blood magic to humiliate rival chefs leaving them a shadow of their former selves after being completely and utterly humiliated.
Do not accept any food from this devilish deviant!
Current Bounty: 7.4 Trillion Soul Slots (Unharmed)
24.9 Trillion Soul Slots(Weakened)
Please note that damage to this lich is considered a national crime in ninety-three percent of all known Kingdoms, Empires, and Uncivilized Areas! It is recommended to take him Unharmedfor the bounty hunter’s own safety!
I bet that poor lich is just an innocent victim of the endless greed of other races. Eve thought with a sad expression before brightening. I wonder how good a robot lich’s cooking is without a sense of taste?
“What are you looking at?” Iantha asked as she noticed the flash of paper.
“Just looking at some eye candy,” Eve said handing the poster over to Iantha.
“For real? He’s got that lithe look, but his eyes…” Iantha trailed off.
“Yeah, they’re dead.” Eve joked as both women looked the eye candy undead over.
“Bah, how much stronger is he than you?” Bennie asked.
“Tier Seven. That wiry swimsuit model cook is a top-of-the-line powerhouse. Don’t look down on cooking, he could probably boil someone’s blood into fantasy sauce while it was still inside their body. No one who reaches Tier Seven is weak.” Eve said gesturing for her poster while disabling the spatial-enforced silence around them. She didn’t fail to note the sudden attention of the elves as the barrier dropped. Pointy ears helped a great deal with enhanced hearing, but preventing air molecules from vibrating at the spatial barrier stopped that sneakiness cold.
“Are people like that common?” Iantha said with a grin as she saw the elf's sudden attention.
Eve shrugged before she put the posters away and said, “Not common, but not rare either. As long as you don’t go striking first, it shouldn’t ever even be a problem.”
“Is striking first that important?” Iantha asked with a confused expression.
“Yes, those of Tier Six and Seven cannot attack lesser Tiers without being struck first. There are loopholes but none of them are inexpensive options. This is a basic bit of justice the System enforces to prevent the untimely death of potential powerhouses to things so far above them they would have no chance to resist.” Eve said her glasses reflecting the green canopy of the forest. She chose to ignore the elven youths listening in at her lesson. It didn’t matter if only her people knew the basics, at least not to Eve. There was little doubt the higher Tiers on the elf's side already knew such information anyway.
“So, what are we going to be killing in our future mass murder spree?” Bennie asked dragging the conversation back on track with the stubborn will of a born psychologist who had dealt with Iantha for years.
“Tier Two goblins. There is an entire floor of them waiting to be harvested due to my efforts earlier.” Eve replied with an airy hand wave that happened to point everyone’s attention towards a band of goblins in the distance. Meyun shouted in surprise before having a wave of drones launch towards the goblin party.
The elf's eyes popped as if they couldn’t believe the Forest hadn’t warned them. Eve felt slightly guilty as she couldn’t exactly tell them that the area that they were traversing was controlled by Kudzu. Her alchemical ally had no interest in forewarning the pointy ears as the true Forest would. As a result, the goblins had been able to get within charging distance of the elven band without detection.
The elven leader barked orders while giving a glare at Eve. He didn’t have any evidence, but she was certain you didn’t reach the level of leading a Warband without a solid ability to listen to gut feelings. His gut was probably irrevocably pointing at her as the guilty party, or at least connected in some manner.
Meh, it isn’t like I would let the group come to any harm! Eve thought as she used a flicker of will to rust the iron and steel weapons the goblins had on hand. The weapons were still dangerous, but so was a pencil in theory. Iantha and the others should be fine with that much indirect assistance.
The faster they reached Tier Three, the faster the former star-spanning humans would be able to reach Four. Eve’s opinion was that each Tier was a boost in both the power and speed of leveling. Her own progress followed the exponential curve as an ‘economy of scale’ effect came into existence with each new Tier she’d gained. Tier One built the foundation, Tier Two laid the Path, and Tier Three and above flew down the racetrack at ever-increasing speeds.
Granted, Eve wasn’t unwilling to admit to herself that Kudzu, Hut, Felix, and Nota were not massive components of her current success. Certainly, she had a massive advantage at the start. Even more her brother's assistance as well, but as city lord, Ohm demonstrated it wasn’t impossible for others to reach the same heights. She wasn’t competing against a single person, but an entire Omniverse that had untold oodles of time to acclimate to the current power paradigm. Local champion was more than just a byword in Eve’s book. Even reaching Tier Seven wouldn’t make her invincible, instantly. She had already seen the constantly increasing Soul Slot cost that limited power creeps quite effectively at the higher Tiers. Watching the goblins felled by arrows, blades, plague, drones, and silver flames Eve sighed. If she’d had the same amount of Soul Slots as she did now at Tier Two things might be a mite different. Probably not enough to make a major difference though. When all roads led to Rome, the only difference was length and quality after all.
No use crying over spilled milk. Eve thought. Just have to suck it up and make the best of it. It isn’t like I haven’t gained a great deal of versatility from my choices.
Witch’s Dust alone was enough to drive weaker Tier Sevens mad with envy in her opinion. Eve had a level of flexibility in how she approached problems that a normal Tier Seven would never reach. She wanted to guide Iantha so the same possibility of adaptability was available to her as well. Partially because the hard-boiled former psi would be eminently useful, and also due to the feeling of military camaraderie Iantha emitted.
Pretty much anyone around me should be a cut above the same Tier. Eve thought. Especially when I’ve devoted time to raising their power personally.
Purple, Red, White, and Glass had already had the benefit of a noble upbringing. In order to bridge the gap, Eve was assisting the starship command team personally. Without her doing such a thing, it was questionable if the group would have made Tier Two within a decade.
As the last goblin fell Eve floated her drink in the air while she clapped soundly and said, “Great work! Huzzah! Excellent teamwork!”
Bennie glared at her suspiciously before saying, “I don’t know how, but you are guilty.”
Eve painted a shocked expression on her face before grabbing her floating soda to take a long pull. “I solemnly swear I’m up to nothing but good. Also, I had nothing to do with the fact that our elven escorts completely allowed themselves to be snuck up on by goblins.”
The elven warband's leader had a restrained expression broken only by a slight facial tic that screamed louder than words alone. A gesture from him turned the current pace from a power walk through the Forest into a light jog.
Bennie watched the elves pick up the pace before blanching. Suddenly her face brightened and she said, “Oh, great and benevolent one! This humble mortal beseeches you for aid in keeping pace with those cruel elven torturers!”
Eve increased her speed and said as she floated past Bennie with a saccharine smile, “Denied. I cannot allow my High Priestess to suffer from health problems that are easily prevented by good hard work.”
Bennie’s heartbroken expression made the other four laugh as they moved to follow the elf's new pace.
