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Daily Short: Matt 11
🕑 Added 2022-11-23 05:25:42 +0000 UTC7th Month of the Dark Banking Audit
Matt stared at the mortal enemy of all tyrants in a position of unassailable authority. The enemy was crafty, pretending to be made of a flimsy substance to lure victims to madness. He wasn’t fooled. Matt knew well how the vile creatures littering his desk fought. They would exhaust their victims through sheer stamina, draining eyestrain. It was a testament to how long he'd been able to hold out.
Raising his hand, black flames encased it as he prepared to strike.
“You wouldn’t be about to obliterate the paperwork for the last seventeen centuries of banking transactions, right?” Jeeves said, appearing smoothly to the right of Matt’s desk.
The black flames snuffed out like a candle in the wind.
“Me? Ruler of countless Prime Worlds? How could you ever think so little of me, Jeeves!” Matt said accusingly as he built a micro-black hole out of sight under his desk. As long as the paperwork was gone, he could delay the attackers for a short time.
“It would be tragic if we had to order more copies from the Dark Bank. You know Melinda gets rather shrill when she has to provide them.” Jeeves said as his eyes targeted the micro-black hole with unerring accuracy.
“So what? We can say it was a Pantheon of Light surprise strike. Think of the possibilities, Jeeves. We’ll be able to put the work off until another century or two goes by!” Matt said with a pleading expression.
Jeeves dusted off his impeccable suit and gave Matt a look.
“Certainly, we can do that, sir,” Jeeves said in a tone that implied the hell dimensions were freezing over first. The butler was only pushing so hard because, the last sixteen times, a mysterious coincidence had occurred.
Like the time sun went nova as the record transport starships were near.
Or a wandering black hole that absorbed two fleets transporting records.
There was also when some evil creature had twisted space-time into a torus removing all records into Limbo.
Several times, various Demon Lords had attacked the records in transit too. When questioned, they clammed up and called for devils to lawyer them out.
The final few times, the records were obliterated by Pantheon of Light strike teams. Some brave soul had managed to leak the information to them. Matt promised to give that person a medal if they were ever found.
“Weren’t you the one that said only one person could be trusted with finances?” Jeeves said, looking at the enormous stacks of information overload that appeared one sheet from toppling.
Matt had been trapped in the maze of paper because while the paper stacks changed, the position of his desk did not. He could reach the desk with both hands tied behind his back and blindfolded.
I could always release paper-devouring rodents into the place. Matt thought before he noticed a shadow cat lurking on Jeeves shoulder. Dammit!
“I guess there’s only one option,” Matt said, looking out over the endless stacks of the enemy.
“Indeed, sir?” Jeeves said as the shadow cat jumped into his shadow.
“Dark Clone!” Matt said, creating tens of thousands of copies of his physical form.
“Are you sure you want to go that route?” Jeeves said with half-lidded glowing red eyes.
“It works!” Matt said defensively. Like only a few times did the paperwork drive one of his clones insane.
So, a few planets burned, and a few empires fell! Matt thought rebelliously. At least the accounts are balanced!
Jeeves put on a brilliant smile that turned his eyes into crescents before he said, “Good show, sir! I’ll have the other eight shipments ready after you finish this one.”
Matt froze, his pen hovering over a sheet of the enemy.
“You said this was everything!” Matt said, looking at Jeeves with a betrayed expression.
Jeeves nodded and said, “Everything at this location, sir. It appears you stopped listening three-quarters of the way through.”
Matt looked at the horror and thought idly of summoning a world-devouring monstrosity.
Undoubtedly one of those could take the blame.
Comments
Mr. Bigglesworth
It isn't called red tape because of food coloring …
Thefluffypuppy21 Lol
Bureaucracy, a known and highly effective way of killing immortals.
