sonderlust
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the truth
🕑 Added 2024-03-23 03:08:09 +0000 UTCWhen I cry my nose gets really red
My eyes and lips get swollen
The fine line between my eyebrows
Becomes more pronounced
From scrunching my face up
I over explain everything
I can’t bear being misunderstood
Even though it’s inescapable
I bite my nails
It’s a nasty habit
I just don’t care
I’m selfish
Not all the time but a lot
Definitely more than I prefer
I’ve hurt the people I’ve loved the most
Beyond reparation
I have been violent
Despite violence being what broke me
Now it’s just what I crave
Which is sick
My moods fluctuate rapidly
And my weight just as much
My sadness permeates and dictates my life
I can’t get out of my own way
I’m not living up to my potential
My words can be venomous
My pain makes me difficult to deal with
My hypervigilance makes me exhausting
I have to understand everything
Even though it’s impossible
I’ve done immoral things
I barely feel guilty for them
And I don’t know why
I’m mean to myself
Way meaner than I am to others
I cosplay as a strong independent woman
But really I’m just a little girl
And not in a cute quirky internet way
In a pathetic way
I feel like a fraud
I’m a hopeless romantic
It often consumes my life
I’ve crossed lines for love
And I would do it again
I’m a hypocrite
I’m a basket case
I’m tempestuous and challenging
I often can’t comprehend
Why people still like me
Let alone love me
But in my better moments
I understand
Because despite it all
I still like myself too
