sonderlust
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undiagnosed
🕑 Added 2024-03-26 04:10:16 +0000 UTCThe first time we slept together
You didn’t reach out to me after
You didn’t text
You didn’t call
I didn’t understand
I felt such a strong connection that night
I saw you the next weekend at the bar
You were carrying glasses to the back when I came in
You looked so happy to see me
It confused me
I had spent the week upset
I felt so slighted
Like you didn’t like me at all
We went outside for a cigarette on your break
I asked you why you didn’t say anything
That you’re supposed to contact someone
Especially after the first time
That I took it as you didn’t like me
And I’ll never forget that moment
Standing in the doorway of the apartment entrance next door
Like we would every day
For so many years after that
I’ll never forget the look on your face
“Oh,” you said embarrassed
“I just knew I would see you here.”
I saw in your eyes that you were serious
You didn’t realize
You truly didn’t know
You weren’t aware of this unspoken rule
Society had laid out for us
I should have known then
But I spent almost 10 years not knowing
Willingly making concessions for you
As you did for me
Defending you to my friends
Our friends
Who didn’t endorse your behavior at times
Your quirks
The way you didn’t do the “normal” things
People are “supposed” to do in relationships
But I loved you
More than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life
I saw you
I understood you
And I didn’t have language for the way you were
It was hard to navigate
The way that we loved was opposite in many ways
Our limitations were often in conflict
I pulled closer
You pushed away
I needed answers
You preferred silence
I was a storm
You needed calm waters
But the depth of our love carried us
And if I would have listened
To the well meaning voices
The “you deserve better”s
The “if he wanted to he would”s
The regurgitated good intentions
All the quiet misunderstandings of you
I would have missed out
On knowing such a beautiful mind
And having the privilege
Of loving someone
As remarkable
As brilliant
As one of one
As you
Comments
Rico Suave
You should never feel you need to make excuses for yourself or anyone else always be true to yourself and be yourself
Jasmine
you’re right on the money <3 thank you friend, beautiful take. means a lot
Shane Foster
Multiple opposites, multiple attractions. A longing to connect. That’s my take. Wonderfully woven. If I ever misinterpret, please let me know.
