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Chapter 51 (Draft - V2)

🕑 Added 2020-09-28 19:46:00 +0000 UTC

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Well, I've edited it a little. Hopefully, it's better now. I might give it another edit before posting it on RR and SH, too. Again, I really appreciate the constructive feedback.

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it! It's good to hear the first part is lacking and you're right about the inconsistencies; I'll definitely revise that chapter and keep these points in mind.

Niraada

This one felt quite short -- not in terms of word count, but more that it was cut off promptly after there was a development. A large part of it was given to describing the scene of the party, without really bringing us into it as an audience, whereas a comparatively small amount of space was given to the major event of this chapter. Overall, I think it was good, but I think this could use some adjusting. Most of what is written before Inaris encountered Tia Yarani didn't really have any pull or impact for me as a reader. I'd also like to point out the oddity of guards allowing someone to approach Inaris unnoticed. Given that they're cultivators capable of silent and surreptitious communication, I can't imagine why they wouldn't silently alert the person they're protecting when that person hasn't noticed someone approaching, even though the guards themselves are aware of that person's presence. Further adding to the strange developments is someone attempting to poison Inaris anywhere near the palace. Her mother's senses should be more than capable of perceiving everything within the city, even if only passively, which would be guaranteed to expose the person(s) involved. When the imperial family are known to frequently possess eidetic memories, it should effectively make it impossible for any bad actors to cover their tracks while within range of their senses, as they can simply recall anything that happened within their perception afterward.


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