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MD - Chapter 19: Pilot IV
🕑 Added 2024-12-19 15:58:27 +0000 UTC"Phil, honey. This is Dylan, and he's a senior," Claire said as Phil walked over. He noticed Andrew sleeping on autopilot but didn't think much of it—he'd seen him do it a couple of times before.
"Scare him a little," Claire whispered to Phil.
Phil looked at Dylan, who stared back at him. Behind Dylan, Haley wanted to bang her head against the wall, but there was nothing she could do at this point.
"Let's see what's going on here," Phil said, stepping toward the stairs.
"Phil Dunphy, bro," Phil said in a deep voice, raising his fist to bump Dylan's in a laid-back greeting.
[Phil's commentary]
"That's how it's done. You look into his eyes and let your stare do the scaring," Phil said, sitting at the kitchen table, nodding confidently, convinced his intimidating dad act was working.
"Your mouth says: All good," he continued, pointing to his mouth with his index finger, "But your eyes say: Not at all good," he added, now pointing to his eyes.
He straightened up and deepened his voice further. "Nice to meet you... not at all."
He paused theatrically, glancing at the camera as if waiting for applause, then nodded with satisfaction, sure he'd nailed the art of the protective dad.
In trying to mimic a dramatic gesture, he accidentally knocked over his coffee mug.
[End of commentary]
“Bro…” Dylan repeated, not knowing what else to say.
The room fell into an awkward silence for a few seconds until Haley spoke up. “Well, you’ve met, let’s go.”
“Wait, wait…” Phil said, climbing a couple more steps to stand taller than Dylan and avoid being at a disadvantage.
“You’ve got to be careful. You get it, right, bro?” Phil asked, trying to sound like he was speaking Dylan’s language.
Dylan looked at him, blinked a couple of times, and answered with complete sincerity, “No, I don’t get it.”
“Please, stop,” Haley said, clenching her fists in frustration. She would’ve preferred Andrew doing the intimidating over this!
Phil smiled, completely ignoring the comment, and said in a light tone, “It’s just standard procedure, sweetie,” throwing Haley a conspiratorial look, as if he were earning points for Dad of the Year.
As he tried to straighten up to appear more imposing, he felt a sharp pain in his back.
“Oh, God, my back!” Phil exclaimed, wincing as he grabbed at the small of his back.
“Ugh, stupid baby oil,” he muttered under his breath.
Andrew gave a slight start, his snores abruptly ceased, and he blinked a few times as if he’d just returned from another dimension.
“What happened? Did I fall asleep?” he asked, looking around and noticing his uncle Phil writhing in pain for some unknown reason.
“Yes, but you did it standing up, like a Jedi in deep meditation. Impressive, but a bit unsettling,” Howard replied.
“Oh… Rest is key for any physical activity or sport,” Andrew commented, yawning slightly.
“If it were anyone else saying that, I’d call them lazy, but coming from you, I believe it,” Leonard added.
“Help! Someone carry me to the couch!” Phil pleaded, sprawled on the stairs in a pathetic and embarrassing manner.
Dylan was about to help his girlfriend’s dad, but Andrew beat him to it.
‘A bit of exercise might help me wake up,’ Andrew thought as he carried Phil—an adult man weighing over 70kg—like a princess with astonishing ease.
Andrew began walking toward the couch carrying Phil, but it wasn’t a normal walk.
Instead of taking regular steps, he started doing deep lunges—the classic exercise where you step forward with one leg, lower your body while keeping your back straight, then switch to the other leg.
Except in this case, he was doing so while carrying an adult male weighing more than 155 pounds. A very effective workout for the lower body and stability.
“Andrew, this isn’t one of your workouts—it’s my back!” Phil complained.
Claire placed a hand on her forehead and shook her head.
Howard and Leonard exchanged glances, realizing they might have underestimated Andrew’s obsession with training. His younger cousin, Alex, seemed to understand it well when she remarked that his obsession rivaled her own with studying.
“Using injured people as weights? What’s next?” Haley murmured in disbelief. She took Dylan’s hand and started up the stairs toward her room.
Finally, Andrew reached the couch, carefully set Phil down, and, before letting go, performed an exaggeratedly slow deep squat. He laid Phil on his back on the couch and dusted off his hands as if finishing a job well done.
“Thanks… I guess this is a five-star service,” Phil said with a faint smile as he settled on the couch. The service had been efficient, quick, and careful—his back hadn’t suffered any further damage.
Claire walked to the kitchen, paying no more attention to her husband’s antics or her peculiar nephew.
The mission had been a failure. Haley had gone upstairs to her room with her boyfriend—Claire figured she might have to check on them in a little while to make sure everything was fine.
Claire now had to focus on baking a cake to bring for the evening, as they were heading to Andrew's house. Cameron had invited them over for dinner, and for some unknown reason.
Meanwhile, Andrew, Leonard, and Howard sat on the couches around Phil to keep him company while he recovered from his back pain.
Phil was always chatty and easy to get along with, which allowed Andrew to activate his “statue mode” while Leonard and Howard chatted effortlessly with their uncle.
After about 20 minutes, Andrew emerged from his “Jedi meditation,” blinking slowly as if returning from a galaxy far, far away.
The first thing he saw was Phil, now fully recovered and bursting with energy, performing a magic trick with a deck of cards he’d pulled out of nowhere.
In front of him, Howard watched in fascination, while Leonard played the role of an attentive spectator.
'How did they hit it off so quickly?' Andrew thought, genuinely impressed. He was familiar with this side of Howard thanks to The Big Bang Theory and knew Phil was naturally enthusiastic about anything involving magic. Still, he had expected at least one more conversation before they reached this level of synchronization.
“And voila! Here’s your card!” Phil exclaimed, pulling a card from behind Leonard’s ear. Leonard looked at the card in surprise—it was his, the five of spades.
“It is,” Leonard confirmed, examining the card with a smile, clearly impressed by the trick.
At that moment, Alex walked into the living room, her expression disapproving as she took in the magic show. She couldn’t fathom how an adult and two guys older than her could enjoy childish magic tricks designed to confuse and intrigue fools.
If Alex had known Leonard had an IQ of 173, she might have thought differently about the magic tricks.
“Dad,” Alex interrupted in the middle of one of Howard’s tricks, “It’s time,” she added, glancing at the clock.
“Oh… it’s time for that,” Phil said, his tone and expression suddenly serious.
“Time for what?” Andrew asked.
“Time for Luke to take his punishment,” Alex replied with a spiteful look and showing Andrew her arm. On her arm was a shot mark.
Andrew nodded, recalling the plot of the pilot episode. The memories were hazy since he hadn’t written them down in a notebook. It had been ten years since he transmigrated into this body, and as for the show’s storyline, he didn’t care much about it—it was all just slices of life, nothing serious.
It wasn’t like he had to stop Voldemort’s return and destroy Horcruxes to prevent his resurrection or anything dramatic like that.
“We’re heading out. Let’s hope the criminal gets the punishment he deserves,” Andrew said.
They said goodbye to Claire, Phil, and Alex and left the house, returning to Andrew’s place on their bikes.
This time, Andrew pedaled with Leonard riding behind him, while Howard followed close behind. They took a direct route, arriving much faster than the first time.
When they got to Andrew’s house, Howard and Leonard packed up their belongings into their backpacks. About ten minutes later, Mrs. Wolowitz arrived to give Leonard a ride home.
Leonard and Howard felt a little sad; they had really enjoyed these past two days with Andrew. Even his family was a lot of fun.
The silver lining was that school started tomorrow, and they would see him there—though they weren’t sure if he’d hang out with them, given that they were two nerds, and he was a popular athlete.
‘I have almost an hour to train a bit,’ Andrew thought, checking the time. After that, he’d need to head to Manny’s game with Veronica.
‘I hope Gloria doesn’t get too enthusiastic when she meets Veronica. She’ll only make the situation more embarrassing,’ he thought while grabbing the football and heading to the backyard to practice his throws.
The embarrassing part was that he was going out with Veronica only because he couldn’t turn her down in front of everyone, and he really didn’t want Gloria to make them do anything awkward.
Today, Sunday, his training focused on precision rather than physical exhaustion, as training intensely every day wasn’t good for the body. Muscles needed time to recover, so he concentrated on improving his throws.
After 45 minutes, he was done. He took a quick shower and grabbed a bite to eat before heading out.
Andrew arrived just in time at the spot where he was supposed to meet Veronica, but what he saw upon arrival made him furrow his brow slightly.
Standing next to her was a middle-aged man with a stern expression and arms crossed. Judging by the similar dark hair and eyes, it had to be her father.
‘Oh, great… Now I’m in Dylan’s shoes,’ Andrew thought as he approached Veronica. She greeted him with a wide smile and walked toward him, her father following closely behind.
