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MD - Chapter 35: Nutritional jokes
🕑 Added 2025-01-12 16:08:51 +0000 UTC"We must play like we did in the first game of the season! We must crush them!" exclaimed a middle-aged man, moderately muscular and sporting a large mustache, as he looked at the group of teenagers in front of him.
His name is David, and he is the coach of the high school football team that Andrew belongs to.
Currently, Andrew was in the last practice session before tonight’s game. The Friday practices before a game are supposed to focus on tactics and be less intense than earlier practices for obvious reasons.
However, they had just endured an intense training session that left everyone sweaty, muddy, and out of breath—except for Andrew, whose superior physical condition was thanks to both his discipline and his genetics.
As for tactics, they hadn’t touched on any of that. They didn’t review strategies, analyze tonight’s opponent, or create a game plan. It was all motivational talk, which Andrew found to be empty words, since motivation alone wouldn’t win them the game.
So far, the team had played two games. The first was a friendly match that Andrew’s team won, although neither he nor his friends were starters. The seniors and the coach celebrated that victory as if they had just won the damn Super Bowl.
The second game was last Friday. It was the season opener—an important, significant match. However, as Andrew had predicted, his team lost by more than 14 points. A blowout.
The only ones who managed to secure starting positions were Kevin and a guy named Ralph, who had played with Andrew in middle school.
Ralph’s position was on the defensive team. Beyond that, no one else had managed to replace any of the main seniors, no matter how much better they performed in practice—twice, three times, or even more.
Reggie and the others were running out of patience. If they lost another game, it would be very difficult to maintain a good record and qualify for the playoffs, let alone dream about becoming district champions.
Still, despite the beating they had taken, the incompetent coach didn’t make any changes to the starting lineup. He kept Jason and his friends in their positions.
Andrew had expected this. He had already noticed the coach’s incompetence. The man would arrive late to practices, just like Jason. The training sessions were lackluster, and tactics or strategy? Those words didn’t seem to exist in David’s brain.
'It’s what I expected from a school like this…' thought Andrew.
His school didn’t have a competitive football program. He knew that. After all, the coach was related to one of the players. That kind of thing didn’t happen in schools that took football seriously.
Andrew, because of his record in middle school—his 70-yard pass, leading an underdog team to two district championships, and being named MVP in both tournaments—had received offers from several high schools in California with competitive programs, but he turned them down.
He wanted a bigger challenge. In his past life, he had attended one of those schools with a great football program. He had learned and improved a lot, surrounded by teammates and coaches at his level. But now, his skill level was far beyond what it had been back then.
On the other hand, if he could lead this team to success, his fame and reputation would grow exponentially, attracting the attention of college scouts.
Besides, he wasn’t alone. He had rigorously trained Regis, Archie, Kevin, and the others so he wouldn’t be surrounded by incompetents.
He knew football was a team sport. No matter how good or talented he was, he couldn’t win a state high school championship on his own, surrounded by weak players. This wasn’t the same as middle school or elementary school.
"I said we must crush them!" David exclaimed, noticing that no one was motivated by his speech.
"We’ll crush them…" Jason and his friends said in unison, their tone far from enthusiastic.
Today, they were facing a team better than last week’s, and they were in the same condition as in the previous game.
Andrew, Archie, Reggie, and the other freshmen stood at the back, staying silent.
“That’s the spirit! That’s all. See you at the buses in a few hours,” said David, wrapping up the practice.
“Let’s go,” Andrew said to Reggie and the others, who were frozen in place, each lost in their own thoughts.
The others followed Andrew. The group walked to the locker room in silence. After changing and cleaning up, they headed to a restaurant to uphold their pre-game ritual.
But this time, spirits were low, and almost no one spoke. They had never been in a situation like this before. They were always starters and winners.
Something similar had happened during their first year of middle school, but even though they didn’t win the district championship, they still secured starting positions and finished second.
A young woman approached their table. She was the waitress who always served them. She had light brown hair tied up in a messy ponytail, lively amber eyes, and a relaxed demeanor. She wore an olive-green shirt and a black apron with her name on the upper corner: Olivia.
“Hey, guys! What’s with the long faces?” Olivia said, greeting them with familiarity and enthusiasm.
Andrew raised a hand in a brief wave, forcing a smile. “The mood’s down... we’re still sad benchwarmers,” he joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
“Benchwarmers? So what? Remember, Andrew, even the greatest started on the bench,” she said, winking at him, trying to lift his spirits.
“She’s right,” Andrew said, glancing at his friends, but they didn’t seem very convinced.
“Well, let’s cheer you guys up with some food. The usual for you, Andrew?” Olivia asked with a warm smile.
“Yeah, thanks, Olivia,” Andrew replied, unsurprised that she already knew.
Olivia nodded and pulled out her notepad. Looking at the others, she asked, “And you guys? What do you want?”
“I’ll have the usual too,” Steve said, staring at the table and playing with the napkins. The only thing that could lift his mood was eating—a lot.
“Hmm, Steve... ‘the usual’? I don’t think I’ve memorized your order yet. But if you tell me now, I promise to remember it next time,” Olivia said, raising an eyebrow.
“Wow, favoritism much. You only remember Andrew’s,” Steve said indignantly.
He’s the real food lover of the group! Not Andrew, who always orders the same thing and only cares about food in terms of calorie count, protein intake, and maintaining a strict, balanced diet.
Andrew calculated his macros with near-scientific precision, always prioritizing practicality over taste.
“It’s because Andrew is predictable. Chicken breast, Caesar salad, whole-grain bread, and water. Always the same. It’s easy to remember,” Olivia explained.
“That’s not predictable; that’s discipline,” Andrew interjected, defending his choice.
“Discipline is just a fancy word for boring,” Steve replied with a mocking smile. “Food is meant to be enjoyed. I’ll have a cheeseburger with extra cheese and large fries. No calorie counting for me.”
“Did you forget it’s supposed to be a light meal?” Kevin asked.
“Yeah, Steve, or are you planning to roll across the field instead of running?” Reggie added with a smirk that made some of the boys chuckle.
‘That’s it... teasing Steve helps lighten the mood,’ Andrew thought, as if he’d just had a revelation.
“Why worry? I’m going to be on the bench anyway. So let me enjoy my burger in peace,” Steve retorted.
“You’re right about one thing, Steve—you’ll be on the bench. But if they put you in the game, I hope those fries and burgers give you enough energy to run more than two meters without needing a break. You know, the combination of saturated fats and processed proteins in that kind of food isn’t exactly what your body needs for optimal performance. In fact, it could make you feel slower than you already are,” Andrew said with a slight, teasing smile.
An awkward silence followed Andrew’s explanation. No one said anything; the others exchanged confused looks, unsure if it was a joke or an unsolicited nutrition lesson.
Just then, Olivia let out an exaggerated, fake laugh. “Oh, saturated fats and processed proteins! Are you talking about processed meat? How clever!” she said, clutching her chest as if she’d just heard the funniest joke in the world.
“I knew you’d get my joke. Does it make sense now, guys?” Andrew asked with a smile, looking at Olivia, who nodded in agreement.
The rest just chuckled nervously, not adding anything.
Olivia finished writing down their orders and tucked away her notepad.
“I’ll bring everything out in a few minutes. Good luck tonight, Andrew. Starter or not, I’m sure you’ll make your presence known,” she said with a smile before walking away.
“Hey man, she’s totally into you!” Reggie said as soon as Olivia was out of sight.
“Yes, yes! Who in their right mind would laugh at such a bad joke?” said Steve, supporting Reggie's earlier point. The others nodded and looked at Andrew with mischievous smiles.
“Hey, what’s so bad about my nutrition joke? You can learn and laugh—what more do you want?” Andrew said, giving the table a light tap.
“Learn, yes. Laugh, no,” Kevin replied, and everyone agreed.
“Seriously? You guys are the problem. I’ve made plenty of nutrition jokes, and they’ve gotten good reactions,” Andrew said, crossing his arms.
At that moment, Archie raised his hand as if he’d just realized something. “Wait a second... are the only people who laugh at your jokes girls?” he asked.
“Hmm...” Andrew muttered, thinking back to the people who laughed at his jokes. Only images of girls laughing at his nutrition jokes came to mind.
“Yeah... just girls,” he finally admitted.
“Now do you see why only girls laugh?” Kevin asked, sharing a knowing look with Archie and then Andrew.
“Oh... yeah,” Andrew said with a grimace. It seemed that only the girls interested in him laughed at his nutrition jokes.
“That’s great! You’ve got a way to tell if a girl’s into you. Just crack one of those jokes and—bam! You’ll know if she wants to kiss you or something,” said Steve with a smile.
“Oh, true. A perfect indirect method,” Reggie added, stroking his chin.
“The only thing is, it could go really well or really badly, you know? If the girl laughs, everyone wins. But if she doesn’t... you’re just the weird guy telling jokes about ‘saturated fats,’ hoping someone finds it funny,” Kevin said, and everyone burst into laughter—except Andrew.
‘It was supposed to be about teasing Steve, not me...’ Andrew thought, but he didn’t say anything. At least the mood had lightened, even if it was at the expense of his nutrition jokes.
“Back to the point. Ask that older girl out,” Reggie said with a smile.
“She’s 19...” Andrew replied, looking hesitant. The idea of dating an older girl was appealing to Andrew. Considering both his lives, he was mentally around 25 or 26.
Although he had relived his childhood and never truly faced the responsibilities of adult life.
“That’s the best part! A 19-year-old girl wants something with you!” Reggie said, excited and a bit envious.
The others started cheering Andrew on like a group of chimps hyping each other up.
"Alright, enough! I’ll do it when I’m a starter and have something to brag about," Andrew said, unable to deny that he’d never entertained the idea of dating an older girl. After all, he was still a heterosexual guy.
Everyone started clapping as if they had just secured starting positions themselves.
After a few minutes of waiting, Olivia returned with the food. After eating and chatting, they headed to the buses to make their way to the rival school’s field.
It was time for the game.
