Nathe07
patreon
MD - Chapter 132: Existentialist crisis
🕑 Added 2025-06-03 17:56:15 +0000 UTCMonday, November 27 – 2009
Almost a month had passed since Halloween, when the Dunphy haunted house created a new urban legend.
In football, several things had happened. First, the regular season had ended.
As scheduled, Palisades’ final game was against Moose Ridge School. Both teams were undefeated at 8–0.
Palisades played away, but as Andrew had predicted, they won. Not a blowout, but not a close game either. It was a win that proved Palisades were the true contenders, with a 16-point lead.
It was, without a doubt, the most demanding game Andrew had played since joining Palisades.
Because even though Andrew was in his best shape, better even than in his past life, talent alone wasn’t enough.
Palisades had a handful of exceptional players:
Reggie, Archie, Kevin, and Steve, his childhood friends.
Liam, a senior, defensive leader, and fiercely competitive. And a bit more talent worth mentioning.
So, six talented players on a roster of about 50.
The rest… well, they were committed, disciplined kids, but not prodigies, nor players with noteworthy talent who could realistically compete in the top divisions.
So Andrew had to give everything. Every pass. Every defensive read. Every bold play change. He couldn’t afford a single mistake.
And in a way, that was a blessing: a chance to improve under pressure. To play every quarter as if it were the last.
The victory over Moose Ridge left them with a perfect 9–0 record and positioned them as the top seed in the Division 4 – CIF LA Section regional playoff bracket.
From then on, every Friday was a new battle.
In the round of 16, they beat their opponent with relative ease, almost a 20-point lead.
Though, of course, it didn’t compare to last year’s playoff dominance in Division 5, where Palisades won by 30, 40 or 50 points.
In the quarterfinals, the opponent was tougher than Andrew expected: Venice High School.
They won by just 10 points. The problem was on defense, Liam got injured and couldn’t play the last two quarters.
Without their defensive leader, Palisades shook. The defense collapsed and Venice started scoring.
Andrew had to respond by being more aggressive. Throwing more passes and running more than ever.
He managed to stretch the lead a bit, and they made it through with a 10-point win, not bad, though very different from their usual comfortable victories.
To the surprise of many, and the annoyance of some, fate had decided to cross Palisades with Moose Ridge again.
With their solid 8–1 record, it made sense that they qualified for the regional playoffs.
But this wasn’t a regular season game anymore. This was a single-elimination semifinal. And it would be played at Palisades’ home field.
But not everything was celebration. Facing a classic rival you beat recently didn’t guarantee anything.
Liam was still injured, and his recovery would take at least another week. With just a few days since the last game, there was no room for miracles.
Andrew knew it. The team knew it. Palisades knew it.
The defense would be at its weakest. And Moose Ridge wasn’t the same team they had beaten weeks ago. They had improved. They’d won their round of 16 and quarterfinal games. They were more solid. And clearly, hungry for revenge.
…
That same day, on the school rooftop, Andrew lay on the cold, hard ground, staring up at the sky.
The sun filtered through large, scattered clouds, as if God couldn’t decide whether to make the day dramatic or simply beautiful.
Andrew’s mind was a storm of thoughts.
Part of it was focused on Friday’s game, the semifinal against Moose Ridge. Liam’s absence had left the defense shaky. The team’s mood was tenser than usual.
But most of his mind was elsewhere. On the universe.
Because that Friday, the day of the game against Moose Ridge, happened to be the anniversary of his grandfather’s death.
His other grandfather. The one from his first life.
A detail no one knew, except him.
That’s why, since morning, he had been carrying a strange feeling. Not quite sadness, but something quieter.
Like something was pressing him from the inside, not enough to make him cry, but enough to keep him from feeling at peace.
And on such a date, one question kept circling in his mind: What is the meaning of life?
In second period, the teacher had asked that very question, even though it had nothing to do with the day’s lesson.
He just happened to touch on a topic, then veered off and posed the question. Most of the students laughed and gave dumb answers like, “Party and don’t die,” and the teacher quickly moved on.
But to Andrew, the question stuck like gum on the bottom of his shoe.
Now, alone, under that vast sky, Andrew whispered to himself, “What is the meaning of life...?”
To win the Super Bowl?
That was always his answer.
That was the promise he made to his grandfather, back when he was still Ethan, when the old man lay in bed, his voice weak but his eyes steady.
Maybe his grandfather hadn’t even taken it that seriously.
Maybe he just wanted his grandson to keep dreaming.
But Andrew took it as a sacred vow. He trained. He suffered. He ate like a fitness monk.
He became obsessed with getting better. And he loved every pass, every victory.
But then what?
What’s supposed to come after winning the Super Bowl?
Bringing the trophy to the grave of a grandfather who doesn’t even exist in this world?
A shiny trophy over a grave that’s not on any map?
Then… what for? What comes next?
To keep collecting trophies? Build a display case worthy of the Hall of Fame?
To be called a “legend,” “hero,” “the best quarterback of his generation”?
To have an ESPN documentary with his face in slow motion and epic music?
And then what?
Everyone has an ending. One day, he’d be dead. And all of that, the documentary, the headlines, the trophies, would mean nothing to him.
Maybe his name would be remembered for fifty, a hundred years... if he was lucky.
Then others would come. New records. New idols. And if time didn’t forget him, entropy would.
Or the sun collapsing, the planet imploding, or countless other post-apocalyptic scenarios Andrew could imagine: zombie apocalypse, alien invasion, meteor strike, nuclear winter…
Everything would be erased.
Everything.
And right in that glorious moment of existentialism mixed with science fiction and millennial despair, the rooftop door opened with a metallic creak.
“Andrew? We finally found you!” Pippa’s voice was the first thing he heard. She sounded genuinely worried.
Behind her came Howard and Leonard, who looked at Andrew with strange expressions when they saw him lying on the ground so comfortably.
“Pippa? Guys? What are you doing here?” Andrew asked without getting up, hands behind his head, using his arms as an improvised pillow.
“What are we doing here?” Pippa repeated, crossing her arms. “Looking for you! What else? It’s been ten minutes since practice started, and you weren’t there. It was chaos. The coach was about to call your parents thinking something had happened to you... So I told them I’d go find you.”
“Yeah, weren’t we supposed to record the practice for the lead-up to the semifinal?” asked Howard, who took his job as cameraman for Andrew’s YouTube channel very seriously.
After all, Andrew paid him, and didn’t take advantage of his work or friendship.
“I was kidnapped…” muttered Leonard, who had been on his way to his club when they intercepted him. Still, upon hearing that Andrew had missed practice, he decided to help look for him, since that was extremely unusual.
“What’s the point of all this?” Andrew asked in a lazy tone, something new for him, and everyone noticed it.
The three of them stared at him.
Pippa frowned, confused.
Howard and Leonard glanced at each other, also puzzled by the question.
Before any of them could ask what he meant, Andrew sat up slightly and, with an almost solemn expression, asked, “What do you think is the meaning of life?”
Silence.
Pippa blinked, trying to process the question. Eventually, without saying a word, she came closer and sat down beside him, resting her hand gently over his.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.
“Yeah,” Andrew replied, “I’m just having a little existential crisis… thanks to a teacher who went off-script.”
“Now think about the question. I know your intelligence on these topics is far superior and that you could give me a much more complex, deep, and philosophically devastating answer... which is exactly why, Howard… you go first.”
Howard straightened up, visibly surprised by Andrew’s intense stare, like the weight of the universe had just been dropped on his shoulders.
“Me? Why me?”
“Because I trust in your ancient wisdom. Enlighten me, Jedi Master,” Andrew replied.
Howard cleared his throat and, for a moment, took on a serious tone. Or at least, serious for him.
“Well… I think the meaning of life is… girls, Star Wars, surviving high school without therapy… and most importantly…” he said with a solemn voice.
“Not dying a virgin!”
Andrew looked at him in silence for a second. Then nodded slowly, with a neutral expression.
“Interesting. But… what for?”
Howard blinked, “What do you mean what for?”
“I mean… you could get all those things. Girls, Star Wars, lose your virginity… but it doesn’t change anything. In the end, we’ll all just be memories in someone’s mind. And then, not even that. That won’t stop the sun from burning out or the Earth from exploding. So, what’s the point of doing anything… if in the end, it all amounts to nothing?” Andrew replied.
Silence.
Howard stared at him wide-eyed, his mouth slightly open. Without saying a word, he walked over to the rooftop railing. He leaned on it with his elbows, gazing at the horizon as if he’d just reconsidered his priorities, his life… and his internet search history.
With his back to everyone, he murmured, “I need a few minutes alone.”
'Now you’re the one having an existential crisis!?' Leonard thought, resisting the urge to smack his friend on the head. He was supposed to give an answer that helped, not join Andrew’s side.
Pippa let out a soft chuckle.
Andrew, still lying down, turned his head toward Leonard. “Well… now it’s your turn.”
Leonard crossed his arms, glancing sideways at Howard, who remained in full sunset philosopher mode, even though sunset was still hours away.
“Alright…” Leonard said in a serious tone, adjusting his glasses.
“What you said is valid. From the universe’s perspective, yes, everything is finite.”
“No human act, no creation, no victory... will survive the thermal collapse of the universe. In fact, according to the second law of thermodynamics, every system tends toward disorder. Entropy always wins. So… nothing lasts forever. And nothing matters on a cosmic scale,” he concluded with absolute certainty.
Andrew nodded, satisfied.
“But…” Leonard added, raising one finger, “Not everything has to matter on a universal scale. Sometimes meaning is found in the local, in the human. You exist. And that alone is improbable. Almost impossible. And if you exist… then you get to decide what’s worth it for you.”
“Maybe what you do won’t change the fate of the universe, but it could change someone’s day. Or someone’s life. For me… the meaning of life is that: to create things, to share them, and to make the journey worthwhile for those around you, and for yourself.”
Andrew looked at him, genuinely surprised. One eyebrow rose with a mix of respect and poorly disguised sarcasm.
“Wow… your answer was on another level. Way beyond Howard and his shallow one.”
Howard didn’t even flinch. He was still leaning on the railing, staring at the sky with a tragically deep expression, “We’re just stardust… and soon we’ll vanish without a trace,” he murmured to himself.
Leonard scratched his head, slightly embarrassed, “I think I went a little overboard, didn’t I?”
“No,” said Pippa, still sitting beside Andrew. “It was really good. Almost too good.”
Andrew noticed something in her voice. Not jealousy, but a certain… competitiveness.
Pippa straightened up a little, still holding Andrew’s hand gently, “I have to say… a lot of the things you just said were part of my own answer.”
Leonard raised both hands in mock surrender, “I swear, total coincidence. I don’t have mental access to your philosophical ideas.”
Pippa gave a small smile, then turned to Andrew, “Leonard’s right. Meaning isn’t out there in the cosmic void. It’s here. In what we choose to value. And you, Andrew… you’ve already made it worth it for so many. For those who watch you play. Your YouTube fans, you motivate them, help with diets. For your family, your friends… and for me.”
“So even if nothing’s left in the end, that doesn’t make what you’re living now any less real.”
Andrew looked at her.
And for a moment, the universe didn’t seem so crushing. There were no definitive answers. No magic formulas. But there was them.
A conversation.
A sunset still far away.
And a connection that, while finite, was worth living.
“You’re right,” Andrew said with a light exhale.
He stood up with renewed energy and offered his hand to Pippa, who took it without hesitation.
Pippa’s smile grew brighter the moment she saw him smile, as if seeing him happy switched something on inside her too.
“It’s good to have you guys,” Andrew added, looking at her first, sincerely.
Then at Leonard, who looked away with a shy smile.
And finally at Howard, who… was still turned away, silently staring at the sky like he was searching for answers in the clouds.
Andrew snapped his fingers in front of the group, “Alright, let’s go!”
The three of them started walking toward the rooftop door… but as they reached it, they noticed something.
Howard wasn’t following. He was still standing in the same spot.
Leonard spun on his heels, exasperated and amused at the same time.
“Howard, come on! We’re not repeating our answers about the meaning of life just so you can process them again! Move!”
Howard raised a hand without turning around, “I just want a moment… alone… with myself… and with the infinite.”
Pippa almost rolled her eyes, but held back, “Wolowitz… right?” she said, more as a statement than a question.
Howard turned his head slightly, as if the question pulled him only halfway out of his trance, “Yes… why?”
“Then you should already know what the meaning of life is… According to your religion, the meaning of life isn’t about finding some great cosmic answer. It’s to live for God. To follow His commandments. To do good. That’s what gives everything meaning: serving God and serving others. That’s how you give value to this existence.”
Andrew smiled, impressed. Leonard raised his eyebrows.
There was a brief pause, and Howard turned slightly more, looking at her with a neutral expression, “Do you really think that… since you’ve known me… I live for God, follow His commandments, and serve others?”
The silence that followed was just awkward enough for Leonard and Andrew to glance at each other, barely holding back laughter.
Pippa obviously knew the answer: No.
“This Saturday, I stayed up all night playing video games that would probably be considered satanic, I basically live off snacks with illegal dyes, and I watched a video—”
“Stop, stop, too much information,” said Pippa, raising her hands to cut him off.
Howard turned his gaze back to the sky.
Now it was time to get Howard out of his crisis, and Andrew knew just how to do it.
“Come on, Howard. Regina told me the cheerleaders are practicing a new routine right next to the training field. Backflips. Uniforms. Lots of… athletic coordination.”
Howard spun around instantly, “Let’s move, people! Duty calls!”
Leonard shook his head, laughing.
Pippa muttered, “He’s hopeless…”
Andrew smiled softly, “Maybe. But at least he’s found his purpose for the day.”
Comments
Alkole
I like having little chapters like this where andrew remembers his past life and actually sits down to process everything, shows that he's human
Matt Holmes
Thanks for the chapter
