Wizardly Dude
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[TEA] (126) 3.25. Does This Place Have a Kid’s Menu?
🕑 Added 2025-09-29 16:00:11 +0000 UTCWhile the three of them waited for the bath house to return their clothing, Brian informed Samantha of his decision. Despite not even knowing exactly what she had in mind, he was fully on board with going somewhere safe to grow stronger while the two of them worried about the dangerous foes after them. Hearing this, Samantha wrapped him up in a hug so tight Brian’s head began turning red from pressure, and finally explained the idea that Elaina had floated by her earlier that year.
Asher wished he could have bottled the look on Brian’s face when he realized Samantha was suggesting he try out for the royal guard academy.
“Me?!” Brian gasped, looking back and forth between them like they were insane. “A royal guard? Are you serious?”
“According to Elaina, the only requirements are that you’re between the age of twelve and fourteen and excel with at least one weapon,” Asher shrugged. “I’ve seen your skill with a bow. I honestly can’t imagine you not getting accepted into the academy.”
“From the way Elaina described it, getting in isn’t the hardest part. It’s withstanding the grueling training,” Samantha said, looking a little concerned despite this being exactly what she wanted. Asher thought she looked positively beautiful with how the wet strands of her recently washed hair fell across the fluffy robe she was wearing, but now wasn’t exactly the time to point that out.
“I can do it,” Brian said, his eyes burning with determination. “I don’t care how hard the training is. If it means I’ll get a good origin element and it helps me get stronger, I want this.”
“Then I guess we know where we’re heading next,” Asher said, looking at Samantha after a moment. “...actually, do we know that? You never told me where the royal guard academy was located.”
“Elaina said it was near Abingdon, a larger town somewhat close to the capital,” she explained. “From what I remember, she mentioned the royal guard academy was basically its own large fort just outside the town.”
“Abingdon… Didn’t Brant say the caravan would be passing through there?” Asher asked, trying to remember the route they’d been told. “I kinda stopped paying attention after I heard the first stop was Dormaul.”
“Yes, he did say they’d be traveling through Abingdon,” Samantha said, a smile blooming on her face. “It would be nice traveling with Brant a bit longer. I bet he’d be more than happy to have us again after we helped with those bandits.”
“He said the mogrants needed a few days of rest before they could keep going,” Brian chimed in. “He should still be here!”
“Alright, how about this for the rest of our day? Once we have our clothes back, we find someplace to eat, stuff our faces full of the most expensive thing on the menu, and then we head back down to the fourth level and let Brant know we want to rejoin the caravan and travel with them to Abingdon. Sound good?”
“So long as the most expensive thing isn’t something disgusting,” Samantha giggled. “I’ve heard horror stories of rich people eating things like fish eggs or raw meat. I’m quite happy with normal food if that’s the alternative.”
“What’s the point in being rich if I can’t buy my girlfriend a big bowl of fish eggs to eat?” Asher sighed, earning a laugh from Brian and a playful punch from Samantha.
The three of them spent the next few minutes happily chatting about the weirdest things they’d ever eaten or heard of as they waited for their clothes. Finally, Eddie walked over with three neatly folded bundles in his arms and a gentle smile on his wrinkled face.
“I appreciate your patience,” he said, bowing before handing them their respective outfits. “I personally took care of your clothing myself, and it should be cleaner than the day it was woven.”
“Thank you, Eddie, your bath house was fantastic,” Asher grinned, wincing slightly as he recalled the fact that the grate in the men’s bath had a giant hole melted in it. It hadn’t been his fault of course, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel bad about it. “...By any chance do you accept tips?”
“Respectfully, young man, I’ve been running this bath house for longer than you’ve been alive,” Eddie chuckled, looking as though the thought amused him. “I don’t think there’s any advice you could give me worth hearing.”
“Oh, no, not a tip for how to run your bath house!” Asher quickly explained, his face heating up slightly at the realization he might have insulted their kind and elderly host. “Sorry, from where I come from, if a place provides exemplary service, sometimes people give a few extra… shards, unrelated to the original payment.”
Ironically, as he hadn’t been all that well off financially, Asher had always hated tipping culture back on Earth. But now that he had a new life and a mountain of shards burning a hole in his metaphysical pocket, he wasn’t quite so opposed to the idea.
“What a strange custom,” Eddie mused, thinking it over. “While I appreciate the thought, I’d suggest taking those shards and putting them toward a piece of jewelry for the lovely lady standing beside you. You won’t find gems nearly as beautiful as ours anywhere else but in Dormaul.”
“Thank you, Eddie, but Asher already has that covered,” Samantha said, giving him a bright smile even as the tips of her ears turned a bright red. “I just didn’t want to risk wearing anything valuable in the mines or the bath.”
“Well would you look at that, the youth of today aren’t as hopeless as I once thought,” Eddie chuckled, his eyes twinkling as he looked at them. “Be sure to come back if you ever find yourselves in Dormaul again. I bet your children would love the bath house!”
Asher could only let out an embarrassed laugh at the statement, doing his best to take the assumption in stride. But Samantha looked as though she were doing the world’s greatest impression of a lesser demon based on how red her entire face turned. Mumbling out something that sounded like ‘thank you,’ she grabbed their hands and tried to all but yank them out of the bath house. Asher barely managed to stop her in time before she dragged them back onto the street still in their borrowed bathrobes with their clothes tucked under their arms, which only seemed to make her even more flustered.
Thankfully, by the time they got changed and reconvened by the entrance, she’d calmed down a bit. Her face was still distinctly flushed, but she was thinking with a clear head again at the very least.
“Right, let’s get some food!” she clapped, turning and leading the way to one of the nearby restaurants. She didn’t even turn to check if she was being followed, and as the two of them hurried to catch up to her, Brian stepped closer to him, keeping his voice low.
“...She told me a while ago that she wanted two kids someday, just like the two of us,” he whispered, carefully watching Samantha’s back. “Figured you should know.”
“Thank you…” Asher muttered, his heart pounding nervously at the very thought of actually having children of his own one day. Obviously, he’d entertained the idea growing up whenever the topic arose, but kids were always one of those things that felt like a literal lifetime away. Even now, he was only in his early twenties, and having kids was pretty much the last thing on his mind. Honestly, he didn’t even know if he wanted them in the first place. But if children were something Samantha did eventually want, then that was a conversation the two of them needed to have sooner than later. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair to her for them to continue dating.
Damn, I wish stuff like this was as simple as hunting down assassins. Just ‘stab-stab-dead,’ no need to worry about other people’s feelings or saying the wrong thing, or anything like that.
Granted, he supposed stabbing his opponents probably hurt far more than just their feelings, but he didn’t have to worry about that, so the point was moot.
Asher was grateful when the restaurant finally came into view, and for the loud and overly friendly waiter who quickly found them a seat and left them with their menus. Rather than having to continue being plagued by thoughts regarding the future, he was more than distracted by the strange options they had available to them.
“Pickaxe porridge… Gemstone Burger… Miner’s Delight…” Asher glanced up from his menu, raising an eyebrow at Samantha. “...did you bring us to a themed restaurant, perchance?”
“I don’t know, I just saw this place looked popular,” she shrugged, curiously going through her own menu. It seemed all the strange-sounding options were doing a wonder for distracting her as well. “To be honest, I don’t know what half the stuff on this menu even is. We didn’t really have sit down restaurants in the village, just a few food wagons that came with the caravan each month.”
“Same here,” Brian said, squinting and sounding out some of the new words like they were actively fighting his tongue. “...Smoked Quartz Shrew Poppers? What is that?”
“Not something I have any interest in trying,” Asher blanched, realizing up until now he’d yet to really think about what the main sources of meat might be for a mountain-based city. Quickly scanning through the menu, he relaxed as he spotted the perfect option. “Here, what about the ‘Mine of the Day?’ Looks like this one is a little more expensive because they have to bring in the meat from the forest down at the base of the mountain, but today’s ‘mine’ is venison. Seeing as how much you guys love deer, you should try having some made by an actual chef who knows what they’re doing.”
“So you’re saying my cooking isn’t up to snuff?” Samantha asked, giving him a dangerous look.
“No! Just that there’s a big difference between the flavors of stuff you cook at home and stuff you get at a restaurant!” he hurried to say, before he realized she was just messing with him as she finally cracked and broke out into a big grin.
“It’s fine, I figured as much. Alright, let’s do three of those!” she nodded, putting down her menu. It wasn’t long before the waiter returned to take their orders, and Asher was surprised to learn that the norm, at least in Dormaul, was for them to pay for the meal before the chefs began cooking. After handing over sixty shards, the waiter assured them their food would be out shortly, before giving them some glasses and water and darting away.
“It’s kinda strange how similar the restaurants of this world are to my own,” Asher admitted quietly as he looked around. In hindsight, the fact that the place was miner-themed should have been obvious. There were pickaxes hanging from the ceiling, fake ore-veins dotting the walls, and a poorly sculpted ‘Megan the Miner’ near the back of the restaurant that a few young children were excitedly trying to imitate with a dull pickaxe chained to the statue as their parents chatted at a nearby table.
“I mean, this is my first ever real restaurant I’ve been to, but how different could they all be?” Samantha shrugged, eyeing up the hanging pickaxes. “Other than the choice of decoration. You give them shards, and they give you food, right? Seems rather simple.”
“I guess. In my world, or my country, I suppose, you don’t generally pay until after you eat. At least when it comes to sit-down restaurants like this.”
“Weird… What’s to stop people from eating and then just teleporting away?” she asked, before her brain caught up to her mouth. “Oh, duh. No teleporting or movement-based skills.”
“Exactly. That’s not to say dining-and-dashing didn’t exist in my world, but it was a lot harder than just poofing away,” he laughed.
While they waited for their food, the three of them chatted about a few other differences between their worlds, such as cars versus wagons, or guns versus crossbows. Samantha and Brian seemed more surprised by the fact that pretty much everyone in his home country owned their own ‘wagon’ that they used to get around rather than the fact that they moved on their own. And Asher didn’t know if he was just underselling them, but the concept of guns didn’t really impress them all that much. It was while he was trying to explain just how much deadlier they were than a crossbow when their food arrived.
Just as he’d expected, Samantha and Brian were utterly blown away by the taste of venison when prepared by a professional chef, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the pained looks on both of their faces where they struggled with admitting it tasted better than Samantha’s own home cooked meals. It wasn’t until he reassured them that the secret was probably just the chefs cooking the meat in heart-stopping amounts of butter that they finally admitted it was in fact better than what they could do at home.
Simply walking out whenever he wanted after finishing his meal was a novel feeling, but one he very much enjoyed. Squeaky clean and stuffed full of delicious food, Asher was feeling better than he had in ages.
“Alright,” he sighed, patting his painfully full stomach. “Let’s go secure our wagon with Brant and get ready to head out to Abingdon!”
Comments
Stephen Swanson
Nice catch, that should in fact be the fourth level! Thank you!
Ihor
head back down to the second level -> head back UP to the second level... Or it's not the second level you had in mind
