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Jay and Carly, Book 2 Chapter 8

🕑 Added 2020-08-11 15:23:23 +0000 UTC

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Reso

A note: the patreon tag for this story is 'carly and Jay'. The rest of your jay and carly stories are tagged, well, "jay and carly". Because of this, the stories listed under the Jay and carly tag jump from chapter 2, book 7 to chapter 2, book 9. Just a heads up! :)

J B

If you do, suggest you have Jay talk it out with Veronica - maybe even go so meta as to discuss how each of his girls has her own thing, and maybe a long mindfuck might be just what Sasha needs.

Actually I really liked this one. The character work at the beginning in particular and the scene with Sasha was 🔥. The ending did feel a bit abrupt-- I wouldn't have argued with another sex scene -- but the bulk of this was a great entry.

I think you put your finger on why I didn't like the Sasha encounter. That's good feedback and I'll probably end up reworking it to emphasize the "mind fuck" aspect of it.

J B

Given the history of the series, Sasha is getting nothing new except the spit. Jay's dominated some of his women quite a bit more vigorously, and spent more time and effort before. That MAY be an angle to take, have Jay say something like, "If you earn it, you MIGHT get more if I feel like it, but for right now you're not worth the effort." Take it into her head further, that's not something Jay's done a lot of before now - some, but not a lot, and it's all been single-session. If Jay strings her along with that for a while before making a decision to keep her - or not! - that could be the difference for her in the group. Then again, she may end up just enjoying that too much and resist returning to a more normal relationship if Jay were to offer eventually...

J B

I think I agree with Dylan about the ADA scene - not sure where you'll be taking her, as a threat to the Simpsons lifestyle as a whole, a challenge for one of the girls, Dylan's idea of a switch to ride herd next to/under Jay, etc. You've left yourself room for all of these options as written, IMO, and probably quite a few others.

Lastly I like that you have Victoria (who falls into my top 5 fav) as Jay's "morality anchor". I agree that Krysten due to her past might not be the right person to intercede at the right times and with Carly's sexual proclivities and need to protect Jay means that she would let him push Sasha to far in the moment and overall. Victoria while willing to do almost anything for Jay would stop him if it go to far however I do believe that her level of too far is a lot closer to Carly's than Jay's. I am interested to see how her beliefs and acceptance of her place in the house and lives of it's inhabitants will affect the seduction of Esther and Leah. We already see that Leah looks to her as an example of embracing her sexuality and beliefs together and with Esther, I get the impression that her and Paul have had and exciting sexual history just hidden from Leah so I can see them embracing Jay and the rest in their activities.

Excellent feedback! Thank you so much.

I understand what you are saying by the meeting with the ADA not having enough oomph. However based on the circumstances of the last couple days and with how since they were unprepared for her arrival with Louise she got to have a more in depth look and personal understanding of their individual and group relationships than any of the other neighbors. Along with the attention they caused with Lilith (love the name by the way). The Simpsons have gained quite the reputation in their neighborhood in such a short time. Michelle strikes me as a counter to Jay in the sense that she is dominant and wouldn't sub for Jay at all and would instead try to take the women for herself or is a switch that Jay would need to dominate in order to have her respect and obedience. Correct me if I'm wrong but Jay hasn't had to "compete" with another dominant throughout the entire series so I think it can be an interesting conflict.


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