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The Undecided Wife

🕑 Added 2021-05-04 17:01:01 +0000 UTC

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BlissfulDarkness

I actually feel this could be expanded a bit and made into a short series of 3 parts. Jessica, Brittney, Candace. Same flow, but it let's you add the Brittney/Candace scene before the talk with Danny, expand the Brittney scene with Danny, and a closer of Candace getting what she wants a bit more, potentially with a form of reconciliation with the other 2 (ie, they all know what is happening, and Candace is the glue that keeps Jessica and Britttney from hating each other)

Yeah, the uncertainty is in the fact that the "fine point" isn't there. And maybe that's a good thing. Like you said, that can be cheesy. The more I considered the "Goldilocks" angle, the more I realized that's what you were going for, but what kind of threw me was that this was her story, and she was "Goldilocks" by nickname, but he was the one in the story who found too hot-too cold-just right; she was either just right or one of the options. But that's getting very literal about it, rather than just thematically similar.

You pretty much got it but your uncertainty makes me think I probably need to put a slightly finer point on it (though I really hate it when authors beat you over a head with a thing/concept so maybe just a little shading here and there). I wanted a sort of anti-goldilocks. Danny found his goldilocks. She was right there in the middle. But Candace actually wanted the extremes. There was also a sort of subtheme of Candace being jealous of the redhead who's then brought down while her feeling slightly superior to Jessica and then seeing Jessica treated like a Princess (I think that latter isn't quite brought out enough). I agree about Brittany btw. I would like to have figured out a way to have Candace get to know her too but I couldn't quite figure out how. Maybe I add a small sex scene (which this story is a little light on) of Candace walking in on Brittany riding some random guy... not sure though.

Well, I suppose I'm in the camp that isn't sure what the "thing" is -- unless you're referring to this being sort of a sexy version of the "Goldilocks" story (too hot, too cold, just right!) -- but it was an enjoyable self-contained story! Great characterization in the build up, and I liked that you did it from her POV -- I totally bought into it being a woman's perspective. If anything, I think it would have been interesting to spend a little more time getting to know Brittany before the big payoff -- we got a very good feel for Jessica as a character. But that's my only suggestion.


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