Looking for a little honest feedback

Mistersunshine I think you'll really like the next chapter. The fact that I (and to some degree Jay) have been ignoring Carly to various degrees was exactly the place that I found the writing taking me. I really like how it is turning out but had some concerns that the more "emotional" scenes didn't come off as well (writer's paranoia I guess). Side note: I was struggling with making the relationship with Louise feel as tangible as Carly and Kyrsten but I think I got that worked out in the same way. Anyways I hope you like it (Wednesday posting I hope).

true words quality takes time

and it still focuses on carlys fantasy since she wants him to have others

i get that too but i am feeling like he is building up to that as of late

MisterSunshine1029

I mean, I get why it is appealing to write about Jay fucking a gaggle of sexy women, but I feel like this story is at it's best when its focusing in on Jay's torrid, kinky romance with Carly and Krysten, and how deep and depraved Sherry's AFWM fetish runs.

MisterSunshine1029

Truth be told, my complaint (singular, but in my mind, one that definitely colors my opinion of the story) is that for a story about Carly's AFWM fantasy, there has been very little focus on Carly as of late. Sorry, but I can feel myself checking out while I'm reading whenever Jay is spending time with anyone other than Carly, Sherry or Krysten. Like, I feel the reason these three are interesting are because they are women who Jay has known long enough that is emotional investment in them is believable.

J B

To be clear, this isn’t a plea for you to speed up. Quality takes time, after all.

J B

I like the story in no small part in that it showcases what could be seen as a number of Safe, Sane, Consensual BDSM relationships. It shows there can be major differences within that overarching label. It shows how the same people (Jay and Carly, mostly, but I have hope for some of the other girls to spread out from 'just' a relationship with Jay) can handle multiple different relationships simultaneously. And what differences! As mentioned over on Lit, I remain impressed by your ability to gently paint the lines highlighting the overlaps and differences between the different peoples' kinks and how they influence parts of (not all of) their relationships. As for what to improve on, I hope you'll eventually be able to revisit some of the characters and story lines you've already introduced, from Louise's family and Jenn's dad, to the elder Youngs and Dave & Madison recovering control of their own sex lives, to Carly's roommates, etc. Some of these could easily be stories on their own. Rolling it all up - good kinky shit, please keep 'em coming! (Yes, pun intended)

i personally love the story and read it multiple times sometimes you leap over stuff fast wether its erotica or dates example is date with kyrsten chatper 2, date with louise is also fast, the time at carlys roomates is also leaped over quick but other than that i love the story as a whole