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Story Idea 4: Refuge in Void
🕑 Added 2020-07-19 18:30:19 +0000 UTCWARNING! POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!
A while ago I said I had four ideas for the next story I intended to write, and that I would eventually ask my patrons what thoughts they had on each. Well, I’ve made an outline for each of the four ideas. Here is one of them. If you have time, please take a look and tell me what you think. Does this look interesting to you? Do you have any ideas or concerns you wish to raise? This isn’t a popularity vote, and I reserve the right to do whatever I want regardless of the reception each idea gets, but I do care what you think. That’s why I’m asking.
Oh yeah, just to reiterate the warning at the top of the post and clarify it – the following is a fairly detailed look at the story idea I may eventually write. If I do, some of the information may constitute mild spoilers for that story. There is nothing really crucial here, but obviously I cannot discuss the story without revealing some surface-level details about it. You have been warned.
Story Idea 4: Refuge in Void
The premise of the story is that a literal NPC from an abandoned VRMMO is transported to a fantasy world and is faced with a world which doesn’t quite work like he’s used to… but it’s surprisingly similar to it in many aspects. He sets out to explore this strange new world and have fun along the way. The story is not a LitRPG, despite starring a NPC as the main character, but some aspects of the fantasy world do function in ways that could be described as ‘game-like’ – though the natives wouldn’t think of them as such. No info boxes or ‘system’ or anything that obvious – we’re talking about things like magic involving ‘spiritual layers’ (which the protagonist calls levels) and giving one an ablative shield of armor (which the protagonist calls HP) and stuff like that. The long-term plot revolves around figuring out the nature of condition and why everything looks like it’s slowly falling apart behind the scenes.
The Setting:
The setting is classical fantasy, but somewhat anime-inspired. The magic system gives both physical prowess and exotic powers, and those powers tend to be relatively specialized for each individual and often elemental in theme. Animals and monsters can spontaneously evolve into more powerful forms or morph into humanoid ones. There are demiplanes scattered throughout the world, called ‘Treasure Sites’ by the natives, which test visitors in various ways and hand out treasure if they survive.
Though the setting looks idyllic, things clearly aren’t looking good behind the scenes. Civilization is limited to certain areas, with most of the land and sea being taken over by terrifying monsters. This wilderness is littered with ruins, suggesting it was once inhabited by prosperous civilizations. The gods are usually absent, and always seem to be in a hurry when they interact with their followers, as if something is constantly making them busy. The magic and technology levels were clearly way higher in ages past, and stories of a lost golden age are present everywhere one goes, though they greatly differ in details. The world has a crumbling, doomed quality and it starts to disturb the protagonist after a while.
If you don’t mind spoilers and want to know more about the magic system I intend to use here, you can find a brief outline in this document here.
The Protagonist:
As stated before, the protagonist is a literal NPC from an abandoned game. He had achieved sapience through some mysterious means, but was trapped within the confines of the game. He was supposed to die when the servers for the game shut down, but somehow the game kept going past that, and he was left alone in an empty game world devoid of players. At the start of the story, a goddess comes to him, claiming the ‘world cannot end like it’s supposed to’ while he’s there, and offers to transport him elsewhere so she can ‘clean up this mess’. After some haggling, he agrees to re-locate to this new world, along with some minor boons he negotiated for himself.
The protagonist is a cheerful, outgoing, and reckless man. He takes very few things seriously, especially at the beginning of the story, viewing everything like a giant game. He’s not used to caring about anyone except himself – the players in his game world couldn’t die, and his fellow NPCs lacked self-awareness. He takes crazy risks, calls everything is gaming terms, and generally drives people around him up the wall with his antics.
Other Notes:
This is the most recent and probably the least developed idea out of the four I have in mind. That doesn’t mean it should be discounted, though, just that it would take a bit more work to turn it into a concrete story plot.
The story is going to be relatively humorous in nature, especially at the beginning. I’m not sure I can pull of humorous in a satisfying manner, but I’ll try. Still, while humor is an important part of this, I wouldn’t exactly describe this story as primarily a comedy.
Comments
BramBora
I like this setting the Best. I Also hate the protagonist the most. I know you said that he would eventually become serious and or normal, but.. I mean.... “We will start with something heinous and later level to something normal”.. :( How about starting awesome and continuing better? To be fair If You write it , it will probably by fine. But still , I would even prefer selfrighteous twit over pseudo-gamerish idiot. Also I like your devious characters the most. Also , always keep some mysteriousness in the story - you actually did very well in MoL , just keep it in mind
mant06
The Incarna mechanics brought to my mind a special ability learning system from a ttrpg (I think it was ars magica 5th E). Where simply put, characters who had the 'gifted' advantage could learn a finite (<30 I think) number of special abilities by simply mimicking and/or being taught, and non gifted character could in some cases be taught by 'initiating' them into the ability but this always had some cost to it (in resources, effort, time and the being of the initiate, often from all of them).
ParadoxFox
While the setting here seems the most interesting, the main character kind of leaves something to be desired. If this were primarily a comedy and we allow ourselves to expend plot and character development for the sake of humor, then I can see this working. Otherwise I think the MC's personality or origin needs to be different for this to work well. Given how players treat NPCs in games, I would actually expect NPCs to be fairly cautious.
This one is my favorite
Domagoj Kurmaic
Mood. It's corrected now. I make a lot of typos.
Mr R
Moon whiplash?
Domagoj Kurmaic
The idea is that he tones down his attitude after a while. But yeah, I definitely agree this kind of setup has a big potential of ending up crashing and burning due to mood whiplash and other problems.
Domagoj Kurmaic
>Ernest Hemingway said to never think about what you're writing outside of writing To be honest, I don't really believe that. Good for those writers that can manage it, but I'm clearly not one of those people. I need at least *some* kind of plan. But yeah, this one would not require the amount of work that MoL did. >Is there anything he gains in understanding by being an NPC Well, just a very specific kind of carefree attitude, out of context perspective on problems he encounters, and a confidence that would otherwise look very out of place on someone as weak as he is. To be honest, I think he’d be even more obnoxious if he was a genuine native of the world in question… at least this way there is a very easy to understand reason (for the reader) for why he’s acting the way he does. And yeah, this way it’s more comedic too, not saying this isn’t part of the reason.
I am against 1 and 2, because one of the primary strengths of MoL was the setting and world, which being mostly in a Dungeon cripples, and our world isn't exactly the most interesting thing. This looks like it has potential, but but you're right that it's undeveloped. Warning: > He takes crazy risks, calls everything is gaming terms, and generally drives people around him up the wall with his antics. This kind of character is basically relegated to ONLY PURE COMEDIES (otherwise you get really weird constant mood whiplash). So there's not going to be a lot of room for clever storytelling. The only person that could pull that off might have been Terry Pratchett. That character description reminds me of this (Overpowered Guy gets isekaied and thinks it's a "game"): https://mangadex.org/title/33085/kage-no-jitsuryokusha-ni-naritakute
DiabolicalGenius
Order of preference, ideas 2, 3, 1, 4. Like I said when I commented on King, all these ideas are good and in an ideal world I'd love to see them all written. Unfortunately that doesn't seem feasible. As for why I put this one last as the one I'd like to see written, it's not like there are any glaring issues. Nothing I would cite to claim this idea is bad or anything. I think the main reason it doesn't enthuse me is that the protagonist doesn't really fit my preference. As other comments I've made might demonstate, I much prefer calm and cautious types. The obvlivious, reckless and thoughtless type doesn't really catch my interest. I can read stories with such types if it's done in an endearing or humourous manner, but i can't really judge that until I try reading it. That's about it really.
Ben Veltri
Refuge in the Void is interesting. I think it's easy to overlook it as the least fleshed out, but maybe that's what you want as a writer: it's not overwrought already. Ernest Hemingway said to never think about what you're writing outside of writing...Anyhow, part of me feels that the NPC acting like everything is a game kind of undermines him as an NPC: might as well be a player then, right? Is there anything he gains in understanding by being an NPC, is it some comedic pivot point or what? He sounds obnoxious, to be honest. My instinct is I'd want some kind of straight man (say, a Louise from Tsukaima no Zero or a Holo/Lawrence from Spice and Wolf) to give him shit. The past-it's-prime world is very intriguing, I like the huge potential for elegy, recollection and reminiscence it offers (take, for example, Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go or Remains of the Day, or go to the root of western elegy: the great romances of chivalry! Roland's Song, all the tales of golden ages, etc.). I love the idea of a melancholy tinged, fallen world...even if it's something like Nausicaa, which I think is melancholy in a different way. You could also do something like Elantris or really anything by Brandon Sanderson, of course, where the old world is leveraged and even glimpsed/renewed as the hero's journey progresses. Or the world could continue to decline (like the anime Humanity is in Decline or the Atelier Dusk games, for example)...the rationalization of game mechanics is intriguing, and I think you could build a culture and people out of it. All of your ideas have great potential way beyond what I can imagine, so I'd recommend going with what gets your blood flowing and eyes glinting. Maybe don't plan so much this time around. You could write background and some rough guidelines, but then treat all that planning as a prompt. Make the idea your own a second time, push and pull and blindly contend as much as you can. In some ways it's harder than immaculate planning, but it's what I'd recommend. Sorry if I'm off base.
Domenick Mascilli
Refuge in Void and Zenith are more along the lines of what I tend to enjoy, but when done well, I've enjoyed things like the other two ideas just as much if not more. The mysterious circumstances of Refuge has a lot of potential. Ultimately I think I really yearn to see something like Zenith done well, the shift you mention halfway through the story is probably exactly what this type of kingdom builder story with an extremely powerful protagonist needs to keep some tension and deliver a clear and satisfying ending eventually. Whatever you pick I'll be happy though, because I know you wright varied and convincing characters, and in my opinion that's the core of any narrative.
Blue
So personally ill probably be estatic regardless of your choice, just due to your track record from MOL. Of which some of my favorite aspects were the intricate aligned details and great characters, Refuge in void seems like it has the most potential for both of those, followed by junkyard and then zenith. I might be overlooking infinite simply because I haven't seen where you could take the story
Domagoj Kurmaic
Magical martial arts.
I would still look forward to this, but I think it is probably the option I am least excited about.
mant06
Would the magic be more in direction of magical martial arts or standard fantasy spell casting.
Boredwayfarer
This is my 2nd favourite. Although of course all seem interesting and depends on how they develop
sophistsDismay
I feel like this is my favorite seeing and magic system but the main character leaves a little to be desired. I think if you took this and used a different concept for who the main character was, while maintaining the fish out of water status, it would probably make for the strongest story of all these concepts.
Mikhail Gorodetskiy
Surprisingly, that's the work the premise I like most. I mean, fantasy mmo isekai, and I didn't like these thing in general separately. Still, world that is falling apart and apparently for a long time as ruins show us. NPC, alone in world starting to learn of dangers to others and making attachment without caring of being revealed (I mean, that game would never be closed if he'd told anyone that he's sapient). Potential for external and internal drama is enormous, even for a lighthearted story. So, that's my thoughts. Whatever you do, I would read it and most likely enjoy it.
Mr R
The MC sounds like Zach near the start of the time loop, and I've always wanted to see his adventures so this sounds attractive. You've made some sensible limitations on the magic system, which looks promising. Presumably you'll flesh out why the world is the way it is and take the implications of your system seriously?Plus, a doomed world sounds cool. Have you played Dark Souls? That pulls off the sense of decay and majesty perfectly, which is kind of what I'm imagining. But to be frank I've never enjoyed the "gods are just leveled up humans" shtick, at least not when its so explicit.
Sylvus
My Favourite is Zenith of Sorcery. Would prefer it, if he doesn't start out that strong, more like somebody just graduating, but otherwise it sounds cool. Second is King of the Junkyard, although please go easy on the conspiracies. At some point it just gets too unbelievable. The third is The Infinite Dungeon closely followed by Refuge in Void. Both seem a bit weird and artificial though. I am not sure I could really get into the story because I am constantly reminded how set-up this all is. Why is there an infinite dungeon? NPC as the main character? Both feel odd and I couldn't easily get over it.
PaperMache7
I like the magic system a lot, but I'm not sure how I feel about the protagonist or it having so much comedy.
Keifru
I'm not opposed to a reverse isekai of a game character -> fantasy land, and interprets the magic stuff similar to game stuff he's used to (something something, sufficiently advanced technology is no different from magic something something) However, the biggest issue that smacks me in the face is the bit about "...negotiating boons from goddess..." its my absolute least favorite isekai trope (Super Special Unique OP Ability No One Has or Could Ever Have) and would most likely put me off the story as a 'seriously enjoyable read I look forward to every update'. Even if that is in 95% of Isekais (the only one that comes to mind that doesnt feature some flavour of this is Reincarnation of a Bookworm...) Though it does remind me of reading a story thats kind of the opposite; Fantasy world character that ends up in a game (Rogue Dungeon, I think it was called)
wanderer117
I've read through all the options and I would be willing to try any of them, but my order of preference is Infinite, King, Void, Zenith.
Me
I've read all four posts and while I generally enjoy decently written litrpgs, I'd read either of the litrpgs you described because it was you writing them, not because of the premise you've described. So if I had to rank the four stories, I'd go King, Zenith, Void, Infinite. But most of all, I'd prefer to read something that you were actually happy to write. So you do you.
Bottom line, I think I still like King of the Junkyard best, mainly because it has so many fragmentary and enticing potential directions to grow. Refuge in Void may be a good second choice. Infinite Dungeon and Zenith of Sorcery AS DESCRIBED I think have serious problems (see my comments on them) but also have potential and could be reworked or assimilated to the other stories and turn out fine.
I could see this working as a story -- especially if you can grow the character into someone who has friends, team-mates, etc. What would motivate quests for such a group? The NPC character origin seems interesting but I can't easily see what that would imply -- but as the writer, if you go with this I trust you will use that origin in interesting ways.
Bananeeg
The idea of an NPC coming to life is nice, I'd love to see how he thinks and reacts. The rest is ... well vague to say the least. Honestly, it looks like one of those isekai stories that seem really fun at first but then gets bland because except for the exciting primary idea (NPC coming to life), there's not much else. That being said, you did write MoL, so I'm rather confident you could make a story way more interesting than the trashy isekai stories I sometimes read.
Incarna and copying are interesting mechanisms and seem fine to me. However there's a missing piece in your desciption -- how to characters create and improve spells? Without some mechanism you just have a system running down. I suggest that a user can "make a copied spell their own" by putting in sufficient work to polish and tweak it until they assimilate it. Then it can grow with them, others can copy it, and they can improve it (think debugging, refactoring, optimization, adding features...).
DumpsterCoffee
I like this. I have a weak spot for isekais, and if the pitch is a bit derivative, that's just how they are. What I like here is the setting: a world that never really got off the ground, and which the gods have more or less given up on. I look forward to exploring the nature of the world and finding out why it is the way it is.
Darker
This story is really intruging which is no wonder since it's essintially a mystery novel. If you can give us enough layers of intrigue and feed drops of it to us steadily enough then this could become a very addictive novel. As for the sapience gaining portion why not do it like Epic or Saga (don't look them up; I tried and failed. I bought the books in hardcover at a physical store). It's basically that the game has been running for such a long time without break that a learning mechanism just started growing out of bounds. --- Now that I've read through all 4 pitches I can give you my rating of interest: 1. The Infinite Dungeon 2. King of the Junkyard 3. Refuge in Void 4. Zenith of Sorcery The Infinite Dungeon and King of the Junkyard are roughly equally detailed and my choice here comes down to mostly personal preference and the hope of getting my own self-insert as an NPC in TID. Refuge in Void is an intriguing but vague pitch and Zenith of Sorcery is too vague for me to really form an opinion on :Ü™
Darker
Eh, I'd say that's overkill; it dilutes the attention too much :Ü™
Adrien Matricon
Compared to the other 3 novel ideas, this one feels a bit... derivative, I think. Like, "an isekai, but the MC is a sentient NPC from an abandonned VRMMO". I mean, when there are things like "an isekai, but the MC is reincarnated as a vending machine" out there, this pitch feels a bit bland. That being said, if the writing is good enough, any pitch has a chance to lead to a masterpiece, so it all depends on you.
The 49th Khan
You know, I'm reading these and have found myself asking the question, why all at once? A guy with supernatural powers in a supernatural world gets sucked into a world dungeon which has been abducting people from around the multiverse. He has to partner up with a powerful sorcerer who can't use his powers right due to the new system and together they have to navigate this new world filled with traps, monsters, and "people" from across the multiverse.
E.O. Tenkey
Of the four you posted, this is the one I'd most want to read personally.
mars kiyu
I really love this one, the added possibility of the MC interacting with higher beings that are just balls of stress with little time just adds to the joy i find in this being a story of a cooky former AI made substance
Young Youghurt
That said I enjoyed Brimstone Fantasy by Stern Trooper while it lasted.
Young Youghurt
I like the idea of stranger coming to stranger lands. Just don't know about treasure sites. Who build them? Why do they test people? Is it God of games, or some divine system? What do they get out of it? I am intolerant towards infinite resources from spawning things at the same place over and over again. I hate grind I don't like that type of stories.
Mmm... *Imagines this NPC as a tutorial teacher, which is how they learned the basics of gaming terminology, and who got later moved into a social hub location after later patch, where they got most of the gamers' bad habits*
David Eisel
I'm a sucker for fish out of water stories, and I can only imagine the deep existential discussions and thoughts as time goes on. Out of the four ideas, this one blows the others out of the water in terms of potential.
Corwin Amber
My favorite is Story Idea 2 as a main story, but I like this one as my second favorite :)
David Tawater
This one shows promise. When the gods themselves are starting to shows cracks around the edges the story of the fallout is going to be epic.
Armo
I like this one a lot.
