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Naruto: The Outsider's Resolve: CH_268 [Updated]
🕑 Added 2024-07-05 19:38:23 +0000 UTCAN: I have read the comments on the chapter and in the discord and concur that I made Takuma too passive and remorseful and guilty—if that's the right emotion. I have edited it so that while the vibe of the chapter hasn't changed much, but I have put in some additions a bit of annoyance against Hoshiguro from Takuma.
Additionally, I have also added a small event from FAR future that I had left from on the cutting room floor earlier. If you just want to read that, you can do so by reading the last 3 paragraphs of the Kumi section of the chapter. [Sub-Edit— Removed most of this because it created a storytelling problem. If you wish to know more about it read @ConnorLennon's comment and thread to know more.
———
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Motohiro wasn't the only stop on Takuma's itinerary. He mulled over the decision to visit the Kumi family's estate until the very last moment. He was under no illusion that he would receive a civil, much less a joyous welcome, after he had murdered Gyon in cold blood and, in anger, left behind a gruesome scene that he regretted. Ultimately, he decided to visit the person he had to face after what he had done. It was something he had to do alone, which was why he chose not to bring along with them despite their offer.
The front gates of the estate were guarded by a single man sitting on a stool. He stood up when he saw Takuma approach, who was covered in bandages and had a soft cast on his arm.
"What do you want?" asked the guard.
The guard didn't recognise him. Even though he had been at the estate previously, not everyone had seen his face.
"I'm here to meet your leader, Hoshiguro," Takuma said calmly.
"Yeah, don't waste my time here, kid. If you want to fuck around, do it somewhere else. No one's in the food for your fuckery."
"Inform him that Takuma, the Hidden Leaf shinobi, is here to meet him."
Takuma looked at the guard and saw a gaping fear appear in his eyes. He subconsciously backed away and knocked over the wooden stool he was sitting on, startling himself and yelping in the process. He looked even more scared and stood stiffly, sweating from his face, as he stared at Takuma with the body's freeze response set in.
"I-I...I—"
"Relay the message. I'll accept whatever response he gives," Takuma said slowly so as not to startle the guard further. "Go on now, quickly."
The guard slowly approached the door, all the time facing Takuma; he didn't want to turn his back to him for fear that he would be stabbed and killed if he turned his back. He sprinted the moment he was across the small door in the larger gates and managed to trip on his own feet in the fearful haste to get away.
Takuma sighed and picked up the fallen stool to sit on as he waited for someone to come see him. They made him wait an entire five minutes before the Kumi lieutenants came to fetch him; he didn't mind the time and waited as he understood they would be apprehensive about inviting Gyon's killer inside. The lieutenant didn't look scared, but Takuma could see that his entire body was tense as he walked beside him—just like the guard, the lieutenant didn't want his back facing him.
The walk from the front gate to the destination was silent. The lieutenant was stiff in fear. Usually, Takuma would've inquired about Hoshiguro's health to get a feel for the meeting about to happen, but he didn't feel like doing that and stayed quiet. The lieutenant asked him to wait outside when they arrived at a room before stepping inside and closing the sliding door behind him. It didn't do anything as Takuma's trained ears picked up the conversation inside. He picked up at least three people inside and heard the faint sound of the rustling of bed covers that told him Hoshiguro was inside.
He gathered his thoughts about what he would say to Hoshiguro.
The lieutenant eventually called him in. Four Kumi lieutenants were present in the room; two stood next to opposite walls, while the other two stood in front of a translucent screen backlit with some sort of light source which cast the shadow of a man lying down on a futon.
Takuma hid a bitter smile. Hoshiguro couldn't be clearer that he wasn't welcome in his house. There was a singular cushion placed a distance in front of the screen, and Takuma sat on it, tucking his knees below his body. The lieutenants were weak enough that it was fine to put himself at a disadvantage by sitting down even when he was injured.
Takuma opened his mouth to ask about Hoshiguro's health, but the words died on the tip of his tongue. His heart began to race as he was hit by the realisation of him with full force that he was sitting before the father of the son he had murdered. Regardless of Gyon's decision, which led to his demise, a parent's love for their children wasn't something that could be erased or forgotten so easily. He felt his lips dry up, and the things he had decided to say all evaporated—nothing he could think was the right thing to say—he had no idea what to say to a grieving father when he was the one to cause the suffering.
"I'm sorry for your loss."
The words escaped his mouth as the silence in the room made him hurry up. He didn't regret killing Gyon—not one bit—it was justified after he was betrayed twice, and the second time directly caused Motohiro and other brave people to suffer under torture. He wanted to give out justifications but knew it would only sound one way and only serve to anger the people in the room.
"... I remember telling you," Hoshiguro spoke from behind the screen, his lying silhouette shifting slightly, "that when bigger nations like yours wage war, smaller nations like mine are forced to serve as battlefields, and the moment Yu was captured, it was destined to be a battlefield... It came true, didn't it? My city was turned into grounds of battle—and I lost my son, my only child, in that battle. I lost my legacy, my heir... and I can't do anything to take revenge against his killer as he sits before me." His voice was weak because of his frail condition, but it couldn't stifle the intense emotion in his words.
Takuma bowed his head, unable to say anything in response.
"He made a mistake, and you killed him for it," Hoshiguro continued, his voice growing hoarse, "and the people I call my family hid the news from me for two days because they were worried about my health because I was... weak. I did not know that my son was dead for two whole days because no one told me—not one person—and I wasn't able to get off the bed to find it on my own."
Takuma turned to glance at the lieutenants as they bowed their heads in shame. It seemed there was a lot more going on than with the Kumi family that he knew about; alas, it wasn't something he was going to be involved in.
"I don't know why you came here, shinobi," said Hoshiguro, unwilling to even call Takuma by his name. "I don't know why I invited you in—perhaps I was afraid that you'd kill more of those I love if I denied you, or perhaps it was because I wished to scream in your face... unfortunately, I don't have the energy to even raise my voice."
The words hurt Takuma. He was a killer, there was no denying it, but a mindless killer he was not. Hoshiguro's words implied that he would kill if he was slightly displeased. His image in the old man's eyes had plummeted to an abominable demon. It felt unfair because the man he had killed caused so much harm to the resistance trying to save the city—and now he was being made to feel guilty about it.
Takuma indeed felt bad about it because of his relationship with Hoshiguro and not because he had killed a good man. It was difficult to empathise when he wanted to defend himself—but he held it in because there was no value to it.
"Leave," Hoshiguro said, and his shadow indicated that he had turned his back to Takuma. "Your presence itself is poison to my heart. In return for killing my son, do my family and me a favour by never coming anywhere near us..." Those were the last words Hoshiguro spoke; he remained silent from then onwards.
Takuma felt awkward, uncomfortable, and ever so slightly offended after having such words directed at him. He had been cursed at plenty by the fighters he fought in the Ring, the spectators who bet for and against him; he had been called a demon by the people he had caught and prosecuted in his time in the Narcotics Task Force—but this was the first time he had faced such cold resentment.
"I've kept my promise," Takuma said as he stared at the shadow behind the screen. "I've talked to the Hidden Steam shinobi, and they'll punish the Goharu Family for their role in supporting the enemy. The Goharu family will be dismantled and cease to exist in a few days, leaving the Kumi family unopposed in the city. The Kumi won't be blamed for the family's brief relationship with the enemy and will be left untouched."
When he had first approached the Kumi family, they had helped after extracting a promise that he would get rid of their opposition, the Goharu family. He didn't have to even do anything as the days were numbered for the Goharu family in case the city was recovered, which happened. In truth, Takuma wanted to get rid of the chakra-enabled members of the Goharu family on his own—but after the banquet hall explosion incident, he knew he couldn't do that. He was an outsider, and the power to punish the people of Yu lay in the hands of the Hidden Steam shinobi, who were granted the power by the Hot Waters Daimyo, the ruler of the country.
The lieutenants all showed a relieved response when Takuma mentioned that they wouldn't be blamed for Gyon's actions. He also noticed that none of them had shown any negative reaction to his killing Gyon; their reactions were mostly fear stemming from caring for their own lives that he could end in a snap.
From the looks of it, Hoshiguro was the only one harbouring deep resentment against him, even though it was he who started all of it by pitting Takuma against Gyon to teach the latter a lesson, but it only served to wound Gyon's ego and perhaps was partly the reason he made the maligned choices he made. Takuma could've used that point in his defence, but he didn't have the heart to rub it in the grieving man's face. There was nothing more to be said so he stood to leave but stopped at the sliding door and turned back one last time to address the wise old man who hated him more than anyone else in the world.
"I'm sorry for your loss," he repeated. He didn't say "I'm sorry" because that would mean he admitted wrongdoing; instead, he simply offered his condolences.
He got no response in return.
As Takuma walked toward the estate gates, with the lieutenant who had escorted him following him a step behind, he heard a commotion and turned to see the woman he recognised as Gyon's wife running toward him with a crazed, furious look on her face. She had an unkempt appearance, with her hair in disarray, disorganised clothing, and a pale face marred with tear trails.
"You demon! You took their father away from their children—because of you, they'll grow up without their father!" she yelled with poisonous hatred in her voice.
The lieutenant ran toward her and grabbed her to stop her before she was anywhere near Takuma.
"Go," said the lieutenant, "please."
Takuma stared at the woman spewing hatred at him for a moment before turning away and disappearing from the estate using the Body Flicker Jutsu. He appeared outside the estate and looked at the bright and blue sky with a deep sigh as he contemplated the wife's words. He remembered his spiteful words to Gyon about his children when he had killed him and wished he hadn't said it.
He shook his head. It didn't matter anymore; his relationship with the Kumi family was over, and he would no longer have anything to do with them. It was better for him to put the experience out of his mind and leave them behind.
However, contrary to Takuma's belief, his connection to the Kumi family only went dormant for his side but unbeknownst to him, on the Kumi side, the connection would be kept alive by a pair of twins through their hatred for the man who killed their father.
A cycle of hatred had been born.
———
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Takuma returned to the camp after roaming around the city for a while to clear his mind from the two emotionally charged conversations he had. When he entered the room he was sharing with others, he found Kameko waiting for him by his bed.
"Where were you?" she asked with her arms crossed.
Takuma sighed. "I went to meet Motohiro and the Kumi family. I left a note," he said, pointing at the piece of paper sitting on the pillow.
"Yeah, which said nothing except that you were going out and would return in a while. That literally tells me nothing. I've been waiting for you for an hour," Kameko said, rolling her eyes before her tone softened. "How was it? Meeting them..."
Takuma simply shook his head.
Kameko pursed lips and nodded in return, and he was appreciative of her not pushing him to elaborate.
"Why were you waiting?" asked Takuma as he sat down on his bed with a huff and pain.
"The ANBU-nin want to meet you," said Kameko, quieter than usual.
Takuma, who was about to kick his boots off, stopped and looked up at Kameko, who looked restless. A duo of ANBU-nin had arrived with the main forces and had participated in the battle. After the battle was over, they took custody of the captured ROOT agent. The team hadn't seen them or heard from them since then; they weren't aware of their location—and if not for Toridasu telling them that the ANBU duo was still in the city, they would've assumed that they had long left.
"What do they want?"
"They want to ask questions. Everyone has already met with them; you're the only one left."
Takuma looked at his feet. He was physically injured, and the day had already drained him mentally. A part of him didn't want anything to do with the ANBU and ROOT. Unfortunately, a bigger part of him was interested in meeting with the ANBU duo. He had seen—felt—something during his fight against the ROOT team that would've taken over his life if not for Rikku's death. He didn't think he would get any answers from the ANBU duo, but he figured it was the best starting point if he wanted to know what those memories were about.
If they wanted to question him, they would have to answer some of his own.
Comments
CMA27
Spelling error. In the mood instead of food
Isaaq
Cool chapters, but I concur with the previous two parent comments. Particularly in regards to the entire “cycle of hatred” section, which I think needs to be reworked significantly or removed. Frankly, it’s mediocre storytelling. I hope you take this in the spirit that it’s meant, which is that it’s particularly egregious for an author of your talent.
John Dope
Hey man I just read the last 2 chapter I wanted to give my opinion on something that happened last chapter > Takuma was taken aback. It had been three days since the battle had ended, and even though Takuma had been a big contributor in saving the city, it was the first time Takuma had been thanked. He and the team had been praised by Toridasu for completing the mission—he had been heavily reprimanded by Shirakumo for what he did at the banquet to take out the jonin—but he hadn't been thanked I really feel like this moment is something that needs to be shown not told, I feel like you kinda glossed over toridasu and shirakumos reaction to takumas bombing
Green0Photon
I can definitely believe in fics like that where it's good. In fact, that's close to the classic in media res, and it's also a bit of a classic to rewind a bit from that point Doesn't mean it doesn't have whatever future telling problems. They just typically mitigate it. Imagine a Lord of the rings having a scene starting at the council of the ring, for example, before rewind. But a book around that conceit would have to be written carefully, in order to maintain tension. Meanwhile, usually it's closer to the whole "it was all a dream" or the weird "it was all a story by the protag telling their grandchildren the whole time". It's as I said: something very "fanfic-y" that I see in many bad/mediocre/merely just amateur fanfics. Especially when it's something like this happening part way through. Instead of structured with one specific thing in mind from the beginning. Idk. I'm happy you didn't go through with it. I feel like it would be particularly hard to write a fanfic with that sort of conceit. Think of how much works grow and change from their beginning. Not great to hold yourself to something. Anyway, I'm happy it's all good and that you're all good. And I'm excited to get out of Yu and finally back to Konoha soon.
FictionOnlyReader
I was reading a novel titled [The Folding Knife —by KJ Parker] and it begins with ending far in the future. I guess I wanted to write something inspired that. But as you and @Conor Lennon put it—with how much of Takuma's life is unsure and unpredictable, making it so that he will be alive in 20 years takes some of that away. This chapter has been tough. Eh, it's nice to have stuff thrown in my face once in a while.
Green0Photon
I see this now: >However, contrary to Takuma's belief, his connection to the Kumi family only went dormant for his side but unbeknownst to him, on the Kumi side, the connection would be kept alive by a pair of twins through their hatred for the man who killed their father. Had to fully close and reopen the Patreon app to clear the twenty years bit. Anyway, that does blunt the worst of it, thank you. Still feels a bit fanfic-y, because I feel you're normally very good at showing other perspectives that would make this a chekhov's gun (even if never fired). But then again, I'm pretty that's also a complaint, instead of making more Takuma chapters. So I'm good. Thank you!
FictionOnlyReader
Is the second update not visible? I didn't have Patreon send a email notification for the second/latest edit. I have removed the 20 year thing in the latest edit, and changed it to EXACTLY what you just suggested. This part —> "But little did Takuma realize, that he had perpetuated the cycle of hatred with a pair of twins by killing their father" Please check it on the app/website post and tell me if it's not showing up.
Green0Photon
I read this for the first time right about when I posted that comment. Maybe there was a tad extra, but there's still what I quoted. No clue about whatever previous version of this that was worse. I don't even like you saying about whatever twenty years into the future. It's still defining stuff for twenty years. And it's still some of that swap over to omniscient fanfic-y writing. I'd probably just say something along the lines of "But little did Takuma realize, that he had perpetuated the cycle of hatred with a pair of twins by killing their father." Though honestly even that's a bit much. A bit too fanfic-y still with the omniscient stuff. Too much telling instead of showing. Idk. It's obvious to want to put something about the cycle of hatred. But you can't do too much telling instead of showing, and you don't want it to be too omniscient. And you can't say 20 years in the future. Idk. Still don't like it. Apologies for coming off so strong. I do really like this fic.
FictionOnlyReader
If you read this chapter on the email alert, I realised that I committed the sin—and have updated it to resolve the problem of establishing a set point in the future.
Green0Photon
Bro, I absolutely despise when fanfic authors put stuff like > However, contrary to Takuma's belief, his connection to the Kumi family only went dormant for a very long time and only ended twenty years in the future In their fics. It shows a high amount of immaturity in their writing. They're tempted to tell part of the story in advance, because that's what they have in their head. But all you're doing is locking in story that shouldn't be locked in. I shouldn't know whether Takuma survives 20 years. Or that this story does. That's getting close to Boruto levels, right? No, this fic has been incredibly professional and well written so far. That's why I've been subbed for so long. It's a good fic. So I can't comprehend why you decided to commit one of the sins of incredibly amateur authors. Even as you avoid so many other sins (like avoiding epithets everywhere instead of just saying he/she). I know you wanna tell us man. But it works so much better by having a character swear vengeance, either to Takuma's face, or in a separate scene. And it doesn't need to be vengeance. It could be someone being so obviously affected that you're clearing laying the chekhov's gun right in front of us. That's what it is, I think. Chekhov's guns are the author telling us about future events too, but they're not technically set in stone. They're present events, not future events. Give us chekhov's guns, and then just write the future event to follow it up with in your notes. If you write the gun well enough, it can be incredibly clear and obvious what will happen in the future. But not because you told it to us and fixed it in stone, but because that's just what would obviously and logically happen.
FictionOnlyReader
That makes sense. Yeah, you're completely right. It removes the possibility that Takuma might die in the future. It kills a part of the tension and. I missed that, didn't I. I'll change it up. Hmm, it might not read as badass as it does now, but I'll try to see what I can do. If you have suggestions how I should re-word it so that it doesn't imply that Takuma will be alive in 20 years—please feel free to tell me.
Conor lennon
So basically it is a badass enough moment but it basically says takuma will be alive in twenty years and the sudden future prediction just took me out of the scene a bit. Like it is not that bad it just felt weird to me reading it. Kinda guaranteeing he will definetly be around that long. About being vague about the timeline I am not sure it is that much better at all really. This may be a nitpick from me just didn't love the clear future definition at this story point.
FictionOnlyReader
I'm curious I don't see how leaving the timeline to be more vague would change anything. I'm not saying that you're wrong, mind you, not at all. It's just that I'm unable to see how it would make a difference. I'd appreciate if you could explain it.
Conor lennon
Not sure I love the define timeliness of the children trying to kill him should maybe be left.more vague and imply that.
JonJon
I actually feel the same way somewhat. Bur crime families atleast in media are always like this. Hoshiguri is a crime lord that only gives a shit about his family and business, he doesn't care about people like Motohiro and others. He would deem them acceptable casualties in exchange for keeping his son safe regardless of what he did, he is not a good or fair person by any means. It makes sense for takuma to be somewhat upset because he also is sitting in front of the dad of the son he killed, he doesn't regret killing gyon though as he says. Though I agree his actions feel to apologetic.
Chris
Live by the sword, die by the sword. The father knows what his son did and while he may hate him I think he also understands that his son left them no choice.
Joan Casado
Can’t say I get Takumas grief with the Kumi family. Gyon betrayed them first, Hoshiguri egged it on by a poorly thought out experiment to show his son that Shinobis are different beasts and then blames Takuma for treating a traitor like they would when he betrays them twice? They’re a literal crime family. Feel bad for the kids for losing a father but Hoshiguris attitude would have made me lose all respect for the guy who “knows how the real world works.”
Didar
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