Macronomicon
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Chapter 229: Saved by the Gavel
🕑 Added 2019-12-15 11:20:38 +0000 UTCNabeya was running a fever, feeling a little woozy, and her neck was hurting.
I havent gotten sick in living memory. Not since the Poison Lakes, She thought with a slight smile.
The smile went away.
Was the purple man right? Is there something eating away my insides?
No, that isnt it. Im sure Ill feel better after a nap.
Nabeya was halfway to a simple cot in the corner of her office, when she froze.
That thought wasnt hers.
Heal.
The wooziness didnt go away.
Detoxify.
Still there. Matter of fact it was more clear than before. She almost missed a hand on the cot. She tried to stabilize herself, but her body did it on its own, more clumsily than she would have.
Nabeyas hair stood up as she watched her arms lower herself into the bed, a spectator in her own body.
Ive already got control of your spine. Just take a nap.
The creature might have control of her spine, but it didnt have her mana. If she could make her flesh too difficult to damage she could buy enough time to figure something out.
Invulnerabi-
One of her own arms snaked up, middle finger turned long and wicked. Before she could react, the shiny black claw was plunging into her eye. There was a burst of pain, then white, then nothing.
***Dr.Daniels.***
A few minutes later, Garth sat up, wiped the blood off his face, regrew his eye, and cleaned the blood with magic.
Oh my, our friendly little tussle has led us to the Dan Ui guild, and Ive already captured his queen. The endgame should be pretty fun.
Hey Garth, he said.
Yeah? he asked.
You think Garth would be willing to drop asteroids on a Dan-ui controlled world? We both hate them for ruining our cushy gig in Hawaii.
L.A it was L.A.
There too.
I think asteroid willingness depends on the percentage of innocents to Dan-ui guildmembers. Its always more complicated in real life.
Well, I am an elder now. Garth said, looking at his blue furred hands. The body hadnt technically died, so he should be able to remain undetected for a short time. A vicious idea occurred to him, manifesting as the most gleeful smile Nabeyas body had ever had. It wasnt used to it.
Maybe I can tip the scales on that one.
***
Elder meeting! Elder meeting! Urgent as fuck, go fetch all your geriatric masters! Slap the Ensure out of their hands, tighten their diapers and bring them to the council room! I got something to say!
Garth stalked the halls of the temple, ringing a gong hed found in the mess hall, presumably to tell the shitheels when they could eat, sleep and shit.
Acolytes fled in front of him like Bambis woodland creatures from a forest fire, running for any kind of cover they could find.
A middle-aged Rando approached Garth, brows furrowed.
Elder Nabeya, what is
Garth clamped a hand over Rando mouth, muffling his scream as he slammed him up against the wall. Stone cracked behind him as he struggled ineffectually.
This core rocks! I should get more like this
Then he elongated his fingers into burrowing drills, jamming themselves straight into the mans brain. Once the drills reached the grey matter, Garth detatched them to find their own fame and fortune, reforming his fingers.
Rando twitched violently for a good five seconds, then Garth was seeing himself through Randos eyes.
Spread the word. Garth said with a smile.
Duh, Rando Garth said, making a run for the Gate in the back of the temple, out to attract as many elders as possible before their doppleganger showed up with the big guns
Urgent, Urgent! Garth returned to his clanging the gong. A Calamity that threatens to end the Dan Ui Clan as a whole is about to happen, dont miss it!
***Garth***
Garth blinked and they were in a different star system, orbiting a different planet. It was a blue planet, maybe twenty percent bigger than Earth. Its defining feature was how well-ordered everything appeared. The mountains, forests and rivers all had a semblance of symmetry.
It was like a pretentious pricks zen garden.
I guess were in the right place.
Alright, Garth said, glancing over to Bell. With any luck shes been able to fight off the assimilation long enough for us to pick her up.
Bell flinched and Garth felt something light hit the back of his head.
Too late, you already done been assimilated boiiii! Dr. Daniels crowed as a grease pen clattered to the ground.
He started doing a field goal dance back and forth on the opposite side of the room, waggling his knees and throwing his hands in the air.
Garth spun in his chair, with his fingers steepled in perfect evil overlord style. He reached down and took the pen, dragging it across his palm.
You might not have noticed but grease pens dont work in here.
Dr. Daniels gasped.
Youve found a cure.
Indeed, even now, a universal magic that reverses the effects of your vicious grease pen spree is spreading through the ship. Youve lost.
Thats what you think! Dr. D said, diving to the side, pulling out a weird homemade weapon that looked a bit like a thermal detonator and tossing it at Garth.
Force Shield
In the brief flash before it exploded, Garth put a Force Shield in front of it, attempting to redirect the explosions energy.
Hed heard stories where dynamite didnt break a plate as long as there was somewhere else for the energy to go.
That seems kind of stupid, but its still better than not putting up a wall.
The thermal detonator exploded, and Garth caught a flash of the Magenta Artificial Gravity Law gemstones that they kept growing in the walls between the north and south slice of land.
Ah, son of a Bi-
Down suddenly became the thermal detonator, and Garth was drawn forward, along with Bell, who squeaked and flailed as she fell. The two of them slammed into Garths Force Shield, which was now their new floor.
Dr. D, whod been ready for the change in direction, used the opportunity to launch himself up onto the side of the room, climbing around Garths wall and joining them standing on the invisible plane of force in the middle of the room.
Stealing shit? Garth asked, climbing to his feet. The Gravity was about eight Gs. within reason for him, but Bell wasnt able to bring herself to her feet, her curvy figure unnaturally flattened against the invisible plane.
Garth couldnt actually see it, since he was standing above her, but there had to be an interesting view of Bell smushed up against glass on the other side of the spell.
Time out. Garth said, making a T with his hands.
Mkay. Dr. D put his hands in his pockets and relaxed.
I gotta see this. Garth said, nodding toward Bell, who furrowed her brows. You breathing okay? No pain?
She nodded.
Cool. One sec.
Garth and Dr. D. used Fly and headed around to the other side of the plane of force and took a few seconds ogling Bells form flattened against the Force Shield.
Nice. It looks like that scene from Kentucky Fried Movie.
I know, right?
They fist bumped over Bells frustrated growl.
The ship rumbled around them in an ominous way, and Garth quickly remembered that Bell ultimately had complete control over their environment. They probably shouldnt make fun of her. her control over the Laws that dictated reality on the ship could easily overwhelm his ability to command her.
Anyway, back to the death fight. Garth said as a chill spread down his spine.
Right.
They climbed back onto the plane of mana taking their stances.
Where were we? Garth asked.
You were shit-talking me about stealing, and I was gonna say something about being resourceful, or that your security was pathetic, or something.
Right, right.
Garth got back into the groove, assuming his stance.
Stealing? Garth demanded. I guess you needed more help than I thought.
Maybe you need to improve your security, letting your enemies use your own resources against you is shameful.
Fool! Garth created a Lantern in his fist, compressed the dead space around himself, then spun it wildly, creating a mana dead-zone around him.
He drew the fingers of his spool down through the invisible cloud of spores around him, infusing them with purpose.
Garths Fusillade
A hundred dart sized missiles of wood sprang forward as Dr. Daniels was scraping together his lantern.
He growled and tightened his fist, trying to suck the mana out of them, but only managed to activate their second stage. In the absence of mana, the little bastards sped up and jammed their needle points into Dr. Daniels flesh a fraction of a second before exploding, blowing massive holes in the abominations body.
Oh yeah? Dr D. asked, his torso partially torn open, revealing a strangely bloodless interior. Check this shit out.
He jammed his Lantern into his chest and closed around it, partially disembodied head giving Garth a grin.
Crrrap.
Garth dove just in time.
Dr. Daniels exploded. Tentacles covered in serrated fangs rebounding off the walls in confusing patterns, trying to close in around him.
Shrink.
Garth wove the space mana around himself as the deadly tentacles careened in toward him, and suddenly everything started looking bigger. The control room became the size of a football field, The fleshy extensions of his doppleganger as big as the limbs of ancient oak trees.
Everything was bigger now that Garth was smaller.
Including the gaps between the tentacles.
Haste.
Fly.
Greater invisibility.
Garth dumped mana into his buffs, turned invisible and sailed between the gaps in Dr. Ds slowly closing tentacle net.
Garth zoomed over to the other side of the room and reoriented on his opponent. Dr. D. didnt leave very much space in the room unoccupied.
Illusion.
Garth made an illusion of himself on the opposite clear space, then funneled Shadow into it, giving the construct a real body.
Once that was done, Garth started working on his next move.
Dr. Daniels surged forward like a wall of flesh, carefully tiptoeing around Bell as he attacked the clone.
Shadow jumped out of the way of the first couple tentacles, but the third snagged his leg, slowing him down long enough for another three to bind him in place.
Now, Mr. Bond, you die Dr. D. said, his strange form vibrating the walls as he spoke. Damn. Time out.
Kay.
Garth dismissed Shadow and canceled his spells, reappearing.
Dude, you were there? The mass of tentacles asked as it compacted into the shape of a man, twisting to look at him. Who was I about to eat?
Decoy. Garth said with a shrug
Neat.
So what was the time out for?
Just wanted to let you know I got Nabeya like, 20 minutes ago.
Garth grunted in annoyance. Basically lost from turn one. Stupid Elders and their lack of pop culture knowledge.
Next time youre guarding the VIP. Garth said with a scowl. At least I dont have to pay her the ship now.
Aaand. Dr. D said, raising a finger. I used her meat-puppet to summon a meeting of elders. He looked down at Bells body, slowly sliding down the side of the shield of force now that the gravity surge was receding. Bell, could you show us the southern continent? Your other south. Frigging directions in space, amiright? He reached out and pointed at an island inside of a lake, with a palace seemingly built on top of it.
Riiiight there, a couple dozen of the Dan-Uis most influential members are congregating.
Garth pinged his Status Band.
Silly idea. What do you say you send them an asteroid like you did on Kurm?
Two steps ahead of you, man. Can you keep them busy for half an hour?
Sure dude.
Bell, can you spin up the Gate? I dont wanna be here when the shit hits the fan. Pretty sure some of these old fogies can teleport through your hull.
Hah! Where were we?
I think you were monologuing to my decoy, and I was about to nail you with a nasty lightning bolt, roasting your body and securing victory.
Oh yeah. Dr. D. unfolded into a tentacle monster. I remember now.
***
Far away, In the vacuum of space, several dozen Stanleys withered and died as they gave their lives to transport six asteroids across realities. A few of the Stanleys held on, and were carried along with the asteroid, spreading into the current layer.
***
Why the fuck do I have to attend in person? On Earth? Dragus said as he sat beside his lawyer, scowling at the elvish judge looking imperiously down on them.
The judge felt that since you were the instigator of the breach in protocol, it would be best to hear your side of the story. In person.
Its a gods-damned waste of my time, is what it is, on a backwater mudball with nothing to contribute. My time is sure as hell worth a lot more than this planet.
Dragus could not focus when he was interrupted. Everything was a distraction to him until he accomplished what hed fixated on, and hed fixated on prying Castavelles soul out of his core like a pearl out of one of his cousins Remsha oysters.
Dragus tapped his long fingernails on the desk as he waited.
His lawyer swallowed nervously Ah, the good news is, if the other party doesnt show, Grand judge Olsen will rule in your favor.
Grand judge Olsen can suck my cock.
Grand jusge Olsen raised a brow, but didnt otherwise say anything. Dragus already know this particular judge was above making decisions based on personal slights, which is why it was so much fun to try to get under his skin.
Draguss Status Band made illusiory light blink in the corner of his eye, and he tapped it to connect to the Ethernet.
Elder Dragus, Nabeya is calling a council of Elders. She seems upset. More than usual. Saying something about a calamity that will end the Dan Ui?
Same shit, different day, Dragus thought with gradually tensing neck muscles. Then he reconsidered. Nothing like an excuse to get the hell out of here.
Dragus stood. Grand judge, A matter of great importance requires my attention. A council of elders. Im sure-
Sit. Grand Judge Olsen said, and Dragus sat.
Damn.
If the other party does not show in the next five minutes, you will be free to leave, after all. He said.
Nothings ever that easy.
His lawyer was about to say something, when a thrumming filled the air.
There was a flicker of blue-green mana that traced the ceiling moments before the top of the entire room lifted up and away, revealing Earths blue sky above them.
Well, if you could look past the giant insect sitting on top of the now open-roofed building, looking down at them from a commanding position directly above them.
I have arrived, bipeds, and may I assume by the size of his hat that the monkey at the center is Grand Judge Olsen?
Carnifax, Hunter of Dragons, I presume? The elf judge asked, craning his neck to look at her. Welcome. Lets get started.
You cant just let that insect destroy the courtroom. Draguss lawyer sputtered.
If the court rules in her favor, fining her for the destruction of her own property would be asinine. In any case, it has no bearing on todays precedings. Grand Judge Olsen said. Lets begin.
Comments
Alex Matheny
Gah. Just found this story a bit ago. I know its on hiatus for WotR, whcih is how i found the author first anyways, but I hope you come back to finish this story sometime. It couldn't be worse the GoT ending no matter what you do.
0xFFF1
Why was Nebeya retarded?
Narogah
He could still make it to the meeting if the court is finished before 30 minutes are up
Chris
Yup, good job the fun bleed through.
Michael Henson
Then there's the fact that Dr. Daniels, a Kipling, is recognized by one of the gods of the Spheres as a champion. While it's not the nicest God, it does conform to the rules and laws set in place by the elves (fuck those asshats amirite?). How is that even possible in any way? The entire purpose of this system of expansion is to fight off the Kipling, or are we totally wrong about that as well? Could the Kipling instead be a creation of the elves to control the outer spheres, justifying their manic, multi-universal expansion?
Michael Henson
I love their back and forth. Like, they're both evil as fuck, but Dr. Daniels is clearly slightly more amoral. That being said, they are still in essence the same person, and on the same side. Dr. Daniels just wants to do his thing (which may involve eating people, but come on, the Dan Hi are douchebags who deserve it) and Garth wants to rule the fucking universe. My question is how has Dr. Daniels controlled the dimension-jumping super-monster Kipling that controls his body. I believe it was explained that the Kipling can not be reasoned with, and are essentially mindlessly driven towards indiscriminate slaughter for no particular reason (even the sentient ones), but Dr. Daniels has shown time and again that he is a mass-murderer of distinction, only slaughtering those that oppose or antagonize him, and specifically protecting people in multiple instances.
Adam Andersson
Aaaah, Dragus... Course he has to survive, the prick. Disappointing but necessary.
Macronomicon
Omg I got it done before bedtime. I got suuuuper distracted by something and before I knew it twelve frickin hours had gone by. I tried to have fun with this one, and hopefully that makes it fun to read.
