Macronomicon
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Chapter 10: Trouble in Paradise
🕑 Added 2021-11-17 20:19:50 +0000 UTCThe lights had come back on, but Smartass was afraid of coming out of the shadows she hid in, because everyone seemed to be taking this whole thing way more seriously than she expected.
That bird-guy told me it was the right thing to do, so shouldn’t everyone be happy?
Smartass had a nagging suspicion that the kitri had lied. Soldiers ran back and forth, shouting at the top of their lungs non-stop, looking for the ‘culprit’.
I’m not a culprit…
Am I?
Smartass held her hand over her mouth as another troop of soldiers stomped past, their steel boots clattering against the stone hallways. A moment later, the door opened, and someone poked their head in, casting their gaze across the small room.
Smartass was behind the cabinet, in a space a normal creature couldn’t hope to fit, and she fervently prayed that was enough.
The sound of boots entered the room, and smartass bit her lip, her heartbeat spiking.
Clack, clack, clack….
She didn’t dare heave a sigh of relief when the boots turned around and left the way they’d come. But she did sag, leaning back against the wall.
Crack.
The wall shifted, the masonry cracking softly as it was displaced.
The boots stopped, turned around.
Smartass’s panic reached a crescendo as she turned around and inspected the wall that had given her away, and saw that the wall had given away in the shape of a small doorway, the kind a person might crawl through.
To a fairy it was plenty big.
With a desperate strength, Smartass pushed it open a little further, slipping inside it before closing the door.
“I think I heard something from the storeroom. Help me toss it.” Came the voice and more footsteps.
It was only a matter of time before they found the door.
And with that, I’m gone, Smartass thought, tiptoeing down the secret passage barely big enough for an adult to crawl through.
Fairies one, ancient palaces with secret passageways zero. Smartass thought, suppressing an evil chuckle and some melodramatic hand-wringing. She didn’t have enough leeway to pull it off, even though she really wanted to. Part of her enjoyed sneaking around under people’s noses, no matter the situation.
The rest of her was scared shitless.
It’s gonna be okay. People think you’re cute and will definitely forgive you for any mistakes you may have allegedly made. Assuming I’m still alive by then.
The tunnel twisted and turned, branching into multiple paths. Smartass shrugged and picked one, padding silently down the path, blindly takeing turn after turn.
Finally there was a sliver of light in the distance. A sliver of light that seemed to flutter as she came closer.
Smartass reached out and touched it.
Cloth. A tapestry or curtain or something? It was made from heavy cloth that wouldn’t allow a hint of light through it, only around.
“What’s the word?” an old bird-lady’s voice sounded from beyond the curtain.
Smartass bit her lip, at war with the desire to peep on people, and the desire to stay alive.
“They found a container with residual Myst from Kiwifui.”
“Isn’t he dead?”
“Yes, ma’am, but the rogue often sold his Myst to the less-than-upright as a way to make ends meet. We feel that the culprit acquired a substantial amount of it. We believe it was an attempt to lower the palaces defenses and attack the emperor. He is safe at the moment, but we don’t know for sure if something else slipped through the portal, so we’re going to ask you ladies to sit tight for now.”
A chorus of feminine groans met that statement, making Smartass’s eyebrows raise.
Sounds like there’s a lot of people in there.
Her curiosity finally beat-out her self-preservation, as it always did, and Smartass peeked behind the curtain.
All she saw was a giant bird-eye.
“Eeek!” Smartass shrieked, bolting backwards, but it wasn’t fast enough.
A massive clawed hand lashed forward and cinched tight around her midsection before hauling her back out into the open air of the room, wriggling like a worm on a hook.
“Hey, look what I found!” The kitri said, holding Smartass high in the air. From this vantage, Smartass could make out no less than a dozen of the dull-feathered kitri women and one heavily armed Melas fellow with squinty eyes who was already coming this way!
You leave me no choice! Smartass thought, deploying her lethal Fairy Bite. She hunched over and bit down on the pebbly skin behind the wicked claws around her waist.Take this!
I think it’s biting me. It feels like a little pinch.” Her captor said.
“Ikiwapi, what are you doing, what is that!?” the older kitri woman said.
“Umm… I think it’s a fairy.” The kitri said, holding Smartass out.
“Unhand me, you dingy birds!” Smartass demanded, beating on the unyielding talons with her fists of fury.
“It speaks!” one of the bird ladies said, covering her gaping beak as her feather fluffed out in surprise.
“It’s forbidden,” The melas said, snatching Smartass out of the kitri woman’s hands. “I would lay down good odds that this creature has something to do with the events of the day.”
“Couldn’t it have wandered in when the palace’s barriers were down?” one of the kitri women asked.
“Fairies are shifty evil little monsters who will steal anything not nailed down, but they can’t directly lie to your face.” The melas said, turning his burning yellow gaze down at Smartass.
“So, little creature, did you have anything to do with the events of today?”
“Of course,” Smartass said, her stomach sinking. “Just by existing, I’m taking part in the events of today aren’t I? I would have a hard time giving you a flat ‘no’, wouldn’t I?”
“Did you set the bomb that lowered the defences of the palace twelve minutes ago?”
“Umm…..” Smartass’s eyes drifted away from the Melas man’s gaze. “What’s a palace, really? Just an extra large building everyone calls a palace. By that definition…yep, yep, it was me.”
“I thought so.” The melas said, his grip tightening dangerously around her waist. “Where did you get the bomb, fairy. A creature like you doesn’t have an agenda beyond stealing sweets like a rat in a pantry.”
“Rude,” Smartass said, trying to draw attention away from her bulging pockets.
“Sir Xenok, I recognize that fairy!” A kitri woman called from the side of the room. “She was there when I did the human’s make-up. She came in as part of Mr. Trapper’s entourage. I think she’s his familiar!”
“So Trapper is behind this, eh?” the royal guard’s eyes narrowed.
“NO!” Smartass hastily corrected, her stomach dropping violently. If she got Jeb killed because of this, she’d…feel bad things. A lot. “He had no idea what I was doing!”
“Then who gave you the – hurk!”
The Melas’s words came to a lurching halt as a claw emerged from his back, glowing with ominous crimson Myst. The enchanted talons whooshed past her head, parting a few locks of hair before the guard’s grip loosened, dropping Smartass to the floor.
“AIII!” Smartass’s scream as she plummeted to the ground was drowned out by the dozen women reacting to their protector’s demise.
“Ladies, please,” A voice echoed from behind the melas before he slumped over, revealing a rather large-framed kitri…with no flesh. “Act in a manner befitting your station.”
The undead creature held his hands up in a placating motion.
“Unless I miss my guess, you all must be the imperial harem of Damsels, the source of the emperor’s strength. Lovely to meet you.”
“What do you want, abomination?” The oldest kitri woman said as the others crowded behind her. Her arm was tucked behind her back, making funny hand signs that Smartass couldn’t understand.
Smartass was more concerned with getting as far away from the scary thing as possible. The melas was scary, but this thing was fear itself. She could taste fear, experience dread with every sense. It was nearly overwhelming.
“Don’t you recognize me, Kiwipa?” The creature said, stepping forward. “It wasn’t that long ago that your favor was mine.” The glowing specks in his empty sockets flickered.
The older woman’s beak gaped. “Pikaku.” She breathed.
“Yes,” he said, slowly approaching her. “It’s me, old friend, the will and might of the empire. The time has come for you to honor your vow to serve me. Like the emperors of ages past who were sent to the afterlife with their loyal concubines, your love will know no death.”
“Your son will stop the monster you have become.” She whispered.
“How little you know, sweet concubine,” The undead creature said gently. “My son suffers from an unfortunate weakness of the heart. He has personally housed me under this palace for the last five years because he couldn’t bear to part with his father.”
“No.”
“Oh yes. Even now, my stupid boy protects the wrong investment, that demigod he’s been raising in secret rather than the pillars of the empire. He believes I would go after the shiny new toy he’s bragged of rather than his foundation.”
The kitri woman made a sharp motion with her hand behind her back, and all the women in the room spoke as one, reaching out and placing small tokens, coins, bits of fabric, and one feather-clip into the clothes of the girl nearest the center of the group.
“I grant my favor to Iyaki!”
A dazzling light descended on one of the younger kitri women, nearly blinding smartass, along with the creature, who flinched before flickering forward, moving between eyeblinks.
The lead Kitri woman threw herself in the former emperor’s path, and was immediately impaled upon the undead’s talons. For a moment the former emperor held the dying kitri in a manner that was almost romantic, his hand cradling her head.
“Iyaki, you cannot win! You must run, warn Pika-“ her words were cut off as the undead snapped her neck, causing her entire body to spasm violently.
“No!” one of the Damsels screamed, backing away. But the horror didn’t stop there.
The skeletal bird turned the dead woman’s beak towards his, then opened his own. A crimson Myst writhed out of his mouth, moving like a living thing as it quested around the dead Kitri’s face, looking for all the world like a worm tasting fertile earth.
Then it struck. It pried open the dead kitri’s jaws and began to pulse, filling her with the tainted Myst until it began to gleam from her staring eyes.
A moment later, the former emperor dropped the corpse to the ground.
“Iyaki, step forward and receive my blessing.” He said, motioning with a crooked talon.
The young kitri woman that the light had descended on…bolted.
What followed next was fast and bloody. The concubines threw themselves in the undead creature’s path as the one who’d received their favor stayed one step ahead of the former emperor, bouncing off the walls and ceiling in a wild display of desperate acrobatics before running out the door, the stone floor acting like soft cheese beneath her claws.
A moment later Smartass was left alone in a room full of bloody corpses and a mad former emperor drenched in the blood of concubines.
“Ah well, can’t win ‘em all.” The undead muttered to himself before kneeling beside a limp body and repeating the myst-worm-thing on the corpse. It was no less disgusting the second time.
Smartass suppressed a violent shudder and waited until the undead creature’s back was turned before she slowly began to climb to her feet and back away towards the escape tunnel.
The blood on the floor made an imperceptible sticking sound as Smartass pulled herself off of it.
The bird-skeleton froze, his head cocked.
Aw, shoot.
Smartass’s heart leapt into her mouth and she tried to turn, but the creature was many times faster than she was, flickering around and snatching her up before she had even turned away from him.
“What is this?” the undead asked, his head cocked to the side as his flickering gaze inspected Smartass. “A fairy.”
He inhaled without lungs, and Smartass froze, feeling the Myst around her enter the creature’s nostrils. Well, this is it. You lived longer than most fairies. You had a good run.
“An unappetizing fairy. Your Myst tastes of poison and metal.”
“Ummmm. Yeah! That’s right! My owner has a nasty, nasty bomb inside him, and if you eat me, the impact inside him could destabilize and you could blow up you too!”
Shoot, I said owner. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
“Is that so?”
“Maybe?” Smartass squeaked.
“How unorthodox. Hmmm…tell you what, little fairy, since your kind is so fond of Deals, how about you don’t warn anyone about me, and I don’t kill you? Does that sound fair?”
“I can’t do that,” Smartass blurted.
“Oh?”
“My…” - don’t say owner – “guy friend, we’re connected by a Familiar Deal. I can’t not warn him. I literally can’t make that Deal.”
“Hmm…Loyalty is something to be lauded. I suppose I’ll have to keep you on hand until such a time as your warnings hold no value. It shouldn’t take longer than a minute or two.”
Smartass’s heart sank as he set her down on the ground, his gaze making it implicitly clear that if she were to run, he would kill her.
“Stay there, and out of the way, small one,” he said, defiling another corpse. “I don’t have much time to share my blessing.”
Behind him, the first body he’d defiled began to twitch.
Kiwipa. Her name was Kiwipa.
***Emperor Pikaku, Uniter of the Continent, Ruler of Mestikos, Level 328***
Pikaku felt it the instant he lost their Favor.
There were many people among the ruling class with levels in the hundreds, and honestly, after level two hundred, individual levels became almost meaningless and exceedingly difficult to obtain.
How then, does an emperor gain enough strength to rise head and shoulders above all the others?
The answer: the Damsel class. Available only to women with a certain suite of qualities, they boosted the power of those who held their favor by a large percentage, and it was multiplicative.
Wars had been fought over possession of even one, which was why the emperor’s dozen concubines were such a monumentous achievement, granting him power more in line with a demigod at an effective level of four thousand seven hundred and seventy seven.
And then, in the space of a handful of breaths, it all but vanished.
Someone’s kidnapping them! That’s what this attack was for! To create the opportunity to steal the greatest force in the empire!
Pikaku leapt to his feet, setting Casey The Third on the ground.
“Casey, you’re going to have to stay here for a moment.
“No!” Casey shouted. “Don’t wanna. This place is scary!” She stomped her tiny little foot in the center of the reinforced vault only used to protect the most important people from the worst magical attacks. The place was ominously lit and filled with shadows from the jagged edged murals on the floor, walls and ceiling, carved out of solid slabs of reinforced faradan.
“This isn’t up for debate. People are in danger and I have to deal with it. It’s my duty.”
“Why?” the precocious one-year-old asked, deploying ‘the question’.
“I’ll explain when I get back,” Pikaku said, hunching down, claws finding purchase on the ground. Then he jumped through the reinforced udium vault door his guards had ensconced them behind, startling the guard outside half to death.
“My lord, what-“
He was already gone.
Pikaku ran through the halls as fast as the air would let him, feeling like he was swimming through molasses. As he sped past confused and startled guards, he oriented unerringly on their last known location.
It wasn’t long before he smelled the blood.
Outside their door, the dozen royal guards and two Enforcers over level one hundred were splayed about the room, their bodies bearing grievous wounds, killed right where they stood by a force seemingly beyond comprehension.
There were claw marks on the stone halls, heading away, but they were small. A woman. One of them got away, by naming her as their champion?
Smart girls.
She would be able to point out exactly who Pikaku would be annihilating for this. The culprit was already as good as dead. His concubines wouldn’t give their favor to anyone but him.
Pikaku’s mind shut down when he saw the blood.
But. Why?
There was eleven women’s worth of blood covering the chamber. It was a grisly scene that none of them could have survived, but there were no bodies. None at all. Someone had come in, killed all but one of his wives, then taken their corpses.
There was no value in a dead Damsel. None at all.
In the corner of the room, there was a small humanoid creature with undersized insectoid wings, her hands raised in supplication.
“I didn’t do it.” Smartass whispered, her body covered in flecks of blood, standing beside two pools of crimson.
“Who. Did?” Pikaku gritted, his vision dyed red.
“Sire, it’s the crypt!” A voice called out behind him, evoking an icy dread in his spine. “The prisoner has escaped and the high priestess has been murdered!”
“No…”
For the first time in a long time, Emperor Pikaku, Uniter of the Continent, Ruler of Mestikos, felt like a helpless child.
Comments
Macronomicon
please tell me exaclty what it was and I'll see if i can't massage it better. If you saw something wrong, chances are others will see it.
vetro 26
Thanks
Ellija
This has people handling the idiot ball a bit more than usual.
Macronomicon
everything above chapter 7 is above 1$. apologies for the mistake
Macronomicon
Whoops. Not intentional
six
What happened to chapters 8 and 9? The one before this is 7.
Gerald Monroe
Amusingly this one was open to the dollar tier for cheapskates like me this month. But the ones before it are not so you gotta pony up to see how we got here.
Macronomicon
It's a little shorter than usual, but I felt like we needed to stop by and see how Smartass was doing. It wouldn't be one of my books if shit wasn't hitting the fan EVERYWHERE.
