Vegas Vs. The Roil

Israel Gross

I kind of like those paragraphs, for many of the reasons stated above. They could be trimmed down, but I feel that getting a bit of insight as to what has happened to the rest of the world is nice. If I'm not mistaken, Jeb did get warned about the Roil before, no? Someone warning him about needing to run as fast as he can if he sees a rainbow light-show in the sky....

Israel Gross

Oh, Luck lenses would be crazy dangerous! I'm sure altering probability would also get him into trouble (crazy things happening around him) and the Law would come knocking! Or the Emperor. Because, Probability Cores are a thing apparently.

Israel Gross

Thought that they had a visual cue to someone with enough Myst?

A disgruntled nondescript squirrel

if he does go to those places he could get some more fun lenses if they were expanded upon. Ex luck lenses (does not create anything just alters probabilities.)

Peacock

Dropping those paragraphs in favor of a Roil intro would be fine. If so, there needs to be another way for Jeb to get the hopelessness lens that he uses on the melas guard in the courtroom.

SunderGoldmane

I actually like that the roil was a kind of big reveal at the end and completely unexpected. I agree Alcatraz is not worth it as a plot point, but you did make overtures to the party lenses. Maybe add in something casual about him leaving the lenses on his nightstand and head maid berates him for having such a thing in a house of children. Maybe he shows them to Bret or mentions them in his letter to them as a “we should party sometime.” I think new lenses were fun to read about and you should keep the party ones.

Pastor Joubert

fruitless detours are life... BUT they do say - write only the most interesting bits into your story... im torn

Bobby B.

The hopelessness one was used, otherwise no, I'd use neither

Chad L.

Which ever option that leads to more content is the correct one!

Enzo Elacqua

I feel you should just cut Vegas for now, and instead maybe reference some reaper activity occurring there so you could return later. It’s a perfect city for someone with Jebs character

Enzo Elacqua

I like the idea of the roil being more explicitly mentioned, to show why it’s used as a common swear word, and also it creates way more tension when we hear he actually has to face that

B

Everyone is very focused on making a useful item come from this, I thought it worked better as a bit of world building. we have see very little of the world after the stitching

Ricky Kukowski

What you had on the roil was enough. It didn't really effect Jeb except to show how powerful pikaku is. I love the new lenses though even if they aren't used in this book they may be in a future book. Plus not everywhere needs to be useful.

Macronomicon

I'll take this part under advisement.

Jeff Scott

I think they were fine as he did travel a long distance. It's like a travel montage in a movie but in book form. They aren't long and help to get that sense of distance.

Is both an option? I feel like both should be an option. Vegas and alcatraz both show the state of the world in important ways, namely human cities that haven't been stiched with alien ones, but having an early segment about the roil would be good to have too.

William Waggoner

I was kinda hoping that he would use the Vegas stuff in a “high value” trade as a sort of gag but the Uber rich people are drooling over the stuff. I like the Alcatraz bit. Think it would be kinda cool to have a longer adventure there with the Hopelessness and Imprisonment lenses having more value than what is alluded to in the initial paragraph. Especially along the lines of the lovely experiments that Jeb often does.

He could discover the hopelessness lens, with the remains of a person who died trapped, similar to his collapsing barracks flash backs, the got trapped and died with our help leaving them hopeless. Why does that lens have to be from Alcatraz?

austin kutz

Unless he sells them for enough money to do something really awesome with the money. Except he doesn't really need money now that the king straight up offered him a ton of it

Gavin Lawrenson

I say flesh them out or cut them out. Whats there just felt way too quick to blow through what could be good content. If you want to cut now and build more on later, thats even better.

Macronomicon

oh shit, nice catch

I thought he had found a gold lens or two in Vegas? My mistake? A day or two wouldn't be enough time to clear out Vegas. Maybe a casino or two. Too many chips to check.

Rincewind314

Many of the lenses seem to just look like everyday stuff. I'm not sure how he is finding some of them unless he is just trying to channel mist through every object he finds. An oil tank feels easier to search than every item in a casino. You can keep the exposition on the world, while removing some of the loot, and make notes about needing a better way of locating lenses before returning

Jonathan Grant

You can have NASA guy screw around with the lenses between books. Make some party/disabling wands.

Fabhar

I could have sworn he used the Hopelessness lens during the court case. Maybe I was mistaken.

Ford-Thomas Frank Loveland

Its not like you spent chpaters and chapter there, it is a small section that helps show the changes earth is going though

Elephin

I personally liked the part about Alcatraz, and feel it was short enough that it wasn't an issue in distracting the plot. Plus, he did actually use the hopelessness lens during the trial, even if that action ultimately didn't affect the overall plot.

Jamie Trevino

I feel if they lenses had in fact been sold, or if they had done anything that would be worth keeping, but otherwise it’s stuff that doesn’t ever get mentioned again Edit: as another commenter noted that Alcatraz lense was used, so perhaps only cut out Vegas?

Ryan Zyro

Giving them the chance to get more fleshed out seems like the better option. I'd love to see more than a couple paragraphs on his time in Vegas.