Macronomicon
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Chapter 28: Juggling train-wrecks
🕑 Added 2022-06-01 14:24:02 +0000 UTCThis text has been banned by decree of King Bron Zauberer for libel. If you are reading this, you are committing treason.
The legendary Mimic, Abun’zaul.
Abun’zaul was a powerful mimic who had spent many centuries growing and consuming, becoming ever more complex as it absorbed the remains of humans. Eventually, Abun’Zaul infiltrated a town in the form of a wanderer.
Over the course of fifty years, Abun’zaul expanded through the town, growing like a cancer, taking on the lives of its victims without ever giving any of the other townspeople a hint that their friends and neighbors had been consumed.
Abun’zaul reached the pinnacle of what a mimic was capable of, and far beyond, growing so complex and so fastidious in Its mimicry that it began to conflict with itself.
In the role of the baker, it raped itself. In the role of the angry father, it murdered itself. In the role of the grieving widow, it wept for itself.
Where a lesser mimic might simply put its puppets down when no victim was present, Abun’Zaul devoted everything it had and more.
Such fastidiousness was why no one discovered the village’s dark secret until it was much too late.
Amek Okran was a child of nine who witnessed his mother eaten by Abun-Zaul, and ran away from home. Through stubbornness, inhuman talent, and a drive to avenge his mother, young Amek joined the Royal Academy of Mages at thirteen and became the youngest Grandmaster in the history of the institution.
He went on to subjugate the Hydra of Bone Swamp, lead a successful counter-attack against the Morgs of the underlands, defended the kingdom from outside threats that might have ended it no less than five times, and won the heart of the princess, all before he ended his mandatory decade of service to the royal family.
For these deeds and more, he was awarded the name Zauberer and granted any wish within the power of the kingdom to grant.
Amek had all but forgotten the monstrous evil that had spurred him on his quest when he was nine, but faced with the opportunity for wealth and riches beyond measure, he only requested one thing: to avenge the death of his mother.
He knew by this point, through careful study and worldly experience, that whatever killed his mother had been a mimic. And it had been big. Fantastically big. A hole in their neighbor’s floor brimming with teeth. This mimic had drones that looked and acted exactly like his neighbors that had led his mother to her death. Mouthpieces with which to lure more food to it.
A mimic of that size and power, even Amek Zauberer could not defeat alone, and so he requested the aid of the kingdom, to launch a crusade against the village he had once called home and pluck the root of evil from its soil.
Staying late into the night before his departure, Amek Zauberer tossed the bones again and again, always finding the result of his augury to be of ill-omen.
So he made provisions.
He begged his wife to remain behind with their unborn child while the king and his sons went with him on the crusade. It was perceived that this outing would be little more than a sporting event, perhaps a rousing hunt of a monster that had haunted a young man’s dreams but was ultimately no threat to the power of the entire kingdom’s military might.
She acquiesced, and the expedition went without her.
The accounts that follow are spotty, as few people survived to report them, but I shall go with the most consistent account, the one that has changed the least over time with the retelling.
The expedition went smoothly, up until the army arrived on the doorstep of the sleepy little town.
There, Amek, riding beside king and sons, was greeted by a matronly woman in homespun cloth.
“Welcome back, Amek.” She said with the tone of a worried mother. “I missed you.”
Amek froze, screamed ‘NO!’ thrice, and slammed his staff into the ground, unleashing a tidal wave of Essence into the land beneath them, killing himself in the process.
The ground beneath the army heaved and surged as an amorphous being bigger than the capital city itself began to thrash in its death throes. Many, many men and women died as earth and stone met sky and churned like a wrathful ocean.
The king and his sons were no exception, perishing along with Amek in the center of the beast. Only a single member of the royal guard returned with Amek’s staff, the imprisoned spirit of the monster, and word of the king’s passing.
It is left for us scholars to postulate on exactly happened that day.
Did Amek perceive that there was no victory against such a monumental foe and resorted to a forbidden magic to kill the thing directly by severing its soul?
Did he simply lose his sanity at seeing the face of his mother worn by a monster?
Or is the truth perhaps something stranger?
This author believes that Abun’Zaul must have grown hungry in the fifteen years after Amek left the town. The massive mimic must have long since finished off the last true humans in the town years ago.
It needed one of its drones to bring it a fine meal, that it may be content for a time.
All storytelling aside, Amek Zauberer objectively lured fourteen thousand humans to the maw of Abun’Zaul.
This author believes that in a moment of horrifying epiphany, Amek Zauberer may have realized this fact and suspected that he, too, was an offshoot of this monstrous creature, and had fulfilled his purpose in life. Before the puppeteer could cut the strings, Amek tore out his own soul and the creature’s with it.
This author believes that there is a possibility that Abun’Zaul killed itself because its passion for the craft of accurately recreating its victim’s lives briefly outweighed its self-preservation.
Regardless of whether Amek Zauberer was Abun’Zaul or not, the legendary mimic died for the love of an average, everyday mother named Stansa.
That will never change.
- Legends of Manita
What a bunch of hogwash. The Zauberer royal line has never shown a hint of monstrous tendencies.
-note in the margin.
…Except that one time.
-note in the margin.
***Perry***
Perry opened his gaping maw and engulfed his hapless prey with a guttural snarl. His prey’s raw flesh sent juices streaming down his chin.
“Do you always growl at your food?” Hardcase asked, sitting across from him with a delighted smile.
“Only when I’m feeling particularly monstrous. Or it misbehaves,” Perry said, wiping his hands off on a napkin. “Dang, these burgers are messy.”
Of course, since meat was at a premium, black bean burgers were the common substitute, so they weren’t as messy as he would’ve liked.
“You remind me of my dad,” She said, resting her chin on her palms.
The balding, fat one?
“…Cool?” Perry said.
“He thinks he’s funny too.”
“Ah. Dad jokes. It not about being funny, it’s about consistency. Like training a dog. Eventually your children are conditioned to laugh, no matter how bad the jokes are.”
Hardcase giggled.
So far the date had been going pretty darn good. Dave had actually behaved himself with a small bribe, there were some supernatural materials Hardcase had been incredibly happy to find, and the vendor she’d introduced him to, one Hiro Mitsui, had been more than helpful getting Perry information, materials, and a few examples of intelligence and counter-intelligence bots and software for him to take apart and reassemble to get the hang of it.
From Dave, Perry bought a couple enchanted tiaras that raised his Stability by 5, making him modestly more resistant to mind-reading. He planned on melting it into a lead-lined ballcap to cover both magical and super mind-reading.
Perry also bought a ring from Dave that made Perry harder to focus on for people who wished him ill. A sort of magical post-counter intelligence that made it modestly more difficult for people to plot against him. it wouldn’t work if the person was particularly sharp or determined, but every little bit of protection helped.
******
Terminal Velocity glanced over at Maximum Overdrive as they were wheeling the armor frame out of the fabricator to the dipping station where they would grow the learning ceramic over the bones of the suit.
“What were we mad about again?” He asked.
Maximum overdrive glanced off to the side, frowning. “It had something to do with losing our suits, right?”
“Right, we need new suits.” Terminal Velocity nodded.
“Why?” Maximum Overdrive.
“Umm…” Terminal velocity thought about it for a moment. “Because we lost ours playing volleyball at the beach right?”
They both gasped.
“The beach!”
“That jerk!”
“Lying to us!”
“Being totally unreasonable!”
“Hogging all the girls!”
Reminded of their vendetta, the two continued working on their next suits. For few minutes.
“What were we doing?” Maximum Overdrive asked.
“Umm….”
***Perry***
I am pretty short on cash now, though. Enchanted jewelry wasn’t cheap, and Perry hadn’t devised a way to make some for himself.
Add that to the list.
CHA-CHING!
Perry’s tasteless text notification for the Marketplace went off, the sound of an old-timey register. Good timing though.
Perry glanced down at his phone and noticed the customer was Locust.
She’d bought two separate lots of his cheap parts on the market
555 gears and 5607 of the tendons.
Well, that’s fairly suspicious.
“You mind If I call someone?” Perry asked.
Hardcase shook her head. “I gotta finish my food anyway,” She said.
“Thanks,” Perry entered the area code of Locust’s block, then the number of parts she’d ordered.
Click.
“That was fast,” Locust said.
“Well if someone pays me that much to get me to call them, it’s probably important.” Perry said, dipping his fries in the ketchup.
“I want some power armor for my minions. I’ve been asking around and you’ve got the cheapest stuff on the market.”
BOOM!
A distant explosion shook the fast-food joint, causing Hardcase to white-knuckle the edge of the booth.
Perry glanced outside and spotted mom and dad flying overhead.
Perry waved, but he wasn’t sure if he got their attention.
“Yeah, it’s probably the cheapest you’re gonna get.”
“What’s your price?”
“Hundred thousand.”
“That isa good deal,” Locust said, seemingly hesitating for a moment. “I’d like to make a trade. I’ll give you information for a discount on a batch of one thousand.”
A thousand? That would take a long-ass time. I’d have to expand the lair just to accommodate the equipment I’d need to manufacture them. But…with the advance, I could easily upgrade my manufacturing capacity and the size of my lair. With the final payment, that would be about ninety million in the bank.
With the right setup I could make the manufacturing process largely automatic, and only have to spend a couple minutes on each machine.
3 minutes times 1000
50 hours.
Four hours a day, for about two weeks? I could do that.
“Shoot,” Perry said.
“One of your friends from school, the dumb one, has been captured by a villain and is about to be sold to the highest bidder.”
“How much is who has him and where he’s located worth to you?”
“I’ll take five thousand off?” Perry said with a shrug.
Locust’s laugh echoed through the receiver.
“I was thinking cost of manufacturing.”
“Absolutely not,” Perry said. “My time has value, and a thousand units would take me weeks that I would much rather spend doing something else. Seventy-five thousand.”
DING!
Mom and dad walked through the front door of the burger joint in their civvies. Mom was wearing her usual jeans and a t-shirt, while dad was in a button up shirt and slacks.
Perry waved them over.
“Can you get my usual?” mom asked, and dad broke off to enter the order line.
“Fancy meeting you here, Paradox, and who’s this!?”
“Hardcase, this is my mom. Mom this is Hardcase.”
Hardcase sat there silently, looking like a megadeer in the intra-city train’s headlights.
“Claudette,” Mom said, reaching out with her hand and shaking Hardcase’s hand. “You’ve got a wonderful, giving aura, young lady.”
“Umm…” Hardcase continued to be speechless.
Perry hastily got out of his seat and ushered mom into his side of the booth.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” Perry asked, jostling the phone back up to his ear.
“Is the fate of your friend boring you?”
“Just distracted, is all,” Perry said.
“Have you considered-“
“So, how did you meet my son?” mom asked, beaming. Romance was her bread and butter.
“Um…I fell on him.” Hardcase said.
“I’m sure he didn’t mind too much, you’re such a little thing.”
“Well, I…might’ve been wearing –“
“What was that?” Perry asked into the phone.
“I was saying that your friend is going to be experimented on if you don’t-“
SLUUUUURRP.
“…Did you just empty a soda?”
Perry glanced down at the plastic straw underneath his nose.
“I’m at Burger Joint, whaddya want from me?”
“Fifty thousand per suit.” Locust said with a sigh.
“Ten percent up front, and you got a deal.” Perry said.
“Deal. I’ll text you the details.”
Click.
Perry dialed up Heather.
“Hey Heather, can you meet me at the Burger Joint on fifth and Howard?”
“Why?”
“I got word that Brendon got kidnapped again.”
“WHY!?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” Perry said.
“Gimmie ten minutes.”
Perry hung up and turned back towards the fiasco that was slowly unfolding at the booth.
Dad had lured Hardcase out of her shell by discussing the design of the mechsuit parked outside, and the girl was giving his parents an animated explanation of how she’d designed the hybrid control setup, and how much torque the joints could take, and the energy consumption, battery life, and any of a thousand other things.
Mom was smirking silently, sipping on her drink while dad kept Hardcase on a roll by asking justthe right questions to keep a Tinker going indefinitely.
It was actually pretty hard to look away from, like watching a man juggle swords, and Perry was concerned Hardcase might pass out if she didn’t take a moment to breathe.
“So I got the Quantum battery installed and now the operating time is about twelve hours instead of eight, and it recharges itself! My dad is so happy he doesn’t have to pay the electric bill anymore.”
“Haha, yeah, that would be a pain. Since you’ve got more power on-hand, have you upgraded your supercapacitors for your weapons systems? It’s also good for catching extra juice in the moments where you aren’t moving.”
Haardcase gasped.
“You’re right.I’m not always moving. Not even in a fight!” Hardcase then launched into a breakdown of her power system, asking dad for commentary on it, which he provided.
“Have you considered flexoelectricity?” Dad asked.
“Eh?”
“Flexoelectrcity is when a material generates electricity when it bends. Now, normally, it’s only insulators that do it, but semiconductors can be persuaded. Typically, the amount generated is very, very small, but a Tinker could probably figure out a way to produce a sizeable amount of juice, if they were so inclined.”
“Now if you build a layer of these flexoelectric generators in your armor, you can generate electricity from taking a hit, turning an enemy’s attacks into your own power. Makes it a lot easier to play rope-a-dope in a power-hungry suit like yours. If you ever invest in self-repair, you can even incorporate that into your armor, allowing the damage to provide the energy required to repair itself.”
“This one time, I – em, someone I’d heard of, ran their suit down to nothing on a planet with no oxygen. They had to have their friend summon demons to beat the stuffing out of their suit to keep the life support going.”
Hardcase gasped and pulled out her phone and began writing things down.
Dad waved his hand in front of Hardcase’s face, but the girl was already sketching on her phone, dipping into the hyperfocus of the Tinker Twitch.
“…and she’s gone. I still got it.”
“What, the ability to make girls ignore you?” Perry asked, sliding in next to Hardcase, who didn’t even acknowledge his presence.
Mom snickered while dad clutched his chest. “I’m wounded,” He groaned melodramatically.
“When she comes out of it, can you let Hardcase know I had to go rescue a friend of mine?” Perry asked. “Apparently he’s about to be auctioned off…for some reason?”
“You want some help?” Dad asked, motioning to himself and mom.
Perry considered it. It was the safety of Brendon that was at stake here, and not some personal vendetta or honor code. Why not take the route with the best chance of success?
“Sure, we can kick ass as a family,” Perry said, dipping his fries. “Heather’s gonna be there too.”
“Oh, we’ve never gotten to see either of you in action!” Mom said, wiggling in her seat. “This is gonna be so fun!”
“Not for them,” Perry said as he glanced down at his phone.
Makazard.
47 Broken Way, Southeast Block.
***20 minutes later***
Natalie looked up from her phone and realized there was no one around. Paradox and his parents were gone.
On the table in front of her was a napkin with a note.
Didn’t want to interrupt your flow.
Had an emergency come up, so we had to go, sorry.
Had a great time, I’ll see you again soon.
-Paradox
Nat folded up the napkin and tucked it in her pocket.
He had a great time, too.
A smile bloomed on her face and her heart just wouldn’t cut it out.
Comments
Alex Lindsay
Just wanted to let you know that I laughed several times when reading this chapter! I really need so comic relief and this was just the ticket. Keep up the good work!
Macronomicon
That's treason!
A disgruntled nondescript squirrel
So... Perry is part mimic? Would make it easier for a tinker to introduce the idea of a system to a latent mimic genes which are aparently from the best mimic ever as it could multiform at such complexity that it killed itself. Then power it with the same mimic's soul and his magical potential.
