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MT 158 - System Addendum #4 (Unrated Version)
🕑 Added 2024-08-01 17:00:11 +0000 UTCWarning: Graphic depictions of violence
NOTE: There are 2 versions of this chapter that I am publishing today at the same time. This version (Unrated) contains graphic depictions of violence that are more explicit and detailed than what has been seen in the series so far. The other version (Theatrical) contains descriptions of violence that are more in line with what has appeared so far in the series.
I am also releasing a poll, which will ask Patrons which version they prefer or think is more appropriate. Please do not feel obligated to read both versions, especially if you are sensitive to more brutal descriptions. Aside from a few descriptions, the content of both chapters is identical, so you aren't missing anything if you choose to read only one version.
Even if you do not read both versions, I'd appreciate it if you vote in the poll. What we are trying to get a sense of is whether the enhanced descriptions feel out of place, or like an unexpected (and/or unwelcome) escalation in that direction.
Again, this is the highly graphic version.
I appreciate your input!
MT 158 - System Addendum #4 (Unrated Version)
*****
SYSTEM ADDENDUM ADDED BY USER NAME: [ERROR: REDACTED]
ADDENDUM NOTE: Timagrin - 1 month after the awakening of the first obelisk
*****
Jovi could hear them moving around outside. A heavy footstep, another, louder, another, louder. It stopped outside the door, blocking the small rays of moonlight that came between the cracks. A low breath rattled the lock as Jovi seized her muscles still with every ounce of will she could summon.
They had appeared at nightfall. Standing in the clearing outside the village gate, first one, then a few, then many. Large figures wearing shadow like thick cloaks. They were mistaken for humans at first.
The village lookout called out to them a few times, but if they ever heard, they showed no sign. Nearly an hour passed, and much of the village had gathered near the wall, peering through the slits with tense questions and vacant answers. The town was far from the main trade roads, rarely seeing visitors of any kind.
They moved so very fast. Standing figures became black blurs with no sound or warning. They broke through the gate without stopping and the wall splintered into thousands of tiny fragments. Most of the people near the front who were looking out into the clearing were impaled by shards of broken wood, becoming pin cushions that were quickly crushed by larger logs. They were relatively lucky, all things considered.
Screams erupted as everyone tried to flee. One man who fell under the surge of the crowd was trampled by the shadows, whose clawed feet tore through his body and flung him aside like wet tissue paper. A woman yelled as she failed to reach him, before the same shadow that smeared her husband across the dirt plunged its talon-like hands through her chest and blasted her spine across the street. Jovi could see tears flying from her eyes as her limp body was tossed behind, collapsing into a slump far out into the clearing.
Jovi was far in the back of the crowd but found herself running alongside it quickly.
Screams shrieked through the air from all directions as the hooded monsters caught up to villagers one by one. Jovi’s mother pushed her into the toolshed near the well before running off in the opposite direction, trying to pull the monsters away from her hiding spot. She tried to dash into a nearby hut but the shadows were too fast, yanking her by the neck back out into the street. She stumbled and fell, and before she could fully stand, the shadow was on her, driving its fingers like nails through the top of her skull. It ripped her face in half, crack by crack, until her mangled brain spilled into the mud. One of her eyes had fallen free of the torn socket and rolled so that it was just able to stare at Jovi.
The screaming slowly died down as Jovi huddled in the corner of the shed for what seemed like hours. Jovi could peer through small cracks in the planks and saw a small group of the village’s hunters who had armed themselves with boar spears try and fight one of the figures, but the inexperienced thrusts were batted aside with ease. A couple of throws landed, but the creature pulled the spear out of its chest like a tiny splinter and flicked it casually into one of the hunter’s throats, causing him to stagger backwards in a choking sputter as he desperately tried to hold his windpipe shut with his fingers. He did not succeed.
A few more ineffectual pokes were made before the shadow dissolved in a mist, appearing behind two of the hunters and raking its claws through their stomachs, throwing their intestines across the ground like old rope. The other hunters tried to run but the creature lazily hovered from one to the next, thrusting its hand through their chests and pulling their hearts through their ribcage.
Shouts of panic and confusion were replaced with moans and sobbing as the figures found villager after hiding villager. Jovi could hear the occasional crunch of bone and splatter of blood before another whimpering cry was replaced by muffled gurgling.
Then the steps outside. One of them was meandering about the village square and had approached the toolshed.
The lock flicked open, but the door held shut with a makeshift wooden bar Jovi had jammed across the handle. A jostle, then another. The wood snapped as the door was ripped from its hinges, and Jovi could see the towering specter of death so clearly as it looked around the shed.
It had no face. A meld of stretched skin and a cavernous opening in the front of its head were its only features. Blood dripped from its soaked fingers into a soft pat pat pat on the shed floor. It peered inside, looking up and down, while Jovi balled herself as tight as she could behind a bag of mulch.
She could feel its breath, pulling her closer as it drew in the air within the shed. It inhaled deeply, then turned its hood towards her hiding spot. With a flick of its arm, it snatched the mulch and hurled it outside, causing Jovi to yelp. It grabbed her by the neck just as quick, and Jovi’s vision began to darken as its vice grip crushed her throat.
Then, a blinding flash of light. Jovi felt herself fall to the ground and was able to finally draw a breath, but the blackness of its grip still muddled her senses. She heard yelling, but not like the screams. A sizzling pop, the sound of thunder. Splintering wood. She was lifted off the ground again, but by a warm arm cradling her torso. A woman’s voice said something to her, but she couldn’t understand it.
She felt the wind move quickly as though she were atop a galloping mount, but so much faster. Her vision finally began to clear, and she saw a massive blue-skinned hand clutching her abdomen. She looked up to see an equally blue-skinned head covered in strange glowing tattoos. After a minute of racing impossibly fast away from the village, the giant blue woman came to a stop in a small holler where Jovi recognized several other villagers huddled down and a tall armored man with an enormous glaive standing guard.
The blue woman gently placed her down and said something to the armored man, but Jovi still couldn’t understand. It wasn’t in Timan. The man nodded and continued his vigil, alert for any signs of danger.
Jovi heard her name called from amidst the dark. A wide-eyed man saw her and quickly crawled over to her, then began to cry as he hugged her tightly. Her dad had somehow made it out.
He told her to stay still and trust the Delvers.
Comments
Forrest McLaren
I like this version better as well. For the same reason that a lot of people like Invincible as a “Superman among men” story. So far we’ve had Delvers facing off against one another with some normal people getting hit in the crossfire. Drowned by a tsunami works to SHOW a power difference, but the impact of claws tearing through a body, leaving entrails or cracking a living skull in a grip? You FEEL that and the power it implies. These assailants seem to be avatar made, so not quite delvers running a mock n the populace, but the image is lasting and wets the viewers understanding of the powers involved and the destruction to be fought against.
thaughton2
I prefer the unrated version,my only gripe being the detail about her mother's eye rolling to stare at her. Might just be a personal thing, but it felt a little too on the nose.
bcd051
I think the added violence does a good job of portraying just how overwhelming the situation was, but also how horrific and gruesome it was. This was not simply destruction, it was annihilation. I think using the increased description is valuable, but when used appropriately like here, as it helps with the hopelessness.
