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Chapter 42: Trusty Patches.
🕑 Added 2022-12-02 19:30:41 +0000 UTCThe books scattered around Pinwheels arena were quite interesting. As they shed light on a topic I hadn't really thought about much in the game.
Necromancy.
Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to indulge myself in those books as my future access to miracles was in dire condition, and losing time reading books doesn't seem incredibly wise at the moment. I made my way back up the giant coffin thing after permanently borrowing pinwheel books without his consent.
I followed the prism stones laid out by someone leading to the tomb of giants. I am guessing they were left behind by Reah and her stooges in order to not get lost.
'Well, it doesn't really matter when you can barely even see the damn things in this dark.'
It was dark suffocatingly so. It got even worse the farther I got it. I couldn't even see my own hands in front of my face. Even the prism stones were hard to see fully. Thankfully I had a skull lantern that dropped from one of the necromancers. So now I was occupied with that in my left hand but that didn't really bother me much since I would be relying primarily on pyromancies since there are no necromancers here.
The giant skeletons, while really strong weren't agile enough to pose any significant threat to me. Because while I had acrobatics helping me maintain my balance around the pitfalls they didn't. So casting force was unusually effective.
You know, sliding down those oversized and impractical coffins was the most fun experience I had this month. Which is kinda depressing to be honest.
After a few slides. A lost limb(that was thankfully recovered and reattached using heal ) and a lot of giant skeletons chucked down to oblivion later I saw something.
Or well someone.
I came across a man wearing leather armor while holding an eagle shield and a spear. The moment he saw the light emitting from my lantern he squinted to get a better look at me and suddenly turned a shade paler.
On the other hand, I only had a singular thought in my mind.
'I wanna slap his bald head. It looks like an egg.'
He got visibly nervous when he saw me fully.
'Why is he so nervous? Am I that intimidating? I mean I am wearing all-black heavy knight armor with blood stains but I don't think it would warrant this much attention considering this is lordran we are talking about.'
...
Patches was having a good day. He even managed to trick a saintess and her stooge cleric followers and kicked them down a hole to harvest their loot later.
So yes it was indeed a good day for him.
So why.
'How and why did I encounter the bloody reaper of Lordran!?'
One might think it would be hard for news to travel in Lordran but that wasn't necessarily the case. With the talking crows around Lordran, one only needed to part with a shiny coin or so to hear the latest relevant news the birds had picked up.
Imagine his surprise when he heard of an undead that came out of the asylum just like the prophecy and brutally slaughtered mighty foes left and right.
Ruthless, brutal, efficient, deranged.
That's what he heard from the crows. An unstoppable deranged lunatic wearing a black knight armor with a red cape over it. Unfazed by death and pain. Willing to do anything to get this way.
'Just why did I have to encounter him of all people!?'
It was very hard to mistake him for someone else.
"Good day, kind sir! You look reasonably sane! What are you doing in the Catacombs on such a good day?"
The undead clad in armor just stared at patches. Like he was weighing his very soul with his indiscernible stare from behind his visor where nothing but shadows could be seen.
Patches' forehead was drenched in sweat. For some reason, interacting with the undead in front of him felt more like defusing a hostage situation than a conversation. Except for the fact that the hostage here was Patches. He knew he needed to do something.
''H- hey, don't look at me like that. I'm Trusty Patches, the one-and-only! Here, everything's good with us, eh? Aww, c'mon, take it!''
<You have acquired {Soul of a Lost Undead} >
*Stare*
-_-_-
Honestly, I didn't really have a reason for staring at him. I just wasn't really social enough to initiate a proper conversation with him, so I was thinking of something to say. But now that he has given me free stuff, I wonder if he will give me more if I keep staring at him intently.
Still don't get why he is scared shitless though. He may try to hide it but with soul sight, I can see his aura waver whenever he looks at me. I do feel kind of bad for nonverbally extorting him like this but I'm greedy, sue me.
After contemplating a bit Patches spoke.
''You know what? There's a fine stash of treasure right down that hole! I found it first, but we're friends now! Go on, take a peak. It'll shimmer you blind! Heh heh heh...''
Saying that he pointed down to the hole next to him, gesturing me to look down. Even though I knew from his tone of voice, mannerisms, and overall demeanor that this was probably a trap, my greed and curiosity were too high. So I unhesitatingly stepped on the ledge and peered down the hole.
*Kick*
And I was unsurprisingly met with a surprisingly strong kick to the back. Causing me to fall down the cliff. As I was calmly falling down I heard Patches' voice
''Heh heh, this is what I do, my friend. The trinkets I'll be stripping off your corpse; that's the real treasure! Nyah hah hah hah!''
''Trusty'' my ass.
[Patches Pov]
Although the reaper might be strong he shouldn't be strong enough to defy gravity. He is only undead after all. And considering his reputation he must be absolutely loaded. I will enjoy stripping the trinkets off of his corpse.
...
As I was falling down I simply reorientated myself to land on my feet and used fall control. Completely negating the damage from the drop. When I get myself out of this hole and save my miracle supplier I will slap that bald head of his so hard his eyes will pop.
I explored the area around me for a bit with my trusty lantern hanging by my hip. After looking around for a bit I found my not-yet-miracle teacher with her dress in rags and laying against a rock, dead tired. She barely noticed me and spoke.
''You're no Hollow, are you? Thank goodness. Please be careful. There are two fierce Hollows not far from here. They were once brave knights... my former escorts. Who would let such strong spirits be Hollowed so? Heavens... Is there nothing... Nothing at all to be done.''
Cool, so I have two kill those two. And then I get those sweet, plump, delicious...
Miracles.
''Cool, wait for me for like... a few minutes. I'll be right back.''
She looked horrified and was about to speak up to dissuade me from fighting two powerful hollows capable of using miracles, but before she could I left rapidly. She said something behind me but I didn't bother. It wouldn't be difficult to dispose of the undead clerics.
They weren't that far from her location which meant I had come just in time or else I would have lost access to some advanced miracles which would have severely damaged my completionist mentality.
There stood Tweedledee and Tweedledum, and the moment I saw them I didn't let them cast miracles but I also did not feel like spending the effort to do an actual battle so let's test this shall we?
I raised both of my hands in front of me as little flames appeared in front of them, then while casting great combustion on both hands I overloaded them with my energy. Anticipating the recoil I used dreadnought and deadman style to brace myself.
'{Twin Overcharged Great Combustion}!'
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!*
Yep, that definitely blew out my eardrums. A giant explosion ripped through the air and completely obliterated anything that stood around a 10 meters cone in front of me. Including the cleric duo. All that remained were charred corpses.
After having disposed of the holy duo I returned back to Reah who was looking at me with almost goofy-looking wide eyes. Well, I suppose that is an expected reaction when the man standing in front of you released the medieval equivalent of dynamite from his hands and did not look tired one bit(I was actually quite tired from that attack). After taking a few moments to readjust herself she spoke.
''You banished those two Hollows, did you? It pains me to think of the trouble my failings have caused. I am certain both Vince and Nico are grateful to you. Thank you so very much. Here, these belonged to them. You deserve them more than I.''
< You have aquired 1x{Tome: Replenishment} >
Well since she had given me something it was only fair I give something in return.
''Alright, take this and this and get out of this place.''
I gave her a homeward bonedust, and a few black firebombs just in case. After expressing her gratitude she used the bonedust and left. After a bit more exploration I found a ladder leading back up and climbed up it. Quite close to the ladder was a bonfire which I lit, after continuing on I once again met up with ''Trusty'' Patches.
And the moment he saw me he looked like he just shit bricks. Rightfully so.
''...Oh, you, I... Well, let's just calm down. Talk about things... I did you wrong. But, I didn't mean it. These...temptations, they can, well, overcome me... You know what I mean? Don't you? Please forgive me. You and me, we're jolly Undead outcasts, aren't we?''
*Step. *Step*
''L- let us be reasonable, you're still alive, I've said I'm sorry! Wait, I know! Here, take this. It proves something, doesn't it? C'mon, please have some mercy on ol' Patches will you?''
<You have received {Twin Humanity}>
I stood in front of him, only a few inches between us. The amount of sweat accumulated on Patches' head made him look like he had been dunked underwater.
Patches had seen the dreaded undead he pushed down the hole completely obliterate those two clerics instantly, and thanks to that he knew that he stood absolutely zero chance against the deranged maniac in front of him. So he could only hope to appease the undead in front of him to avoid a rather painful pain from being torn apart if the words of the crows proved true.
*Trip*
Using my leg I tripped him sending him down on his knees. And as Patches was about to do a dying struggle I moved to his side and sent my gauntlet to my inventory.
*SLAP!!!*
''Aw!!! Fucking hell!''
I slapped Patches' head so hard I sent him rolling a solid meter and leaving a bright red handprint on his egg-like noggin.
''Ah, I guess I deserved that. I hope we are equal now, right?''
He warily held out his hand. I obliged and helped him up now that he had seemingly learned his lesson.
''Oh, brilliant! A second chance! Wonderful! I had a feeling you'd understand, thank you very much! Trusty Patches is at your service. I best head to Firelink now, I have a feeling I'll meet you there. Until then, farewell''
After saying that ''trusty'' Patches hastily made his exit.
I have a feeling I'll be meeting that annoying fellow quite a lot from now.
