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STS Chapter 99: Familiar Faces
🕑 Added 2023-11-02 21:55:11 +0000 UTCAlright, I can't avoid it anymore. I am procrastinating.
Why the hell am I procrastinating? Am I scared? I don't think so.
But now I had replaced my armor with the Yharmam Hunter Attire instead which was basically the exact same thing I had before. I already infused a bunch of blood shards into my chaos blade and made it stronger.
So now those were ticked off my checklist what the fuck was I doing?
Nothing apparently.
I was sitting on top of the rooftop. Was, I stopped using the rooftops.
Why?
Turns out horrors beyond your comprehension really like dwelling on rooftops. You never shit your pants the same after having 3 Amygdala's in your eyesight as you sat on a rooftop. It feels weirdly terrifying that basically no matter where I am at, I am within a kilometer of an Amygdala.
Honestly, I don't know how I would fare up against an Amydala. Maybe I can win maybe I can't. I have fought gods before after all.
But not those... things.
My eyes hurt seeing them, my brain hurts trying to comprehend them. I am not worried about my body but...
Well, my mind is not the most sound thing in the world. While I am sure my mind can persevere against anything I don't want my brain being folded into pretzel.
By insight is at 43. I already can't discern some things from reality anymore. My mind is not built with cosmic eldrich knowledge in mind and it shows.
So I was just spending my time doing whatever. Hunting beasts, and reading books mostly. And Yharmam is really lacking literature. Almost everything is depressing. No Grimm's fairy tales, no Alice in Wonderland, no JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Nothing.
God, this world really is all doom and gloom.
I wonder what I can do right now other than training my skills. For example, my telekinesis is already at level 5, and I can exert enough pressure to crush a car.
The only thing I can even think of that I am lacking in is my swordsmanship. Sure I am better than most mortals can even hope to achieve but there is a flaw with my swordsmanship. But I don't really know how to fix that so I was stuck just trying to improve other ways.
At least with how many books I read as I can read more than 30 times faster than the average person I am rather knowledgeable on just about everything here. Well, it isn't very good since this is still the 19th century.
But yeah, I know just about every subject taught in 19th century "London" in detail. Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Psychology, you know it I read it. And I can also accurately recall any knowledge from any book I read in perfect detail.
Discounting my Severe Dementia I actually have memory that vastly outstrips that of any human being. Any scene I see I can recall in perfect detail. Let's see my intelligence was 99 and 10 is the base, then you could maybe say that my IQ is far above average? Then again I don't remember what the average IQ was.
Of course, I didn't read books for nothing, having this knowledge helps me with the calculations I need to do when using skills. For example, through rapid calculation, I can deduce the amount of force required to snap my targets C1 vertebrae with telekinesis so that I can exert the minimum amount of force to kill them and not strain myself using telekinesis.
Well, that is what I would do if I was a nerd anyway. No, instead I choose to shatter their necks with enough strength to send a car flying. It's just more fun that way.
I am just saying I could.
Well, now that my supply of books has run out I was just walking the streets and snapping necks(more like decapitation due to excessive force) while looking for something to do. When, suddenly I felt my insight ping me of something of interest, it was like an invisible trail was laid out in front of me.
This either meant some horror beyond comprehension was messing with my mind to bring me to them as their next meal or this was leading me toward something I needed to see according to my insight.
Hopefully that something is not a horror beyond my comprehension.
It led me to a random door, in a random street. I don't get why but my cosmic horror knowledge probably knew better. So I went up to it and knocked.
Of course, I expected to hear a voice. But the voice I heard made my eyes open wider than they had ever been since I came to this world and I was genuinely stunned for a second.
"…Oh, a hunter of beasts, are you? Glory be. You know not the value you possess.
…But, more's the pity…
The hours of the night are many, and the beasts more than I can count. A veritable hunt unending!
Not even death offers solace, and the blood imbibes you. Ha, a most frightful fate, oh my.
But I'm willing to do you a kindness.
Step lightly round to the right of the great cathedral, and seek an ancient, shrouded church.
…The gift of the godhead will grant you strength…
Yes, I'm unquestionably certain, heheh…"
A weird-looking stone rolled from the door slot as I absentmindedly picked it up.
No fucking way.
"What is it? You can go now."
No.
Fucking.
Way.
I grabbed the door handle and tore the entire door off in one motion.
And what the sight that greeted me was...
Patches as a ...spider?
"Hey! What gives the idea you maddened foo-" He stopped his sentence dead when he saw me send my hat and face cover into my inventory. I am assuming my tiny smirk gave away my identity almost instantly.
"M'lord? Is that you?" Patches(?) face twisted in confusion and befuddlement. Yeah, about what I would imagine after seeing the guy seeing the guy who slapped your bald head at subsonic speeds again in another world.
"In the undying flesh."
...
I can't believe it, Spider Patches is actually here. That egg-headed cleric-hating bastard is actually here. But there is something nagging me.
"Patches."
Whatever the actual fuck patches currently was looked away. Even I could barely force out a humoured smirk. This situation, was just too absurd.
"...Yes M'lord?"
"Why the hell are you a spider?" this elephant was simply far too large for me to gloss over. Patches was a spider for Miyazaki's sake. How the fuck did he end up like that?
"M'lord please believe me when I say I've got not the slightest idea. I walked out of the shrine to take a piss shortly after you left and suddenly I was here, as a spider nonetheless!"
That is unreasonably funny and I would laugh if I was mentally capable of doing so.
Still, how the Fuck did Patches follow me here? It's not like a portal opened up to swallow me or something, I am here due to system fuckery.
...What the fuck is my system anyway?
Alas all I could do was smirk slightly.
"So, what have you been up to Spaches?"
Spider Patches gave me the most spider Patches look he could have possibly given me when I said that.
"Well, since the people of Yharnam don't seem to be keen on hunting poor old me. I spent my time gathering a bunch of trinkets and odd bits and pieces."
"You mean like that stone you gave me?" At the mention of it Spacthes looked like he swallowed a lemon.
"Yes and no... while you were away I may or may not have gotten caught up with a cult about an outer god. I would sacrifice hunters to it and it would give me boons. That stone is supposed to lead you to him as a... sacrifice." I gave him an unamused look but I couldn't hide my slight smirk.
Still the ol' Patches I know.
"Tryin' to push me down a hole again?" That made Spatches look like he would shit enough bricks to rebuild London.
"O-of course not my lord, the thought would have never crossed my mind if I knew it was you! You know me!"
"I do. Brace yourself." That was all the warning I gave him as his eyes went wide but it was too late.
I used my blinding speed to vanish on the spot and appear behind Spatches. It was inevatble, unavoidable punishment that I would bring down upon Spatches for his sins against the Dark Lord of Humanity, the God of Light, Flame, Death, Darkness and the Fathe of Humanity.
Punishment shall be merciless. Punishment shall be swift.
Planting my feet on the ground it was almost perfect form. I spun on my feet, my hand moved like it was conducting an orchestra as it rose to its peak.
And then my body rotated, generating force starting from my feet from the rotation of my hips and alignment of all the forces on my body my hand moved like the merciless hand as it dove down like a meteor with an open palm.
Spatches' bald head was slick with sweat, making it look even more like an egg. And now, the inevitable wrath of the gods would strike down upon that egg-like dome.
The hand met the egg-like head perfectly, producing a meaty thwack as the force behind the slap sent Spatches flying into a pile of boxes in the corner.
*T H W A C K!!!*
*Crash!*
I smiled in satisfaction. For once everything felt right.
A/N: Our favourite world-travelling loveable asshole is back!
Did you like the chapter? I would love to hear your thoughts about it in the comments, your comments help motivate me so your comments are always welcome!
Comments
James French
PATCHES ME BOI
Bloooded
This cracked me up. Beautiful.
