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Sexy Space Babes - Mechs, Maidens and Macaroons: Chapter Twenty Six
🕑 Added 2025-10-06 12:57:32 +0000 UTCWicker baskets, as it turned out, were something of a universal innovation. They were a bit like the wheel in that regard. Every race at some point in its early development figured out the art of weaving grass, leaves, sea-weed or sticks together to create a container with which they could carry things.
Which was at least partly why Mark had no issue whatsoever finding a wicker basket in one of the forgotten corners of Kalia’s mansion. Now, technically there was no real need for him to acquire a wicker basket for this trip, but a picnic just didn’t feel right without one.
Even if he got a few peculiar looks from the others when loading the container into the car.
After all, while the innovative creation that was the wicker basket was something of a universal constant, the same was not necessarily true for its association with picnics – nor even really the existence of picnics themselves.
Sandwiches, amusingly, were in fact something of a constant, as the many he’d created for this trip hadn’t drawn much in the way of scrutiny from Kalia, Tenir or Saria. The fillings had, but the notion of some kind of filling ‘sandwiched’ between two slices of something that was both edible and easily held was something his boss and her friends seemed quite familiar with.
Though that wasn’t to say that the whole event was entirely bereft of novel experiences for the three alien women as they sat amidst the splendid greenery of Krenheim's most expensive and exclusive park…
“Say ahh…” Mark said affectionately, plucking a chocolate-covered strawberry from the basket, holding it out toward Tenir.
Her silver skin flushed a deeper hue, embarrassment painting her cheeks as feigned reluctance to accept the exotic treat.
A move he didn’t really understand. Neither she nor Saria had been all that reluctant barely a few minutes ago. In fact, the pair had been all but fighting over the chance to be fed by hand once they’d realized it was on offer. Kalia had watched the whole thing with something akin to a jealous glint in her eyes, while clutching a half-eaten sandwich from her side of the blanket.
A fact that had made him feel a little guilty, given her own somewhat loveless relationship with her fiancée…
Mark winced, strawberry drooping a little as the sound of another gurgle rang out from nearby.
…Fortunately, in the intervening minutes since that first longing look, his former boss had found something to distract herself with.
Shaking his head to dismiss the interruption from his mind, he once more moved the strawberry closer to Tenir.
“Come on. I know you want it,” he coaxed, his voice warm and encouraging, the strawberry’s chocolate melting slightly in the sun. “Why are you getting shy all of a sudden?”
Tenir’s lips trembled, eyes glancing between where Saria was packing up the blanket and the strawberry in front of her.
Mark resisted the urge to frown.
Was it because they’d drawn a bit of a crowd now? Was that why she and Saria had suddenly gotten all shy? He glanced over to where the Pesrin was packing away the blanket and basket, determinedly keeping her eyes from lingering on anything.
Ugh. Yeah, this was probably some kind of macho thing. Or femismo. Whatever the female equivalent of machismo was. And that said tough girls couldn’t be seen getting hand fed fruit now that there were other people around apparently.
“Fair enough,” he said, pulling the strawberry back and plopping it into his own mouth – it’d just go to waste otherwise.
As he did though, he definitely noticed the small wince on Tenir’s face.
Clearly she’d actually wanted that strawberry.
He resisted the urge to shake his head at the ridiculousness. Honestly, it wasn’t even like the small crowd that had gathered was looking at them. Mostly. Being a human and a male he always drew at least a few glances. But for the most part, the crowd were looking in Kalia’s direction.
“Ready to go?” He asked, turning to Saria.
“Yep,” the catgirl said, blanket and basket now in her arms. “Now we just need to-”
Whatever else the woman might have said was cut off as yet another loud, guttural gurgle erupted from the nearby restroom – tinged with a little light groaning.
Sighing, Mark finally turned his attention to where Kalia was standing outside the park’s only set of restrooms. As he did, he finally chose to actually listen into a conversation that he’d thus far chosen to relegate to background noise.
“My stance has not changed,” Kalia didn’t quite shout at the closed doors of the set of toilets, but her words carried all the same. “I won’t be delaying my next engagement simply because your team happens to be feeling ‘under the weather’.”
It was actually kind of funny, how the words she was saying and her tone of voice contrasted with her expression. The heiress was wincing in time with each and every noise that issued forth from within the squat set of buildings.
Though how much of that was a product of sympathy for their escort’s plight and how much of it came from the smell, he couldn’t say. All he knew was that even before the four-woman security team had started showing ‘symptoms’ he was glad he’d chosen to position their picnic spot upwind of the nearby restroom.
“Ma’am, I must stress y-you cannot go out without an escort!” a guard’s voice shouted back, her words punctuated by a violent heave, the door muffling but not concealing the wet, gurgling torment within.
“Then provide one. You were the ones who insisted on shadowing me. As such, I’ve no obligation to change my plans as a result of your own… state,” Kalia retorted, her tone icy and unyielding.
Outwardly at least.
In truth, the heiress winced with each and every heave. But that didn’t keep her from continuing. “There are four of you, are there not? Surely one of you is still capable of fulfilling their duties? Actually, where even are the other two?”
Of course, the answer to that was painfully clear. They were in an upscale park. One replete with manicured lawns, elegantly pruned trees, and expensive looking benches. In short, a lot of effort had gone into making the place look fancy.
And you know what isn’t fancy? Mark thought as he idly looked around. Toilets.
Something about a place for people to void their bowels apparently struck the architects of this place as ‘uncouth’. Personally, Mark disagreed, but his opinion mattered little. What did matter was that in the entirety of this very expensive private park, there was but a single set of pristine restrooms. Two toilets. Intended for men or women. And they were both currently occupied by two members of Kalia’s security detail.
Mark shuddered to imagine what the interiors of those once pristine bathrooms now looked like. He’d been fairly careful in his choice of ingredients and the ‘food poisoning’ that would result. Partially to ensure it would seem accidental. Partially to ensure it wasn’t truly dangerous. And partially to ensure that the resulting illness would be of the ‘firing out of both ends’ variety.
As a result, the state of those bathrooms would likely be entirely decided by how fast the women on those toilets could transition from sitting on them – to kneeling before them.
Still, as bad as that image was, it likely paled in comparison to what was undoubtedly happening somewhere in this park. He’d definitely felt a little bad as he watched the other two guards stiffen a few minutes ago, before swiftly staggering off to disappear amidst the foliage.
No, he wasn’t proud, but his options had been limited and he really did need a window in which Kalia would be able to move about without scrutiny.
“If you’d just wait for a few more minutes, a second vehicle is already inbound…” the head guard wheezed, her voice breaking between retches.
“And miss my next appointment? I think not!” Kalia snapped, before turning to Mark, Saria, and Tenir with a decisive nod. “Come on, people. It seems we’ll have to depart without an escort.”
It was actually kind of impressive, just how good an actor she was. Especially given that she’d not even been aware of his plans until he’d whispered them to her a few minutes ago.
Their group moved swiftly to leave the park, ignoring the requests of their toilet bound escorts, before clambering into the same vehicle they’d arrived in – while the car the security team had used remained idly behind them.
Though as Saria started up the vehicle, Mark couldn’t help but notice the many stares being directed his way.
“What?” he asked defensively.
None of the women said anything, though he could have sworn Saria muttered something under her breath about the ‘quiet ones’.
Which he felt was a little unfair. It was just a small laxative and emetic combo. Which meant the vomiting and… other stuff wasn’t even a result of anything dangerous. It’d be short lived – and once they… emptied out, they’d be fine.
…Well, they’d likely need to replenish their fluids, but it was hardly life threatening.
Wait!? Was this why Saria and Tenir suddenly got all reticent about eating the desserts he’d brought!?
Fortunately, before he could voice his suspicions, Kalia spoke up.
“So, are you going to tell me what all this was in aid of, Mark?” she asked hesitantly.
“Oh, I have some idea,” Saria said as the car started to move towards the coordinates he’d given her. “And it’s a terrible idea.”
“It’s not!” Mark was offended. His idea made perfect sense. It was even downright elegant.
…To him at least.
And hell, Jelara had agreed to it, so it couldn’t have been that bad.
Though admittedly, now that he thought about it, her use of ‘fuck it, why not? We’ll see you there’ may have been less enthusiastic than he’d originally read it as after texting her.
Still, they were committed now! He’d literally poisoned at least four people for this. Likely more! The four they’d left behind weren’t the only ones in the security room when he’d handed out his tainted goods. Indeed, the only members of Kalia’s new security team who likely weren’t currently fighting for toilet space would have been those who were out patrolling the grounds when he’d come around.
“Mark, I like you a lot, but it really is.” Tenir drawled as she idly gazed out the window at the passing traffic.
Kalia snapped. “Well, good or bad, I still don’t know what the idea is. I thought we were just going for a picnic before he said we had to leave! Skies, part of me thinks this might actually be a kidnapping attempt.”
“It’s not,” Mark said soothingly, ignoring Tenir’s betrayal. “And It’s a surprise.”
“Saying that is not helping me think this isn’t a kidnapping!” Kalia muttered, though it was clear she didn’t actually think that.
Saria and Tenir exchanged glances, before Tenir spoke. “It’s not a kidnapping, Kalia. It’s just a terrible plan. So don’t get your hopes up. We’re nearly there already, so I’ll let this whole… thing speak for itself. But trust me, when you see his plan, you’ll realize that it’s terrible.”
Mark didn’t pout. He was a grown ass man. He did cross his arms though. “Well, if it’s so bad, why did you and Saria even go along with it?”
Saria laughed, though she kept her eyes on the road. “Because it’s better than what we’ve got. Which is absolutely nothing. And that’s after spending all of last night trying to come up with something. So at this point I’d say that coming out here to shut down your terrible plan beats moping around the mansion.”
“We also thought we really were just going on a picnic until you dropped that horror show on us,” Tenir said with a small shudder.
Which Mark thought was entirely overblown. It was a little pooping and vomiting. That was it. It wasn’t like he’d taken their escorts out back and blown their brains out.
He didn’t say as much though. Instead he chose to be the bigger man and wait. It didn’t matter if Tenir and Saria thought his plan was terrible. The only ones that mattered here were Jelara and Kalia.
One of whom had already agreed. And the other was looking at him with hope in her eyes. At least, he hoped it was hope.
Because it could just as easily be seen as desperation.
---------------------------
As far as first words upon meeting someone new, especially someone from whom she was essentially asking a favor – even if she didn’t know it – Kalia’s weren’t great.
“You’re an Ulnus,” the heiress said without preamble, eyes roaming over Jelara’s suit.
To make matters worse, the words weren’t said without any real derision. Just naked surprise. As if the notion of having anything to do with one of his lover’s species was something entirely out of left field.
Jelara, for her part, glared – which was fairly impressive for a woman without eyes. But she did it anyway as she crossed her arms. “Yes, this one is. Is that a problem?”
To her credit, Kalia realized she’d made a mistake and flushed an even darker red, hands fluttering nervously before settling at her sides. “Oh, no. Not at all. I just… this wasn’t what I was expecting. None of this is.”
She gestured toward the street, her arm sweeping across the rough neighborhood around them and the nearest flickering streetlight in particular.
Kalia continued, her gaze darting to Mark before returning to Jelara. “When Mark said he might have a plan, I was expecting… Well, I don’t know what I was expecting.”
Her laugh was hollow, a nervous sound that echoed off the warehouse walls.
Jelara’s amusement showed as she shrugged, spokes of yellow breaking through the blue – though none of it showed in her tone. “Well, that makes two of us. This one knows she certainly wasn’t expecting to meet you this morning either. And personally, this one thinks that this whole plan of his is going to end terribly, but… fuck it. We’re willing to take the risk.”
Mark laughed. “Well, I’m glad to know I’m the only one who thinks this might work. It’s not like I possibly torpedoed my future career prospects by ‘accidentally’ poisoning a bunch of my new employer’s staff.”
And he was definitely trying not to think about that fact too hard. Mostly because the risk he was taking was barely a blip compared to what Jelara was. And on some level he felt guilty for asking this of her – but on some other level, he reminded himself that she’d chosen to get involved of her own volition.
He’d put his plan forward when he texted her, but he’d made it clear that he was just putting forward an opportunity. That said opportunity was fraught with risk after the big talk he’d put forward last night was a little shameful for him, but it was an opportunity for her.
He’d made sure of that!
Admittedly, he’d not had time to do too much research while hiding in the shitter in Kalia’s mansion with a guard standing outside the door – but it had been enough to show him that his plan was viable.
He was snapped from his thoughts though as Kalia chuckled. “Well, I still don’t know what this plan is, so you may find another believer in me yet, Mark. Though I’d like to be let back into the dark soon.”
There was a hint of censure in that metaphor, to which he nodded before gesturing to Jelara. The jelly woman simply moved toward the warehouse door, hand reaching for a keycard tucked into a hidden seam of her suit. The card reader beeped as she scanned it, the heavy door groaning open with a metallic groaning, revealing the dark interior that rapidly brightened as the auto-lights turned on.
“See for yourself,” she said, turning to gesture Kalia inside.
Kalia hesitated, before she crossed the threshold – Mark and the others following behind her.
Which was why he heard the short woman’s gasp as her eyes landed on the mech sitting in the center of the room.
The hulking, multi-limbed machine looked just as he remembered it last. Its surface remained pitted and patched and most of its weapons were still strewn about the place.
But it was undeniably a mech.
“You have a mech,” Kalia said, her voice a mix of surprise and excitement, her hands reaching out as if to touch it.
Jelara nodded, her core pulsing with a faint thread of purple pride. “That this one does - and Mark says if you win this match of yours, you’ll get this one a newer, ‘nicer’ one.”
Kalia’s eyes gleamed, a spark of determination igniting as she turned to the Ulnus and nodded vigorously. “Oh, I can do that. Beyond a doubt. In fact, I’ll get Tenir to draw up a contract, and we can-”
“Yes, she has a very shitty mech,” Saria interrupted, her voice cutting through the moment.
“Oh? Care to repeat that?” Jelara grunted, turning to the Pesrin with a dangerous cocking of her head. “You said it was ‘good’ the other day.”
To which Saria raised her hands defensively. “For a starter! But for what Kalia needs, a finalist match in the pro-leagues, it’s not going to cut it. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”
Kalia however was grinning. “Now, now, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve competed in a sub-par mech.”
Saria shook her head, her ears flattening against her skull, her voice firm. “No. Don’t give me that. This isn’t your mother forcing you to take a few lasers that run too hot or servos that burn out too quick.”
“It’d need upgrades then?” Mark asked – his voice soft even as every eye in the room snapped to him. Including Tenir, who’d yet to say anything, content to let Saria speak.
“Yes. A lot of them,” Saria said slowly after taking a deliberately calming breath. “I’m sorry Mark. This is… a decent idea in theory, but the reality is-”
“Like the kind Kalia paid for?” This time it was Mark’s turn to interrupt. “You said earlier that she struggled to save money because a lot of the upgrades for her machine came from her own pockets.”
Saria paused, her mouth opening, then closing as she bit down on her initial response – before pausing to consider her words. “Well, they’d help… I can’t deny that. Though it’d be a hell of a rush to even get them installed in time…”
Even as the Pesrin trailed off as she turned to stare at the machine with new eyes, Mark spoke again. “You guys said Kalia’s people took the mech. Can we get it back to get those parts back? I mean, they still technically belong to Kalia right?”
“No need,” Tenir said, speaking for the first time. “I made that argument when they tried to seize the mech. At the time, I was just hoping to delay things. But in response, Lady Vorn’s people brought in a full engineering team to strip out the parts that we owned. It took them just under an hour.” She got a faraway look. “It was honestly… rather impressive to watch. Still, those parts should still be sitting in the hangar.”
Mark felt a surge of hope, his chest tightening with possibility, but Saria’s voice broke through again, her tone sharp.
“Still, none of this matters. Even if I could install those parts to get the mech to a level where it might be able to compete at the level we need, the mech isn’t designed for a humanoid pilot. It’s got too many limbs for her to be able to use the neural interface for it.”
Kalia twisted to face Saria, her eyes blazing with determination, her voice firm. “Can’t we cut down on the limbs then? Get it close to a humanoid shape? We’ve got a month after all.”
Mark noted that Jelara said nothing as they talked about butchering the machine she’d spent years creating. Instead she just stood there, back leaning against the wall.
Not that any of the trio of friends seemed to notice as Saria shook her head sadly, tail flicking back and forth. “Perhaps if I had a full engineering team, which we definitely can’t afford, and three months? As it is, a month is barely enough time for me to install the upgrades we’ll need, let alone start that kind of total refit.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry Kalia, truly, but it’s not going to happen.”
Of course, even as the three continued to argue, Mark glanced back to Jelara who seemed content to just watch. Because she’d pointed out the exact same issue when he’d texted her. It had actually been her first response. At least, her first one that wasn’t outright questioning his sanity.
Fortunately, he’d had an answer. As a result of the quick scan of the league’s rulebook.
Admittedly, he’d actually been a little dubious as to whether his interpretation was actually correct, but after a solid minute of thought, Jelara had responded that it was.
Which was honestly kind of crazy to him, but he wasn’t about to complain.
Still, all this meant he was a little surprised that Jelara wasn’t talking as the trio continued. Instead, she simply nodded at him – seemingly content to let him take the lead.
Well, if that was the case, he wouldn’t complain.
“Ladies,” he said ,stepping forward, gesturing his hands to draw their attention as three eyes turned towards him with frankly eerie synchronicity. “I think I may have a solution to your problem.”
One could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed – and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the moment. He’d not exactly had too many chances to gain big wins since coming to Krenheim, so being the center of attention for reasons other than his possession of a penis was quite nice.
“Tell me, have any of you ever heard of the human legend of Airbud?” he asked.
And he also enjoyed the sight of three aliens each cocking their head in unison – hell, even Jelara looked a bit confused.
“No?” Kalia coughed. “Is that… important?”
Mark grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes “Incredibly, because of the lesson contained within.”
He paused for dramatic effect.
“And that lesson is that ‘there’s no rule that says a dog can’t play basketball.’”
Comments
22junk
Is the mildly fun surprise previously teased videogame perhaps?
Blue Fishcake
Well, it sure as shit ain't Sunday, but I should have it ready in a few hours. Just finishing up the last scene :P P.S. Will also be unveiling something mildly fun at the same time (Scratch that, I'm on my last legs finishing this chapter, so I'll release that now and the surprise tomorrow when I wake up).
MarakEvans
Thinking again, she is already watching. Respectfully observing how Mark handles the situation on his own first, since he cut ties first.
MarakEvans
A guardsmen tries an ogryn's rations on a dare... But the ogryn kept a leg he found to munch later .. The Inquisition suspected a Nurgle influenced prayer.
MarakEvans
Aftershower thought... French Resistance Lady... Would EAT THIS UP.
Trevayne
Thanks for keeping us informed. I take it happy with the chapter as to how it is developing, since it isn't done yet.
Blue Fishcake
Aiming for Sunday - but with me, who knows :P Either way, I'm actually quite happy with this chapter.
lord vauthry
My theory is since smaller divisions of ulnus were considered 'nonsapient' jelara may split down too count as copilot. Though i may be wrong on my lore
mraanonymous
Don’t tell me mark is going in that DIY mech.
Hunter
It’s not a war crime the first time my guy. Regardless of whether your using a loophole, if it’s not against the rules then it’s not against the rules… that’s the life blood of the consortium, even krenheim.
Hunter
I wanna make it clear I DONT know what’s gonna happen and that I’m guessing here… but I’m willing to bet that he’s about to propose they copilot the mech. One does movement and the other works the guns.
Throngler In Chief
...You know with this MC being a chef for aliens, a self-insert as a blue fishcake is entirely viable here.
Andrew Lechner
You forgot to post the public reddit chapter.
Folly Industries
Ohh. I'd like this twist. A great way to fold her into the main storyline
Seriously
Yeah but... I really wanted Mark to get utterly pumped by like 4 hot alien guards... let's do an alternative chapter. 😂🔥
Trevayne
I doubt Jellara could substitute for Kaila. At the end of the natch it is pretty clear who is getting out of the mech. I think Jellara could be a copilot. I doubt they have rules for two beings in a much because they haven't tried it before, hence the air buds reference.
Moonlightwind
Oh my god is Jelara going to sub in for Kalia, that is an extremely insane proposition, but it would explain why she was content to just sit back and watch. Also I cannot believe he invoked Airbud, if they ever find out what that is actually in reference to (or how to spell it as I assume he said that in English), they’re gonna kill him.
Vlad Cold
Hm, also interesting would be Mark's response like "Yes, I gave them food poisoning. C'mon! I had to ditch the guards! What did you expect me to do? Lure them one by one to be alone with me then kill them by stabbing a stylus through the eye?" He felt eyes on him. "What?" 🤣. Also, Tenir might tell guards later it was covert check for their professionalism. "Our chef noted lack of your professionalism when you touched his dick while frisking, and I decided to have him check your professionalism in other areas. You failed. We'll be hiring a supplementary bodyguard. Budget tight, so it will be an Ulnus. DO NOT behave unprofessionally towards her🤣."
Joe ?
The judge could also use Air Bud's corollary, which says "if you have to invoke the air bud rule, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be"
Vlad Cold
"...the heavy door groaning open with a metallic groaning..." - unnecessary repeat (stylistic error?)
Trevayne
Interesting update that I think is inducing mental winces in any reader with any experience with food poisoning or nausea. Still a good chapter that pushes the plot firmly towards the end game.
Trevayne
I wonder if they are going to try a copiloting arrangement, where Kaila is primary operator and Jellara handles the extra limbs that Kaila can't manage.
Trevayne
I think he overestimated his ability to leave out the politics and intrigue.
Baron Von Mott
Well, that first part certainly conjured some mental images I definitely *didn't* need... 😂
Andrew Lechner
I still have no idea how "there’s no rule that says a dog can’t play basketball" translates to a plan in this case. I thought they would be using Jelera's mech to steal back Kalia's.
MarakEvans
Editing seemed on point. Kudos to beta readers.
MarakEvans
Bipedaloidling... lul
Frayo
Great chapter. Everyone knows that chefs secretly want to poison annoying customers. Also, "humanoid pilot" I think you used Shiloid once before... though, since it's Saria speaking, she might say Pesrinoid or Nighkruoid?
Carlos Torres
"There's no rule that says a dog can't play basketball." Ha!
TheEpicTom
'he was glad he’d chosen to position their picnic spot downwind of the nearby restroom.' I think you mean upwind here. Downwind sounds nightmarish.
Found&Lost
Wow you doing okay blue? Edit: Great chapter! I do need to ask though, because it's 3 AM Hawaiian time and these were SUPPOSED to be a light relaxing time with your muse before you go back to steam and jump head first into a civil war.
