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De'Vas Chronicles Book 4: Chapter 22

🕑 Added 2025-07-20 02:39:03 +0000 UTC

Comments

Chase Kilgore

Great suggestions and catches man! Appreciate it!

Captain Rope 1

My best idea i have is that she is not a elf at all it just how we and everyone else see her as. Don't forget that we don't know what Humanity is doing right now and i have a running idea that they are watching all of this happening an see how it goes.

Not a clever man

After further thought, some things stand out to me. 1) surprised how common elemental scars apparently are... guessing that the lack of speedy communication and many (if any) formal places of higher education likely mean that most don't know the signs or how common it is. 2) With the introduction of the Oni to this meeting, we have now seen him, but who is the hetrochromatic elf working with? Is she part of this group, or part of a different group... she 'stands out' way too much to be a good spy, no matter how good she is. In fact, it is intentional and blatant. Her being able to hide might be more of an assassin skill set? Dunno, but her lack of appearance at the meeting makes me wonder if she isn't with Hitome but another faction.

Pixel

'didn’t miss, the latter' - I think a dash would work better than a comma here with how many sub-parts there are in the sentence 'Boss, who' - no comma here, unless she's really just down to a single remaining District Boss, which I can't remember 'former-pawn' - no hyphen here, this is just in two words 'if she doesn’t' - Should be 'if she didn't' to preserve tense 'artifacts, most are' - I think a full stop would be better here 'him be, and I' - I'd drop this comma 'another, and you used it' - I'd drop this comma as it's part of the same argument and I'd also write 'that you use it', adding 'that' and changing tense. That last part is mostly up to you, though ^^ 'scar will either' - Should be 'would' to preserve tense ^^ 'time when' - I think this should be 'where' for this context, but now I'm not entirely sure and too lazy to look it up :P 'her failures.' - I think 'failures...' would work a lot better here to really emphasize the unsaid ^^ 'It’s always Blackthorn who ruins her life.' - Maybe put this in italics and replace 'her' with 'my' to make it internal monologue ^^ That could work really well here ^^ Not sure if it's this chapter or if I'm just in a punctuation kind of mood today xD Anyways, loved the chapter and I'm super excited to see what happens next ^^


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