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De'Vas Chronicles Book 4: Chapter 24

🕑 Added 2025-07-26 05:17:28 +0000 UTC

Comments

Pixel

'danced on the piece of furniture' - not sure I'm quite happy with this... Maybe something like 'said piece', but that's not great either... I guess it's a minor thing, so do what you like, just wanted to point it out ^^ 'her sister, and she frowned' - Maybe simply 'sister, frowning' ^^ Much more in line with how you normally write and I think it flows better ^^ 'know, and I' - this comma isn't needed ^^ I hope the next chapters are here soon - you can't just leave us like that! xD

Martin Gamboa

Mom's is a gangster. Can't wait. And you know if anyone touches her Ash and his pet monster are gunna tear it up


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