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De'Vas Chronicles Book 4: Chapter 38

🕑 Added 2025-08-17 18:49:50 +0000 UTC

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Dual.

Tftc

Pixel

'She threw an arm around each of them as she heard laughter overhead as they dove into one of the shanty buildings' - the double use of 'as' here makes the sentence a bit cumbersome 'They’re copies made from Wind Magic!' - should probably be in italics, marking it as thoughts 'as shards shot toward the pixie' - this doesn't flow well with the rest, at least to my eye. I think maybe dropping the comma and replace 'as' with 'and' would work better, or something like that 'that sacrificed the metal encasing her hand for a powerful blast of Fire Magic and iron shards at her enemy' - there's a verb or something missing here 'the magic dagger Piper had' - I think the correct form here would be 'had had' This is really, really good. Don't know what to say other than 'give me more' xD


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