thundamoo
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24. Breakable
🕑 Added 2024-11-17 11:52:25 +0000 UTCA/N: Late late late. Oh well, at least I'm not missing updates. Only one more week until my break! I'm starting to hate those a lot less, which is... probably healthy? Oh, and speaking of healthy, content warnings for all of the PTSD. Also speaking of healthy: it's five in the morning now so I am going the heck to sleep. Enjoy the chapter!
"You're here early, Fulgora," Castalia greets me. "Or… Minerva?"
I shrug, glancing uncomfortably around the open field. It's the sort of flat, brown grassland pervasive to the areas outside of town, where human engineering hasn't bothered to transform the natural environment into something lush and green for the sake of aesthetics. No one is around for as far as I see, which is pretty far in clear weather like this. I feel like this is probably somebody's property, but I have no idea what kind of person owns all the unused spaces like this.
"I don't know," I answer, craning my neck up to where she's hovering overhead. "Whichever. Whoever. I don't want to think about it. Just call me Eliza."
It's a familiar name, if perhaps not a perfectly accurate one.
"Oh," Castalia says. "You're going to have to think about it, though."
I flinch.
"Um, why?" I ask.
"Because that's how you're going to be training," Castalia answers matter-of-factly. "You are still forbidden from assuming your incarnate forms for another week, outside of an immediate threat to your life, so the start of your training will be mental, not practical."
"I'm fine," I insist with a scowl, rolling my recently-shot shoulder to show how easily I can ignore the pain. "I can transform whenever."
"That is good to know," Castalia says. "Don't."
I want to argue with her, but I hold my tongue. This is Castalia, after all. All of this would be kind of pointless if I didn't trust her to know what she's doing.
"I won't, but transforming is the easiest way to figure out whether I'm Fulgora or Minerva," I tell her.
"Okay. Why do you think that is?" Castalia asks.
"Um. Because the spell makes me shout my name at the end?" I blink.
"No. Well yes, but no. Your incarnate form is you. It is your true self. You have two, you are two. But Minerva does not stop existing when you are Fulgora, and Fulgora does not stop existing when you are Minerva. Right?"
"Yeah, I mean, I guess that's right," I begrudgingly admit.
"And that is why your stone is brown," Castalia says. "If both of you are there, both of you can use it. Simultaneously."
"Okay… but if I'm not supposed to cast, what are we doing today to 'work together?' Just talk things out?" I ask. "That… I dunno, I can do that on my own time."
But will we, though?
"The heights of magical power come from great madness or great clarity," Castalia answers cryptically. "I would prefer to steer you towards clarity over madness."
A little late then, aren't you?
"What is this, some kung-fu purity of mind stuff?" I ask.
"Yes," Castalia answers bluntly. "Well, maybe. I do not know kung-fu. But I would not be surprised if it utilizes similar concepts."
I sigh. I know she's right, I don't know why I'm being so petulant about this. I suppose I'm just frustrated. I guess that's a good sign that I'm probably Fulgora.
It's not like I can't get mad and you can't get scared.
Okay so I'm definitely Fulgora then. Hi, Minerva.
Oh, yeah. Uh. Hi.
"If it assists you with conceptualization, I do not mind if you speak out loud," Castalia offers.
"It would not help," I insist, gritting my teeth. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than straight-up talking out loud to myself in front of my mentor. I may be crazy, but I don't want to look crazy.
Let's at least try to do what she says, okay? It seems like the basic idea here is that we should be copiloting, right? Working together to supply emotions and use the body.
I don't want you using 'my body.' And I imagine you don't want me using yours.
I mean, not really, but I see why we should. Our spells have different specializations. You fight up close, I fight at range. You're aggressive, I'm defensive. You can't deny that combining our styles and fluidly swapping as necessary would be an effective combat strategy. Plus, you know, if you hate it when I take control you can just get mad about it.
And you can be scared that I'm not going to give you control back.
Uh. Oh no! I guess I can! Is that a thing that can happen!?
"How's it going?" Castalia asks.
"Fine," I snap at her.
She blinks.
"Are you angry at me because you want to be, or are you just angry?" she asks.
I wince. She's taking time out of her day to help and I'm just being a bitch about it. Why am I so prickly today!?
"Sorry," I say. "I'll do better."
"That doesn't answer my question," Castalia says. I stare up at her, not entirely sure where she's going with this.
Well, answer her!
"I guess I'm just angry," I admit. "You haven't done anything wrong. Interacting with Minerva just pisses me off. Which I guess is a good thing?"
"No," Castalia says firmly. "It is not."
I blink. Why… not?
"But… I'm a red mage. Or a red-and-green mage, at least. More sources of anger means more I can draw on."
Castalia frowns.
"…Maybe I should teach more people," she mutters to herself, returning to normal volume afterwards. "I would suggest moving yourself away from that line of thinking. It is a fragile, unreliable strategy. Not necessarily a weak one, but are you truly strong if you lack governance over that strength?"
"Lack… governance?" I frown. "Like, lacking control? It's not like I go mad with rage during fights. I'm not lashing out wildly, and Minerva isn't even retreating pointlessly most of the time. What governance are we lacking?"
Castalia hesitates, bobbing side to side a bit in the air as she thinks about how to answer my question.
"...By their very nature, human emotions control human thinking," she says, answering slowly. "And by our very nature, identifying flaws in our thinking is often impossible while our thinking is still flawed. All emotions risk this trap in some form or another. Sadness leads to sloth. Rage leads to aggression. Fear leads to paranoia. Happiness leads to complacency. And if you lose yourself in these extremes, you will be powerful, but you will no longer be yourself. If your answer to needing more anger is to be angry at everything you can manage, then you will be nothing but reactionary fury. A tool to that anger, rather than a woman using anger as her tool."
I chew on that for a bit, more than a little irritated that the strategy I've been running with for most of my life is apparently considered to be stupid.
Isn't that exactly what she's talking about? Now you're angry about being too angry.
And you're afraid of being too afraid.
Yeah, and that means she has a point.
I scoff, but I can't argue that, really.
"So what's the alternative, then?" I ask. "I need to be angry to use anger. There's no workaround for that."
Castalia nods.
"You train yourself to be selective," she says. "Discerning. Do not maintain a constant rage. You ask yourself, with your mind before your heart, should I be angry about this? Should I fuel this rage burning inside of me? And you do not let yourself say yes without the greatest of reasons."
"Isn't that just having less emotion, though?" I ask.
"No. Your soul can only hold so much anger, Fulgora. So instead of being angry about everything, find the things you should be angry about and focus your rage into a honed blade. Find the things you cannot tolerate, that you cannot fathom living with the knowledge of their existence without fury in your heart, and train yourself to ignite or cool the flame as necessary. This directed anger will guide your spells with a singular purpose, granting a reliable direction to your magic that you currently lack. It will be your strength in a way that raw power cannot."
"…I see," I admit. "I'm not sure I have anything like that, though. I get angry easily, but I don't have some kind of crusade that I want to go on, or something. I just have a temper."
"That is okay," Castalia shrugs. "This is a long-term goal. It will be very difficult for you to learn, because you have already spent your life interacting with emotions in a different way. How to think and feel is a very difficult thing to relearn. It is something to keep in mind while we do your other training, but there is other training to start with. And it is ensuring the two halves of you may work as a whole."
"I'm not really sure how to do that either," I admit. "I mean, we can talk to each other, but I'm not really… good at that. I don't really have any… er, I mean, I guess I only really have one friend."
Because Chloe is a very good friend, even if I feel like I'm not a good one in return. But I don't really want to tell Chloe about the whole 'two of me' thing. It's weird. Freaky. If she doesn't take it well, I… I don't know. One friend is a lot better than zero.
"Well, it probably starts with not being embarrassed about each other's existence," Castalia says, unfortunately reading my emotions exactly. I've never been great at that either, probably due to that general lack of friends and other forms of social interaction.
We're not very good at a lot of things. But we can get better! We're good at hard work, if nothing else.
I guess.
"How am I not supposed to be embarrassed?" I ask. "I don't want people to know I'm crazy. It freaks me out every single time it's brought up. I don't want to imagine what everybody else thinks."
Castalia tilts her head.
"You… aren't crazy, though?" she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Which… what?
"I literally have an imaginary person in my head who keeps talking to me," I remind her.
Rude.
"Minerva is not imaginary," Castalia says. "Neither is Fulgora. I have spoken with both of you."
"You know what I mean."
"No, I do not," she insists. "To be 'crazy' is to insist on a reality which demonstrably does not exist. It is to lack some fundamental capacity of logical thought in such a manner that nonsensical conclusions are drawn from reasonable evidence. You do not exhibit any of these traits. On the contrary, it would, in fact, be a minor act of insanity for a person to fail to recognize that the nature of your mind is different in a manner that does no harm to anyone, and that therefore there is no problem to be solved or madness to be addressed. The presence of two kind people working their hardest to protect others is undoubtedly better than one."
By the time she's done speaking I'm churning with half a dozen different emotions that I'm struggling to identify, which I suppose is all the more evidence that I need all this new training. Emotional awareness is the bare basics, for fuck's sake. But still, what do I say to that? How do I respond to something so… absurd?
"But are we two people though?" I ask. "Can we really, actually be two people if we only get one body at a time? If there's only one individual physically walking around, doing things, talking to people? We share a head, we share memories, we're not that different at the end of the day. Isn't the mere fact that we consider ourselves to be two different people a failure to recognize reality?"
Castalia stares at me.
"I don't know," she says. "Does it matter?"
"Wh… yes!" I insist.
"Okay," she shrugs with the one shoulder capable of it. "Then define 'person.'"
"Wha—I don't… I don't know!"
"Then that is the source of your confusion," Castalia answers. "If you choose to include the stipulation that a singular person requires an independent body, then no you would not be different people, but there is nothing that requires such a definition in the first place. Personhood is not an objective concept, but a societal one that is open to interpretation. I think you are correct that many individuals will disagree with your definition, but that does not make them better at observing reality than you. In many cases, I believe it would make them worse at it."
I have to say, it is really funny watching you flounder around in this conversation with her. I wonder what she's majoring in in college. Psychology? Anthropology?
How should I know?
Ask her!
What? No!
Ask her, darn it!
"…What are you majoring in college?" I ask begrudgingly. Castalia responds with a blank stare.
"Why did you ask me that?" she questions.
"I didn't want to! Minerva kept bugging me about it."
"Oh. Good. Good job," Castalia nods approvingly. "I have not decided on a major yet. I am taking lots of different classes and trying to find the ones I like the best. It is difficult because I did not go to high school."
The training continues, and it remains the weirdest training I have ever done until Castalia and I leave and set a new time for tomorrow. The rest of the week is full of meditative exercises that don't feel helpful, plus awkward conversations with the person I most respect and some weirdo in my head. It's not that bad, though. Castalia is… a very focused individual, and her teaching mostly boils down to telling me stuff and hoping I figure it out, but it's not like I think she's wasting my time.
"Your incarnate form is still off-limits," Castalia tells me as we near the end of the week, "but I believe it is time that we move onto practical casting."
"Like, as a human?" I ask, frowning. "I mean, I don't really have much magical power like this, but I can try."
Castalia scrunches her eyebrows together.
"...Why would you think that?" she asks. "Your emotions are the same, and your soul is the same, in all your forms. The raw power you possess is not altered, only the method of use. The transformation stone is a tool to make casting easier, more thoughtless."
I… huh. I mean yeah, I guess I knew that, I just never really thought about it. Objectively, there's no difference in the sheer amount of magical power I have access to, I just… I dunno. It feels like sucking a thick milkshake up through a thin straw.
"How does that… work, exactly?" I ask.
Castalia hums.
"Exactly? I do not know. I believe it calculates and creates spells for us. Casting without a spell to help is difficult. Inefficient. But it can be made more efficient, with practice."
"Huh. Is there a point? Beyond just being able to cast spells outside of incarnate forms better, I mean."
"It will help you understand magic better, I think?" Castalia says hesitantly. "It helped me. And when you understand better, you can use it better."
"Hmm. Well, if you say so."
The week passes before I know it. I feel… better. A lot better. I hate to admit it, but maybe I did need some rest.
I'm glad we at least had something to do during our rest.
Yeah. Waiting is the bad part. The restlessness and having nothing to do… I can't stand it. Castalia gave me a lot of training exercises that I could do on my own, a lot of it stuff that I already knew about and just… hadn't been doing. But some of it was new.
And we talked some!
Yeah. We talked a little. Probably not as much as we should have.
Well, there's not a whole lot to talk about. It's not like we can keep secrets from each other. It's really more like… cooperative introspection.
Which we probably need to do more of.
Oh yeah, for sure. Introspection kinda stinks, though.
It's the worst.
Oh, we're almost there. I guess… I should probably take point for this?
They're your team, not mine.
If you insist, then sure.
I make it to the entrance to Guardian headquarters and head through the wall, finding myself in the usual teleporter room. There's no sign here of the damage from before, but construction is still ongoing throughout most of the base. They just prioritized the entry area and the living spaces so Veritas and Amaterasu would have somewhere to stay. Although apparently Amaterasu is still staying with Aurora's family? I've never really met them before, but apparently they're quite nice.
…I should meet them.
What? No! Bad idea!
We need to meet them! We're responsible for the safety of their daughter, it's weird that we haven't met them, isn't it?
What the hell are we going to say to them? Hey, sorry, I know I let my last team die, but your kid is definitely safe this time around, trust me!
I mean, we don't… have to get into that. It's just the right thing to do, isn't it? It might help them feel better to have a face to associate with the name.
Only if we successfully reassure them, and I don't know about you but I don't think we have a very reassuring presence. Everyone around us just seems to be worried about us all the time.
That's… a fair point, I guess. But we can become more reassuring, and then meet them! I'm sure Aurora would like it, too.
Speaking of…
Ah, there she is!
"Aurora!" I wave at her, seeing her chatting with Uma'tama down the hall. "Hey!"
She turns around, spots me, and brightens up.
"Minerva! Hey!" she greets me. "Hehe! It feels like it's been so long!"
"Two weeks is a long time!" I answer.
It's not THAT long.
Oh, shoosh.
"I guess so!" Aurora agrees. "A lot happened!"
"Welcome back, Minerva!" Uma'tama waves at me, bobbing closer. "Er, is Minerva right? You don't often walk in here outside of your incarnate form."
"Yeah, Minerva is right," I confirm. "Heh, I guess I've been so used to ignoring the urge to shift that I did it today, too. It feels kind of weird towering over you like this."
"Then shrink back down, dummy!" Aurora laughs.
"Yeah," I agree. "I guess I should."
I take a deep breath. I can't remember the last time it's been so long since I got to be me.
"Oɴᴄᴇ Aɢᴀɪɴ, I Fɪɢʜᴛ."
I'm so used to the sensation of transforming that I tend to not pay too much attention to it. As the light falls over my body and pulls me away, my sensations pour from my weak, uncomfortable flesh into my true form. My human self curls up in the back of my mind, sleeping inside my soul as I drop into my correct size and shape. My outfit manifests around me, snug and soft against my skin barring the skirt that I love but Fulgora would never wear.
"Bʀᴀᴠᴇ Pʀɪɴᴄᴇss Dᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ Mɪɴᴇʀᴠᴀ."
I open my eyes, and my teammate smiles at me from eye level, my equal despite our differences in experience. As it should be.
"It's great to see you again!" Aurora says, radiating warmth like always. "Veritas has really missed you, you know. She'll try not to show it, but… well, that's how she is."
"I still owe her a proper apology," I admit. "Though I'm not entirely sure what for."
"For being an idiot!" Veritas snaps from behind me, and I jolt in surprise to see her walking out of a nearby room. "And apparently for talking about me when I'm not around!"
"Hehe, whoops!" Aurora giggles unrepentantly.
"...You totally knew she was there," I accuse.
"I assumed you could sense her!" she lies. "Anyway, you were saying?"
I sigh, turning around to face my other teammate. The one I thought was the bigger troublemaker.
"Veritas, I am sorry for… being an idiot. And talking about you when I thought you weren't around," I tell her as honestly as I can manage. She squirms a bit.
"...Just promise not to say stuff like you did before," she mutters.
Uh. What did we say before…?
Are you kidding? Why would I have any idea? We were so fucking out of it back then.
"She means calling yourself a bad leader," Aurora says. "And that we shouldn't be 'stuck with you.'"
"Wha…?" I blink. "But—"
"Ah!" Aurora cuts me off, shaking a finger at me. "No buts! Veritas told you to promise!"
Ack.
We DO suck as a leader, though. They just don't know any better because they've never had anyone else.
Oh. Maybe that's the problem.
Huh? You mean…
Veritas doesn't have anyone else. No parents, no siblings… I'm not sure about her extended family, but she certainly hasn't mentioned any of that either. All she has is Uma'tama and the other Earth Guardians.
Oh god, we ARE stupid. She's a blue mage, of course she has abandonment issues! She's just so grumpy all the time, I thought she didn't like us. And I don't really blame her for not liking us!
Yeah… we've gotta live up to it now, though. Be worthy of it.
That's gonna fail.
Maybe. We should still try.
"...I promise I won't say stuff like that again," I say. "Sorry, Veritas. Your leader is back. So… how did you two do without me?"
"I think we did pretty great!" Aurora nods, smugly putting her hands on her hips. "No major issues! We even took care of a swarm without you!"
A swarm!? Just thinking about the two of them in a swarm by themselves makes my heart race in terror. Monsters aren't that dangerous on their own, but when a dozen of them are all trying to kill you at once, even tiny mistakes can become deadly very fast.
"That's… impressive," I admit. "Though for things like that you should probably call in assistance."
"Well, I would have if I could have," Aurora frowns. "There were three different portals opening all at once that day, so Su-san was busy. And… well, we did technically have a bit of help."
"...You did?" I ask.
"The humanoid artifact showed up again," Uma'tama answers for them. "And apparently it fought off the monsters."
That combat robot? Really!?
"It was kind of eerie," Aurora frowns. "It was already battling the monsters when we showed up, and it just… ignored us. Worked together with us, if anything. And then when the swarm was over it walked off into the Dark World. Veritas chased after it—"
"Veritas!" I gape at her.
"What!?" she pouts. "We'd just dealt with a whole swarm! There weren't any monsters left in there."
"...Yeah, um, I went in to drag her back out, but we were fine. The robot didn't even fight us until we got in its way, and it was pretty obviously programmed to fight… differently against us. It didn't hurt us, it just, uh, tossed us away and kept going. We waited for it to come back out of the portal, but it didn't bring anything else with it and it ended up escaping before we could capture it."
"But it didn't hurt you?" I press.
"No, even though it totally could have," Veritas pouts, not seeming to like admitting it. "The way it fought the monsters was completely different from the way it fought us."
"That's terrifying," I admit. "I wonder what it was doing in the Dark World. Maybe it was looking for other artifacts and just didn't find any?"
"It's possible," Uma'tama nods. "We can't rule out the idea that the Corrupted might have some ulterior motive, but… I think this is a good sign. They are former Earth Guardians, after all. If they're making sure their tools hunt monsters and don't hurt people, then they must still mostly be themselves. That's quite a relief."
"I suppose so," I answer noncommittally. Personally, I'm not so sure that those witches are acting out of altruism. Anath is obviously a little crazy, and that red mage healer straight-up threatened to murder me. Their fear mage didn't exactly seem emotionally stable either, though I guess she wasn't as bad as the others. And Melpomene herself… I have to suppress a shudder just thinking about it. Either way, they're already half monster, if not more. Who knows what they could be thinking?
"Provisionally," Uma'tama says slowly, "we've been considering authorizing Dark World excursions to a limited degree. We believe the three of you are ready, and it would help a lot with confirming whether or not a given portal is an outstanding threat."
"Really!?" Veritas asks, excited as usual to be given a little extra responsibility.
"Yes, really," Uma'tama confirms. "There will be strict limits on the times and places we deem it safe to do these sorts of missions, but since the Corrupted are clearly accelerating their plans to hunt for artifacts, we need to be able to beat them to it. It's dangerous for Amaterasu to enter the Dark World, so the duty falls to you three."
"Why is it dangerous for Su-san?" Aurora asks.
"Dark World corruption seems to occur much more quickly on older humans," Uma'tama says. "We aren't entirely sure why, so we want regular reports from all three of you. Minerva, you especially. We don't know if the age of your incarnate form will confer you similar protection, and if it doesn't then we need to know immediately."
"It's been a long time since I've been to the Dark World, hasn't it?" I hum. I suppose if I'm being technical, 'I' have arguably never been to the Dark World. We only had one incarnate form back then, so even though it feels like I did those things, whether or not that was actually me is open to interpretation.
Let's just not think about it.
Agreed. It's not worth fretting over.
Heh. Taking our mentor's teachings to heart, are you?
Of course. And unlike you, I think I have something else worth focusing my emotion towards.
We glance towards Veritas and Aurora, the former bothering Uma'tama with all sorts of questions about the Dark World while the latter is just happy to watch. Their safety is the most important thing. If there's one thing I should be focusing my fear towards, it's protecting them. Every attack is to put down a threat to their lives. Every defense is so that I can keep protecting them forever. Their safety is the singular fear that should bloom in my soul when we fight. Everything else is secondary, so when the fight ends I can let that fear fade away.
Damn, yeah. That works. I'm still not sure what single thing I should be angry about. I thought about just being pissed at myself, but I don't think I'm really worth all that effort.
Yeah, nothing else really comes to mind for me either. But like she said, it's a long-term goal. We don't have to figure it out right away.
I do if I don't want you getting a head start on me.
"Anyway," Uma'tama says loudly, interrupting Veritas's next question. "That will not be the focus of your mission today. As you know, a portal is expected to open in the town shortly. It's just a standard mission, everyone. Perfect to warm your leader back up after her break."
"Not that I need it," I half-joke.
"Hehe! Well, you do seem a lot more relaxed than usual, Minerva," Aurora grins. "It's nice!"
I blink. Do I really? Is she just saying that? I don't know if I should be relaxed before a mission. I guess I don't feel as tired as I normally do, and nothing is aching like it usually does. It's not like those things are a big deal, though.
"Well, I guess that's good?" I hedge. "I mean, supposedly that's what breaks are supposed to do!"
"Indeed," Uma'tama nods in agreement, "you do seem a lot better, Minerva. I'm very happy for you."
"Oh! Uh, okay?" I manage, not really sure what to say.
"Aurora and I have gotten way stronger, too!" Veritas insists. "We can hold our incarnate forms for so much longer! You're gonna be super surprised when you see us fight!"
"I'm sure I will," I smile at her. "But no showboating, okay? You don't have to show off for me to see your strength."
"O-oh! Yeah, I promise!" Veritas agrees, blushing for… some reason? Embarrassment? Surprise? Aurora also looks surprised, but neither of them seem upset. What did I do?
I don't know. We smiled at them, I guess?
What? That shouldn't be surprising. I smile sometimes. I smile a lot of the time! I think!
Eh, not like that. I mean, normally we'd get a little exasperated if Veritas started bragging about being stronger. Usually that just means she's about to do something stupid.
Well, I don't know. It seemed more believable this time. And besides, I haven't seen either of these two in a while. I really missed them!
Oh, that's probably it.
What? Wait, why wouldn't they think I'd miss them?
Because this entire team thing was an obligation neither of us wanted and neither of them are clueless? Like, they can literally read emotions. I know we did our best, and I know you felt like you had to do this, but we never deluded ourselves into thinking it was a good idea. It was just the only option available. Looking forward to coming back to the team… I mean, that is really weird. Why wouldn't it be?
My feelings on whether or not I should be part of the team doesn't affect whether I like the people on it!
"Minerva?"
"Huh?" I jolt.
"We think it's about time to head out," Uma'tama tells me. "We believe you should be able to navigate there yourself, but be sure to let us know if that isn't the case."
"Oh! Uh, no, I got it," I assure them. "Earth Guardians, let's move!"
We head back to the teleporter room, return to the city, and take to the skies, one teammate clasped in each arm like usual. Even though they've only been Earth Guardians for less than a year, the two of them are probably still stronger than most any child their age in human form. Certainly not enough to catch a bullet, though. I still can't believe I kinda did that.
I wonder what it is about magic that makes it so… intrinsically transformative. Between the monsters, the witches, our bodies, and the transformation stones themselves, it seems very common. It's almost poetic, in a way. Magic is shaped by our emotions, and in turn, magic shapes us. Castalia was right. Our feelings can control us in very real yet subtle ways. If I don't pay attention to them I won't be able to see what they're doing to me.
We make it to the liminal space quickly enough, Veritas and Aurora transforming in my grip as we approach the portal. I can already tell there are going to be monsters there. It figures that my first mission after coming back will turn out to be a fight, but it's not like that's unexpected. Fighting is what we do.
Ready to try this out, short stuff?
Ready.
We crest over the last set of buildings before the portal, monsters scrabbling up the walls in a desperate attempt to be the first to reach us. I toss Veritas and Aurora into position and summon my incarnate weapon.
See that slobbering bastard right there?
Yep. I aim my staff.
Fuck that guy in particular.
"Fᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ Tʜᴜɴᴅᴇʀ!"
Intertwining bolts of red and green erupt from my weapon, snaking around each other in the brief moment before they impact our target. The monster explodes, detonating in an overloaded burst of magic that flattens some of the other beasts nearby.
Holy shit!
I mean, Castalia did say it should be about twice as powerful.
Yeah, but still! Holy shit!
I guess I can't really—ah!
"Fᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ Tʜᴜɴᴅᴇʀ!"
I shout out another spell as a monster leaps towards Veritas's blind spot, and this time the bolt is merely its usual green. More than enough to take the monster out before it can hurt my teammate, but not the crazy amount of power from before.
I guess the casting time could use some work. I wasn't ready for that one.
Well, we just have to practice. We already live in the same head, how hard could coordination be?
Yeah, because I'm so famously good at working well with others.
Still, we continue the fight. Veritas and Aurora weren't kidding; they have gotten a lot stronger in the time we've been apart, and they've especially gotten better at working together. Sometimes, Aurora shouts out an order for Viertas to follow, usually followed by an embarrassed glance towards me, but I don't really mind. Her callouts are all pretty smart, and Veritas usually responds to them without hesitation. The two of them have improved their coordination a lot. I won't let them outpace me.
In addition to the challenge of synchronizing our wills to cast the spells together at all, the increased power can be a bit unwieldy at times. Fulgora's anger is wild, aggressive as most anger is, and while that's great for damage output it's not the best in terms of precision. I'm used to my ranged attacks going well out of their way to avoid my teammates without me even having to think about them; with the fear of hurting them baked into the very foundations of the spell, it would be difficult to strike them even if I was trying to. Fulgora's anger has no such safety, and while I never actually hit one of my teammates I definitely get too close for comfort more than once. Overall, I'm a little dissatisfied with my performance, but for the first time in a long time I can clearly see so many different places where I know exactly what I need to do to improve. I'm working with tangible goals for what feels like the first time in forever, and it feels great.
I should have asked Castalia to train me ages ago. We could have had all this power the entire time if we just took our heads out of our own asses. Imagine how differently things could have gone.
Honestly? I'd rather not. It doesn't seem like something I should worry over, and it doesn't seem like something you should be angry about. Right?
…I guess.
"That was awesome, Minerva!" Veritas gushes at me after the fight. "Did you see the size of that crater you made!? I didn't know you could do that!"
"I figured a few things out while I was resting, I guess," I shrug. It's nothing worth getting excited over yet. We still have a long way to go.
"You mean figured stuff out while you were supposed to be resting," Aurora accuses, poking me in the cheek. "You're like my big brother. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work. He won't even stop checking emails when he's home for Christmas break!"
"Hey, I didn't transform or fight anything for two weeks!" I defend myself. "That is not doing any work."
"That's basically what my brother says about emails!"
I laugh, not really sure how else to handle the situation. I guess this is a good time to ask her, though.
"Speaking of your family, Aurora, I was wondering if they might want to meet me sometime? Or if you might want me to meet them? I mean, you talk about them a lot, and it just seems weird for me to not—"
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" Aurora interrupts me excitedly. "Yeah, oh my gosh, they would love to meet you! Are you free tonight? Wait, no, Mom will want to make you dinner. What about this weekend?"
"Oh! Uh, this weekend works great!?" I squeak, not at all being prepared for that to happen so soon. "I kind of had plans for tonight anyway."
"Yeah, okay! I'll see you Saturday then! I mean, I'll probably see you a bunch before Saturday, and I guess maybe it won't be Saturday 'cause I'll have to ask my mom, but she's already cooking a big thing for church on Sunday so she's probably not gonna want to cook for you again in the evening but she might just make extra I don't know!"
I blink.
"Uh, yeah!" I agree awkwardly. The three of us make our way to the edge of the liminal space, stopping awkwardly before the transition to Earth. "Well, that's mission complete. I'll see you both tomorrow, probably."
"See you then!" Aurora waves emphatically.
"Bye, Minerva!" Veritas agrees, also smiling for once. I smile back.
"You two both did great today. Thanks for working so hard while I was away."
"Yeah!"
"Of course!"
We go our separate ways, transitioning back into human forms as we step through to Earth. It's a little uncomfortable being so tall again, but I push the feelings aside and pull out my phone, sending a text to Chloe to inform her I'm on my way. The two of us agreed to get lunch together again at that quiet little mom-and-pop place she likes so much.
"Eliza! Hi!" she waves at me when I walk in. She's already at a table, because of course she got here way before I did. "How did it go?"
"Really well," I answer. "Veritas and Aurora have grown a lot."
"Uh, yeah," Chloe nods. She always gets a little evasive and weirdly sad when I talk about them, but she's the one who asked. As usual, though, she bounces back fast. "Anyway! I was wondering if you've decided to stay on or off campus yet."
Oh right, that.
"Uh, honestly I completely forgot to think about it," I admit. Thinking about college mostly just makes me sad, and that's not one of my emotions.
"I figured that might be the case!" Chloe shrugs it off easily. "That's why we're gonna decide today!"
I scratch the back of my head, not really sure what to say.
"I mean, the dorms are normally for people from out of state, right? We might not even get approved for one?"
"Well, kind of," Chloe agrees hesitantly. "But you know that you'll get approved if you apply, right?"
I frown.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"…Eliza, the school knows who you are," she says. "Our school definitely knows, and they probably sent the college a little note along with your transcripts. If you want to live on campus, you'll be at the top of the list for local kids getting dorms. Maybe the top of the out-of-state list, too."
I stare at her, resisting the urge to squirm in my seat.
"Why…?" I ask. "I'm awful at school. I'm probably going to be awful at college."
"Um, well, most Earth Guardians never go to college, you know? They don't… make it that long."
I narrow my eyebrows.
"You think I don't know that?" I frown.
"I think you probably don't understand how the rest of the world sees you, Eliza," she says. "I know being a magical child soldier is normal to you, but for the rest of us it's… I mean, we as a society kind of…"
She flails her hands around a little, trying to gesticulate meaning where words seem to be failing her. But I can feel her emotions when I'm looking for them. And one stands out above all the rest.
"You're ashamed of us?" I ask.
"What!? No, Eliza, we're ashamed of ourselves. Ashamed of letting aliens pick children to fight for us. Ashamed that we're all so scared of dying that we let you do this at all!"
"You're not letting me do anything," I remind her. "I chose this. We all did."
"I don't think… no. I'm sorry, Eliza, this isn't what I wanted to talk about today. I just wanted to ask if you'd be interested in rooming with me. My dad's really pushing me to live on campus. He thinks I'm doting on him too much. And, you know, I just… if I have to room with someone, I'd love for it to be you!"
I blink, caught off guard by the sudden topic change since I'm still kind of upset about it.
Not worth being angry about, right?
Right.
"Well, uh, sure, I guess?" I agree, thinking about the decision only after I actually made it. "I do feel a little bad for imposing on my brother all the time. And it would be nice to live with another girl for once. And I wouldn't have to take the bus. …Or fly, I guess."
She laughs a little at that, and I smile back. It's impressive how fast she returns to being upbeat after stuff like this. She'd make a good yellow mage.
"It's settled, then!" she grins. "You'll just have to apply with me. I've got it all set up on my laptop, though, don't worry. This is gonna be awesome! I'm looking forward to living with another girl, too!"
"Heh. Yeah, I guess we were kinda both raised by nothing but one sweaty dude," I smile. "Maybe that's why we get along so well."
"Well, you're the only one who actually acts like you were raised by one sweaty dude," Chloe smirks, prodding my combat boots under the table. "You've shot well past tomboy and straight to butch."
"…I thought we established that I'm not a lesbian," I complain halfheartedly.
"You don't have to be a lesbian to be butch! It just helps!"
That gets a chuckle out of me, though I do feel a bit of discomfort as I look down at my outfit.
"This is really more of a Fulgora thing, though," I say. "She's pretty much always the one handling our outfits in human form."
Chloe blinks at me.
"What?" she asks.
Nice going, dumbass.
"Oh! Crap, uh… pretend you didn't hear that?"
I give her my nicest smile. She stares at me.
"No?"
Yeah, I didn't really think that would work.
Comments
Lucy Severine
We better pick up from the same place and not switch protagonists next time, Thunda 😠
Jayem
That ending is hilarious. Love the way Thundamoo does accidental emotional bombshells and subsequent reaction as one side jumps on the slip while the other flounders. Thanks for chappy.
pheonix89
Oooops outed yourselves to the GF!
sharikak 54
“And when you understand better, you can use it better.” —> when you understand it better
Kennyevilmonkey
Veritas is showing a bit too much curiosity about the dark world... Maybe we will see her getting corrupted someday?
TheBotler
Minerva's mess up at the end with Chloe...hilarious, it will be great to see that discussion.
Charly
Oops! Getting more comfortable with yourselves can make it harder to hide things, news at 11 😂 I love how much progress Minerva and Fulgora are making this chapter, it's very satisfying. Good for them!
Kaelik
That stinger at the end. (But also happy for them to start figuring things out)
Kaelik
Oh I love it!
Nait02
It's good that Eliza is doing better.
Nait02
Sometimes, Aurora shouts out an order for Viertas to follow, usually followed by an embarrassed glance towards me, but I don't really mind. -> Veritas
