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50. Hidden Lies
🕑 Added 2025-08-25 21:03:02 +0000 UTCA/N: Okay. Alright. Chapter's finally here. Sorry it's this late. Been having a real one over here. It's my break time now, and I desperately need it. Thank you all very much for your patience, and enjoy the chapter.
"Thanks again for offering to drive," the amateurly synthesized voice of my phone says. It's really starting to grate on me. Surely no one would call me out on it if I just improved it a bit…?
"I didn't so much 'offer' to drive as much as I forced you to let me drive," Chloe corrects, which… fair.
"It's over an hour one way," I protest again. "That's way too long."
"You're right, it is way too long to sit in a car with your best friend who you're meeting for the first time and be unable to talk with them," Chloe says, her eyes locked on the road. "You can't sign or type on your phone if you're driving."
"Well…" I hedge.
"Okay, well, you won't do that, because I'm not letting you," Chloe huffs. "Besides, it's just I-25 to E470. I can put on cruise control for basically the whole drive. Which, incidentally, is another reason we're taking my car. Yours doesn't have cruise control. Frankly, I'm not confident that clunker can survive driving for an hour straight without something exploding."
"I can't argue with that," I admit. "It is a truly shitty car."
"Yeah," Chloe agrees. "Plus, I wanted an excuse to get you alone."
…Oh. Well. That's fair, honestly. I can't blame her for it. I was due an interrogation, but I was hoping it wouldn't happen. How to handle this… I suppose there are things I want to know, too. If I go on the offensive, it might redirect her long enough for us to get to the airport, at which point Bean's presence will make pressing me too awkward. God, I'm a horrible bitch.
"I guess I can say the same," I admit. "What happened after I left a few days ago?"
Chloe huffs. Does she know what I'm doing…? Either way, she decides to answer.
"It was miserable," she says frankly. "Eliza was even more of a pent-up mess than usual and having… what was her name, Anath? Having Anath there the whole time made everything so much worse. The tension between the two of them was so thick I had to open a window to breathe."
"How so?" I ask, keeping her talking.
"Well it's just… Anath was so… sorry about everything, in like that miserable wet cat kind of way that drags everything around her down. Like she was genuinely remorseful but to the point that it swallowed everything else, and the fact that she was genuinely remorseful mostly seemed to piss Eliza off more, which Anath was also sorry about. Honestly, it kind of seemed like Eliza would have beat the crap out of her if I hadn't kept them both distracted."
Oh my god. Oh my god Anath was right. Fighting is enrichment for magical girls. If she hadn't been such a complete dumbass in how she went about it, the two of them might actually be friends.
How can a girl be so right about so much and yet still be so stupid?
"Sorry for leaving you with that," I type. "It sounds miserable. I doubt me staying would have made things better, though."
Chloe snorts.
"No, you're right about that at least. She's still mad at you, by the way," Chloe says. "She's probably more mad at herself, though. Like, she knows she was an asshole to you."
Ouch. Sorry, Eliza. You deserve better than what I did.
"…But you totally know you were an asshole to her too, don't you?" Chloe continues. Shit! Damn it, I didn't press hard enough. And now, the failure aches in almost exactly the same way that succeeding would have ached. I lose either way, don't I? What a joke, what a fucking joke…
"How am I the asshole?" I ask needlessly. "I might have gone off a bit, but if someone walks in accusing me of a bunch of random crap, can you really expect me to keep my cool?"
Chloe sighs.
"Look," she says. "I'm not going to accuse you of anything, Luna. You're my friend. I'm mad at you, but I still trust you. I just think you're lying to me."
"You trust me and you think I'm lying to you?" I ask. "That's a bit contradictory, isn't it?"
"Not when you're used to dealing with the kind of trauma I am," Chloe says. "I trust that you care about me. I trust that you don't want to hurt me. I trust that you're doing your best. But people lie for all kinds of reasons, Luna. They lie because they're embarrassed, or ashamed, or trying not to hurt someone with a painful truth. If I didn't forgive friends for stuff like that, I wouldn't have any."
I let out a huff, automatically vocalizing my irritation before I really have a chance to think about it. Whatever, I can roll with that.
"So you've gotten it into your head that I'm lying to you," I type, knowing that my phrasing is another attempt to gaslight. How crazy she must be, to suspect me of clearly nonexistent crimes. "Why, exactly?"
"Just a hunch, really," she shrugs. "I just don't think you're actually mad at her."
What? What. What what what. How? Literally how? My body language is perfect. My responses are perfect. If Eliza is mad at herself for how things went down, I've probably mostly fooled her, and Chloe's not even a fucking empath!
"Why the hell would I not be mad at her?" my phone demands flatly. "What could possibly make you think that?"
"I dunno," she shrugs. "Just a vibecheck, I guess. It makes more sense to me. If Eliza was just completely wrong, I'd expect you to just stare at her the way you do whenever she's being an idiot about something. But you acted like you were super duper offended, which… I'm not going to say it's unwarranted, but it just seemed… artificial, I guess. And like, if I'm wrong, that's fine. Maybe I'm wrong. But if I'm right, and you wanna talk about it, I'm here for you. Your secrets and stuff are safe with me."
I… goddamn it. Goddamnit she's just seeing right through me. Bean is one thing, I've known them for years, but Chloe? Chloe is onto me and I've only known her for… what, a couple months? Am I really that transparent?
Again, I've failed. I don't even fully understand how, but I've failed. So now I have to do damage control.
"You're a good friend," I type. "I think that for most people, that kind of insight would be really helpful. But if I were to lie to you about something, I promise it wouldn't be for fun or because I'm repressing something unhealthy or whatever. I hate lying. The situation would have to be pretty fucking serious to get me to do it. So please… if you think that's happening, just let me get away with it. Don't bring anyone else's attention to it."
Chloe is silent for a while, the rumbling of the road providing the only sound.
"You realize that's about the most suspicious thing you could have said, right?" she asks.
"You're already suspicious," I point out.
"Eliza was also suspicious."
"I can't trust Eliza to respond reasonably to boundaries if her first response to suspicion is yelling at me."
Chloe sighs.
"…Well, your secrets are your own business in the first place," she says. "But you know I'm not going to judge you, right? Not unless you're like, a serial killer or something."
"Just a serial killer, specifically? Do I get a couple judgment-free murders, then?" I ask.
"I… that isn't what I meant and you know that," she says.
"So we aren't at the stage of our relationship where you'll hide a body for me," I joke. "A shame, but good to know."
"Please don't joke about that," Chloe groans. "My running theory is that you're in organized crime, you know."
Oh, fuck.
"Why?" I ask, schooling my expressions as best I can.
"You're crazy good at lockpicking. You're not scared of violence. You're a really good liar, assuming you've been lying at all. And Castalia says you apparently sneak out in the middle of the night and disappear for several hours at a time. Plus you just… feel dangerous, I don't know. There's something about the way you carry yourself. You're so confident and forceful, especially for someone with body issues. It can be a little intimidating."
"Body issues!?" I ask. "The hell do you mean body issues? I'm hot as fuck."
"I… Luna, you seriously think I haven't noticed how often you skip meals?" she asks. "Or when you do eat, you'll barely pick at your plate, save the rest for leftovers, and throw the leftovers in the garbage later. I keep tabs on the kitchen trash cans in your house, you know."
"You fucking what? Chloe, that's creepy as hell!"
"You're not the first anorexic person I've had to keep out of the hospital and you probably won't be the last," she shrugs. "The friend I told you about struggled with it for a long time. So did my dad, actually, albeit for different reasons."
"Still creepy," I insist. "You should have asked me about it directly before monitoring my fucking trash can."
"Well, I wanted to be sure I was right before I confronted you about it," she admits. "So… yeah, I guess we're doing that now. Please eat food. You are hot as hell, and you don't need to avoid meals to stay that way."
I… I did not expect the conversation to go in this particular direction, but… ugh. My best move is to lean into her assumption that I have an eating disorder, isn't it? Give her something to focus on. If I'm not letting her help me with some problem or another, she's going to keep digging into the secrets I need to keep.
"You really don't need to do this," I insist, easily slipping into the role of someone who has been caught out on something they wanted to keep secret and resisting any help with it.
"I want to. You know me," Chloe says, and… yep. I do. "I've struggled with the same thing. It's awful. I can't in good conscience just ignore it and leave you to deal with it alone."
"…Okay," I allow, and the two of us have a miserable time talking about my 'eating disorder' for the next half an hour before we start getting close enough to the airport that I get the message I was both excited for and deeply dreading.
[MeanBeanMachine]: My plane has landed!
Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
[LunaLightOTK]: BEAN REAL!?
[MeanBeanMachine]: BEAN REAL!!!
"Bean's on the ground!" my phone reports.
"Oh, good timing," Chloe says. "We're still a ways out, but they have to get their luggage, right? That'll probably take like, at least twenty minutes with how big DIA is. I have to say, I'm pretty curious to learn what your best friend is like."
"They are a huge dork," I tell her simply.
"I… see," Chloe says. "Honestly, coming from you, I'm not sure if that means I should expect them to be wacky or absolutely terrifying."
Well. I'm absolutely terrified by Bean, but I doubt anyone else will be.
"More on the wacky side," I answer. "You two will get along. They have several mental problems."
"…Ouch," Chloe winces. "But fair, I guess."
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I backpedal. "I love them but we're both a mess, is all. I really do think you'll get along."
"You? A mess?" Chloe frowns. "I don't know if I'd describe any of your problems as 'a mess,' but if you say so. I hope you two have a great time. How long are they staying by the way?"
"Oh," I answer. "I… don't know. They're recently homeless."
"Oh shit! Uh. Gosh, I'm sorry," Chloe says.
"It's fine! I should have mentioned. I forgot that only Castalia and I talked about it."
And Castalia, predictably, didn't seem to care. If anything, she's probably looking forward to having another roommate. She's just… so nice and friendly. It's criminal how alone she's been for so long.
"Still, though. You said this was the first time the two of you would be meeting in person, right? Sucks that it has to be for something like this," Chloe laments.
"I… definitely wish we could be seeing each other under better circumstances, yeah," I say, my entire body feeling like it's trying to shrivel up and die. I'm doomed, I know I am. But what else can I do?
The drive continues, and before I know it we're navigating the labyrinthine roads of the Denver International Airport and pulling up on the arrivals pickup lane. My fake heart hammers in my chest as stress floods my energy reserves, the east magic more than enough to power my body despite the efficiency loss. I'm catching back up to fifty percent soon, as while I haven't been feeling all that happy I have certainly been feeling.
Still, I'm about to meet my best friend in person for the first time. It's something I should be happy about. Something I want to be happy about. Something I am happy about, if I push past all the terror. I love Bean. We've helped each other through our worst moments. They're probably one of the only reasons I'm still alive today. I love them. And now, finally… I get to give them a hug.
That is, despite everything, absolutely something to be joyful about.
I keep my one image of what my best friend looks like clear in my mind, the only selfie I've ever got from them. And soon enough… I see them. There they are, standing clear as day. Bean. My Bean. They're shorter than I expected. I couldn't really tell, from the angle of the shot. But they're still thin enough to be a bit of a string bean, as it were, with tight jeans and a baggy, short-sleeved shirt failing to hide how completely bony they are. I guess if they lost their home, they've probably been low on money for a long time. I must FEED them!
[LunaLightOTK]: We're here! I see you! Aaaaaaa!
I watch them glance at their phone as I send the message, then look up and glance around. I wave at them from inside the car, and soon enough they spot me back, their face lighting up as I point them out to Chloe so she can pull up and let them in. Despite several bags of luggage, Bean immediately rushes for the door to the back seat (where I am also sitting, for pretty much this exact situation) and throws the door open, spreading their arms wide.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" they cheer excitedly. I spread my arms as wide as I can in the car and shake them vigorously to scream back, and then the two of us crash together on the backseat, enveloping each other in a hug.
"Luna! Oh my gosh, this is so cool!" they say. I can't really respond while hugging, so I just nuzzle their shoulder a bit to show how much I care. They laugh, breaking off to actually put their stuff in the trunk, and I have a chance to type up my greetings.
"Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real Bean real!" I quickly copy-paste into my text-to-speech program, wiggling back and forth as the celebratory soundbite plays.
"Oh my god I am real, that's so cool!" Bean agrees excitedly as they slip into the backseat with me again and actually start buckling up.
"The coolest!" I agree, going in for another hug because this is my BEAN and they are just so huggable. God, I hope I don't have to do anything horrible to them. It would be so easy to just snap their spine right now. I already know how much force that takes. I looked it up on the internet with my brain.
Pushing that thought aside and letting go of my friend, we settle into the seats as Chloe starts driving again, beginning the hour-plus journey home.
"Hi, by the way!" Bean waves at Chloe through the rear-view mirror. "I'm Bean. Nice to meet ya!"
"I'm Chloe," Chloe answers back with a smile. "Good to meet you, too! I'm one of Luna's other friends."
"I'm so proud of her," Bean sniffs, faking the start of tears. "She actually has other friends."
"Friends nice enough to drive for me, even," I agree. "It's wild."
"Honestly, it's kind of weird to consider that Luna doesn't have tons of other friends," Chloe admits. "She's great. She helps me out with stuff all the time."
"Aww, that's great to hear. She's been such a shut-in for most of her life. Not that I have any room to throw stones about that, haha."
"I was gonna say," I butt in. "Besides, I lucked out big time with Chloe and Castalia. Both of them know ASL!"
Bean blinks, doing a bit of a double-take. I watch them very carefully. After all, 'not telling people I wasn't always mute' is one of the things we talked about, and I know Bean isn't totally used to thinking about it yet. Talking with the phone is one thing, but ASL is basically a whole language that I've never brought up knowing before.
"…Right, yeah," Bean says. "I guess that never really came up in our case, since we were communicating over chat clients anyway. I didn't even think to try to learn it myself."
"I'd be happy to teach you!" Chloe says. "Eliza has mentioned wanting to learn, too, so maybe we'll make a whole thing of it."
"Oh! Uh, yeah, that could be cool," Bean nods. "Eliza is… she's an Earth Guardian, right?"
"Luna told you, huh?" Chloe sighs. "Yeah, she is. Two of them, actually. It's complicated. Come to think of it, she might not want to put in the effort to learn sign language right now, given she and Luna are still mad at each other."
"Oh, that sucks," Bean says. "What about, if it's okay to ask?"
"I'd rather not get into it," I quickly interject.
"…Yeah, that might be for the best," Chloe agrees. "Sorry. It's not the biggest deal in the world, I'm sure Eliza will get over it soon."
"Huh. Well, that's good. Any other ongoing arguments I should be worried about?" Bean asks.
"Not that I know of," Chloe says, shaking her head. "Everything okay with you and Castalia, Luna?"
"Yep," I lie. "No problems. Castalia's great."
"Still kinda crazy you room with her," Bean says. "Crazier still that I'm about to meet her. She's like, worldwide level famous."
"You wouldn't ever think so just talking to her," Chloe chuckles. "She's really not one for fame."
"She's great, though," I insist. "Really nice. Just don't be too weird about her levitating everywhere."
"Oh, geez. I mean, you've mentioned it, but does she really do it everywhere?" Bean asks.
"Absolutely everywhere," Chloe confirms. "She only stops when she sits down. And even then, not always."
"It's crazy adorable," I admit. "She's a little hard to get a read on at first, but as long as you remember she means everything she says a hundred percent literally, you'll get along with her just as well as I do."
Probably better! Since you won't be lying to her all the time!
"Welllll, I don't know if I can get along with her quite as well as you do," Bean smirks. "I don't swing that way, after all."
"Oh my god!" Chloe perks up immediately. "Do I finally get to talk to someone who actually likes boys!? It has been months! Aah!"
"So it's really true, then?" Bean asks. "All magical girls are gay?"
"Oh, uh… Eliza's ace, actually," Chloe says. "Though I'm not a hundred percent sure if that's all of her or just the ten-year-old that lives in her head."
"I'm sorry the whaaaaat?"
"Alternate personality," I explain. "Girl has hella PTSD."
"Eh, I looked some stuff up and apparently 'alternate personality' is kind of a no-no phrase?" Chloe says. "I don't know if Eliza cares, but… just treat them as entire people in their own right."
"Oh, word," Bean nods.
"Sorry, didn't know," I type, rapidly looking up stuff myself like I probably should have done way earlier. Oh, god, there's so much. I don't wanna deal with this. I'll just section off a corner of my mind to sift through it all and run based.exe on my consciousness after it's done.
"I think it's because the term makes people think of like, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type shit," Chloe explains. "You know, the good side and the crazy side. The real person and the fake bodysnatching interloper. But it doesn't actually work like that in real life, you know? Fulgora and Minerva are both nice, good people, and they both ultimately came from the same brain. You can't argue that one is real and the other is fake. I made that mistake when I first found out and I still hate myself a little for it."
"You hate yourself for a lotta stuff you probably shouldn't," I type out.
"Gah, okay, actually, can we not do the realtalk in front of your friend that I literally just met? Let's go back to talking about how hot boys are."
"I never actually said I like boys," Bean says.
"Uuuuugh," Chloe groans. "Of course you don't."
"Nah, I'm just fuckin' with you, gush all you like," Bean grins.
"Was… was that wording on purpose…?" Chloe winces.
"It totally was," I assure her.
"Oh, geez, there's two of you now," Chloe laments. "Of course there's two of you now. What did I think was going to happen?"
"Why do you wanna talk so much about boys anyway?" I ask. "Weren't you just telling me the other day that you have a thing for—"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Chloe shouts, screaming loud enough to make the rest of my sentence unintelligible. "Nope! Nuh-uh! Don't wanna talk about that! It's never going anywhere and it's for the best and that's the end of the discussion, period. How about you tell us how your crush on Castalia is going instead?"
"Also never going anywhere, which is also for the best," I respond. "She's still mourning her girlfriend who got vaporized by a kaiju six years ago."
"Oh. Oof," Chloe says.
"That's rough, buddy," Bean commiserates. "My love life is just as bad, frankly. It's pretty much fuckin' impossible to find a man who won't treat me like a woman, you know?"
"Not really, but it sounds terrible," Chloe says.
"It is terrible," they sigh. "Like, I'm not a super personable person, I don't really go out of my way to look for people, so it's partly my fault I guess. But I pretty much gave up on trying to date anyone my freshman year of high school because it always just made me feel… eugh. I'd rather just look at porn on the internet than try to deal with real ass human beings."
"On one hand, I get you," Chloe says. "On the other hand, you are no longer a freshman in high school, so your dating prospects now are gonna be way more mature than anything you had to deal with back then. Nice guys are easier to find when they're not still struggling with puberty."
"I know, I know," Bean sighs. "But I had some bad fuckin' experiences. I can't just snap my fingers and get over it."
"Gotta say, this is not how I expected the conversation to go on your first day here," I say. "First hour, even."
"Don't be a prude, Lu-Lu," Bean smirks. "But yeah, alright, let's talk about something else."
"Lu-Lu!?" I protest, and they laugh in my face. The indignity! The disrespect! How could my best friend do this to oh wait it's Bean of course they would.
"Ooh, actually, on the subject of names, why 'Bean?'" Chloe asks. "You chose that, right?"
"Oh, yep," they nod. "I dunno. It makes me laugh, and I wanted a name that would put a smile on my face. Also, I just really like Poyo Poyo."
"Uh, what?" Chloe asks.
"Poyo Poyo. It's a competitive puzzle game. I'm like, top fifty nationally."
"Oh, you broke into top fifty? Nice!" I say, holding up a hand for a high-five which is vigorously accepted.
"And Poyo Poyo is a game about… beans?" Chloe tries hesitantly.
"It is according to the old localization team," Bean says. "Look, it's a super obscure inside joke. Don't worry about it."
"The fact that they literally named themselves after a super obscure inside joke is probably everything you need to know about Bean, honestly," I chime in.
"Hey!" Bean protests. "I resemble that remark! Besides, that's rich coming from Miss Children's Card Game. How much have you talked your new friends' ears off about fucking hand traps or whatever?"
My automated systems cause me to stiffen up and perform a surprised blink as my mind double-takes. I… huh.
"Not at all, actually," I realize. "I haven't really thought about card games in months."
"Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about, Bean," Chloe admits.
"Wait, really? You? But you…" Bean starts, trailing off. "…For months, huh?"
Justify justify justify justify!
"You know, with college starting, meeting new friends, and all that stuff I haven't had any time for it," I lie. Well, half-lie. I haven't even thought about my once-favorite hobby for more than a little while after all this. I mean, I can't really play it anymore, I'd be cheating. In person, I could recognize every card by its backside based on imperfections impossible for a human to notice. I physically wouldn't be able to shuffle a deck without knowing where every card ended up. I'd have to actively edit my own memories for pretty much the entire game, and I'd still be a mathematical engine capable of finding optimal plays faster than any human.
It's just not possible for me to enjoy it the way I used to, so… I mean, I have so much other shit to worry about, I don't have time to waste brainpower on wishing I could play cards. There are other hobbies. It's not a big deal.
And I can easily burn away any emotions insisting otherwise.
"Do you… wanna play a few games sometime?" Bean asks.
No. Not anymore.
"You realize I'd destroy you, right?" I ask.
"Well, we can just play Puyo together in exchange," Bean smirks.
Except… I'd probably destroy you in that, too. Even if I slow my thoughts down to human speeds, it's still a machine making those thoughts. There's only so much of myself I can shut off. I can't stop having perfect awareness, perfect reactions, and so on. I can just… shunt them to other parts of my mind to handle pretending I don't have them. But those things are still there, they're still me. I would, ultimately, have to find ways to convincingly throw the game in order to avoid suspicion, and that just sounds miserable. Lies upon lies upon lies.
"I'd rather just play neither," I say, trying to make it seem like I'm scared of getting destroyed at Bean's favorite game. "Besides, most of my spare time has been going into music lately, and that's something I've wanted to do since forever so I'm not too torn up by it."
"Oh!" Bean says, seeming surprised. "Well damn, I guess that is pretty cool. Finally gonna share some of your songs with me, then?"
Terrifying, but a perfect distraction.
"You know what? Sure," I agree, mentally tabbing through the songs in my brain to find a collection I wouldn't be utterly mortified to share with people. It's… a surprisingly short list, but I manage it, pulling my phone up close to my face to hide the download notification when I send the files over. They were totally on there the whole time, everyone! Where else would they have been? It's not like I have my laptop with me.
Most of the rest of the drive is the others indulging my urge to geek out about music and talk about my songs, going over every little thing I'm not quite happy with and getting a mix of encouragement from Chloe and feedback from Bean. It… helps a lot, honestly. The stress fades into the background a bit as I get a chance to just talk about something I love with someone I love.
Things aren't going to be okay. I know that. But I'm holding on as long as I can, because what else can I do?
Before I know it, and long before I'm ready, we make it back to town. Soon enough, the car is parked and we're helping Bean drag their luggage up the stairs to my dorm. It's surreal and a little terrifying. But hey, it's probably a good thing. Castalia needs another friend, especially if I'm going to end up having to leave. And Bean needs someone to protect them if I end up dangerous. I've gotta set that up as best I can.
I open the door to find Castalia floating at a weird-ass angle over the couch, knees tucked to her chest. Has she just been… rotating there? She quickly rights herself as the door opens, floating over to help.
"You're back," she comments, levitating the suitcase out of my hands and dropping it off by the couch so I can sign.
"We're back!" I confirm. "This is Bean!"
"Hello, Bean," Castalia nods at them. Bean just kind of stands there in shock, so I reach out and yank them into the apartment so Chloe can step in as well.
"Gah!" Bean yelps. "Uh, I mean, hey! It's great to meet you. Luna has told me a lot about you."
I briefly see Bean's hand twitch forwards before murdering the attempted handshake in the cradle. Ha, oh my god. I can feel the surface temperature of their cheeks rising a few fractions of a percent. I am definitely making fun of them for that later. Thankfully, Castalia either doesn't notice or doesn't care.
"Luna has spoken much about you as well," Castalia says, "and all good things. I look forward to getting to know you."
"Oh, uh, gosh," Bean says. "Well, thanks a ton for agreeing to let me stay a while anyway. And, um, also for saving the world several times."
"You're welcome," Castalia nods, apparently considering both things similar enough to respond to simultaneously.
"Uh. Cool. Um, is there a good place to put my stuff? Sorry there's so much of it," Bean says, immediately prompting me to sign furiously.
"Luna would like to remind you that your stuff is currently everything you own, and it is not too much," Castalia translates for me. "I agree with her. If anything, I regret our lack of closet space. Feel free to use the main room how you see fit."
"Okay. Gosh, thank you so much," Bean says again, clearly a lot less comfortable with her than they were with me.
"Of course," Castalia nods, levitating the other suitcases to join the one she already took from me. "Are… you hungry? I think we have leftovers. Very good leftovers."
"Oh, that sounds perfect!" Chloe says. "You're hungry, right Bean?"
"Uh, yeah, I could eat!" Bean agrees.
"Great. No getting out of this one, Luna!" Chloe smirks. I silently groan.
"What is Luna not getting out of…?" Castalia asks, and I hold up my hand to shut everyone up while I type a response.
"Chloe has gotten it into her head that I have an eating disorder," I grumble. "But like I told her, I just don't like eating because of my jaw!"
"And like I told you, it's still an eating disorder even if it's not because you're trying to manage your weight," Chloe counters like I expected she would. "Now come on, let's get everyone fed. Everyone."
I roll my eyes and follow her into the kitchen, though since we're just having leftovers there's not actually much to prep. Chloe and I are no strangers to four-person dinners at this point, and though we've swapped one of the usual people out everything goes pretty much as usual, ending with us all squashed together on the couch, eating off the coffee table while I thumb through Netflix and YouTube for something worth watching. It is, as usual, a mostly futile endeavor, but I find some slop to fill the space while I wastefully annihilate food and happily press my shoulder into my favorite Bean.
"Okay! Who wants to hear embarrassing stories about Luna?" Bean asks cheerfully. My least favorite Bean. The worst Bean to ever exist. My great nemesis, Bean.
"Me me me me me me!" Chloe interjects immediately, though I note Castalia stays still and silent. I slowly but carefully raise my arms to start strangling Bean. As a joke. Hopefully.
…Thankfully, though, my best friend has mercy on me and merely embarrasses me a whole fucking lot rather than going fully apocalyptic on my ass. Perhaps it is the potential for mutually assured destruction that stays their hand, for I, too, know all sorts of dorky shit about them. It's… nice. Even with all the lies, my friends are all getting along. I can tell Castalia is happy because she lasts several hours longer than usual before declaring that she finally needs to go to bed.
"Oh yeah, you go to bed early, huh?" Bean winces. "Luna and I are both night owls. I promise I'll do my best to stay quiet."
"It will not be a problem," Castalia assures them. "I've slept through a fire alarm before."
"W-wait, seriously?" Bean says. "That sounds really bad!"
"It was," Castalia confirms. "But regardless, you will not need to worry about waking me."
"Oh, geez," Bean winces. "Is that… uh, I mean, please tell me to shut up if this isn't okay to ask, but is that how you got your scars?"
"No," Castalia says. "I got these from saving the world. Good night, Bean. It was nice meeting you."
She floats off into her room, and Chloe says goodbye shortly after, leaving me alone with my friend. Obviously, the first thing I should do in this situation is give them another big hug, so I do. Bean laughs and squeezes me back a bit, the two of us enjoying each other's warmth for a bit before breaking away. What can I say? Turns out I'm a bit of a hugger.
"Your friends are pretty cool," Bean tells me.
"Yeah, you are," I type back.
"Sucks that you have to lie to us about everything, don't it?" they say, the words coming out casually enough that I barely even process them the first time around.
Damn it. Already? I need to nip this in the bud. I need to. It's for their own safety.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I type, "and you don't either. I. Hate. Lying. Especially to you."
"Then don't," Bean practically begs me. "Come on. It's just you and me. Put the phone down and write it out if that's the problem. Or are you being monitored that well? Is it not just an online thing?"
"Drop it," I order. "Now. Don't ever talk to me about this again. I am dead fucking serious. I'll kick you out to live on the street if I have to."
"Excuse me!?" Bean asks, taken aback. "What? Seriously? Is this really so important to you that you'd leave me homeless?"
"No, Bean," I insist. "You're that important to me. Stay. Away. From. This. Absolute last warning. Tell me you understand."
Bean just looks at me in abject horror, which I can't help but notice isn't them obeying me.
"I said tell me you understand!" I repeat.
"…Okay," Bean agrees. "I understand. You didn't have to threaten me, fuck."
"Yes I did," I counter, pressing a finger to their chest. "You've pressed me on this several times, and I've asked you to stop every time."
"How do you expect me to stop?" they hiss. "Would you stop if you were in my shoes? Would you seriously say 'well this is suspicious as hell and it's really obvious my best friend is wading nose-deep in shit, but I guess I'll just ignore it because they asked me to!' You're treating this like it's a reasonable boundary to set, but it's like if I asked you not to talk me out of it if I ever get suicidal again. You wouldn't fuckin' agree to that, would you?"
"Of course not," I answer, my phone volume as low as it'll go. "But Bean, I'm not in danger. You are."
We stare at each other, my expression kept firm and confident. Bean, though, just looks lost.
"…I know this is your house and stuff, but can you give me some time alone?" they ask. "Just… go to your room or something."
"I'll do you one better," I answer, heading for the door outside. "Don't follow me. I will know."
And so I leave, shutting and locking the door behind me as I walk off campus as quickly as I can without seeming superhuman. Bean, thankfully, doesn't follow me. Honestly, this went about as bad as I expected it would. None of this is a surprise. All of it was doomed from the start. I know that. I know that.
But can't I try? Can't I just stay like this a little longer? Another day, another week? Is that really too much to ask? Can I ever know the answer to that before it's too late?
My body's automatic systems try to start crying, but I'm tired of presenting myself as a lie. I find an alleyway to duck into, triple-check all my sensors to confirm I'm alone, and cast the spell to shunt my skin and clothes into extradimensional storage, leaving only the inhuman servant beneath. No longer do I have to worry about something faking a sigh as I look down at my metallic hands and remind myself what I am.
And then, without warning, time slows to a near-stop as my haptic sensors detect a hand being placed on my shoulder. No. What? How. That should be impossible! Nothing can sneak up on me, not like this! Is it a trick? Who could have… no.
I turn my head and find myself face-to-face with Melpomene.
"Hello, Luna," she says, the air suddenly thick with a disgust that wasn't there just seconds ago. "Let's talk."
Comments
Jacob Harris
I know it's naive, but I can't help hoping Mel just noticed how close Luna is to being forced to kill her own friends by Mels orders, and is here to loosen the chains. argh.
Eiren Rain
holly shit
zetorian
I think its mostly the competitive aspect. A conversation with more time to think and less risk of saying the wrong thing isn't going to be upsetting. A game where you're garunteed to win if you don't intentionally fake failure is just depressing.
tharindu prasad
Why can't she play games with less than peak reaction and mental condition? She manages it on human interactions
skye lime
how similar can we expect the thundagame to be to the thundabooks?
Nameguy
Tftc😎👍. This house of cards will crumble beautifully.
sharikak 54
I’m pretty sure Thunda is plural, y’know.
Foxner
"Alternative personality" is also outdated because it doesn't actually accurately describe the condition. There is a lot more to it, like with alternate emotional states that are beyond a different personality. Hence why its alternative consciousness state, or alter (headmate works too), instead.
Hazel
Oh. Oh my. Melpomene. Darling. You will NOT mess this up for Luna. She has paid too high a price for your mistakes already.
