Daniel Greene
patreon
A Draft For A Prologue
🕑 Added 2022-01-07 17:03:50 +0000 UTCSo I have been drafting out the third book in the Lawful Time's trilogy, and the prologue has been officially written. Not edited though... not even once. BUT I thought some of you might want to see that. What a fresh out of the keyboard draft VS final product looks like. So here it is. I didn't even proof it. I want to pull away the mystique of editing and all of that. I might post draft 2, 3, & 4 here as well. Enjoy!
Violent Ends
Prologue
The rocking of the ship rolled through Recki with hypnotic nausea. Over and over again she felt herself lift higher in her sweat-soaked bed, only to be dropped by the sea causing her stomach to lift into her chest. For well over a month the crew of the ship had battled the sea. Countless waves day after day, hour after hour, minute after painful minute. Most had overcome the sickness caused by the sea, but it still found her.
The storm outside now wasn’t the worst yet, but it was still enough to reduce her to a puddle of bile and sweat. She was little better than Holden had been in the worst of his recovery from the sickness caused by overexposure to the Grohalind. The man had spent weeks a shriveled mess. His body, already a doughy imitation of the muscled man she had first met, was now reduced to mostly skin and bone. To his credit, the former Officer of God was now working out with Flip multiple times a day. He had even overcome the seasick far better than most.
Lucky skinny bastard.
The sound of the door to the room she shared with Khlid opening brought her head up. Her roommate walked into the dim space only lit by a small flickering lantern with surprising grace. The woman had grown up in the city, but had taken to the sea with unnatural smoothness. The metal woman hadn’t thrown up once.
Lucky metal bastard.
Recki tried to make a smart remark, but the ship lurched up a particularly high wave. Her stomach rolled.
Khlid saw the warning signs and before Recki could finish moaning “Oh, gods.” had a bucket by her side.
The splash of fluid caused Khlid to grimace. “Need some water.”
Recki only answered with a second splash of sick.
“Gods, Recki, how is there anything still in you?” Khlid stood, leaving the bucket in Recki’s weak grasp. Her feet made heavy thuds as she walked to her own bed and plopped down. “I’m starting to believe you really never left the Capital City before this.”
“Shut up.” Recki croaked.
Khlid smiled ruefully in response. The two of them had been forced to share this room less than ten square feet, but the result had been a rather rapid friendship. “Need a distraction?”
“Please.”
“Do you know why the Empire strips cities of their names when it takes them?” Khlid unlaced her shirt and laid back in her bed. “Kriqium was renamed to Crict. Hell, even the Capital City used to be–”
The sound of a third splash halted Khlid’s words. After allowing Recki a few moments to spit and cough Khlid continued.
“Anyway, it’s to assert control. It goes even further. I was reading Chapman’s notes Pirka took from his place. Chapman theorized calling the Empire’s capital, ‘Capital’ is to force even their enemies to refer to it as the capital. It instills a worm into your mind. An inevitability. Eventually, the Capital City will be your capital as well.” Khlid lit a cigarette. A horrible habit Recki only tolerated out of pity of what the woman had been through while held captive by the Anointed. “It’s a part of their whole propaganda. Anyway, I don’t think we should allow it. We should call the Capital City something else.”
Recki only groaned in response, feeling the ship drop yet again.
Khlid let out a cloud of smoke into their tiny dark room. “Any suggestions?”
“Hell.” Recki meant it as a description of her stomach but Khlid rolled with the proposition.
“Hell. Home of the false god.” Khlid took another long drag. “I like it.”
The door was pushed open.
Khlid bolted up in bed as Recki turned away, trying to hide the mess.
Holden began, “Hey we are–”
“Get out!” Khlid snapped. Her newly metallic edge voice made the command sharper than intended.
Holden froze in place, letting out a confused “uhh…”
Recki’s protector put a hand on Holden’s chest and forced him out into the common area outside of their rooms. From her position curled around the bucket, Recki took some delight in hearing Holden be berated by Khlid for not knocking. A few sailors’ laughs even echoed into the room.
“I love that woman.”
The boat lurched harder than ever before. Recki rolled, trying to cling to the sheets. The floor pounded into her back as the bucket tumbled across the room. She felt something warm sprinkle across her face as a drum began to pound, signaling the ship was headed to land.
“They will not get me back on this gods forsaken ship!”
Her anger was almost enough to stop the newly invigorated nausea.
Comments
I want to send you books from Amazon. What is the address that I use? Used the Henrico one and it said that it couldn't deliver them
Absolutely adored the first two, can’t wait for the third!!
I read this in the voice of K. Reading. Really loved the conversation betweeen Khlid and Recki, but I could imagine Khlid being even more aggressive in her tone. The last few paragraphs might need a bit of polish…
Royce Shatzel
Hey! How long did it take to write this prologue?
Austin Braswell
This might be weird but you might be onto something with the “completely unpolished writing” approach.
First draft or not, I feel queasy just reading that… good job! 🥴
