exurb1r
patreon
Yet Another Vacuous Hello And I'm Still Alive
🕑 Added 2020-09-04 17:20:27 +0000 UTCHello starfish(es?)
Hope you’re all well. I am once again informing you I’m not dead. As before, I’m not attempting to butter you up in preparation for taking your kind patronage, just checking in, honest.
(There won't be an audio version for this message I'm afraid. Took my mic out onto the balcony to record it, and have finally busted the cable. God speed, big, strange cable type I don't know the name of.)
This is going to be a bit of a one-sided conversation as per usual, I hope you don’t mind. I’ll start with clerical stuff. I’m working on three scripts at the moment, and all of them are trying to barge through the door at the same time. I’ll ruin the mystique: one is about Buddhist cosmology, one is about the hard problem of consciousness, and one is about how it might be braver to live and die in a mysterious universe rather than trying to impose human explanations on the thing.
A while ago I used to wonder why the hell folks on YouTube took months to upload stuff sometimes. Now I get it. Because when you're the one making stuff you know once it’s out there you can never patch up the mistakes or fix the music or word something better. It encourages whatever the unhealthy version of perfectionism is. I do sometimes worry a bit that you assume I’m sat on my arse sipping margaritas most of the time. (I won't lie, it happens occasionally.)
I promise this isn’t another Youtuber Whines About Work diatribe.
However. A somewhat relevant story I may’ve told before:
Several years ago I was working on a video, I forget which, and ran out of coffee. The shop downstairs had just opened for the morning so I went to buy some coffee, had a brief chat with the lady at the checkout, went back upstairs, carried on editing. The video wasn’t working at all, none of the jokes made sense, etc, I was going nuts. Felt very sorry for myself. Come late evening I was into proper self-pity mode and went downstairs again to get some bread from the same shop. And the lady I’d been chatting to that morning was still working, 10, maybe 12 hours later, looking exhausted. I’d just spent all day pushing words around on a word document for the lols. She’d just spent 12 hours on her feet serving idiots like me. That was quite humbling to say the least, and I promised then that I’d never consider writing for a living anything less than the insanely lucky privilege it is, and complaining about it, even when it didn't work, was gross.
Anyway. It’s been an exciting month. Some friends and I rented a car, drove across the country to the seaside. The car was quite shit, but we didn’t realise how shit until I pulled out onto the motorway, and upon changing up to third gear felt the gearstick come off in my hand while cars were shooting up behind us at 90mph.
FUCK, I yelled.
WHAT? my friends replied.
FUCK FUCK, I yelled.
WHAT WHAT? they replied.
I brandished the gearstick.
FUUUUUUUUCK, I yelled.
FUUUUUUUUCK, they replied.
It’s quite amazing they let someone with only one working eye drive in the first place.
In other news I hung out with a group of friends some of whom developed covid. Obviously I went and got PCR tested. I was negative, but I only mention it to say that the test really isn’t that bad, and a few moments of relative discomfort are quite preferable to not knowing one's covid status. (Really, the test isn't that bad.) The folks who were positive are fine now, I add.
Other than that the feline is well (pictures below as always), and I hope I am too. And I hope you are also.
Let me make some recommendations if I may, because I’ve bumped into some stuff I really liked recently.
Filmwise, Sputnik really got me. It’s a recent Russian sort-of-horror. The concept itself won’t blow you away, but the main character is extremely compelling, and the story carries the thing – it’s great, big recommend. DO NOT WATCH THE TRAILER. IT WILL REVEAL EVERYTHING.
Plus, if you can get to a cinema safely, this is the golden age for film screens – every time I’ve been to the movies of late there were about 5 or us in a several hundred person capacity room. Amazing. Saw Tenet a few days ago. Went to see it again the next day. I won’t spoil it, but the central idea is – as far as I’m concerned, totally, totally unique. First time I’ve had that ‘awe’ feeling at a movie in ages. I hope you like it too.
The next one is a bit out there, but I assume you’re all bonkers. On Having No Head by Douglas Harding. It’s a book (the audiobook is great by the way) about….zen, I suppose? He had a realisation years ago in the Himalayas that he literally had no head, that all there was was his consciousness – or his perspective. I’m butchering the thing, but it’s a wonderful Western take on zen and I’m sure you’ll like it.
And two game recommendations. One is a very satisfying puzzle game called The Room – Three (or 3?), for about 4 pounds on Steam. You can finish it in an evening and it’s just absolutely gorgeous.
The second one is The Outer Wilds, which I’m still playing at the moment, about a mysterious 22 minute time loop. You also have a spaceship and a whole solar system to explore, so that’s neat. Can’t recommend it enough. (The music is very nice too.)
I also listened to the entire Miley Cyrus episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast and she is wonderfully eloquent, and has a huge vocabulary. I felt like quite the dick having judged her for writing pop music. She’s clearly a very clever lady and I'm in awe.
So that’s that. I’m in a weird transitional stage at the moment where I’m afraid I don’t have anything substantial to show you, everything’s between states. I spend the mornings working on the book and the afternoons on video scripts. Things are getting done and when they’re done, I promise I’ll let you know.
The book is a strange situation. I remember watching interviews with writers where they talked about how sad they were when a book was finished because they had to let the characters go. I always thought, Oh come on, how pretentious. For the first time in my writing life it now makes sense. I've lived with these imaginary people for almost 3 years now. They feel realer to me than some of the people in my actual life. Christ, I just really hope you like this one. Anyway. Let me change the subject before this starts to sound like overt mental illness.
Oh! I would very much like to work with some animators. If you animate, or happen to know an animator you dig, would you kindly drop me (or ask them to drop me) a line at: exurb1achannel@gmail.com with the subject “Animation”, or something to that effect? If you (or they) can include an example of previous work that would be amazing too, if possible.
The weather’s still gorgeous in Sofia at the moment and the birds are all very sing-y. The feline begs for tuna often, this sounds like a shit haiku.
Again, I’m not dead, just in between a few projects and hoping to finish all of them, or I’ll do my damndest to try.
Oh. Also, a little crisis I resolved recently that might help you out if you fall into the same pinch. Turning 30 did an absolute number on me last year. I spiraled into quite the freakout. I'd always convinced myself if I hadn't done something Great by 30 then I'd fucked up my life, and not only had I not lived up to that standard, but just turning 30 alone was bizarre in itself. Suddenly one isn't Peter Pan anymore, and telling people one's age in conversation elicits an "uh huh" reaction rather than the look one gets in earlier years of, "Ahhh, you're still young, you'll work it out." 30 is a weird nether-age between young and getting older. I think that's why it's so odd.
It took quite a lot more panicking, but the thing solved itself a few months ago while hanging out with friends. Most of them are my age or a bit older, and it hit me that, wow, everyone around you gets cooler as they age. They get deeper, weirder, more interesting, with better stories and - above all - wiser. They listen better, think more carefully - the game changes. One's thirties really aren't a wasteland, it's the beginning of a silly new adventure, trite as it sounds. I'm only just wrapping my head around that, but for when you get here, or if you already are here, I sure hope you stumble on the same realisation I did and calm down a bit. What's that line from the Baz Luhrmann song? The race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself.
As ever, thank you so much for the support on Patreon, not a day goes by when I’m not grateful. These days I would only really ask for help when I can’t get hold of software or footage by myself, and for now I’m able to do that so I thought I’d just waste your time with this update instead.
Hope you’re doing well wherever you are, hope the weather’s gorgeous and the birds are sing-y, and if you have a cat that they are afforded ample tuna,
Ex.
Edit: Apologies, the feline photos attached aren't dowloadable for some reason. Have tried reuploading them, no avail. Might be a Patreon thing. Please give it a few hours.
Comments
Maarten van der Heijden
Still hanging in there ye earthworm?
Juan Domenech
Much Love
treev
You're probably looking to get an "XLR" cable for you microphone. That's pretty much the standard for condenser microphones. It's the round one with 3 pins; you're smart you'll figure it out.
tsdz
You deserve a better keyboard.
Diego Guerra
Checked out Tenet last night at a drive in cinema. Outdoor screening for a Nolan film is a big “Aw shit” when you have to keep turning on your car’s sound system because “it’s smart” and turns off periodically to save energy. But as your pal exurb2a so eloquently said “FUCK CRITICS” needing to google physics concepts after a movie just to TRY to understand the plot is a next level type of wow. Not understanding every plot beat was amazing. Take me on a ride! What a breath of fresh air.
Tomas Andersson
Hey Exurb1a, I'm sure you are aware of CGP Grey, but have you listened to Cortex episode 28 where he and Myke talk about hiring an animator? https://www.relay.fm/cortex/28
Shesha
Thanks for the update! Reading this, the way you write casually to us like you know us well, it's always so lovely. Especially with lockdowns and such (I'm in Victoria, Australia), hearing from you does a lot to help ease the pain of isolation. Thanks and all the best with your current projects!
Elycium
Its always nice hearing from you Ex and I do enjoy the longer updates on you for sure. Eventhough the post only last so long you can clearly read that there has been a lot of thought put into it and I wanted to thank you for that and theyre always a nice suprise. As this is my first sorta live patreonpost of yours I wanted to thank you for the 1 and a half hour talk with mystiverse it was a very good evening to listen to. I dont know your current situation and you dont know mine, but be sure I will be fine and you will be too (at least I hope so)
The3gg
I do always appreciate these long updates Ex, so thank you. Your road trip story reminds me of that scene from A Scanner Darkly where Arctor's car falls apart while on the highway. Damn cheeky Barris. Anywho, can't wait to see Tenet though I may wait for when it comes out on video as theaters...especially in America...scare me. If you are still searching for an animator, I highly encourage you to reach out to Kevin Colgrave. He makes the most bizarre but entertaining animations. Best, Sam
Bethakachutney
Thanks for the super looooong update :P I myself am about to join the 30 club next year and I have been told 'your life really starts in your thirties', which I don't really believe. I guess it is one of those things where you will only really be able to understand it when you reach your 40s... I think you yourself have achieved a lot of things already, but I look forward to seeing all this future content you are taunting us with XD
Miles dleeg
"It’s quite amazing they let someone with only one working eye drive in the first place." Odin confirmed.
Oscar
There was bit of grammatical confusion when trying to write that section on ludo narrative dissonance. I'd never seen it written before only talked about and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the opposite was supposed to be... Having thought about it after writing the message I've decided that ludo narrative resonance is probably the best antonym to ludo narrative dissonance that or ludo narrative coherence. I don't think sycnchronism is even a real word...
exurb1a
Once again, as always, a pleasure to hear from you, my (robot) man. I must say - and I'm sure you've found it yourself - that some of the kindest people one bumps into in life have had the hardest knocks in their past. It's almost like when you encounter adversity you have two choices: either to become cynical and bitter, or compassionate. It certainly sounds like you made the second choice. I'm not sure what defines the choice, it must be something very personal and deeply ingrained, but Christ, I'm glad those Jedis exist. Will check out the songs shortly, thank you kindly. I saw A Star is Born at the movies when it came out, was certainly very impressed with Miss(Mrs?) Gaga's singing, felt like she really carried the thing. Was also surprised to see it's a remake of a remake, one of those stories we seem to love telling. Anyway, all the best September wishes to you too, and hope your gearsticks remain intact also!
exurb1a
Hey Maddison. Promise I'll do a 'psychological debriefing' when this one is finished. And I'll do my best, same to you. All the best wishes
exurb1a
I was always chronically afraid of anything past 100k miles, but my dad taught me you can maintain just about anything to infinity. Can't even imagine the terror of seeing a car's bodily fluids leaking out on the highway. (And cheers, same to you!)
exurb1a
It's absolutely fantastic - glad you're also a fan. Not sure why I added a 'the' to its name above. And as dates go, I'm promising myself it'll be out by Christmas. The thing just got big on me and I really, really don't want to fuck it up. Promise I'm working hard as I can on it. (And hey, thank you ever, ever so much. Big love.)
exurb1a
Well, please do post the thing when it's done, I'm sure we'd all love to see it. (The feeling of being tied into something is as arduous as it is wonderful.) And absolutely, massive apologies, will check your message right away.
exurb1a
Hello there! Ohhhh, I'm ever so happy to hear that. I still haven't read all of his stuff, it's a treasure trove. Am just happy to still have some left; I hope you are too. Ey, cheers to you too - thanks for the support, and big love.
exurb1a
Hola Oscar. I learned the phrase 'ludo narrative dissonance' just a few short days ago from Folding Ideas - the YouTube channel, and it's a joy to read your message and actually know what it means now. I would absolutely love to check it out - will do, thank you kindly, sounds very intense indeed. And thank you kindly for the contacts, much appreciated indeed!
MrElizondo
It's working for me now, I'm using the patreon android app. Freya is gorgeous as ever.
Logan Eads
Thanks for the update Ex. I’ve recently started reading some of Bradbury’s short stories, and all I can ask is... WHY WEREN’T YOU MORE ADAMANT ABOUT STARTING THIS!? Too good. I won’t rest until I’ve read his last work. Thank you for everything you beautiful bastard.
Oscar
Hi turtle friend, Lovely to hear from you! On my end all is well although I don’t think I feel comfortable going to the cinema right now, so I think I’ll just wait for these movies to come out on the small (but still quite big relatively speaking) screen. As a quick game recommendation myself may I recommend Celeste? It’s not expensive (and was free on Epic a while ago so you might have it without noticing). It’s got a beautiful story (don’t look it up. Personally a near tears moment was had, but I am particularly empathetic with these things. Useful for dealing with anxiety and stress and one of the best representations of those things in gaming as a whole IMO) with an equally beautiful combination of pixel and drawn art. The ludo-narrative synchronism is just really on point and the gameplay is not just fair but incredibly forgiving as a great launching off platform into platformers as genre (Celeste was my first platformer really ever and I am still having an amazing time with the thing. The key is that in reality it’s a puzzle game not a platformer kind-of... in a weird way that you will only understand through play). It gets hard but it never feels bad or like it’s on the game for not doing something right. It came out a while ago (and has a massive modding community for post-game content if you want it) so you may have played it, in which case, thoughts are appreciated. Oscar (Squalm/Chrip/Oscri) P.S. I know a few people in the game dev world who might be up to a bit of animation. I’ll have a chat and see what they say, hopefully some good comes of that.
RobotWobot
Hey Mr dazzling space tortoise. 👋😊 When I read your posts and stories, I always form the same idea in my head: This is a man who has gone through big changes and experiences in his life that have shaped him into a better person. I think there’s something beautiful about being shaped into a different, better, person from experience. I also think it’s quite unfortunate that people have to go through and experience something before they understand that thing. Idk if I’ve ever mentioned, but I’m pretty sure the main reason I am so nice in the present (I hope I am, at least), is because I encountered much loneliness through my life. Luckily, I’m at a point where I have an abundance of wonderful people in my life... but people don’t seem to understand and be nice to people, unless they’ve been through the same, or similar, experience. I recently joined a voice call as my hyper, over-enthusiastic self. After I left, someone sent me a message basically saying how I was overwhelming etc. They didn’t mean to be mean, but it hurt me a little to know that I had caused trouble. I think about that message from time to time - I realise how people take many pathways in life - it’s like a choice-based game: you go through one path and experience something and come out as one person, but if you took a slightly different path, you would have come out having experienced and learned something completely different... I don’t know how to feel that I haven’t understood the mental illness pathway, and that I don’t understand people in that position. All I know is that they have difficulties. I don’t know how to respond or act when in the presence of such a person. Since pretty much my only problem is colourblindness... I cannot relate to anyone who has genuine, chronic disabilities. (I feel like I’ve just waffled on and not made much sense here. 😅) Also, I’ve recently been listening to two songs non-stop: Mirror, by Porter Robinson: https://youtu.be/l0Jo-9aqhYc Shallow, from the movie “A Star is Born”: https://youtu.be/bo_efYhYU2A (does contain spoilers for the movie, by the way). The movie’s alright - didn’t quite pack the punch I was hoping for, but I think it’s worth watching before listening to the song. Lady Gaga is an absolutely fantastic singer. Alas, I hope you have a good September etc. Best of luck with your continuing pursuits, and here’s to hoping you don’t yank out another gear stick. 🍻 Much love, Robot 💛
exurb1a
Hey Ethan. Yeah, funny thing about Outer Wilds, people kept saying not to watch playthroughs, not to look up walkthroughs, so I didn't. Several hours in I can completely see why. It's beautifully story driven, I imagine knowing what will happen totally ruins it. Will attempt to skip the paragraph now, let's see if I can do it. Oh. That worked. WELL. Over a decade? I do hope you get them out. I imagine that must turn into a form of torture after a while, god damn. And thank you kindly, I hope you like the stuff above. I have terrible taste, but if they resonate, that would be wonderful.
Hamun Bertram
Kool Beanz
exurb1a
Hola, Axel. I'm having the same problem myself. Tried uploading, then downloading them from another computer: same problem. Think it might be a Patreon problem, or I hope so. (And sincerely hope you're questioning your existence and sanity also.)
exurb1a
THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING AND I'M NOT EVEN BITTER, HAYLEIGH
Maddison Brough
As always, brilliant to hear from you, each update is a wonderful story of its own. Would love to hear one day about how you tackle books. Stay away from disintegrating vehicles always, take care.
Ezekiel Rohan
Always so wonderful to hear from ye :) The car story was fantastic, I used to drive around a rust bucket with 250K miles on it that pissed radiator and brake fluid like a mule, that panic of seeing anything go wrong on the highway is a real primal feeling. Anyway, can’t wait to see ya next few projects! Stay healthy :)
Gurumaru
Outer Wilds is absolutely amazing, it's great that you found the time to check it out. Can we perhaps expect a vague release date for the book? Can't wait for your stuff Ex
Mateusz Pruszczak
I just watched your video on tenent and it was really interesting. I'm realy considering going to cinema for it. Hope you have strenght to do all this projects. I personally will be finishing project on wich I'm working scince 2 years and I know that it won't turn out as I wished and I will lose money on it but I can't change anything now just have to wrape it up and hand out to customer (For anyone curious it is extravagant machete ). So i realy hope that your work will turn out how you wisched it would or at least that you wont lose money on it ;) Anyway have great day and be safe! Ps: Wouldn't you mind replying to dm's wich I sent to you via patreon?
Ethan Micallef
Outer Wilds easily became one of my favourite games of all time in the short moments I had with it. I'm sure you may be aware of this but it's a playthrough you can really only have once. No matter how many times you play it, you'll never be able to experience that game ever again, which is something that has both tormented and intrigued me in a way nothing ever has. Cherish every moment of it because you'll never get the chance to again. (And the music really is phenomenal) As an aspiring writer I've had characters in my head for over a decade that are currently slated to be a part of my last creations I ever make because I can't imagine parting with them. But then again, if I wait for it to be the end they may never come to life at all, and I believe that's far worse. Looking forward to checking out your other recommendations! I'm a relatively new follower who got so caught up with your stuff that your books were the first books I'd ever bought for myself for my own enjoyment in far too long (haven't gotten around to reading them yet but I'm looking forward to when I can) Glad to hear you're alive and hopefully well! Take your time on those vids, everyone needs a break now and then
Axel Olsson
Glad to hear you had a fine adventure with friends and that you're still continuing to question your existence and sanity. Speaking of sanity, is there anyone that can download the attachments to the post? I keep getting failed network error from Patreons servers. I suspect internet-weevils are keeping me from this highly desired bounty! Now the question is, how do I vanquish them?
Hayleigh Gavaldon
That wasn’t my old ‘94 Toyota Corolla was it? Don’t know how it ended up there, but my apologies - shoulda fixed that.
