exurb1r
patreon
Stuckology
🕑 Added 2025-03-31 13:11:11 +0000 UTCHello buzzards,
How are you? Is that cough better? Have you arrived at Ultimate Truth yet?
Me neither. Well, I hope you liked the last video. I think that finally put me off making long-form stuff for a while. Perhaps you already know how these things go. You have a silly idea you're sure will take a week to make at most, and before you know it the thing sprouts tentacles and dominates your life for months. There's a point you can get to with anything that runs on longer than it should, ages after the initial excitement has passed, and ages before any kind of pay off for finishing the thing is coming, and I will tentatively call that place: the screamies, because a great deal of screaming gets done during that period. I think I re-recorded the ending seven times, and even with the version that stuck, I'm still not sure it works, but what can one do. (Besides screaming.)
It's been very nice having a little time off since. Sitting around the apartment, I've made some discoveries. Did you know about Car-Jitsu? Yeah, that's a thing. What an interesting species we are. (And AMMA, mixed martial arts wearing medieval armour.) I can also recommend a game called Schedule 1, wherein you play as a...hm, what will Patreon let me get away with here – extra-legal pharmaceutical distributor? There are some layers of subtlety in how you set up your pharmaceutical empire that only become apparent as you get into the thing, and I can safely say it's a fun way of passing the evenings that doesn't involve a hangover the next day. Not necessarily anyway. I've also been re-listening to Carlo Rovelli's Reality Is Not What It Seems, and it's just such a treat. Will massively recommend it if you have any interest at all in weird physics. (And a Mike Leigh film I can't stop re-watching, Mr. Turner, a biopic of the famous painter, and it's absolutely fucking brilliant.)
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for bearing with the wait for the last video. The next thing to – what, drop? Ship? I'm in my thirties, I'll stop pretending to know what cool sounds like – next thing to get done, is the new book and it really shouldn't take too much longer. I spend the mornings editing it in bed and getting periodically stopped for fuss by the small feline. (Small feline pictures attached, of course. She's very well, despite some kidney issues, and sends her finest regards.) Writing this one has made me think a whole bunch about stuckness. I bet it's the same for any art form. You're sure you know what you're doing, right up until you don't, and suddenly nothing is working. Then you're not certain if this disaster means you should abandon whatever it is you're working on, or try to persist through it. What if you're stuck for months? ...or years? How the hell are you supposed to know the difference between a difficult problem you should work through, and a brick wall saying Step back, let it go, this is the end now, move on? I don't have a good answer. I do have a small ridiculous story as a reply though. (Apologies if I've told this before.)
Early last year, I went travelling through Europe for a few weeks to see if writing this book might get easier on the move – usually being in a new place helps for some reason. I got a bit of work done, but mostly it was just frustration and angst. Then on the last day I was getting a bus back from Serbia to Bulgaria, finally sure this was a hopeless project and I was full of shit for thinking otherwise. It felt pretty good giving up. (Felt really good, actually.) The bus was almost totally empty and I had the whole of the back section to myself. I laid down on the back seats with a beer - lovely - and decided to look over the notes I'd been making while travelling, if only to let them go. And suddenly it was obvious where the story should be heading. I got more work done in the next six hours than I had in ten days, that wonderful daydreamy fuck-it-who-cares space where things turn up in your mind's eye and all you have to do is try to get them down in a way people will hopefully want to read. It was bliss, really. I don't know if there's a lesson I should've learned from that experience, but I bet you've bumped into it as well in whatever context; sometimes you're putting so much stupid pressure on yourself that you only realise what you're supposed to be doing when you flirt with the idea of giving up entirely. I don't know why this works, but often it does. It's like playing chicken with your subconscious.
Anyway. I'll stop wasting your time. If I haven't replied to your email or message, please know I will – I've been spending the last few days making sure nothing slipped through the net – I don't at all mean to leave you hanging, I'm just shockingly bad with organisation. Thank you ever so much for sticking around on Patreon, and if you're new here then please be assured these updates are always this pointless and painful to read (and thank you and thank you again.)
New stuff in the works of course, and I promise you'll be the first to know when it's almost done.
Massive love as ever,
Ex.
Comments
Tanyo Tanev
I sent an email a while back with a movie recommendation. Would love to hear back from you. also it's a shame that you took your last video down I truly thought it to be one of the best and it definitely gave me joy the first time I watched it. Just think that it is so good touching on so many topics in such a simple way don't know why you would think it's bad but to each their own I guess.. anyways the email begins with t.tanev hopefully you see this. Will also try to send it to you on Patreon but it doesn't seem to like me much rn..
Harry
Hey Exurb1a, I've been a long time follower of your work. For years now your videos and story's have brought me to a great love and passion for sci-fi story's. Your book the fifth science was actually the first fiction book I've ever read. And omg was it a trip, as an overthinker and someone with an extreme imagination that story really did just come to life in my head, the concepts were so interesting to me and so meaningful. Honestly you are one of the greatest writers and story tellers I've ever heard off, every time you release a new book or a new video I run to sit in a quiet comfy spot, and just enjoy listening and observing the amazing illustrations or funny ones lol, Big Oxygen was one of my favorites. So was "and then we'll be okay" and "Then next comes" honestly the story in those video was so incredible I have no idea how you are not more famous then you are, "sleep is just death being shy" was one the first video I ever watched and I fell in love, I could not stop watching and listening to your content. A true Diamond in the rough as it were. I even have about 20 of your best videos *to me personally* saved in playlist so whenever I go offline I just listen to them again, they are more relaxing and fun to think about then any music to me. Your Latest Video, Losing you. Was honestly another HUGE hit for your writing, I've read the comments and you seemingly don't like it, but I gotta say. It is weaker then your Best of the best, but it is still in my personal top 5. I love the story, as it resonates with my personal life alot, and while I could tell the art seemed a bit off in this one, I honestly didn't care. The Writing and the story telling and the way of thinking you display in your videos is the MAIN reason I love watching you, and I am sad that I had to add that video to my playlist through a third party, instead of ur channel or your second channel. Ever since 2020 when I was only 13, I fell in love. Your way of thinking and writing spoke to me in a way I simple have no ability to ever express in words with my own skills. But you could lmao. Your way of thinking has shaped my life, my mentality and my perspective on the world. Your Absurdism video is 1000% totally not how I view the world *This is so sarcastic nerd* And honestly I just wanted to thank you. I look forward to your new book, and I've heard that it will release with a series of videos that LOOK AMAZING!!!! From your illustrator Valeia, honestly I'm so excited that when those bad boys drop, I'm skipping my Uni classes and jumping into my comfy room to read that book and listen to those videos. I cannot thank you enough Exurb1a, I'm studying to be an Aerospace Engineer *I'm Australian btw lol* and honestly your videos about the future of humanity and the cosmos and all the cool and interesting concepts you put forward have truly shaped my life, shout out to "The Rememberer". And I'm enjoying ever second of my study's, each step getting closer to a far of Dream of helping Humanity set off into the heavens. And you inspired me Exurb1a, and I could never thank you enough, I know I'm repeating myself alot but it's all coming straight from the soul. Keep doing amazing stuff Exurb1a because I and ALOT of other people feel the same way. Kind and Best Regards - Harry p.s: PLEASEEEE Upload your "Losing you" video to your second channel maybe, its to good to be wasted not being seen!
exurb1a
Hello there Eden. Oh, you're just so kind. Let's just start off by agreeing you're a wizard, there's no way around that one. (Rubatosis is particularly incredible.) Your take on my stuff is lightyears beyond anything I could've managed, absolutely gorgeous. And I can't tell you what it means that my stuff in any way contributed to your going in a sciencey direction - that's just so exciting that you're starting a PhD, I'm sure it'll be a fantastic adventure. I would absolutely love to chat about collaborating - I'm afraid I'm always a little all over the place with projects, so wouldn't want to mess you around (and I'm sure you're super busy with academia) but it would be my honour, absolutely. Again, just thank you ever so much, and wishing you all the luck you won't need anyway with your doctorate.
exurb1a
Hola Aiiibou. Oh I appreciate that, thank you. Honestly, it felt like some of my worst stuff on this side and the writing seems rather terrible to me looking back. Sorry for being so fickle (and that's lovely of you to want to show it to your partner) but yes, just didn't feel great leaving it up. Thanks again for being so kind.
aiiibou
I'm so sorry if this isn't the place to ask, or if it's impolite to ask at all- but I saw that your most recent video was privated? I hope everything is alright- it was honestly my favorite work of yours that I've listened to in the years that I've known your content. I was intending to show it to my partner tonight only to notice it was gone. I hope all is well- it was genuinely a masterpiece among your works so far.
Eden
Loved ur recent video! I sent you an email/fb message about films and ideas, wondering if you'd ever consider collaborating on a project, or if you ever wanted some animations in your videos, - I'd love to sit down and have a chat, just work towards a creative vision you want! I'm not sure if you ever saw it, but I animated your video 'unlimited rice pudding' a couple of years back during lockdown and while it's maybe not the kinda art style you want (and I've improved a lot since then), maybe you might find it funny, even just to see your video in a new way? Anyway, here it is - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th2CuMw5qW8 - it's unlisted, and not monetised, but say the word and I'll take it down, just wanted to make it easier to share (the views all came from people who shared it with each other on reddit, and they've definitely all already seen your video) anyway, besides all that, I'm a big fan of your work, the unlimited rice pudding video was the first video I saw and I've watched every one since, started watching in high school and your videos were a large reason I went on to study physics (shoutout to quantum mechanics with ducks), and.. well now I'm about to start a PhD in quantum physics, so thanks for being a thinker, and sharing those thoughts with others, we're all just trying to make sense of things in our own little ways and your videos always feel like an extra candle in the deep dark cave of 'why', so thank you :)
