I_LOVE_RICE+
patreon
V4 Chapter 19: There’s No Turning Back Anymore
🕑 Added 2025-05-31 11:59:35 +0000 UTCShiina Taki couldn't understand why Sakiko, a former member of their band, had come to the performance in the first place. So when Nagasaki Soyo lashed out emotionally afterward, she didn't get it and had no intention of trying to.
To her, Togawa Sakiko was ultimately just a selfish person who disbanded the band on her own and hurt Takamatsu Tomori.
She hated Togawa Sakiko.
Showing up unannounced just to cry and run away? That was utterly baffling behavior in Shiina Taki's eyes. But even more confusing was Soyo's uncharacteristically emotional reaction after the performance.
Normally so gentle, Soyo had seemed excessively furious.
What's more, Taki had long harbored suspicions that Nagasaki Soyo's calm smile masked ulterior motives. This performance only cemented her judgment.
Soyo had gone on about forming a new band with Takamatsu Tomori, talking big about "being a band for life." But maybe all those promises were just about trying to revive CRYCHIC.
The fact that she hadn't wanted to play Haruhikage on stage made the problem all too clear!
If they brought CRYCHIC back, what would happen to this current band?
And if Togawa Sakiko returned, what about Kazami Haru, the current keyboardist?
Just realizing that was enough for Shiina Taki to draw the line.
"That girl…"
Taki glared coldly at Nagasaki Soyo's fading figure. Though her arms were crossed and her face calm, her emotions were boiling just beneath the surface. If Kazami Haru hadn't stopped her earlier, she definitely would've gone off.
"…Sorry. I might've said the wrong thing…"
Tomori clutched the notebook filled with her lyrics tightly to her chest, like a pill bug hiding in the shadow of a rock.
Her fragile heart had already taken a hit from Soyo's departure. She hadn't meant for her words to trigger anything, she was just being honest.
And now, because of her, the band was in turmoil again.
"It's okay, Tomori. You didn't do anything wrong."
Kazami Haru took a deep breath and gently pulled her into a hug.
Feelings didn't matter right now, he just needed to calm her down. He absolutely couldn't let her shoulder the blame for everything that had happened.
The sudden warmth made Tomori's self-blame freeze in place for a moment.
Even though she was still scared, with Kazami Haru's help, she found a bit of courage again. She nuzzled gently into his chest, as if his presence alone was enough to keep her steady.
"..."
Unlike the anxious, self-blaming Tomori, Kazami Haru's thoughts were far more tangled.
Nagasaki Soyo had never given up on reviving CRYCHIC. If she ever truly abandoned that dream, it would hurt her deeply.
But no matter what she wanted, there was no way Togawa Sakiko would ever come back and rebuild the band.
CRYCHIC hadn't broken up because of drama between the members—it was because their goals and ideals were too different. Even if they kept going, they would've eventually split. It was inevitable.
But Kazami Haru didn't agree with that.
Even if they couldn't be a band again, they shouldn't be colder than strangers. At the very least, they should still try to understand one another, like normal friends.
He'd always wanted to slowly melt the ice around Sakiko's heart and ease the tension between the girls. Even if they couldn't be close again, they shouldn't be enemies.
Otherwise, CRYCHIC would stay a thorn in their hearts forever, a painful memory they'd never escape.
"Haru's right! Tomori, you didn't do anything wrong!"
"It's just that Soyo got a little too emotional. Once she calms down, it'll be fine!"
Chihaya Anon didn't fully understand the situation, but she got the gist of it.
Reliable as always, the pink-haired gremlin chimed in to support Tomori. No way could they let her wallow in self-blame, Anon knew all too well how fragile and pessimistic Tomori could be.
At the same time, she cursed that awful Togawa Sakiko in her heart.
Why show up now, of all times?!
All it did was stir up drama and turn everything into a mess.
"I'll take care of it. Don't worry…"
Kazami Haru spoke calmly.
He knew Soyo's state of mind. Chasing her down now wouldn't help—if anything, it would just make things worse.
"I'll message her later. Apologize first, then try to talk things through."
He exhaled again, furrowing his brow at the new messages popping up on his phone.
Taki, who had been silently stewing with her arms crossed, suddenly snapped when she heard that he was planning to apologize.
Her sharp brows twisted downward, and her voice was laced with frustration: "Kazami, you'd better not go after her."
"This is all her problem. You have no reason to apologize!"
Damn it. If he really ignored this, they were doomed.
Of course, Kazami Haru couldn't just leave Soyo alone. He'd already stopped Taki from saying something too harsh, but if Soyo's conflicted personality wasn't handled carefully, she'd just keep running away.
He couldn't rely on Anon alone either, not with her current gremlin energy.
"…Kazami."
Seeing his expression shift, Taki's face grew even more strained.
She was doing this for his sake. Couldn't he see that?
Nagasaki Soyo never intended to seriously form a new band. She only wanted to bring back CRYCHIC!
And if she truly wanted that selfish, impulsive Togawa Sakiko to return, it meant she'd be discarding this band's keyboardist.
Had Kazami Haru really not thought that through?
"…Do whatever you want."
Feeling like her concern was being ignored, Taki glared at him with a sharp scowl.
She didn't even check on the still-downcast Tomori. Huffing in frustration, she turned and stormed out of the dressing room, leaving Kazami Haru behind with a troubled gaze.
Great. Now he'd have to figure out how to calm her down later too.
…
Nagasaki Soyo had never felt so empty.
With her bass on her back, she felt like her whole body had grown heavier. She couldn't even remember how she made it home.
And yet, the moment she stepped inside, she saw her mother—home early for once. Soyo tried to look composed, but the sorrow between her brows couldn't be hidden.
"Soyo? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Mom~ I just don't feel so good today. A nap should fix it real quick…"
She forced a smile and shook her head. But her usual sugary voice had turned hoarse. Fearing her mom would notice, she rushed out a few words and fled to her room.
But of course, Mrs. Nagasaki saw right through it. As a mother, she could tell something was definitely wrong.
"That child…"
It was summer break, and she'd gone out carrying her bass. Mrs. Nagasaki could already guess the rest.
She knew her daughter's personality well. Soyo had always been mature and considerate—she'd never want to make her mother worry.
If she pushed her now, it would only make things harder.
So for now… she would let her be.
pat, pat, pat…
The muffled tapping of fingertips against the screen echoed again and again in the quiet room.
Lying on her side under the covers, Nagasaki Soyo anxiously kept sending message after message to Togawa Sakiko. The screen of her phone was now completely filled with her one-sided texts. Her fingers suddenly froze.
How did it end up like this?
All she wanted was to invite Sakiko to the live show, hoping it would stir up warm memories and give them a chance to finally talk, heart to heart.
So why had Haruhikage been played?
Didn't it just make it look like she'd lured Togawa Sakiko there… just to hit her with a cruel kind of revenge?
If Sakiko had been willing to come with Wakaba Mutsumi to watch the performance, it meant there was still hope—still a path to reconciliation. If she could just talk with her face to face, everything would be fine.
Her plan should have worked. So why had it fallen apart like this?
Buzz…
Her phone vibrated by her ear. Instinctively, Soyo snatched it up.
[Want to be used as fertilizer]: Soyo, how are you doing right now?
It was a message from Kazami Haru.
The moment she saw it, her pupils shrank slightly. Her first reaction was to swipe it away and lock her screen. But the moment her fingertip brushed the glass, she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Her fingers moved restlessly across the keyboard. She typed "I'm sorry…" but before she could send it, she deleted the whole thing again.
Kazami Haru wasn't the one at fault.
Soyo, so used to weaving lies, could only feel guilt when it came to him.
Because at the start, she had only seen him as a tool—a way to tie Tomori down. Then she used him as a stand-in for Sakiko. After that, she lied to him, all just to fish for intel on Haru.
Everything she'd said… every word had been a lie.
And yet, even after finding out, he hadn't gotten angry. He'd come to comfort her, gently, kindly.
How could she not feel guilty?
But there was no time for guilt now. She had selfishly invited Sakiko, only to hurt her again. What was done couldn't be undone, but it could be fixed.
She had to fix it.
No matter what it took, she had to apologize properly to Sakiko.
There was no turning back now.
Without hesitation, Soyo opened her private chat with Wakaba Mutsumi.
…
"She's not replying after all, huh?"
Kazami Haru looked at the screen, where the message had been marked 'read.' His dark eyes flashed with understanding.
The message had just been a test, he'd already guessed Soyo wouldn't respond.
Still, the fact that she had read it meant things weren't too bad. At worst, she was probably curled up in her room quietly crying, trying to shield herself by hiding.
Avoidance wasn't a crime, but this "turtle-in-its-shell" type of escape was the worst kind.
It was summer break, after all. No one would question if Soyo didn't leave the house for a whole month.
She wouldn't answer messages. She wouldn't step outside.
If Kazami Haru wanted to talk to her, he'd have to show up at her door out of the blue. It'd have to be a blitz. If she caught wind of it beforehand, she'd definitely shut him out.
As he mulled over his next move, he glanced at his phone. Aside from the alert Wakaba Mutsumi had sent earlier, "Sakiko left", he'd also gotten an apology from Togawa Sakiko herself.
[Togawa Sakiko]: Haru, I'm really sorry about today.
[Togawa Sakiko]: I left on my own… I'm sure I caused you trouble.
Seeing her message, Haru couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.
Yeah, her running out in tears had definitely caused him a fair bit of trouble.
If you brew me lemon tea with your tiny feet, I might forgive you.
He hadn't expected Sakiko, even in that emotionally shattered state, to remember to apologize. But it made one thing clear, she was probably ready to completely sever ties with the past and CRYCHIC.
Who knew if he'd ever see the soft, cuddly version of Sakiko again?
Grumbling internally, Haru tapped away on his phone one-handed, as smoothly as if he were scrolling a forum:
[Want to be used as fertilizer]: Buy me ramen.
Short. Direct.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the screen…
Togawa Sakiko, eyes weary, slowly lowered her phone. Her amber gaze drooped, her pale face drained of color. The once-proud girl now looked fragile, vulnerable.
The blue-haired girl sat on a swing in the park. Her eyes were red from crying, her hand clutching the phone tightly as she stared at his reply.
For some reason, the anxiety and despair churning in her heart began to ease, just a little.
"…What am I even doing…"
Looking back, she felt utterly childish.
She'd said she wanted to talk things through with Soyo, that that's why she came to the live show. But in the end, she'd broken down and fled in disgrace, like a sulking child who couldn't get her way.
All the emotions and thoughts tangled up in her head made it feel like she was suffocating, wrapped in invisible plastic wrap.
The truth was, the one still unable to let go… was her.
Sakiko hugged her shoulder bag tightly, eyes locked on the phone screen. Then, as if remembering something, her hand reached into her bag.
When she pulled out a notebook labeled "Death Note," her expression shifted for the first time.
She carefully opened it to reveal a hand-drawn portrait done in ballpoint pen.
It was her—Togawa Sakiko—elegantly holding a cup of coffee, her delicate, graceful face adorned with a soft smile. Even the light in her eyes had been captured with stunning precision.
She tried to mimic the smile from the sketch… but the one that came out was filled with bitterness.
"..."
Her fingertips grazed the slightly textured page. It still felt warm, at least in her imagination. But she was so gentle with it, afraid even the tiniest bit of pressure might ruin the drawing.
A flicker of tenderness shone in her dim eyes.
But a second later, her expression darkened again.
Was it anger at herself for clinging to the past?
Maybe. But it wasn't just that.
Sakiko pressed her thin lips together and hugged the notebook tightly.
She was starting to understand her own feelings.
When she saw the way Tomori had looked at Kazami Haru—so gently, so full of trust, something in her chest twisted.
She was… jealous.
She envied Tomori for being able to move on from CRYCHIC, for having someone like Kazami Haru by her side. Even in confusion, Tomori could still look forward with confidence.
But what about her?
