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44 To Make a Difference

🕑 Added 2017-08-14 21:38:47 +0000 UTC

Comments

Monsoon117

Thanks for the help Alex. You're totally right.

13lack12ose

Question - why does he have 545 luck? I think maybe theres a dot missing in there :)

Monsoon117

Thanks for the help John. My takeaway from these edits is that I need to be mindful of my word choice and not to repeat words often.

John Thomas

Couple more quick edits: "putting a single point into constitution before the perk option came up for constitution." -> the repetition of the word constitution sounds weird, try "into constitution, bringing it's perk option up as the stat grew to 100" or something along those lines. "[Behemoth(Endurance of 100 or more. " Endurance -> Constitution "I was intoxicated by the rush of rush in my limbs" That's a lotta rush " my face getting my eyes " - In my eyes? "With so many pillars crushed though" this reads awkwardly - maybe "however, with ... crushed, the ..." "A wave of dust plumed upwards, masking us in a wave of noise and dust." take care with repeating words so close together - sounds strange. aand that's as far as I read for grammar and style

Monsoon117

Thanks for the help Noah. I appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed the chap!

obviousPenname

Thanks for the awesome chapter! I've got a few minor corrections that I wrote down as I read through this. agianst --> against "Come on Kessiah. let's go" - I'm pretty sure this should be Althea, not Kessiah, and the L in let's should be capitalized funner --> more fun, unless this is just how he talks in his head

Monsoon117

The last two chapter's I've written and posted onto patreon are around 2,000 words longer than normal apiece. Think of that extra chapter's worth of length as a thank you to all my patrons. Love you guys.


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