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127 Duplicity of A King

🕑 Added 2018-04-17 22:59:55 +0000 UTC

Comments

Adam Nolan

Russian nesting dimensions!

Lars R.

Am I the only one who thinks that 138 dimensions are nested in each other?

Stephen Emrick

The contract is rather loose for him as well. He can modify schema however he wants. That and he and Yawm are not allowed to kill each other. Although it did not say anything about not experimenting on him. There are fates worse than death.

Ilan

thx for the chapters, there are so many loopholes or things that can go wrong with this contract, I feel bad for Daniel.

Stephen Emrick

I'm sure no swimming for 30 minutes after eating is on there! Not sure about others though.

Monsoon117

Well the thing is, Yawm could have done all that already. He obviously wants Daniel to like him. Why exactly? It hasn't been shown in the story. There are a few reasons though that will become more apparent as the story progresses.

Trent Crab

Do we know all the primary tenants for schema? I dont remember if they have been discussed. Excellent chapter by the way.

Joshua Little

Thanks for the chapter.

Kurt A

Very nice.

ParoxysmDK

Yeah i agree that it's a difficult situation, but i honestly see no way out for daniel if yawm decides to do anything that would impact daniel negative, not to be a sourpuss, but you would have to write some serious plot amour to fix this plot development in the long run, since the contract effectively gives yawm the means to do whatever he wants; fx. take back althea, kill torix and everybody else. And make daniel into a mana battery for 1000 years, if he ever feels daniel is getting too strong, or too well versed in the cypher for his liking. But it's your story and i know that no matter your choices i'm strapped in for the ride.

Monsoon117

It's a difficult situation. Daniel has zero leverage in this situation. Yawm could write down anything short of death and force Daniel to sign it if he wanted to. If anything, I think Daniel was spared a lot by the contract. It could have been much, much worse.

ParoxysmDK

It's getting more and more interesting, but i'm wondering about that contract. The only negative detriment to yawm in it, is daniel not being able to kill him and vice versa. But yawm can still choose to kill anybody related to daniel, or potentially destroy/corrupt the whole planet (not sure he would, but he could), and daniel would be unable to do anything? Pretty big loophole considering daniel is in love with the one being yawm needs the most for his grand scheme O.o. Is this intentional? Because i feel you could've been a bit more lenient on the contract's fine print, or the 1 criteria daniel added. Also yawm could still make daniel into a mana battery if he wished, and we also know the cipher is able to manipulate time, so whats preventing daniel from getting stuck in time for 900 years or something?. I'm finding a lot of holes. But otherwise it was a good chapter. :)

Eldar Kersebaum

Drop the last line. It destroys the mood. There's literally no better way to end a chapter than with "You have been exiled."

Monsoon117

I have a pretty solid idea of where the story's going. As for a hint, I'll let you know I'm not quite done with Schema's system.

Zeal Iskander

Mhhh. I've read it, and it's pretty good. Once again, I like when actions have consequences, so him being exiled is nice. The question is : where do you go from here? Do you already know how you want your work to continue? Him being exiled makes it somewhat hard for you to have *easy way out*. "Skill gained/breakthrough achieved" -> those are nice ways to give your readers a sense of progression, but you wont be able to use these anymore. His only mean of progression for the foreseeable future would be the cipher (and perhaps secondary characters helping him). Is this something you can bear with? Can you make your story good without using Schema's system? I believe you can, but I also believe this won't be the hardest chapter you'll ever make. The ones that follow will be just as hard ^^. Good luck on the next chapter! Can't wait to see what you'll do with your story :)

Monsoon117

Not gonna lie guys, this chapter was hard as hell to write. Let me know if you guys have suggestions for revisions, because I was stretched pretty thin thinking about this chapter. At the same time, it's nice that I'm getting out of my comfort zone as a writer. It means I'm growing, even if it is a bit uncomfortable.


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