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140 No Longer Alone

🕑 Added 2018-06-01 22:21:50 +0000 UTC

Comments

Monsoon117

Find out in the next chapter, which I'm hopefully finishing today lol.

Alex Kagan

Uhhh, since when do you call the guy who extorts and coerces you into a murder pact with a galaxy-manipulating entity your friend? Yawm is NOT Daniel's friend, is this a result of Yawm's incredibly high charisma manipulating Daniel's feelings?

Stephen Emrick

I want to say Daniel and Althea are made for each other. If a girl killed someone even to save me and smiled at me covered in blood. I'm not sure I could smile back.

Monsoon117

Thank you for the help A-aron.

Aaron

"The reformed arm the assassin down into the road below us" The extra space between Arm and The as well as the odd sounding sentence tells me you likely accidentally deleted 'threw' there.

Maritropa

Yes! It's probably one of the best proofreading/editing tools out there, so I'd highly recommend it. Though ofc it's a bit wonky when paired with litrpg titles :)

Monsoon117

Torix can be pretty passive aggressive

Monsoon117

It's not fast enough, and she's very hard to get a hold of. If he went for a bear hug, she'd dodge and cut him up.

Tyler Babcock

And while I am here, I was rereading the earlier chapters for references to the status's and I noticed at chapter 22. Torix referred to Keihhsa or however you spell her name as a guy mulitple times. Then as she showed up, she ended up being a girl.

Tyler Babcock

After rereading this chapter a few times, not having anything better to do with my time. I noticed that the last full paragraph mentioned Althea's dagger turned club. But it has been a while since we seen her fight, so maybe some more explantion should be said? Or maybe turn "clubbed" to "clawed".

Monsoon117

Considering these errors, I bet you put the chapter through grammarly. I'm just going to bite the bullet and buy the software. It should help iron out a few of these easy to fix errors.

Monsoon117

Althea hates Yawm for the most part. Yawm took a very backseat approach, like a father hiring servants to oversee their child's development. Althea only saw him irregularly if at all, and that was when Yawm was at his absolute most desperate.

Stephen Emrick

So, I have a question. Has Daniel told Althea Her origin yet. Yawm I'd kinda her adopted father in a way. He may be a shitty one but still. She might not want to kill him. I think Daniel should have messaged her about that. Not the whole story but a we need to talk kinda thing.

Rickard Gustavsson

I highly doubt inaction would count as killing or harming yawm, there probably has to be intent, "oh he might die while I'm fighting for my life, totally my fault eh?"...

Maritropa

I pulled in my armor and [leaped] towards him with a burst of mana.;He [slew] a dozen eldritch with his energy spear;A [one-armed] Frode tossed a grenade;My immense endurance [lets] me get back my stamina, so I stood up.;I faced his charge [head-on].; I let him fall back down [on] his feet;I landed three clean strikes [on] her side;deflecting a bullet [mid-air] from hitting me.;The revenant gasped at Althea’s hold, her (?[arms]?) breaking, Welp,it seems there are less errors with every chapter so I'm really going out of my way here to find 'em,lol.

Maritropa

That possibility alone should've been enough of a motive to save Yawm imo.

MAJmuffin

one question. since he fights quite brutally, why didn't he just bear hug the assassin and use his armors teeth to devour her as a way for her to die?

Joshua Little

Let's what the real dynamic duo can do, time to tank and spank. Thanks for the chapter.

ChrollosLucifer

Finally that stupid assassin is dead.

Zeal Iskander

Actually, "he doesn't have a powerful incentive to kill Daniel" more like he can't! They made a pact on the Cipher. Safe for me, hey!

Zeal Iskander

Don't forget Daniel can't actually harm Yawn! Mh... I wonder if the cipher would penalize Daniel for letting Yawn die.

Brent Thomas

Another great chapter.

Wildebranch

Also, I can see the boost on levels for the Breakers if Yawm dies. Then Daniel is going to be pretty screw up.

Interesting choice saving Yawm there were more than enough reasons to let him die and it would remove any future issues Yawm could have bringed, but it makes sense why Daniel saved him as that is just the type of character he is.

Wildebranch

Not to the point of an enemy, but I'm not quite sure at friend level considering all the manipulation. I understand the tactical advantage of keeping him alive and be his ally but to me is more like at the level of a co-worker you can have a cup of coffee but you're not going to invite to play on-line games haha but that's just my point of view. Also, I hope Daniel don't call him friend in front of Althea. Your girldfriend's enemy is your enemy. Always haha

Monsoon117

Was he really ever Daniel's enemy though? He certainly was the enemy of Althea, Ajax, and Schema, but Yawm hasn't really done anything unforgivable to Daniel. He's also about as powerful an ally as you could have, and he doesn't have a powerful incentive to kill Daniel like most sentients do in Schema's system due to Daniel' unknown status.

MattMick222

Great Monsoon. they are getting the band back together with Yawm as the new percusionist.

Wildebranch

So Yawm is a friend now mmmmmmm

Monsoon117

Thank you for the help Xydra,

Monsoon117

Focusing on slowly ramping up the quantity of chapters and keeping the quality high. I want to improve as a writer over the long term, and posting chapters without giving it any thought doesn't help with that imo. Not to say you were suggesting me too, just explaining why releases aren't uber frequent.

xydra22

Great Chapter, I've missed Althea. I did notice an error, not sure if there is more. "but I blocked the assassin" "but I blocked with the assassin" is probably what you meant.

Slim Dakhch

jk , send more, faster, longer, deeper

Slim Dakhch

k

Monsoon117

Having fun with these new chapters. So many options and possibilities. It makes writing interesting.


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