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[Snippet] Monster? No, I'm a Cultivator! (Percy Jackson): Chapter 20
🕑 Added 2025-02-03 18:41:52 +0000 UTCOcean Song clasped his hands behind his back as he walked back into Hades’ palace.
He had a feeling that his Underworld adventure was soon coming to a close. He spent quite awhile down here and his gains were immeasurable and his Cultivation had soared to unbelievable heights. But for the Cyclops, it was time to return to the mortal world.
He had many tasks left unfinished, and many more adventures to be had.
Like a proper cultivator, he even had a time where everyone thought he was dead so he can return, alive and triumphant!
Unfortunately, he had no immediate foe to defeat in an epic and heroic duel to show off his newfound strength to the awe of everyone around him.
He would have to be stupid to go challenge Zeus again.
And if there was one thing Ocean Song wasn’t, it was stupid.
He also needed to make sure that his Junior Brother and Madam Jackson were still doing well.
And woe be to anyone who had harmed them.
Likewise, he needed to remind all the Monsters in and around the city that his words don’t disappear just because he does. And the fact that quite a few got riled up and attacked both of the ones under his protect just meant that there needed to be another purge.
So much to do for a simple Cyclops, so little time.
“You’re here.” Hades’ voice resounded.
“I’m here, Uncle!” Ocean Song exclaimed.
“....right.” Hades' tone took one of resignation. “I have already sent a message to Hel of Helheim and received a response back allowing your entry. But only your entry, no one is to follow.” He shot a glare at Hecate.
“Question.” Ocean Song raised his hand.
“What?” Hades tapped his throne impatiently.
“Why is it called Helheim and Hades when those are the names of both of you?” Ocean Song asked curiously.
“.....” Hades stared at him for a moment or two before continuing. “Hel was gracious enough to allow your trespass. You will be polite to her as someone acting under my orders.” Though, oddly enough, he didn’t think his nephew would have a problem with that.
If anything, his nephew was….aggressively polite sometimes.
“You may be required to….entertain her for a period of time. It is not often that she has visitors, so I do not know what to expect. She is aware that you are acting as my agent on a time sensitive matter, so there should not be any true worry.” Hades continued to explain to his rather dull nephew.
Hades had some semblance of trust towards other deities with the same domain as himself. Only they truly knew how much work it took to keep the world running.
It was an understanding between colleagues.
“I won’t let you down, uncle!” Ocean Song quickly replied. “I will rescue your children and bring them back here, safe and sound.”
“.....And I will give you a picture of my children so you have some idea of what you’re doing.” Hades added.
Ocean Song just nodded and smiled enthusiastically.
However, Hades was really bemoaning his lack of agents that aren’t members of the Underworld. It was an odd situation he didn’t foresee, that being part of the Underworld would be an actual detriment.
Though, it did allow him to gain some perspective and perhaps make inroads to train or hire some agents on the surface for when he needs things like this done with subterfuge.
Already, he had plans being thought of, a whole network he could create through his immense wealth that would be able to track or keep an eye on anything behind the mists.
But that was for the future.
“Oh, Uncle.” Ocean Song remembered something important. “If I come across the person who stole Zeus’s Lightningbolt, do you want me to retrieve your Helmet as well?”
Hades just unthinkingly waved his hand as if to dismiss the question.
He had no thoughts on his Nephew knowing and tracking down the actual thief of his Helmet. No, it would take all of his own cunning and scheming to find the one responsible.
“Do what you want.” He finally just grunted out. At the very least, if his Nephew was bumbling around with the commotion he caused with Zeus, it would allow him to lurk in the shadows better. “Now, Hecate. Help me establish pathway.” He stated.
The two gods worked together and between two stone pillars, a tear in space-time was torn open, creating a powerful gust of wind that nearly swept Ocean Song off his feet.
It took a moment for the immense power needed to create such a thing to stabilize. But once it was done, it was like a swirling inky nebula.
Ocean Song was about to step through before a hand grabbed his collar.
The Goddess Hecate stopped him, giving him a rather intense stare.
Silently, she fixed his collar and his messy hair with a scowl. Before Ocean Song could utter a word, she pushed him through.
@***@
Ocean Song hit the ground awkwardly.
There seemed to be some space between the portal he just came through and the ground.
But it was no matter, he quickly brushed himself off and took in his surroundings and…..it was kinda hard to tell that he wasn’t in the Underworld anymore.
If anything, it just felt more….green.
There was a strange aurora in the sky that carried a green hue throughout the realm.
However, Ocean Song didn’t have time to contemplate it as the ground began to shake. It only took him a moment to realize what was going on as a big figure approached in the distance.
Standing before him, a mighty wolf no smaller than Cerberus, and now less powerful, loomed.
Its mouth opened, rows of sharp teeth became visible.
“Greetings, Senior Garmr.” Ocean Song clasped his hands as the wolf’s maw threatened to swallow him whole. “The Great Goddess Hel is expecting me.”
The guardian of Helheim, the wolf who feasts on the dishonorable souls of Hel, stopped its slow actions, staring at him.
It sniffed him a few times, and recognized a few familiar scents.
As if receiving a message, its head jerked to the side, its ears twitching and its expression changed as it looked at Ocean Song again.
Ocean Song looked up and knew what was coming. “Please be gentle.”
Garmr grabbed Ocean Song with its mouth exactly how Cerberus did and began to trot off across Helheim.
Ocean Song had no idea where he was or where they were going, but he knew that if Garmr wanted to hurt him, he would only have to press down with his teeth, which he was taking a great deal of effort not to.
Thus, Ocean Song just ‘enjoyed’ the ride as he did with Cerberus.
With what felt like an eternity – or maybe about ten minutes – Ocean Song was unceremoniously spat out onto the ground.
The great wolf sat there, tail wagging looking much closer to Cerberus at this point than Ocean Song saw previously.
He shifted, looking around until he found the reason one.
“This lowly Cyclops greets the Great Goddess of Death.” Ocean Song immediately used his secret technique – bootlicking.
One must never be too careful when meeting a deity for the first time. Atleast until he was strong enough that he could reasonably call them as fellow Daoists.
Hel sat upon a stone throne. Unlike Hades, she had no kind of palace, or great structure. Simply a large and decadent throne, if a bit more rustic, as it sat under the green sky.
Ocean Song took this moment to peek at her.
Half her body was dark, the other extremely pale. One of her eyes was pink, almost looking red. The other was a bright yellow. Both eyes, the sclera was completely black, making her eyes glow even brighter.
She had horns sprouted from the sides of her head, and her hair was a pale white that matched half of her body. Ocean Song also noted that her ears were pointed, barely peeking out from her long hair.
The Goddess slightly opened her mouth into a small smile. “Are you the one that helped Thor cause a bit of a fuss not that long ago?”
“Responding to the Great Goddess, Thor was gracious enough to spar with this lowly one.” Ocean Song replied.
She held her head up with her palm as she looked over him. “What a strange monster you are.”
The news that Thor caused a commotion ‘sparing’ with a monster was well known amongst the Norse Gods at this point. It was particular noteworthy because the monster forced Thor to utilize quite a bit of his strength to defeat.
However, Odin had covered up the particular details. It wasn’t until Hades reached out that Hel was able to point two and two together to know who Ocean Song was.
And seeing him in person, the goddess could only acknowledge that he was like no monster she had ever seen before.
In fact, it almost felt like she were standing infront of a budding deity.
And specifically, she could tell, there was something strange about his soul.
However, he wasn’t any of her concern. She was doing Hades a favor that would potential pay off in the future without any real investment on her part.
Not to mention, she liked Hades.
She had no issue helping him with a small matter like this. It’s not like they were overly involving their respective cosmologies, it was simply the matter of helping one of his agents move locations.
“What do you think of my realm?” She asked him curiously. She couldn’t recall the last time she had a ‘mortal’ in her realm that wasn’t about to become a part of it. “How does it compare with Hades.”
“....It’s about the same.” Ocean Song scratched his head.
Hel blinked and then frowned. “How is my realm the same?” She was slightly annoyed at his comparison.
“Well, other than the green sky, I thought it was the same place when I first came over.” Ocean Song answered honestly, believing it unwise to lie to the Goddess.
“Helheim is not the same as Hades.” She crossed her arms.
Ocean Song pointed at Garmr. “Cerberus.”
Hel looked at Garmr who was wagging his tail happily, her eye twitched slightly “He is a wolf.”
“Both realms are named after the owners.” Ocean Song pointed out.
Hel’s eye twitched again.
Ocean Song looked around then looked at her. “Outside looked exactly like this. Lots of hard ground, stones….lots of nothing in view.” He said honestly.
“All Underworlds look like this!” She defended, only realizing a moment later what she said. There was a beat of silence that passed. “Regardless, it’s not the same.” She huffed.
“Well, the sky is green.” Ocean Song realized that she wanted to hear specific things.
He guessed that perhaps it was a bit of a competition between death realm deities. Perhaps it was rude to say the two were the same.
“Yes, exactly.” She nodded along, happily latching onto the small difference.
Ocean Song marveled at his own intelligence. Advanced bootlicking wasn’t just about flattering someone, it was about knowing how to flatter someone in particular.
The Dao of bootlicking was truly impressive.
“Oh, Hades also has a lot more people living there too, while Helheim has no one else but Senior Garmr and Goddess Hel.” Ocean Song clapped his hands.
“Kuh – “ The goddess let out a strangled noise.
“There’s the River Styx, there’s the Goddess of Magic, there’s The Primordial of Death, there’s Hades’ children.”
“That’s not what –”
“Oh, and his wife of course.” Ocean Song nodded to himself. “So there are a lot of differences between your realm and Hades, Great Goddess.” Ocean Song smiled.
Ocean Song’s pride surged, seeing that he flattered her successfully into silence.
Hel, on the other hand, was suffering from an emotional attack the likes she had never experienced before.
As if it couldn’t get any worse, there was a flash of magic, a hole was torn into her realm and a note fell through, landing right in front of Ocean Song.
Hel recognized it of course, it was the letter she sent to Baldr after a lot of effort.
It was a confession letter.
To be specific it was about the tenth confession letter she had sent to him.
Hel held her hand up as if to stop Ocean Song, but he already had it in his hand and reading it.
She briefly wondered if a Goddess of Death could die of embarrassment.
“....I think this is for you, Great Goddess.” Ocean Song looked away, holding the letter up.
Hel covered her face, silently holding her hand out and forcing the Letter to fly into her fingers. She glanced over it, her heartfelt letter had a big ‘No’ written across it.
She wanted to die of embarrassment for real now.
Ocean Song had read the letter and even he felt bad. He recalled some memories from his past life, getting rejected was never a good feeling.
Truly, High school really did reflect real life, regardless of what the teachers back then always said.
Funny enough, this exact situation almost mirrored the same he once had.
And now he became depressed as well.
“Great Goddess, I know exactly how you feel –”
“Stop talking.”
“Okay.” Ocean Song wisely shut up.
Hel let out a sigh. “I’ll send you on your way if you promise never to speak of this again.”
“.....can I speak openly?”
“Will it make me want to die of embarrassment any less?” she rubbed her closed eyes.
“....maybe?” He offered.
Hel opened an eye, staring at him. “Fine, just say it.”
“The God Baldr is the target of your affections, yes?”
“.....yes.” She admitted, knowing it wasn’t exactly a secret at this point.
“Is he not married?”
“He….is.” Hel frowned, not knowing where he was going with this as he was just stating the obvious.
“Well, wouldn’t it be unwise to try and go after a married man?” He asked. “Isn’t he faithful to his wife?”
Hel scoffed. “Are you saying I can’t compete with Nanna? The perfect goddess, one of the publicly acknowledged most beautiful goddesses in all of Asgard?” She rolled her eyes, hearing all of that before.
Though it was the first time a monster was twisting that particular knife. She had the urge to let Garmr have a new chew toy, but she did make a promise to Hades.
The only reason she was humoring at this point…..was sadly because she rarely had people to talk to these days.
“You misunderstand, Great Goddess. I mean to say, would you want a man who abandons his loving wife when another beautiful goddess comes along?” Ocean Song asked.
Hel raised an eyebrow at that, particularly, she wasn’t unaware that he just called her beautiful. And secondly, she could admit he made a point.
“So you’re telling me to give up.” She grumbled.
“You misunderstand again, goddess.” Ocean Song corrected. “What I mean to say is that you are going about it the wrong way.”
“Oh?” She looked at him curiously now. “And what makes you such an expert on these kinds of affairs, little monster.”
“I was given advice by Hades in the matters of love and romance.” Ocean Song said proudly.
Hel was forced to blink again as she stared at him.
She honestly had no idea how to respond to that.
Was that even something to boast about? Well, Hades and his wife were together for a very long time and they haven't had any real problems between them…..
“What wisdom does the Greek God of the Underworld have, hmm?” She said rather sarcastically.
“What are your thoughts on the wife of Baldr, Goddess?”
“My thoughts on Nanna?” Hel considered that question. She waved her hand, bringing up a magical image of the Goddess in question. Her golden long locks draped down her back, and her smile was warm and welcoming. “I suppose I have nothing bad to say about her.”
“You’ve gone about things wrongly the entire time, Great Goddess. You have been trying to win over Baldr, you should have been trying to win over his Wife.”
“.....excuse me?”
“Harem.” Ocean Song said with the advice of a true Cultivator.
Hel opened her mouth once then closed it.
“You want me to…..seduce his wife.”
Ocean Song shot her a thumbs up.
Hel realized that this Monster wasn’t intentionally being a bore, he was just an idiot.
She let out another sigh, and gestured with her hand, a gateway opened up to the surface. “Just…..go.” She pointed.
“Thank you, Great Goddess!” Ocean Song clasped his hands and bowed before quickly departing.
Hel ran a hand down her face as he disappeared.
Her lips twitched slightly, and she magically summoned a few more images of Nanna, the wife of Baldr.
The words of the idiotic Cyclops still whispered in the back of her mind.
She looked intently at the pictures, and gradually, one of her fingers began to twirl with strands of her hair as she bit her lip.
Admittedly, she did find Nanna rather beautiful as well.
And at this point…..did she have anything to lose?
@***@
A/N
Ocean Song, paragon of romance and wisdom. Truly, he is the most greatest cultivator, spreading the wisdom of past sages to the gods of yore.
On a side note, the Norns are going to have the same headache the Fates are having.
Getting started on Arachne next.
Comments
Osiris Sundavr
That would be hilarious. I Approve!
LuciferDFallN1
It would be damn funny if Nana would not only play along, but also be the one to seduce Hel... "Why only have a husband, when I can have a wife as well" *Confused Baldr noises*
Noiz
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Andrew Wixon
All I need is faster updates 😭 Forget the other novels, this is what matters 🤧
Marcus H Stoen
I can already see the chaos OS is gonna spread as he offers up the 'wisdom' of Hades in matters of romance. Cue Hades trying to survive an angry wife when rumors spread that he's advocating the benefits of a harem.
Danielle
Oh black stars, I need this himbo to spread Polycules everywhere, this is just precious<3
Kshitij Srivastava
He will become Aphrodite’s champion 🤣🤣
Raibeart TReiss
Ocean Song Bootlicking are creating some buttlicking begginers :v
Bonobo
Thanks for the chapter, loved it !
Osiris Sundavr
Baldr is about to find out that OS is his wingman he never thought he would ever need. Enter Baldr trying to return the favor…
Wrathkal
I can tell that this is going to be a thing... OS giving love advice to gods
Einar Strandberg
Once again, his stupidity reveals his genius. I always love when people point out polyamory as the solution to a love triangle.
Dericof D
Baldr: "What's that?" Nana: "It's a love letter from Hel and some candies." Baldr: *sign* "How many times must I tell her no? Give them to me, I'm going to return them back" Nana: "No" Baldr: "No? Why Not?" Nana: "They're not for you. They're for me" Baldr: ... Baldr: "What?"
Pure Dingo
I can't wait to see what happens with Hel.
Bishop7053
Aphrodite gonna be annoyed someone else is getting in on her domain and doing better than she is
Nazarickk
Thanks for the chapter
Silver W. King
Hel is adorable.
xerxes33311
This protagonist is definitely a fragmented experiment gone wrong soul of Wilhelm!
George Wright
Oh my fucking God Ocean Song is gonna become a God of romance and advice amongst fighting and whatever else
Edward Radikov
another follower for the Dao of harem
Belly
Lawl evrn better lol. I thought you were going thr route where Hrl fancies Ovean since he unintentionally snagged her heart with thr "beautiful" comment. Buy this jd even funnier, still think Balot won't take to it though
Ototsu_Yume
Huh, if I had a coin for every time I saw the PJO death gods get pacified via a harem/free love route I'd have two coins, which isn't a lot but it is strange that it's happened twice. This is definitely funnier than the other one though lol. Thanks a lot for the chapter.
White Wolf
I need more of this!!!!
CkLance
Daoist Ocean Song spreading wisdom to gods and goddesses alike. ☯️
Rake1810
Baldr will never see it coming! Literally he’ll think it’s a trick
Mathieu Toulet
AhahahahahahHahahh!
SunyLaw1
A fountain of good advice our little Cyclops.
James French
Your chaps never disappoint, I found myself equally cringing and laughing here 😭😂
Kz3838
Thank you for the great chapter, love how Ocean Song is giving love advice. Stay safe out there and keep up the good work!
JustBeatMeWithAChair
I mean... technically the crackhead has been right so far and his methods have been working out for him. The crackhead also improves the lives of everyone he has come across so far. I think he's just bad at explaining and buys his own delusions a bit too much.
Iarthadnor
You either want a fat ass sitting on your face or you want to add your ass for a man to choose from...
Juaquin Gonzalez
Jajaja me encanto hel es corrompida por el camino del dao.
Vortiboy27
This made me laugh, seduce the wife to get the husband. Now this update made me wish for the Little Spider omake again.
D3AD3CHO
Aphrodite better be careful looks like there's a new love god on the way his name ... OCEAN SONG!!!
Geese
He truly is wise. “You can’t look at other women with a fat ass sitting on your face.”
Johny5
Wow. Seduce the wife and convince hubby to accept a second wife, or accept that his wife has someone else on the side. The adventure of Ocean Song continues!
CkLance
It's confirmed that in PJO/ Riordanverse all the pantheons exists, but they don't interact for 'reasons'.
Sksk4128
Ocean Song the godly monster of relationship shipping and advice And swords as an afterthought
Orchamus
HaaaahhahaaaHAHAHA!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh Ocean Song, you are a man of great culture. Look at the wonderful idea you have given Hel
Selacha
I don't know if they exist in the PJO universe, and if they do I don't know how much attention they'd bother sparing to whatever the Greeks are doing, but I'm picturing some members of the Celestial Bureaucracy watching this random Cyclops just failing upwards using their "methods" and just laughing themselves sick.
AStoryForOne
That's coming up next, i'll be getting started on it in a few minutes.
blake anderson
Honestly that just hilarious. Let's hope hel gets her happy ending
loyd
Yah Arachne chapter. Thanks for the update
LazyBlackberry
Ocean Song is setting up EVERYONE. Dao of Matchmaking!
Nisiris
....lol... love this... Ps? Would it be possible for another spider girl omake to receive love too?
LazyBlackberry
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
