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[Snippet] Making the Church Competent Through the Power of Faith(Gacha)! {DxD/Fate/Multi}: Chapter 1
🕑 Added 2025-10-10 09:11:45 +0000 UTCJust a random snippet idea I had and felt the motivation to write out in like an hour. Don't know if or when I'll do a second chapter, we'll see.
@***@
Griselda Quarta stepped lightly across the marbled floors.
Despite being several floors underground, the decor was surprisingly fresh and inviting. A lot less gaudy and unnecessarily expensive than most buildings of a similar nature that she had been to.
That is of equivalent ranks.
She was on her way to speak to a Cardinal.
The newest Cardinal, in fact, but one kept off any public records.
That’s how it usually went when it involved her side of the world. The stuff that the public face of the Church doesn’t talk about. The stuff that they do in the dark to protect all their believers and faithful from what lurks in the shadows.
As a Church Exorcist herself, this was far from abnormal. There were several cardinals that divided power between the various Exorcist factions and what-not. It was a delicate balancing game even when their ultimate goals aligned.
All the various factions keep the others in check, always maneuvering around to make sure one side doesn’t get a bigger piece of the pie.
It already caused an uproar when her specific ‘faction’ had her adopted daughter be chosen by Durandal.
There were already talks of shuffling her to another organization, but she quickly shut that talk down.
However, such things are pretty common.
The Pope, of course, does his best to appease everyone and keep the Church walking correctly on God’s path, which she admires quite a bit. She couldn’t imagine having to wrangle in that herd of cats on a daily basis, even with the occasional help of an Angel to metaphorically or quite literally lay down the law when someone needs a reminder.
And now, that carefully balanced board was almost entirely kicked over by one person.
A new Cardinal that just appeared out of nowhere. Personally named by the Pope without any consultation and even supported by Gabriel herself.
Of course there were many dissenting voices, but when one of the Lord’s Archangels vouches for someone, it’s very difficult to play the usual petty games.
No, that usually calls for the more advanced petty games.
Instead of moving him to one of the other divisions or cutting off a piece of the already existing pie for him to play with, instead, something unexpected happened.
He created his own faction.
Once more, it was completely supported by the Pope without a word of complaint.
And the Cardinals were in an…uproar, to put it mildly. Not because of a new faction—that certainly riled them up—but because of the permissions he was granted.
The Burial Agency.
She didn’t know why it was called this, only that it’s the name that was on everyone’s tongues recently.
The newest Cardinal submitted the Doctrine, which is where the majority of the uproar is.
Executors.
That’s the title of the ‘Burial Agents.’
To execute the Lord’s teachings as His proxy.
An extraterritoriality within the Church that precludes the attainment of power and in return affords freedom from authority on a scale that’s frankly unheard of.
The allowance to go against the Church’s teachings to fulfill their missions. To utilize magic, pagan teachings, or even invoke pagan gods, if needed. To have full independent authority during missions that not even a bishop can interfere with until they’re completed.
The ends justify the means.
It was blasphemous, yet the Pope once more acknowledged it and gave it full authority.
The only reason it wasn’t outright heresy was because the presented doctrine essentially cut off any actual authority or power that this ‘burial agency’ could possibly obtain within the Church.
On paper, the leader is a Cardinal, but realistically, they have nearly no powers that a regular Cardinal has. This newest Cardinal also could never become Pope should it come down to it.
Within their new ‘Agency’ they had almost absolute power, but outside of it, within the hallowed halls of the Church, they had none.
It was just enough to keep the other factions from revolting.
Griselda frowned as she observed the rooms around her. At first, she thought they were new, but she realized that this was in fact an older building that had seemingly been refurbished, but parts had yet to be cleaned.
She didn’t blame the new owner; his sudden arrival and subsequent elevation to his new role had happened extremely fast.
She continued to walk these silent halls, moving towards the only occupied room in the building.
There was no need to announce herself; she knew she was expected, especially by the sight of the Cardinal in question sitting at his desk with his office wide open.
Griselda was surprised.
Surprised by how young he was.
Barely into his twenties; by a first glance, maybe mid-twenties, lower chance to be late twenties, but definitely not over thirty unless there are special circumstances.
Specifically, he was not wearing the usual attire of a cardinal. In fact, he was wearing a suit with a jacket over his shoulders like some kind of movie mob boss.
Admittedly, she thought he pulled the look off rather well.
At a glance, she placed his looks as possibly American or English of some variety. With a lower chance of being a different European country.
She traveled the world enough to at least get a good read on someone’s genetics based on bone structure, eye color, and hair color.
The specific shade of black hair combined with his green eyes revealed quite a bit.
And his cheekbones and nose hinted at Anglo-Saxon heritage as well.
As such, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.
“You must be Cardinal Graves.” Griselda finally spoke.
“That would be me.” The man responds with a neutral smile. “I admit, I did not expect them to send Sister Quarta.”
“Does my reputation precede me?” She responded with a polite smile. “I didn’t think I was particularly famous in our circles.”
“You must be joking. Who doesn’t know of Griselda the Purifier?” He chuckled. “I am Cardinal Lucian Graves, but I presume you already know that.” He introduced himself.
She took his offered hand. “Griselda Quarta.” She responded in kind as the pleasantries got out of the way.
“Am I correct in saying that you’re the one sent by the other Cardinals to hold my leash?” He asked rather bluntly.
Griselda raised an eyebrow. “That would be correct.” She responded with equal bluntness.
“Ah, I should have expected this to happen. I just hoped they would try until after I got on my feet, as it were.”
“You underestimate your peers, I’m afraid, Cardinal Graves.”
“So it seems.” He hummed. “Well, you’re fired. Good day.” He made a shooing motion.
Griselda’s polite smile thinned just a tiny bit. “You’re fully within your capabilities to ‘fire’ me as you put it. But have you considered the consequences?”
“Are you going to beat me up? Because I’ll warn you, I may like that.” He sent her a wink.
Griselda was momentarily startled, blinking twice before settling down. Though she wasn’t ‘offended’; if anything, she found it amusing. “I was speaking of what your peers may do should their ‘leash’ prove ineffective.”
“I have full authority given by the Pope; they can’t touch me.”
“For now.” She raised a finger. “If you don’t provide any results, or you step out of line, they can petition to change that. But I digress; that’s not the problem.”
“Oh, and what is the problem?”
“If you reject their ‘leash,’ then they do have other means to make you suffer.”
Lucian raised an eyebrow.
“Fundings.” She continued. “Support. Logistics. Authenticity. You underestimate how much the other cardinals can make your life difficult even with the pope’s blessings.”
“Funding conveniently going missing. No other church organizations are coordinating. Lack of help from Church logistics and organizations. And most importantly, lack of authenticity, as you put it.” Lucian continued to hum. “If I’m not ‘acknowledged,’ then I’ll never be able to claim my own staff or establish my own faction properly. Who would want to join that organization that’s treated as a joke? Did I get that right?”
Griselda was a little surprised that he did.
She expected him to be much more naive based on her first impression. A young man filled with arrogance and blinded by it due to having the support of a couple powerful people.
“Among other things.” Griselda just nodded.
“Those are important.” Lucian nodded as well. “And if I reject their ‘leash,’ that’s their next move, is it?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if it were so, but I couldn’t speak for them.”
“You’re being awfully candid, aren’t you?”
“Cardinal.” Griselda continued to smile. “You call me a Leash, and you’re certainly not happy about it. But consider this: I didn’t ask for a dog either.”
Lucian’s eyes flashed in amusement.
“Not important enough to disturb their little games, but just important enough for the role, is that it?” Lucian asked.
“So it would seem.” She let out a small sigh. “So, what will it be, Cardinal Graves? Would you prefer a leash around your neck or a dagger in the dark?”
Lucian tapped his desk. “There is an out that I could take here.”
“Oh?”
“Well, I just have to get you to reject the role, isn’t that right? Then I can claim, ‘This person you sent wasn’t even able to fulfill my needs,’ blah blah, and I raise a stink about it, giving myself some breathing room.”
“That would be very little ‘breathing room.’ A month, if you’re lucky.”
Lucian’s smile widened. “My dear sister, a month would be more than enough.”
“If that’s what you believe.” She said passively. “But there is still the matter of doing your best to chase me away. I am quite the devoted worker, Cardinal. To have me willingly step down from my assigned duties, you’re going to have to be quite creative.”
“I could command you to kill yourself.” He pointed out.
Griselda raised an eyebrow. “I did review your doctrine and the authority bestowed by the pope. You do have the authority to order that in the name of God. I would either be forced to kill myself, or you would have grounds to kick me out for insubordination.”
There was a tense pause.
“But you won’t do that, will you, Cardinal?”
Lucian pursed his lips. “Am I that obvious?”
“I don’t think you’re that type of person, Cardinal. I’ve been around those types of people. And, you would have a whole other set of problems if that were to occur because I would follow your order.”
Lucian raised an eyebrow again. “And how would that be a problem?”
“Because Father Vasco Strada is a good friend of mine, and he would personally come here to question why my death was ordered.” She continued to smile politely.
Lucian felt a strange chill down his back. “That is indeed a good reason not to follow through, if I were going to.”
He didn’t want to be questioned by the Violence of Heaven.
Though, he truly wasn’t going to make that ‘order.’
He considered himself not a good person, but there were even lines he found unpleasant to cross.
“So it appears we’re at an impasse.” She added.
“Are we?” Lucian chuckled. “I’m fairly confident I can get you to ‘quit’?”
“By all means, please.” She gestured for me.
“Are you sure? I’m warning you, I lack shame, sister. You can back out now and save us both the awkwardness.”
“My dear Cardinal, please.” She said again.
Lucian narrowed his eyes at her tiny mocking tone. He could faintly pick up on it. “I’m adjusting your dress code. No more clothes.”
There was another brief moment of silence as the two stared at each other, as if to gauge how much the other was willing to step back.
After several more moments, Griselda stood up from her seat.
Lucian smiled, thinking he won, until his eyes widened.
She grabbed her headpiece, as she was wearing her normal nun attire, and she pulled it off, tossing it to the side.
She then grabbed her nun robes by the collar and unceremoniously pulled them up over her head, tossing them onto the pile of already gathered clothing.
She stood there, in a black lacy bra with a matching black lacy pair of panties, down to her stockings and heels. She had bountiful assets that were hidden under her nun clothes.
The Exorcist cocked her hips, placing a hand on her side. “Is this adequate, Cardinal?”
Lucian met her gaze, and he could see the smugness; it was palpable.
She was smug because they both knew she won.
Lucian’s lips twitched slightly. “Welcome to the Burial Agency, Sister Quarta.”
“Thank you, Cardinal Graves. I look forward to working with you.” She turned around and started to walk away, not even casting a second glance at her discarded clothes.
Lucian, silently, watched her leave.
Intently watching every step.
“God damn.” Lucian muttered as she finally got out of earshot. “I want to be annoyed, but I can’t after that.” He let out a sigh. “Oh well, it doesn’t really change much; those old bastards can’t really meddle with me as much as they think they can.”
Lucian opened his desk drawer and pulled out what looked like a Bible.
That is, to everyone else, it would look exactly like a Bible and even read as one too.
But for Lucian, it changed.
He opened it up, and the words rearranged themselves.
[Ding!]
[Quest Complete!]
[Congratulations on hiring your first member!]
[Reward Gained: Faith +5]
Another five ‘Faith,’ and he could make a ‘Prayer.’
Or, roll the Gacha in normal language.
As happy as he was, he was equal parts exasperated.
He dropped his head into his hands before letting out a sigh. “Why did I get a church system? I’m not even religious!”
He let out a groan because he saw a ‘new quest’ was created.
[Ding!]
[New Quest!]
[Attend Mass every day for 14 days straight!]
[Reward: 1 Faith!]
He let out another groan and slapped the book shut.
“God…dammit.”
He quickly checked the time to see if he could catch the service today at the local church.
@***@
A/N
Just a random idea. Guy has a ‘system’ that’s centered around church stuff from various media. He’s building up the Burial Agency in DxD, if that wasn’t clear. He does have some things to back it up and all that.
But I thought the idea of him being forced to pretend to be a ‘pious believer’ despite not being one, and everyone being able to tell he isn’t one, yet he has to keep the charade up for the sake of his Gacha rolls even as he fumbles it quite often.
Comments
Orchamus
That sounds like it's be amusing yet painful, so much emotional damage😅
Ravioli Stromboli
Lmao, funny premise. A guy that’s not even religious but gets a faith system that MAKES him that way. Pretty stinking funny
Zerak
Lost interest halfway through the chapter. Too much lead up without proper explanation, felt kinda exhausting to read. If you plan to continue this I would recommend a rewrite , or maybe make this chapter 2 and make a chapter one that’s less “here is all the info you need to know so I can get on with the story” kind of thing.
Markus Antonius
Pretty fun!
