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Monster? No, I'm a Cultivator! (Percy Jackson): Chapter 58
🕑 Added 2025-11-23 05:33:31 +0000 UTCTriton, son of Poseidon and one of the many gods of the seas, was walking—swimming—casually through the palace, as he often does.
His youngest brother had just arrived in Atlantis, and this had been chaotic.
It was to be expected.
When a child that his father favored appeared, there would be a whole show about it.
Combined with how ‘popular’ Ocean Song was, it was even more so. His father was not going to waste the chance to show off to everyone when given such a good opportunity.
If gods were one thing, it was prideful.
In themselves, in their stuff, in their children.
Any opportunity to gloat, they would take it happily.
And it’s not every day that one of your children fights a fellow Olympian and lives to tell the tale. Nor is it every day that one of your kids stops a potential war that was creating a lot of tension and unease among the people of Atlantis.
It was certainly one of the reasons for the jubilant atmosphere.
Ocean Song was nothing short of a celebrity right now.
Almost akin to a savior to many who were not looking forward to the potential war.
Triton paused, not turning a corner because he heard a few of his father’s many court officials talking.
“To think that he fought the God of War.”
“It’s absurd, but we can’t argue with the facts.”
“I heard he’s a Cyclops, but are we sure that’s the case? The King usually throws all his Cyclops children down into the forges when they come to Atlantis. And he clearly looked far different than those ugly things.”
“The king clearly favors this child; we need to be attentive.”
“Even the Queen showed good will.”
“Is he really a bastard? Do you think it’s just a scheme of some sort? Maybe he’s the real child of Poseidon, his real heir. Have we ever heard of the Prince accomplishing feats like this?”
Triton’s jolly expression slowly shifted to a frown.
“Should we prepare for the King to give him the Prince title to make him equal in standing with the oldest?”
“There very well may be a shift in power in the court. The people who support the Prince may start switching sides.”
“The way the King received him, it’s obvious that this one is the King’s most favored child.”
“The Prince may have fallen out of favor.”
“There’s been no news about the Prince’s achievements lately. And you know how the king is; he loves to boast about such things. He’s even organizing a feast for his newest son’s arrival. When was the last time he did this for one of his children? Never!”
Triton stood still as the officials walked away, unaware that he had been eavesdropping on their conversation.
The atmosphere around him changed.
And jealousy started to swell up in his chest.
A lot of unpleasant thoughts appeared in his mind.
Was he no longer his father’s most favored?
Was his youngest brother going to replace him?
And many such similar ideas.
It didn’t take much for the seed of doubt to be placed in his heart. Gods, even minor ones, were capricious creatures.
It put him immediately in a sour mood.
Even if he logically knew that it was mostly bullshit, he couldn’t shake the newfound feelings of jealousy.
He knew that his younger brother should be having a talk with their father at the moment. It wouldn’t be remiss for him to wander over and catch his brother when he leaves and have his own talk.
To take his younger brother’s measure.
Sure, Ocean Song had been properly respectful and lowered his head on every occasion so far. But what was stopping him from switching gears once he found out that their father favored him so highly?
Or maybe it was just a plan this whole time to get into the good graces of everyone so he would worm his way into a birthright that didn’t belong to him?
Before he knew it, he had found himself near the corridors that led to his father’s royal chambers.
He didn’t come here often.
Mostly because he didn’t want to hear his mother and father going at it.
However, all his hastily prepared plans sort of fell apart as he saw his younger brother leaving their father’s chambers.
He watched his younger brother drag something heavy out of the room, scraping against the ground as it echoed across the hallways.
Ocean Song paused when he noticed him.
The two awkwardly stared at one another.
“...Little bro, why are you dragging Pop’s toilet out of his room?” Triton hesitantly asked.
“I’m not stealing it.” Ocean Song replied without missing a beat.
“......”
Triton admitted it was a really nice toilet. In mortal perspectives, it would be worth more than a castle just by itself.
Just the materials alone would require an astronomical amount to be able to ‘withstand’ a god in the very rare occasions that they do use a toilet.
Granted, they technically don’t need to use a toilet.
But on the exceedingly rare occasion that they need to…expel something from their body that they won’t talk about in polite company, they’re far too prideful to simply do it out in the open or like some kind of savage.
Ocean Song stepped in front of the toilet, as if that somehow blocked it from view. “You look like you have a lot on your mind, Senior Brother. Is there anything this lowly Cyclops can help you with?”
Triton decided not to ask about the toilet anymore.
“Just…curious, little bro.” He said casually. “Why you suddenly showed up in Atlantis. Are you planning on joining us at Father’s side?”
Ocean Song tilted his head. “Am I not here already?” He seemed confused.
“No, I mean joining Atlantis. It’s different. You’re still…mortal.” Despite being monsters and respawning in Tartarus, monster children were generally still considered mortals. “Unless you officially join and cut off the mortal world in a broader sense, you’re not supposed to hang out here for too long. The rules about mortal children and their godly parents….”
“Oh, no. I’m just visiting.” Ocean Song smiled. “What would I even do here, senior brother?”
Triton raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure Father wouldn’t mind giving you a fancy title. Give you a lot of power and prestige, lead the armies of Atlantis, become an official in his court….”
Ocean Song stared blankly.
“Who knows, he may even give you the ‘Prince’ of Atlantis as a title, making you on equal standing as me and all the responsibilities that come with that. Not to brag, but other than Mom and Pops, my word is law.”
Triton was confused this time, because he saw his little brother’s face morph into a horrified expression.
“Senior Brother! Please don’t threaten me with such horrific tortures! I can barely run a sec with….” He paused, holding up his hand and using his fingers to count. “This many people.” He held up all five fingers. “I can’t pretend to know what I’m doing if I have to manage so many more people!”
Triton genuinely didn’t know what to say to that.
“Why…exactly did you come to visit Atlantis?” He asked.
“Oh.” Ocean Song perked up. “I came to ask Father about my mother; I wished to find her to settle a knot in my heart.”
Triton went silent.
That was far off from what he had expected; it wasn’t even a thought that crossed his mind. In fact, seeing his brother literally stealing a toilet and now offering such a reason for his presence…he kind of felt like an idiot for even suspecting his idiot little brother.
“How did you even manage to steal the toilet out from Father’s eyes?” Triton sort of blurted out the big glaring question as his jealousy finally abated.
“He was too busy getting yelled at by Royal Step Mother.”
Triton let out a sigh. “What did Pops do this time?”
“He traumatized me, Senior Brother.” Ocean Song said solemnly. “Of course, as a proper cultivator, trauma builds character. But I am still suffering.”
“...so you stole his toilet as revenge?”
“I’m going to sell it.” Ocean Song said without an ounce of shame.
That opened up a lot of questions that he now had but that he also didn’t know if he wanted answers to.
“How did he…?” Triton hesitantly asked about the hole his father dug for himself with his mother this time.
It was good to get ahead of things in case they have one of their infamous blowouts that affects Atlantis as a whole.
The last one….
He didn’t want to think about it.
“I asked him about my mother.”
“Oh.” He realized that maybe his mother just got jealous at his father speaking of a past lover vividly for his junior brother’s sake.
She wouldn’t stay angry too long for that.
It was probably the best-case scenario.
“He didn’t remember her face, Senior Brother!”
“Ah?”
“He didn’t remember what she looked like at all!”
Triton understood how that could be…traumatizing to his younger brother. To know that his mother wasn’t appreciated at all by their father.
He felt guilty too, by association. Especially after the feelings of jealousy and suspicion he had towards him just moments before.
In a rare show of affection, he put a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder in a silent show of solidarity.
“Except her butt.”
“Pardon?”
“Father spent an hour praising her, but Senior Brother, why does Father know all the human slang for big butts? He called it a badonkadonk, Senior Brother! A dump truck! He said it wasn’t even a cake; it was a whole bakery, and he bought the whole store!”
Triton opened his mouth, but words failed to come out.
In fact, Triton suddenly unlocked his own ancient memory.
One he had repressed and buried far into the past, in the early days of his immortal life.
The first time his father shared a drink with him, they both got drunk, a time of father and son bonding in antiquity.
He made the mistake of asking how his father fell in love with his mother.
His drunk father.
‘Well, Son, let me tell you about the first time I saw your mother’s ass jiggle—’
The two stood there in silence.
Both reeling from trauma, bonded by it.
“So anyways. Senior Brother, were you subtly trying to make sure I wasn’t here to usurp your authority at Father’s side?” Ocean Song asked rather casually.
“Wah…?” Triton was taken aback at the sheer bluntness with which he asked that question.
It wasn’t incorrect, but he just didn’t expect it to be spoken right to his face.
People usually had much more tact than that.
And he was genuinely surprised his little brother was even intelligent enough to pick up on that.
“I see! I know what ails you, Senior Brother! Allow me to rectify any misconceptions!”
Triton blankly allowed Ocean Song to drag him to their father’s chambers, unceremoniously kicking the door open.
“Father, I have returned, and I have brought Senior Brother with me!”
Triton noticed a peculiar red mark on his father’s cheek.
The same shape as his mother’s hand.
Poseidon was sort of taken aback by him barging in, but otherwise, didn’t react to his presence negatively.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, clearly noticing the strange atmosphere.
“Senior brother is feeling neglected. Please reassure him of his importance in your heart and in your court!” With that, Ocean Song turned on his heel and walked away, closing the door behind him.
The godly father and son stared blankly at one another, as if to process what just happened.
The only sound was an odd ‘scraping’ noise coming from outside the door and echoing down the hallway.
@***@
The Queen of Atlantis sat in her garden.
It wasn’t an underwater garden as one would expect; it wasn’t of coral or algae or watery plants.
It mimicked the topside gardens, an odd but beautiful contrast to the underwater paradise they lived in.
It was a gift from Hera, a wedding gift so many eons ago.
They still keep in touch every now and then.
A letter every few centuries.
While Amphitrite's status was noticeably lower than Hera’s, it was a loose relationship based on who their husbands were.
“Greetings, Royal Stepmother!”
The goddess and queen looked up to see the one responsible for the…strange day she had been having.
Technically, she should be blaming him for her current ‘fight’ with her husband. But frankly, she knew when it was her husband being an idiot and not someone else's fault. She wasn’t Hera, who would take her anger out on someone undeserving.
Well, at least moderately.
“I saw you were upset; thus, I have baked you some pastries.” Ocean Song smiled brightly, presenting a decorated tray of oddly edible-looking desserts.
If someone asked her if she thought her husband’s youngest could bake, she would answer no without a second of hesitation.
“Come.” She gestured him forward.
She appreciated small gestures of respect more than grand ones.
To her, it felt more genuine.
She took one of the beautifully embroidered pieces of cloth on the table and used it to dab at Ocean Song’s cheek.
“You have flour on you.” She said softly.
She could tell that he had actually made them himself and not just stumbled into the kitchens and asked for them to be made.
“I’m sure the cook wasn’t happy to have you barge inside their domain.” She let out a small laugh.
“I may or may not have thought that the head chef was part of the ingredients for dinner to be served…”
She recalled that the head chef was, in fact, a merperson of the octopus manner.
“I heard something strange.”
“Yes?”
“Someone was seen carrying a toilet across the palace, looking very suspicious. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that?”
“I know not who this handsome and dashing thief is who stole Father’s toilet.” Ocean Song answered with a straight face.
“I’m sure.” Her lips curled up.
Was she going to rat him out?
Absolutely not.
In fact, she was going to cover it up and make her husband wonder who had the audacity to steal his toilet without finding any clues.
“I thought you would still be with your father. Did you get all the answers you wanted?”
Ocean Song awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “I have many answers I didn’t want, stepmother.”
She gently patted at his head.
She knew exactly what her husband said, as she was there when it was spoken.
“However, I will seek more unfortunate answers later. Currently, Father and Senior Brother are having an important talk.”
The queen perked up. “Something happened?”
“Senior Brother was feeling restless about my presence and perhaps had a misguided view of my status in Father’s heart. Therefore, I informed Father to help rectify this matter.” Ocean Song didn’t mind talking about it since it was the Queen Mother.
He would have more tact than to blurt it out otherwise.
The queen read between her lines and let out a small sigh.
She could imagine that her son had a bout of jealousy.
It was nothing strange for gods, unfortunately.
But from the looks of it, she could see that her husband’s bastard had genuinely no intention of finding a threshold to squeeze himself into the already chaotic dealings of Atlantis. That raised his status in her eyes to another level.
“You know, Triton and his wife had been quarreling lately. Trionis is staying at my winter home down south right now.” She said casually. “She’s upset because Triton lacks ambition. It’s been an ongoing argument with them for many thousands of years.”
“Great Goddess.” Ocean Song’s face turned uncharacteristically serious.
“Hmm?” She noticed his change.
“The last time I gave love advice, I inadvertently sent a goddess into spiral depression.”
Amphitrite opened her mouth once as if wanting to ask for clarification, but strangely, she stopped herself from doing so.
“Humor me.” She responded. “What do you think about my son’s ‘lack of ambition’?”
Ocean Song was silent for a few moments, thinking it over. “Perhaps Senior Brother feels a lack of ambition because he knows that he will never inherit the throne?” Ocean Song offered. “Father is a god; gods don’t age away and die, like mortals. His title as Prince is an eternal one unless the worst happens.”
Amphitrite nodded along.
Such things, while not spoken out of politeness, weren’t unknown.
“And what would you suggest? If my son can never become ‘king,’ what ambition should he have?”
“Why can’t he be a king?” Ocean Song tilted his head.
Amphitrite seemed surprised by his words. “Are you suggesting he overthrow his father?”
“Forgive me, Royal Stepmother, I did not mean to imply that. I mean to say, why can Father not bestow upon his own ‘fiefdom’ somewhere within the territory? Would it also not be the perfect time to expand the forces of Atlantis after the recent conflicts with Olympus? The Lord of Heaven will have his gaze turned away. Use this opportunity to have Triton build his own ‘territory’ and bestow upon him the title of king—nothing changes from his current status, does it? Except it would be a gesture greatly appreciated by him. He will still be below Father in the hierarchy anyways.”
Amphitrite was silent.
“You’re suggesting building additional forces secretly?”
“Why not?” Ocean Song asked. “A good king must not seek out war but must always be prepared for it. If the Heavenly King was so quick to jump to war over a clear ruse, then is it not prudent to prepare for such eventualities of the future?”
The queen was utterly confused.
Not by his words, but by the fact of who was saying them.
She wanted to ask him if he was actually intelligent, because he was spouting out a lot of intelligent things that made sense.
“Zeus. Call him Zeus. He can’t hear you down here.” The queen said slowly. “My husband said that you were…very polite to him. And now you wish to scheme behind his back?”
“Royal Stepmother.” Ocean Song said pointedly. “He threw lightning bolts at me.”
The queen accepted that reasoning; it was honestly a rather fair response.
“Zeus’s eyes aren’t closed to what’s happening in Atlantis. While his scrutiny may have dwindled, it is not gone.”
“Use Step Brother’s ‘new status’ as an excuse. Perhaps even set him up closer towards the surface and have him build a city that becomes the go-between. In my travels to Atlantis, I had to navigate my own way and ask directions; it was a long journey. It would cause a big enough commotion that it could hide a secret expansion of forces. Except, keep part of the expansion ‘open’; let it show that they belong to Senior Brother as a red herring. It will allow Zeus to feel as if he’s in control if he finds it out while the true expansion is taking place away from his eyes.”
Amphitrite kept her expression calm despite the genuine surprise she was feeling. “And how would you suggest we announce my son’s…..fiefdom? It would be an odd enough occurrence that it may startle some of the others into investigating.”
“Let Father mope around for awhile; let him avoid public events or celebrations. Show him being distant and his mind elsewhere during meetings with the other gods. Let the other gods know that something is wrong, and when someone finally asks him, let him reveal something. Something such as Father stating that Senior Brother feels unappreciated and unvalued. Let the others make their own assumptions and beliefs first before the reveal so it feels like a natural course of action.”
“That’s…certainly a course of action that can be taken.” She swallowed. “Why don’t you go check with the kitchens to see if they have any good wine to accompany these snacks, dear?”
“Yes, Royal Stepmother!” Ocean Song smiled, turning to leave.
The queen sat there silently for a moment, watching him disappear.
“Husband.”
Poseidon appeared.
She barely glanced at him. “When did you arrive?” She had noticed him earlier as well.
“When you were talking about Triton’s marriage problems.” He responded.
She nodded. “Dear.”
“Yes?”
“I can’t tell if your son is an idiot or not, and I’m marginally concerned right now.” She said honestly.
“Of course he’s not an idiot; he’s my son!” Poseidon said proudly.
She shot him a look and decided that no, he was in fact an idiot in that case.
“Someone stole my toilet!” It was as if he remembered something he was going to say. “Have you heard anything? It wasn’t that foolish son of mine, was it?”
“Of course not; he’s been with me this entire time.” She said with a straight face.
“Then who would have the audacity to steal my toilet!” Poseidon said angrily.
“Dear, focus on the important thing.”
Poseidon grunted, crossing his arms. “You want to give Triton his own fief?” Poseidon rubbed his beard. “I’m not against the idea.”
“Your son’s words weren’t wrong. We were already talking about how to prepare for the next time Zeus decides that war is a proper reaction to something. I’ve made my stance clear; I don’t want to be in this position again where we’re unprepared.” She answered him.
“...it’s not a bad plan.” Poseidon said quietly.
“It was an oddly good plan.” She corrected. “Obviously we’ll need to work out the details, but…..”
“I just need to pretend to mope for a bit to start, right?” He asked.
“Oh dear.” She smiled, putting a hand on his cheek. “You won’t have to ‘pretend.’ The couch is prepared for you.”
Poseidon’s smile stilled.
He wasn’t sure if he should be thankful to his son or spank him the next time he sees him.
@***@
A/N
Ocean Song: Stealing his father’s absurdly expensive toilet.
Also Ocean Song: Here’s a plan to secretly expand Atlantis’s forces with logical steps to take while also helping fix any strained relationships between both Triton and his Father or Triton and his wife.
Comments
AStoryForOne
Gods don't generally do things quickly.
Ravioli Stromboli
You know I just reread all of cyclops, and I noticed ocean song never had Poseidon apologize to Medusa yet. I know he asked amphitrite but that never went anywhere. lol just noticed that. Or maybe it did happen and I accidentally glossed over it
Dericof D
I can image the description of the product: "whoever uses this unique edition toilet, will feel like they receive a kiss from Poseidon right between their cheeks."
