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Monster? No, I'm a Cultivator! (Percy Jackson): Chapter 65
🕑 Added 2026-02-05 22:53:28 +0000 UTCOcean Song hummed together with the music.
He didn’t know why there was an Elevator that was taking him up to Heaven, but it wasn’t that strange, just as well.
Olympus had an elevator that took you up to it, too!
Maybe it was just a good thing.
Did every Pantheon compete with who had the best elevators?
Now that he thought about it, didn’t Hotel Valhalla also have elevators?
He reckoned that he just couldn’t understand such profound Dao just yet.
He made a mental note to install elevators in the sect when he got back. He didn’t understand their significance yet, but he wouldn’t let himself look like some elevatorless mortal!
Ocean Song wasn’t alone on this little adventure either.
The Angel from before was accompanying him.
It didn’t talk much, or at all. In fact, it was staring.
He may have called it rude, but he realized that this seemed to be its default expression. In that, he never once saw it even blink.
At first, it was uncanny and creepy.
It still was, mind you.
But it was at first as well.
Despite that, however, he had a lot of questions. And he wasn’t usually one to hold back on asking any of his profound questions.
But in this case, he felt that perhaps things are best left unanswered.
Like, how come the Angel can fit in this elevator with him when it was very clearly much larger than the elevator, and its human-like guise was only an illusion on the surface?
He didn’t ask that question because he would probably get an answer that made him cry, like he almost did when he accidentally saw the Angel’s true form.
Regardless, the Elevator continued with its gentle music that he continued to hum along with as it ascended to the sky.
The Elevator door dinged and opened.
Ocean Song peeked outside and blinked in surprise.
It was……odd.
Why was he in an office building?
The angel walked out silently, and Ocean Song followed along. They passed several ‘offices’, and he peeked in them as they passed. There seemed to be other people inside? He wasn’t sure; he thought he saw several Angels, but he didn’t check, and they seemed to be sitting behind desks while they had humans across from them.
It was certainly a strange sight.
Though he got a good look at one passing by, and it was most certainly an Angel because it had the same expressionless face about it.
Not a hint of emotion, unblinking, unbreathing.
It didn’t even spare Ocean Song a glance as it passed by.
Ocean Song peeked ahead next, trying to see where the Angel was taking him, but the hallway seemed to go on forever.
Curiosity got the best of him, and he swept his Divine Sense out to see how far it went.
He staggered slightly because as soon as his Divine Sense reached out, hundreds of things seemed to look back at him.
He had to brace himself against the wall.
“Please do not cause trouble.” The Angel leading him had stopped, speaking to him in that same robotic voice.
Ocean Song took a moment to catch his breath and just nodded dumbly.
This time, as they passed the ‘offices’, the Angels inside were looking at him as he passed. Staring would be more apt a description, unblinkingly watching him until he disappeared from view.
He had a feeling that he was far over his head this time.
He may or may not have made a big oopsie and just doubled down.
Well, there was only one thing to do.
Pretend like he knew what he was doing.
That seemed to work more often than not.
He just hoped they didn’t take all his talk of ‘rebelling against the heavens’ personally.
Finally, the Angel stopped in front of an office door as if to tell him to go inside.
Ocean Song peeked around the door’s corner to see who was inside, but was surprised as it appeared not to be an angel sitting at the desk.
“Come in.” The voice called out, sounding tired.
A stark contrast to the normal tone and mannerisms of the Angel he had been interacting with so far.
Ocean Song shuffled into the office and sat down at the only chair available.
The man behind the desk was elderly. A long white beard, a head of white hair.
There was even a nameplate on his desk that said ‘Peter’.
“Thank you, Ambriel, I’ll handle it from here.” He spoke, and the Angel standing at the door just turned around and left. He wrote several lines on various papers, stacking them to the side, shuffling a few more before letting out a sigh and tilting his glasses down. “Name?” He asked.
“Ocean Song.”
The man grunted. “And I heard you wish to… file a complaint?”
“Yes.” Ocean Song nodded.
“And what’s the nature of your complaint?”
“That Angel stole my righteous kill.” Ocean Song stated.
“Uh huh.” He said emotionlessly. “...and?”
“That’s pretty much it.” Ocean Song kicked his feet in the chair. “It was very rude.”
The man sighed, taking his glasses off, and he rubbed his eyes. “My name is Peter, I handle the human relations affairs that happen on Earth.”
“Saint Peter?” Ocean Song inquired.
“So I’ve been called.” He nodded.
“Fellow Daoist, your illustrious name is well known to this lowly Cyclops. The Great Gate Keeper of Heaven!”
Saint Peter blinked. “...I see.”
“Your suit is very nice. I like the upgrade from the robes you are depicted with.” Ocean Song compliment.
“I’m not actually wearing a suit.” Saint Peter responded. “Your mind is just interpreting what you’re seeing to be something pleasant and conventional to your sensibilities.”
“Oh.” Ocean Song blinked this time. “Then what are you wearing?” He asked, tilting his head.
“This is Heaven, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
Ocean Song pondered his words before nodding to himself.
He stood up and began taking off his robes.
“....what are you doing?” Saint Peter asked.
“Respecting your culture!” Ocean Song stood proudly, completely nude.
Saint Peter opened his mouth before closing it again, only to let out another long sigh. “Please put your clothes back on.”
Ocean Song clasped his hands behind his back. “There’s no need to be intimidated, fellow Daoist.”
If he were going to be smited, it would be after he established dominance.
“Mr. Ocean Song.” Ocean Song Deadpanned. “Will you please sit down so we can discuss your complaint?”
Ocean Song politely sat down. “Yes, I would like to file a complaint.”
“Because….” Saint Peter picked up the paper. “You say that Ambriel, quote, ‘Stole your kill’?” He silently read over it for a moment.
“That’s right.”
“You are aware that in accordance with the Treaty of @̶̜̺̥̠͙͔̥̫͓̳͖̒̆͋̅̌̀̏̄̎͜͠͝#̶͙̺̥̜͙̪̫͚̩̖̪͍́̃͆̌͐ͅ$̴̡̨̥̖͕̻͖͔̲͗͂͘^̸̣͓̭̒̽#̷̺̣̳͔̱͔̖̭͓͓̤̯̐̈́@̴̛͍̎̿̀̔̆̆͌̀̕͘͝͝͝$̵̧̻̬͎̩̟̼̞̥̹͖͉̬͌̐̈̀́̌̔̀̑^̶̛͙̖͈͕̂̾̑̇͛̓͠$̸̜̯̟̦̋͋́͐̏̐̚*̵̡̨̧̟͇̲̟̼̮͇̎̿̎̎́͌̆̚%̴̢̛̫͕̯͙̥̣͇̲̮̞͇̠̣̉͛̓͊̉̔̋&̷̡̹̙͖̜̫͔͖̿̾́̔̂̏@̶̢̙̭͇͕̰͙͇̪͚̥̣̲̙̓̓
The words were like static to Ocean Song’s ears.
He nearly fell out of his chair as Saint Peter paused. “Oh yes, I apologize. In accordance with the Treaties, the Greek Pantheon of Gods – Olympus and its associated deities, including both the Underworld and Extended parties, are forbidden from approaching the Vatican.”
Saint Peter held up the paper, showing Ocean Song a lot of text, small print, that seemed to go on for far longer than the paper’s length.
“I’m not a god.” Ocean Song pointed out.
“Section 476, subsection 3, Children of Gods also fall under this category.”
Ocean Song slapped his hand on the table. “Well, no one taught me how to read!”
Saint Peter sighed, rubbing his eyes again. “Mr. Ocean Song –” He reached under his desk, shifting through several papers. “It says on your file –”
“I have a file!?”
“Everyone has a file.” He answered without missing a beat. “In your file, it says that you are –” He paused, doing a double take.
He looked at the papers, then at Ocean Song, then at the papers again.
“.... It says that you’re not even a year old?”
“Does it make you feel good, Fellow Daoist? A lofty Saint, bullying an infant.” Ocean Song spoke.
Saint Peter opened his mouth again, finding a response rather difficult.
“Regardless. You broke the treaty.”
“Technically, I wasn’t approaching the Vatican. I was being pushed towards it.” Ocean Song pointed out.
“.....be that as it may, you are not supposed to be anywhere near the Vatican.”
“I was still far away from it.” Ocean Song argued.
“Then let’s call it even, and you can be on your way.” Saint Peter said calmly.
Ocean Song realized what he just did. It turned it around and made it an issue about him ‘getting close’ to the Vatican, making him almost forget the reason he was making a complaint!
“There’s still the issue of your employee stealing my kill.” Ocean Song didn’t budge.
“Mr. Ocean Song. Ambriel was fulfilling her duties, keeping monsters away from the Vatican.” Saint Peter responded. “Her actions are fully in line with the orders she was given and within the parameters of the rules.”
“She only intervened after I had defeated the Calydonian Boar.” Ocean Song replied. “It had stopped its charge and collapsed. Logically, it posed no threat to the Vatican, nor was it continuing its ‘approach’. Therefore, I argue that her intervention was completely unnecessary and, in fact, detrimental by killing it before I was allowed to finish it off.”
Saint Peter pursed his lips because he wasn’t expecting an articulated argument to come from the naked Cyclops in front of him after everything that had happened so far.
When he said it like that, it did make things more gray.
“Heaven will acknowledge your credit in defeating it and will speak on your behalf if proof is required. Is that sufficient for you, Mr. Ocean Song?” He asked.
“I don’t care about credit.” Ocean Song frowned. “I was seeking revenge.”
Saint Peter paused. “Revenge?”
He nodded.
Saint Peter breathed out. “Mr. Ocean Song, you should know that we’re not in the habit of helping settle petty grudges.”
Despite his fear of the surroundings, Ocean Song found himself getting angry at the dismissal.
Ocean Song’s Divine Sense flared up. “I call upon the Archangel of Justice to judge if my Vengeance was Righteous or not.”
Saint Peter was about to respond, but his eyes widened as the room shook.
Ocean Song watched as the walls around them pulled away, like reality was being picked apart, brick by brick.
As the walls disappeared, Ocean Song saw that their little ‘room’ was now within the Palm of someone’s hand.
A vague silhouette, undefined – rather, intentionally undefined by his own mind.
It bled through the cracks in reality, indescribable shapes and symbols, before reaffirming a more subtle imagery of a human-like silhouette. Massive in scope, but more humanoid than it truly was under the surface.
On one hand, the room that Ocean Song and Saint Peter stood in was the void around them.
In the other, it held a scale.
“Speak”
It wasn’t words spoken. Ocean Song’s instinct told him that if it spoke words, his ears would probably bleed. It was as if he were standing in front of a god without its Godly Form sealed away, with just the thinnest membrane keeping all that power at bay.
“The Calydonian Boar killed my Mother. I was on a personal quest to find her after being abandoned to seek answers and closure to remove this knot in my heart. Upon finding her killer, I sought vengeance to kill it by my own hand to put matters to rest. Before I could finish the beast off, the kill was stolen.” Ocean Song spoke about his matter.
He had a feeling that he didn’t need to go into too many details, that a simple recount was enough.
The massive scale in the Archangel’s hand slowly began to tilt to one side.
It was only when he ‘spoke’ again that Ocean Song understood the significance.
“Justified”
Everything seemed to snap back into place around him.
The walls returned around him as Ocean Song found himself sitting once more in the chair, almost falling out as he had just been tossed back onto it.
Saint Peter seemed much less disoriented.
“Your Revenge has been ruled Justified.” Saint Peter spoke again. “Heaven recognizes that your revenge had been disrupted by one of our own, and you are now owed a debt.”
Ocean Song found himself surprised
Because he didn’t think that would work out either.
He had no idea that calling upon an Archangel to judge him would do anything except make it sound properly dramatic to prove a point.
If he wasn’t still naked, he would stand up and let his robes billow heroically.
“....that simple?” He hesitantly asked.
“Mr. Ocean Song. I invite you to contemplate why I, a Human, handle Human Relations.”
“....”
Saint Peter sighed. “Angels are not infallible, Mr. Ocean Song. In the sense that they follow orders, even if those orders contradict what we mortals consider common sense. Ambriel was not wrong; she will not be punished. Heaven, however, recognizes that her actions had caused harm to you. Thus, Heaven will recognize that you are owed a debt of grievance.”
“Really?”
“....do you think I’m lying to you?” Saint Peter asked.
“Fellow Daoist.” Ocean Song opened his mouth, considering the best way to respond. “I’m Greek.”
Saint Peter immediately understood what he was saying.
That is.
Ocean Song never expected such a polite and acknowledged wrongdoing from a governing godly body.
Compared to the Angels, this was far stranger!
“Does that mean I can ask for anything I want?” Ocean Song perked up.
“....within reason.” Saint Peter had a bad feeling.
“Can I meet God?”
“No.”
“Can I meet Jesus?”
“No.”
“How come Jesus didn’t wrestle Thor when he got challenged?”
“He has better things to do than wrestle a pagan god.”
“Like what?”
“At the time, he was busy building homes for the less fortunate.” Saint Peter answered.
“How Righteous!” Ocean Song replied, secretly making a note to go try and find him with this little clue. “How about a Divine Relic from Heaven’s Vaults?”
“No.”
“Can you let me meet my mother?” Ocean Song asked, this time a bit more seriously.
Saint Peter caught it and seriously considered his request. “One moment.” He said, turning his chair around and rummaging through a file cabinet. “Your mother was an Ocean Nymph.”
“That’s right.”
Saint Peter let out a sigh. “Ocean Nymphs are Nature Spirits. Nature Spirits return to the Earth when they die unless there are special circumstances. The Earth, in this case, is not something we can stick our hands into without causing other problems.”
That would be, poking Gaia and waking her up just to ask for a Nymph Spirit back was not what one would call a ‘reasonable’ request here.
In fact, it would have been simpler if they could petition Hades or find the Nymph in Tartarus in the unlikely case it ended up there.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.
“Oh.” Ocean Song looked down. “I see.”
Saint Peter felt a twinge of pity for him.
“Then my heart can only be filled by being given one of the fabled Apples from the Garden of Eden.”
“No.” Saint Peter looked at him dryly, his previous sympathy dissipating completely.
“Fine! Then there’s one thing I want, and then I’ll consider this debt settled!”
@***@
Ocean Song hummed to himself as he took the Elevator back down from Heaven.
He was accompanied by the same Angel.
There was no real small talk.
She continued to stare at him. Maybe it was just his elegance that caught her eye this time, because there was ever so slightly a different look in her eyes.
He couldn’t fault her.
His lofty Cultivator aura was hard to ignore.
Now reclothed, his Robes billowed heroically.
He may not have been able to find closure, but he found something possibly better!
The Angel’s eyes were ever so slightly drawn to the top of his head.
Which sat, a rather familiar hat. World iconic, one could even say.
The Angel continued to look at the Pope Hat that was now on his head.
Ocean Song was very proud of himself.
He also got a visitor’s pass so he wouldn’t run into trouble if he came around the area again.
But that didn’t matter nearly as much as owning the Pope’s hat.
Truly, he was a Cultivator without peer to manage to acquire an artifact of such fame and status!
@***@
A/N
Ocean Song: I may have emotional damage, but that’s nothing that can’t be healed with a proper bribe!
Comments
Raven
Crazy idea what if he finds Athena’s statue and you keeps it… I have a strange feeling Malcom might get the coin and then head over to the mission board asking for help and OS then sends it over… the looks on the gods faces would be hilarious
Raven
So I rereading this and I’m at the part where OS was giving Tyson and Nessy a paper with beast taming instructions… why did I suddenly think it a move list for Lapris from Pokémon. I’m just waiting for some one to ice beam… for Nessy to start freezing people
Raven
I hope he asked them to drop him and his stuff off in new York so he could get home… I hope he’s not doing a world tour…. Or now that I think about it now he’s already close by why not look around a bit more… maybe find some scrolls and stuff.
Popcorn Rocks
Bro, as soon as I read that he had a pope hat I fucking *died*. Full silent laughter.
George Wright
holy SHIT the archangel of justice was truly eldritchly epic and awesome
Taylor Valentyne
I like his style
Nazarickk
Thanks for the chapter
Surge1301
Ocean song in now the pope of his sect; new title get!
Florian Traulsen
Lul, thx for the chapter
Southmonk
Wait... U made the angels eldritch????
Southmonk
Will ambriel... Become more human?...
Codeninja676 (Brian)
Steel is too pedestrian for our boy, I'd say he has balls of Tungsten with a core of pure Chadnium
Belly
I can see Ambriel wondering what'd wrong with OS or she simply finds him fascinating lol, also I love/hate the teasing of his mother lol
Kshitij Srivastava
Now he just have to con,i mean re-educate ,mother earth that is gaia and then he can meet his mom.
The_Slave_Knight
Gods, Ocean Song has balls of fucking steel. This was amazing, fucking legendary!
